Thursday, October 27, 2005


We ended up staying home on Tuesday. Except for a trip to the library in the afternoon when the kids got as many books as they could carry in their book bags.

The weather yesterday was beautiful and we met our LifeLearners group at the park and had a lovely time. We all enjoyed the companionship and conversation with our friends. It "only" took us 1.5 hours to get home as we "only" had to stop 3 times for Nicholas. Actually, it would have been more but there was one time when I just could not pull over anywhere.

When we did eventually make it home, we were excited to see the new motorhome that Cary has bought for us. It's sweet! Much smaller than the other big monster we had but never got to use before it was sold. But this is perfect for little trips and it will be great to get it packed and ready to go at a moments notice. Man I love to travel, well, when I have children that don't mind being in the car that is. We've nicknamed the motorhome "turtle" and will take it out somewhere locally for a test drive this weekend.

I've been spending a little time playing with the colours on this blog and the template by playing with the html codes. It's still not quite right, but I just don't have the time to do all the tutorials. But it has been interesting to learn how to do something different.

I was recently thinking about how much I've changed in the past 20 or so years. I used to be so very sensitive and always think that I was the one with the problem. Guess what? I am perfectly fine just the way I am! I don't have to do what any book or 'expert' tells me because I am the only expert on MY life.

Does everyone think that they are so different to everyone else? I always did. I often felt like I use a foreign language. My primary mode of understanding is kinesthetic - even my 'thinking' is done in feeling. I feel as though I have to translate spoken words into a 3 (or 4) dimensional feeling/s to understand it, and then translate my response back out. Cary has gotten used to my delayed responses in conversations. But in a group setting, I often feel like I'm a step behind and by the time I'm ready to add something, the subject has changed. Words often seem inadequate for what I am feeling and sometimes the words just don't flow out but kind of trip over themselves (which used to make me feel like people would think I was stupid, but now I'm much more gentle with myself). I find it much easier to write than talk about something as the link between my brain and my hands seems much more natural than the link between my brain and my mouth for self expression. I used to dream of writing a book and being a famous author. Then I heard Marianne Williamson say "The reason that so many people dream of being famous is because they are not yet starring in their own lives." I thought about that over the years. I claimed my place and my power in my life and I no longer dream of writing a book. I dream of adventures and exploring different places.

Up until recently, I thought that I was no good at art because I can't draw regular 'things'. You know what though...I really don't want to. I love to do watercolours with my kids and just do swirls and splashes and watch the colours run. It doesn't have to be any more than that. My self-expression is satisfied as that kind of thing more acurately represents how I think - beyond physical 'things'.

Gotta go..Sami and Nic are awake and ready to go for our morning walk.

No comments: