Sunday, July 29, 2007


My sister and her family have lived in their home for 15 years. I've lived in at least a dozen places in that time. And here we are, preparing another move. The idea of moving into a camper sounded so exciting and adventurous. The fact is that it is that, but I'm also a bit nervous about it. Not really having a permanent place to call "home". Have I really had that for a while? Where is home? Parts of me say Australia, but where exactly here? I've travelled around and lived in so many places. There are bits of my heart in all of them. And certainly the same could be said about the US. I still feel a connection to the country I lived in for 12.5 years and especially the places where my children were born, where we all learned and grew so much and where we still have good friends and family.

I think I've learned to live without a strong attachment to the idea of "home". It's only when I hear other people mention things that relate to that, that I realise it's something that is not really present in my life. Not deeply. Maybe if I lived somewhere where I could plant a vege garden and hang all of my pictures on the wall. And have animals (I miss that the most). Maybe that would give me the feeling of roots that a real home gives.

Until then, I'll keep spreading my wings and keep comfort that, for our family, home is where the heart is. So while we're all together and following our dreams for adventure, we are strong and we free and we are a group of 5 individuals, all blooming in our own way.

Monday, July 23, 2007

The Invitation

I'm re-reading "The Invitation" by Oriah Mountain Dreamer. It's a book that inspires the reader to live fully. Parts of the actual Invitation:

"It doesn't interest me what you do for a living, I want to know what you ache for, and if you dare to dream of meeting your heart's longing.

It doesn't interest me how old you are. I want to know if you will risk looking like a fool for love, for your dream, for the adventure of being alive.

...I want to know if you have touched the center of your own sorrow, if you have been opened by life's betrayals or have become shriveled and closed from fear of further pain.

...I want to know if you can be with joy, mine or your own, if you can dance with wildness and let the ecstasy fill you to the tips of your fingers and toes without cautioning us to be careful, to be realistic, to remember the limitations of being human.

...I want to know if you can disappoint another to be true to yourself..

...I want to know if you can live with failure..and still stand on the edge of the lake and shout to the silver of the full moon, "Yes!"

...It doesn't interest me where or what or with whom you have studied. I want to know what sustains you, from the inside, when all else falls away. ..."

There's more, but these bits just jumped out at me in this moment so perhaps I need to consider them.

I ache to live fully. I've been a fool, many times and am ok about the possibility of being so again. I'm still open. I'd like to be even more wild. I have a very hard time disappointing those closest to me in order to be true to myself. I've done it though. I've had many failures which I prefer to think of as lessons. They may knock me down for a short while, but it doesn't take me long to get going again. What sustains me? Love, the stillness (Peace) deep within when I remember to get in touch with it, Adventure, Faith in the grand plan and the Creator of that.

Maybe from this, I can figure out what it actually means to me when I say that I want to live a full life. If I only had a few months left to live, how would I live? Is that what living fully means? To live as if we were going to die? (No, because that could put the emphasis in the wrong place. Besides, we're all going to die sometime - that needs to be accepted as a normal part of life.) What would I eat? (Only the freshest, organic fruits and veges, a little freshly baked bread or baked sweet potato and a little chocolate!) Where would I go? (To the tropics, wherever it was dry season. I simply cannot stand to be cold.) What would I do? (Spend time with my husband and children, family and friends - playing, swimming, reading aloud, cuddling, telling silly stories. I'd also do more Reiki and yoga and be more vocal about living simply and gently. Maybe I'd write more too.) I think the most important part would be that I would find it easier to live in the moment, to be fully present and to appreciate all of the beauty and joy in ordinary moments.

Hmm..that was an interesting little exercise. I've often said that I'm not afraid of dying, but I am afraid of not living a full life. It looks like I need to work on being true to myself, even when others don't approve, to risk possible conflict instead of always trying to be the Peacemaker. To take time to get in touch with myself to Know and Be still and absolutely in touch with what it is I really feel and want. To be more vocal about my beliefs, needs and desires. I have been working on removing a block in my throat chakra and I believe it's working! To remember to be here now. I feel so good when I can stay in the moment, everything seems possible...and it is!

Sunday, July 22, 2007

Sunshine Sunday

Last Thursday morning, we packed up some things, loaded up the car and took a 5 hour drive to the Gold Coast. I was surprised by how uncomfortable I felt there. It's like a mini Las Vegas with traffic, lots of strip malls, big shopping areas, huge theme parks, tons of people, billboards and did I mention the traffic? The area we currently live is so much quieter and I have gotten used to that. I find it more soothing. I was a bit overwhelmed there. In the afternoon, we looked at a pop-up camper that we had seen advertised for sale and was our main reason for taking the trek. It seemed to have everything we were looking for so we did a deal. In my haste to get a camper so we could move on with all the things we need to do before Cary leaves for the US, I ignored my instincts that were telling me to slow down. I hate it when I do that. I feel like I let myself down by not Trusting my true self and letting my physical self run the show. I'm still working on the Trust lesson. I'm not positive we got the right camper or the best deal, but it's done and we need to make the best of it.

The next day we towed the camper 2 hours north to the Sunshine Coast where we had a lot of trouble finding a vacancy. We hadn't counted on all of the snowbirds to fill the van parks for the winter. We did eventually find a spot right next to a beach. It was too cold to swim, but nice to play on the white sand and watch the beautiful waves. The camper was easy to tow and easy to set up. I feel a little bothered because the very-nice-older-man that we bought the thing from assured us that "everything works" and the fridge did not work, and the table did not go down nicely to make another bed. We should have checked those things. But it was solid during the windy night we had and we did all sleep comfortably. It has a lot of good points and we will be able to fix a few things on it to make it even better.

We spent two days on the Sunshine Coast, looking for the place we want to park the camper when we go back up there and just having another look around. We all liked a RV park (called caravan parks in Oz) with a patrolled beach on one side, Underwater World on the other, and walking distance to fabulous cafes, restaurants and shops as well as a decent amount of shade.

While we were driving up and back, Sami, AJ & I watched some DVD's while Nicholas played, drew, ate and slept (though not much of that). In one of the Harry Potter movies we watched, Dumbledore says to Harry something about choosing between what's right or what's easy. I thought about that in regard to what is coming up for us. It would be so easy to just stay where we are, doing what we are doing. But it just feels right to break out of that and do what we're about to do. But it is challenging some of my comfortable, easy, notions. Like security and trust that I've mentioned before. I've had to change some of my internal dialogue in order to get my head around some things. We've decided not to go crazy and sell practically everything, but to store it and just see how this adventure goes. We can always sell it later, or use it whenever we are ready to move back into a house. This way it feels more like we're going on vacation rather than moving in to a camper. Even though I imagined myself more like a free-spirited-gypsy doing that, Cary's not thrilled with the deal as we could have bought the same thing back in the US for 1/6th of the price. But that's the way things are here. He's looking forward to the adventure, he's just had enough of the high cost of things here.

After 3 weeks of school holidays, the kids go back to school tomorrow. Sami said she does not want to go and that she wants to homeschool again. Though she is looking forward to starting violin which they will do tomorrow. Once she's at school, she seems to enjoy it so I think she won't mind the next month or so there before we get on the road. I think we'll spend a few weeks visiting family and friends before heading back up to the Sunshine Coast and getting to know the natural learners group there. I hope they are as great as the LifeLearners group we left back in Vegas.

Wednesday, July 18, 2007

Simply Trust

Years ago, in an article on simply living, I read that most people only use 20% of the stuff in their homes, 80% of the time. Or maybe it was even less, like 15% of the stuff. In contemplating our next step, I'm wondering how much (how little) stuff I can honestly live with. How much will it take to function easily, to live happily? I've been thinking about the things I will miss about living in a first I thought of all of the storage cupboards in a house. Then I thought about all of the things in those cupboards that really don't get used, like the food processor I've used twice because it doesn't seem to take any longer to chop things by hand when you consider the time it takes to set the thing up, use it and clean it. A well-stocked pantry, but I really only use 20% of the stuff in there. It would be a good challenge for me to plan our meals so much better that we only buy what we will actually use. What else will I miss? The space in the house where the kids can run up and down the hall? No,- compared to the space of the great outdoors that's not a consideration, except maybe in rainy weather when we could find a museum or library to go to anyway. Hot running water? - yes, that would be nice but it won't take long to boil water for doing the dishes. A bathtub? - yeah, but not really necessary if we're swimming in the ocean or river most days.

I could not find any "thing" that I would actually miss about living in a house. (And I certainly won't miss the cleaning or the bills!) So I looked a bit deeper. What feeling does a house give me? .. A sense of security. This is the one niggling little point that has been in the back of my mind, making me just a tad uncomfortable. This adventure is challenging that notion, but it's good. The fact that this house is made of bricks and I can lock it up makes me feel that we are safe and so is our stuff. Are we really? Anyone could easily break in through a window. That kind of thing is very rare in this area though. But when we're travelling, would the threat of crime be different?

After hours of research and phone calls, we decided to buy a little pop-up camper. We drove an hour away to look at one that sounded good, liked it, decided to buy it and negotiated a price. The owner agreed and, as it was Sunday about 3pm, we said we would meet on Monday morning after going to the bank. He called us about 8am on Monday morning to say that he'd already sold it for more money. We were PO'd! He'd given us his word. He should have had the decency of at least letting us match the offer. Anyway, it wasn't meant to be and perhaps he did us a favour. We started reconsidering the whole camper idea and thought maybe we should just do a tent for a while. We'll still keep our eyes open for a camper, and if it's meant to be, there will be one. Otherwise, we'll do a big tent until Cary can have a very nice camper sent over from the USA.

Would I feel more secure in a camper because we can lock it up? Am I kidding myself? Would I be concerned about someone stealing our stuff out of a tent that can't be locked up? Am I showing a complete lack of Trust in God and my fellow man? ...Oh, maybe that's my lesson for today - Trust.

Most of our personal stuff will be in storage until we are ready to go back to living in a house where we can again have our photo albums in a closet where they rarely get looked at, and the boxes of sentimental things sitting in the garage collecting dust, but can also have some of our pretty, special things decorating the home, reminding us of friends we've known and places we've been. In the meantime, things with a high personal value, should be 'safe' in storage.

So I come around again to wondering just how much or how little we can live with, especially if it's in a tent. Considering the needs of two adults and 3 children - clothing, cooking, toys etc. I need to keep it simple and I won't take anything that can't be easily replaced. I need to release the attachment to the things we do take, or it could attract the very situation I am currently concerned about.

I trust that I can do it!

Friday, July 13, 2007


The children and I love to go for walks to the headland near us. We walk from here, past the creek, over the bridge, through the bush...when we get to the top, the bush clears and the sight of the ocean always takes my breath away, it just looks more beautiful each time..we stroll along the headland until we are to the top, spend a little time looking for dolphins and whales and watching the surfers, and then stroll back, go down the side of the headland and walk along the rocks and beach until we get back to the little bridge across the creek again. Round trip takes at least an hour. Often when we get to the top, I try very hard to see dolphins and whales and usually end up disappointed when I don't see any. It's been a while since I did see any. But yesterday, a couple of amazing things happened when we went there.

For the first time, Nicholas actually walked almost all the way there. Previously, he had always insisted that I carry him from the time we got across the bridge, up through the bush and down the headland until we got to the beach when he would walk again. Carrying an extra 30lbs up hill was quite a good workout! Yesterday he only wanted me to pick him up once when some other people passed us. The rest of the time he held my hand and walked there. He is getting more independent all the time. We often go to the beach with friends after lunch. Cary and some of his friends go surfing while the kids explore the rocks or run up and down the sand dunes or dig or just play the free way kids do. Nicholas is joining in on a lot of that now and it's beautiful to watch the other children helping him when he needs it.

But the other amazing thing that happened yesterday was the dolphins! I was really enjoying the walk with the children. I was totally in the moment, feeling full of life and love. When I got to the top of the bush where is cleared and I saw the ocean, I decided that it didn't matter if I saw a dolphin or whale. I knew that they were out there - I could feel their energy and it was all good. We sat at the end of the headland just enjoying watching the water and feeling the sun. Sami was writing and drawing in her journal while both boys were sitting on my lap enjoying a cuddle. Then I saw two fins which soon became 3..5..8...10! There were at least 10 dolphins right down in front of us. We watched totally delighted as they played in the waves and swam back and forth directly in front of where we were sitting. What a gift!

When I released my attachment to having to see dolphins, they were there, and in a pod bigger than I would have hoped for. Gods delays and not Gods denials.

I've seen 'The Secret' and know about the law of attraction, it's just so great to have the lesson presented again in such a way as this.

Thursday, July 12, 2007

New Name

I have been thinking about what I have written in the description of the blog " live fully..". Am I doing that? Can I really do that with our current way of life? What do I need to do to really live fully - what do I really want to experience? What kind of life do I want for my children?

My children have a book called "We were tired of living in a house.." and you know what, so am I! I'm tired of insulating myself with the distractions that come with maintaining a house. Yes, it's also a home but I feel like I spend too much time keeping that home "homely" that I don't spend enough time enjoying the things that really make this place a home - my family. There are other distractions around me and within me that I am working on clearing also. Things that have kept me from really getting involved in creating a better world.

So, in honour of the many breakthroughs I've been having lately, I've renamed this blog "free spirit life" which is the blogger address anyway so I guess it's been brewing in me for a long time. I've removed the border around the title to signify the removal of borders in my mind.

You can expect more blogging from me on simple & conscientious living, natural learning, travel, natural health & healing, indigo kids and more. Oh the places we'll go! Woo hoo!

Ok, because I can't wait anymore, I just have to tell's the plan: We are going to buy and move into a camper within the next month. We will put some things like photos, papers, some books and special things etc into storage. The kids will have one more month at school only because Sami is about to start violin and she really, really wants to do that. (It turns out she has "an exceptional talent" for music according to her teacher. She also loves learning new languages. Interesting that her name actually means "listener" so I guess she has an ear for that kind of thing.) Plus we need some time to wrap everything up here. Then Cary is leaving for the US to wrap things up there while I head off to the Sunshine Coast with the kids to meet up with the big Natural Learners homeschooling group there and enjoy some slightly warmer weather, better fruit and connecting and playing and living more fully, deeply. Early next year we are going to spend at least 6 months in the islands of the South Pacific, starting with Vanuatu. Our children will see how the people there can live so simply and joyfully, they'll see real volcanoes, go snorkeling in the crystal clear water, and play with children from a completely different culture. They are really excited and so are we. This feels so right, like we are really on the path of living fully. I know that it's a process and not a destination. I know I still have a lot to learn and I am ready! I am ready to get back on the road less travelled and my heart is full!

Monday, July 09, 2007


I am just busting with excitement! We have a great plan in motion. I won't go into it just yet. In the past when I've gotten all excited and told the world what we're going to do, the momentum seemed to stop and the plan flopped. Maybe it was meant to. It's all ok. I'll reveal all soon!

As it's been getting easier for me to simplify the material stuff around me, I found myself wondering just how "simple" could I make my life? Could I live in a cabin? A camper? A tent? If so, for how long? How much space do I need to put my material stuff in? Just how much stuff do I really, really need/want? And how much stuff do the other members of my family need/want? With less stuff around us, would we actually go out and just live more fully - enjoy the natural world around us, connect with each other even more, meet new friends, lie on the grass and watch the stars, etc (things we already do, but would we do them even more because we could and we weren't inside cleaning and tidying and being absorbed by the material stuff)? I believe we would. I think our living space would become the great outdoors and the house base, if it were much smaller, would become mostly a functional eating/sleeping space with just enough familiar things for the comfort and fun of home. Fun as in games, toys, craft supplies, movies.

How easy would the adjustment be to let go of the idea of having all these rooms around us? Am I so conditioned to having them that I would panic when living without them for too long? I've been exploring this from many angles. Maybe I'll just have to try it to find out for sure.