Monday, April 07, 2008

a simple life

I have been on the journey towards living more simply for years now. It's taken small steps forwards, backwards, around in circles...kind of like a dance.

Being here now, after doing the mental and physical work it's taken to get this far, I have found that it has become a very real and deep part of Who I Am.

The recent events with my Mum did not get under my skin like it would have in the past. I was able to deal with it and move on very quickly. I have no need or room for excess emotional baggage.

I'm sleeping more deeply and feel an inner peace that gives me a constant underlying feeling of calm, more often than used to be the other way around. It is something that I have been searching for for many years.

Sami (who now wishes to be called Summer), is/was still able to push my buttons. I was aware of it happening and made a decision that I did not want that to happen any more. It was not how I want our relationship to be. She had been spending a lot of time with a new friend but was a bit frustrated by the way the other friend tried to control Summer so she would come home and take her frustration out on me rather than alienate her new friend. I changed the way I reacted and stopped reflecting her frustration (my previous pattern) and gave her the love and safe space to vent she was really looking for.

Touching on the subject of names, I never really felt that Samantha suited our girl but liked Sami and she grew into both of those names. Summer was a name that I had considered while I was pregnant but then wasn't sure about naming a child after a season (even if it is my favourite season...I thought "what if she doesn't like summer, but is more an autumn or winter girl?") Anyway, there were other names I liked, but Cary did not. We did want a nice girls name that could be shortened to a tom-boy name and that's when we compromised on Samantha. Our girl has been saying for years that she didn't like those names or the name Anya which is what AJ called her from the time he first started to talk and which became a family name for her. A few days ago, she announced she wanted to be called Summer Jasmine Rain. She said that the name Summer just felt right and seemed to fit better. It certainly does suit her.

I have no problem with her changing her name if she wants. I think it's a valuable thing to do as we are constantly re-creating our selves and our identity as we move around the cosmic spiral coming in to Being Who We Really Are. A name is an outward expression of that and if she feels more free and in touch with that, I fully support her and anyone else who wishes to do that. Personally, I would change my name to River - sometimes deep and quiet, sometimes bubbly and fast, but always moving towards the goal of rejoining the Source (ocean/God).

I'm in such a great place right now on all levels. Very happy..


Queen B said...

Your whole family is so cool... Your tribe rocks! I'm glad you are feeling so great! Big love to you all!

Earthmommy said...

I really enjoy reading your blog. You are very insightful and have a great awareness of yourself and your feelings. If more people were so in touch with themselves, life would be better all around.

Stephanie said...

This is probably neither here nor there, but my mother's name is Summer. And I have a cousin named Anya.

Saren has at times wanted me to call her by her middle name, which is Jennifer, but I have a much harder time with it than you do. I will say yes, I'll try, but then it just feels so weird to say it and I forget.

Tara said...

I've just gotten caught up on reading your blog. I'm sorry to hear about the drama with your mom but I'm happy to see you are moving beyond it within yourself and your relationship with your daughter.

And happy belated Birthday!