Free Spirit Life...

caravan photos (finally!)

2012-01-02T18:28:00.002+11:00

We affectionately call our camper "big girl" because she is pretty big compared to the other camper we had.

As you walk in, the kitchen area is immediately to the left. We don't cook inside, to the oven serves as an extra storage area.

The master bedroom is at the front of the van, there is a couch across from the kitchen, in the slideout. The couch converts to a double bed which is where Nicholas likes to sleep.

Next to the couch is a dining table which has become the computer station.

Next to the TV is the doorway to the bunkhouse. Across from the dining table is the bathroom.

AJ fell out of his top bunk one night so we put a rail up there. Summer likes the privacy curtain we put up for her. There are two other bunks to the right of this picture. They are used as shelving for the kids clothes, books, toys etc.

The bathroom has a toilet, sink, bench, cupboard, shower/bath. We don't use the shower/bath because the amenities at the campground we are at are good, and we have set up our rats in the bath. When they were little, we only had the blue and white cage, but then I found the black cage at a garage sale ($10!!). The black cage is sitting on a box in the bathtub which we call the basement, then they have the 3-level main house, and the 2-level penthouse. We often leave the doors open so they can roam. They don't try and get out of their area and it gives them a good deal of exercise. We also take them out into the main area of the caravan for a bigger run, or up to the beach where they like to dig in the sand!

The white one is AJ's rat, her name is Rosie. The black and white one is Nicholas' and her name is Ratsta. They are so sweet! I never thought I'd like them as much as I do. Ratsta was sick a few days ago, breathing fast and not eating or drinking. We gently syringed some water into her mouth, gave her Reiki and I put a chunk of Rose quartz in the cage next to where she was liking to sleep. It all helped and the next day she was starting to eat and drink again, though she has still been a bit slower than normal.

We like to cook, eat and hang out in the outdoor area. It's cooler out there than it is in the van. Plus it's very social as we chat to everyone walking along the road out the front of us.

It's a good life!

Feeling...

2011-12-18T13:14:00.011+11:00

Cary pointed out that I haven't posted on here for a while. Hmmm...I haven't had much to say, and I've been busy with life, celebrating two December birthdays in our family, Christmas prep and just Being. I started this blog years ago with the intention of posting about our family life so that our extended family and friends could get a taste of our lives and stay connected. But it became more of an online journal for me. After many years of keeping my own written journals, it was a bit scary to put some of my deep thoughts in such a public place...but the more I did it, the easier it became, and the more confident I felt overall. It seemed that by allowing my thoughts to become public, I was no longer afraid of my own judgement of them. I was surprised when friends, family and strangers would contact me to support me or ...wow...even say that I had inspired them! I worked though some limiting stuff about my own "worth". I am so amazed at how widespread that challenge is. So many people feel a lack of worth, and very few of them talk about it, holding it in, thinking that they are the only one. Why do so many feel this, and why do they feel that they can't talk about it?

I have known people that I assumed were very confident and "had it all together". I admired how they could express themselves verbally, and many other talents they have. I later found out that they too, feel a lack of worth. Look at so many celebrities that have ended their lives early - why would they do that if they did not think that they deserved all that they had? I have never been one for spoken verbosity, and I used to think that I was "less than" others who did have that talent. In recent years I totally let go of that limiting belief ... I fully embrace my quiet nature! (Though I can be loud and fiery too!) Some people are "talkers", some are "thinkers"....Me? I'm a "feeler". I FEEL life...I FEEL love....I interpret living primarily through feeling. There have been times when I have felt life a foreigner speaking a different language....English is my second language, Feeling is my first. I have a deeply sensual appreciation for all of my senses - the warmth of the sun, playing in the water, walking barefoot on the sand, touch, listening to music, eating a mango, mmm kissing! I am triggered though when the air is cool and the air is dry, I know that I am happier when I feel warm.

I feel other peoples energy and I don't always feel the need to use words to connect with them. I like that - the comfortable silence between friends when you can connect energetically. I really like who I am and how I am in the world. I like that I feel life. I like that I don't have to talk about every single thing....I actually find verbosity somewhat exhausting now. Even though I find it hard to make small talk, I can speak rather passionately about the things that move me. I prefer to talk about the depth of experiences rather than what I'm having for dinner. That's why I don't post a lot on facebook either...I don't see the point in reporting on so many little moments of my life as some people do, when I can just be feeling, experiencing those moments deeply as they are happening. (I'm not judging those people, I appreciate that we are all different...it's just not for me is all.) I'm not trying to promote myself or build a business...my purpose here is simply to Be in Joy. I don't need anyone's validation, I don't need to analyse every step, I am just living free!

I am aware of other work I would like to do when my children are grown, but there is plenty of time for that. I love the smorgasbord of work and life experiences that I have already had, and they lead me to a place of being very grateful and content.

I am happy with who I am and I don't feel any need to "fix" any thing about me! I don't feel the pull to write as often as I used to. I am grateful for the amazing friends I have and how we can talk about anything and everything. We trust each other, we laugh, we cry, we swirl deeply into any subject, we support and don't judge. They are such a beautiful, nourishing gift in my life!

I am grateful for my journey....I enjoy being here, now... I have Love, I have Joy, I have my biggest teachers - my husband and children...I love what our family has created and Who we all are. I'm feeling very balanced overall. A few little highs and lows along the path, but nothing like the dramatic me as a teen and 20-something! What a ride it has been!

I don't remember a particular point where I gave up feeling unworthy, it was just something I quietly let go of. As I moved into an awareness that I just don't feel that anymore, I realised that I actually haven't felt that unworthy feeliing for quite a while. It is totally gone.

So where does that feeling of "not worthy" stem from? Is it ego? Is it a product of this society? The pressure to "do"...to get good grades, to obey rules we don't understand, to conform, to "behave", to follow the main stream and in the process, deny ourselves? Isn't denial of ourselves the highest form of denial? Why do people choose a path that they assume is just for the benefit of other people?

What if...everyone felt confident enough to follow a path of happiness? To feel free enough to express themselves authentically? To take responsibility for the state of their life? To wake up and realise that all of this is possible...right now?! To choose to live in love and joy. To realise that material objects don't bring happiness - that's something that only an inner choice can bring. What a wonderful world!

The BEST seat in the house!

2011-11-30T08:06:00.000+11:00

Or...more specifically...outside of the house...

Ahhh....I love the beach! It is 531 casual, strolling steps from our place, through the campground and across the road to the sand. I love this time of the year with lots of fresh tropical fruits to savour, the sunshine and warmth and of course, the magnificent ocean, perfect for swimming in. Being in the ocean is the number one place where I feel the most free and joy-full! Where I feel the most connected to Source and Oneness and myself. Oh yeah... *** bliss! ***

day camp gathering...

2011-11-21T23:02:00.000+11:00

A recent gathering for our local Natural Learners group...so beautiful, we didn't want to leave and wished we had all taken our tents there. The kids had so much fun playing together, moving as a pack, all getting along so well as they were all there with the intention of having fun, being in the moment, living in Joy!

AJ with some wild raspberries..

mmmm....

I love the colour of this...

camper & cake...

2011-11-21T22:42:00.000+11:00

Cary and the boys outside of our camper, about to go trick-or-treating on Halloween. The boys were very casual with their costumes this year. It's really not a big deal here in Australia, but they still managed to get a lot of treats. Probably because AJ had made signs saying "Halloween in (x many) days...have you got your lollies?" ...and put them up around the campground to prepare people. It worked!

The other side of our caravan. I'll get some inside photos sometime too. We still have our Merc for running around, but it won't pull the big camper. We have a truck coming for that.

Using the solar oven to bake a cake...

Excellent!

Ratz!

2011-11-15T09:36:00.000+11:00

Cary sent a bunch of stuff over in the big caravan when it came from the USA (oh, I have to get a photo of that on here). One of the things was a new bike for Nicholas. Nicholas had not ridden a two-wheeler by himself before. We had a tag-along for him which is an attachment that went on the back of my bike, making it like a tandem bike, with the back end lower so that it was suitable for a child. Nicholas loved to go for rides with that and it helped to teach him balance and road sense. The day that the big caravan arrived, we were unpacking all of the things that had been inside of it. Nicholas picked up his brand new bike, and just took off riding it as if he'd been riding on his own for a long time. Wow!...I was so impressed! He was so very confident, riding along with his little cape flying out the back. He loves to ride his bike anywhere and everywhere now!

Our little dog, Gypsy, is very happy living with her new family on 6 acres of land about an hour away from where we are. She has another 2 year old Jack Russell to play with all day, cows to chase, cow poop to roll in, and a family that adores her. It was hard giving her up, but we know that she is in the kind of place that we had always imagined her in. Just a little sad that we couldn't give that to her.

As AJ had wanted a pet rat for years, we got the boys a rat each, shortly before Gypsy left, to help with the transition. They are such great pets! The boys spend a lot of time playing with them, they even come to the beach with us! The rats we have are both female and love to just hang out with the boys. They are also very curious and like to help dig little holes into the cooler parts of the sand.

The caravan park that we are in at the moment is just a short block away from the same beach that we used to go to when we lived in a house nearby. So beautiful!

More on relationships...

2011-11-14T20:50:00.006+11:00

Since I last wrote about relationships, I've been exploring that topic more deeply. I've been thinking of the idea of freedom within a relationship...not necessarily to be with other people romantically, but to be freely, deeply with myself...and to make no excuses for that. To Love myself unconditionally, and to accept myself wholly.

Think about it.. It takes awareness to maintain your connection to yourself. It is easy to lose that during the busy-ness of daily life, in all of the other relationships we have - with our partners, our children, our coworkers, etc. With the constant bombardment from the media as well, soon it can feel as though the life you are living is just on the surface. It is so easy to forget to tune in to our true selves. To say what you really mean, instead of what you think someone else wants to hear.

I'm talking about taking responsibility for YOU - for your feelings and your interpretation of experiences. Not saying things like "my wife (husband) makes me feel unloved / unattractive / etc", because NO one can make you feel anything, only you can choose to feel those things. Often those are things that you already feel about yourself that you are just projecting onto that other person in order to avoid taking responsibility for yourself.

So the first thing is to be aware - of the outside influences that distract your connection to yourself. Of all of the little voices saying that you "should" do or say something. Of all of the times when you do something out of conditioning rather than an actual need or desire. Be aware and recognise when you are not really present with your feelings, with the moment.

Then take responsibility for your thoughts and actions. Allow others to Be however they choose to be. Stay strong in your inner connection, knowing that you are the only one who can make you feel good or not-good.

Doing this, you can be with anyone, anywhere, and you can feel the freedom to just BE.

a lesson for summer...

2011-11-09T19:38:00.003+11:00

Summer dropped a camera today...it was my first digital camera, one that I had passed on to the kids when I bought a new one two years ago. After being dropped, the camera would let us look at the photos that were stored on it, but it would no longer take photos.

Summer was extremely upset, hard on herself and wondering why bad things happen. I told her that "stuff happens" and "it's only bad if you call it so".

She was feeling what she was feeling and I was just holding the space for her to do that. It seemed important to just Be with her.

When Cary heard the story, he quietly suggested to me that we then give her the brand new underwater camera that he had brought back from the USA that we were going to give her for her birthday next month. (My love for him expanded in that moment!) So we did! AJ got out his guitar and played "Happy Birthday" while we all sang to her.

She was so stunned! Her state went from very negative to very positive. That was wonderful! It was also wonderful to remind her that she was worthy of good things, and we do trust her with gadgets. (Things she hadn't believed a few minutes before that.)

The biggest lesson that she got was that sometimes when "bad" things happen, it's the Universe's way of opening up a space for something even better to come into our lives. Don't be too quick to judge. Hold the space and allow the process to unfold. Amazing things can ...and do...happen!

Running water...

2011-10-31T16:28:00.000+11:00

When our big caravan arrived, it took Cary a couple of days to find the fittings to connect the water to the inside.

I was so excited! After a couple of months of camping, I was thrilled to have inside running water. I did a little song and dance when I was filling up the sink to wash dishes...inside...because I could!

Then we found a leak and had to disconnect the water. Cary tried to fix it, but it did not get done before he left. I was so disappointed. The kids and I had to go outside and fill up the filter jugs and bottles of water to use as flush water for the toilet. This was inconvenient, especially when it was raining or cold. My StepMom joked that I did have running water...I run out to get it and then I run back in again!

Cary got the part I needed from the USA and mailed it to me when he was there. When I got the package, I was excited again, thinking that I would have inside running water. But I couldn't get the part to fit. I grunted and pushed and pulled and twisted and tried different things. I swore and raised my voice and then I had a big release and realised that I was just fine without the running water. I did not need it in order to be happy...the way we were doing things was working just fine.

Life was simpler once I accepted the water situation. When I let go of it "having" to be a certain way, and just started to appreciate the way it was - I am so lucky to have water so close...and that I don't have to walk 3 miles with a pot of it on my head! We are so lucky to have fit bodies to be able to move and lift and carry!

Cary got back yesterday. He fixed the water, including the hot water. It is nice to have it, but I am actually not attached to it. It would not have bothered me if it wasn't fixed at all. I just have to smile at how glad I am that I am in control of how I choose to feel...I do not need running water, or other "things" in order to be happy. I can choose to be happy right now, now matter what is happening around me.

I am so grateful that Cary is back safely, and that we can continue on this journey, together.

I'm actually not going crazy...

2011-10-26T22:11:00.001+11:00

... I'm just transitioning to menopause.

For several days I thought I must have been getting sick...I noticed several times that I felt quite warm and thought I was getting a fever. I only realised a few days ago that these are actually hot flushes! Doh! Had to laugh at myself!

I am so relieved that I am not going crazy, I was seriously starting to doubt my sanity. My moods seemed all over the place as I questioned every aspect of my life... underneath it all, a strong power was building. I felt like I wanted to roar, then cry, then run a mile, then sleep for a week.

I had thought that this phase was mostly about physical changes, but there is so much more going on. I'm actually excited for this. I feel like I am going through a whole new level of growing up, into greater wisdom and acceptance. I knew I would face "the change" sooner or later. I just didn't expect the power surge I am feeling. Woo hoo!

grateful...

2011-10-14T08:30:00.000+11:00

The caravan park that we are staying at does not allow pets. It was the biggest sticking point about coming back to this area as it is very limited on pet-friendly parks. We could have chosen a park that is in the middle of being remodelling and will not have any swimming pool or play areas for the kids and is also right next to the M1 motorway (um...no thankyou..especially as the prices were more than we were paying to rent a house), or a couple of other small, out-of-the-way parks. Or this one, huge park, across the road from the beach, three swimming pools, very close to great libraries, shops, our storage unit and, of course, the beach (!), security gate, and it's actually very quiet. Well, it was until Nicholas arrived!

We found a lady who created a business in dog-minding who lives close to us. We were paying her to do so until she suggested we could trade her ... we clean her house every week in return for her looking after Gypsy. In order to save money, I said yes, even though one of the reasons I was excited about being house-free again was to almost eliminate housework! Ha! However, it has been a good thing as it constantly reminds me of how much I don't want to be back in a house. After Cary went back to the USA and I spent several weeks trying to adjust to a brand new (to us) caravan, trying to get an efficient system happening, as well trying to process the events of recent months, and sort through our storage unit, I could have been tempted to say "enough" and take what seemed like an easier route (at the time), back into a house. Cleaning Lynne's house cured me of that and I got back on track with my gratitude of this simple life!

I love that every single thing in my kitchen are things that I use regularly, no excess. That all of the food in the cupboard is food that we will actually use, not something I bought on a whim because I "might" do something with it. That all of my clothes are clothes that I actually like and wear.

I love that this lifestyle inspires me to be more conscious of anything I purchase. I like that I am never tempted to buy more than I can actually use whether for its function or to add beauty to our home.

The children are still in the process of fine-tuning their efficiency with the areas that they have, which has caused them a little stress at times. It's also allowing them to really get in touch with the things that are the most important to them at the time. By putting excess things into storage for now, they are appreciating and using the things that they have here, and there is no feeling of overwhelm of "too much stuff".

This life also encourages us all to be considerate of others by putting our things away when we are finished with them in order to prevent clutter, and to just keep life rolling more harmoniously. Then we have more time to do fun things, like go to the beach, or ride our bikes, or sit in the sun and read a book, or draw or play music. Or just Be. Our van is big enough for a full size set of conga drums which we all enjoy playing, and AJ has been loving learning the guitar and reading novels. Summer is drawing and reading more. Nicholas spends hours playing with other kids in the park or with the toys he has here. I'm reading the "Captain Underpants" books to him at the moment which he thinks are fantastic!

We are grateful for the two mornings each week that we go to Lynne's place to see Gypsy. Honestly though, I can feel us all detaching. The possibility of rehoming Gypsy is in my mind. I feel kind of bad about that as I had made the commitment to Gypsy and also to AJ, but I also need to consider the effect this current situation is having on the entire family. Even though I try and see it as an act of service, I do feel a little resentful. Gypsy is really happy being in a situation where she gets to play with other dogs regularly. Perhaps the kindest thing for her would be to find another home with another dog or dogs, rather than the current uncertainty of when we would be able to be back together with her.

I don't know what we will decide. I do know that I am grateful for this life, this moment, these lessons, the opportunity to see what is working and how much of any situation we will take before demanding a different option, to declare authenticity, to keep growing, as messy and tough and beautiful as it is. I am grateful for this very breath that quietly assures me that I am meant to be here, now.

Relationships..

2011-10-04T11:38:00.001+11:00

"Your relationship to all things, was created as the perfect tool in the work of the soul." - Neale Donald Walsch

I've been thinking a lot about this.

AJ is rather smitten with a girl and keeps asking me all kinds of questions. As the girl is vegan, he is wondering if he should go vegan in order to be with her. I told him that he should never compromise who he is in order to please someone else. That's only cheating both of them and will probably lead to resentment on his part at some point down the track.

(Have I done that? Have I compromised myself in relationships? Have I said yes when I wanted to say no, have I gone places, or done things that I actually didn't want to do? In pleasing another, did I not please myself? I'm pretty sure I have at times.)

I've been struggling with Nicholas who is so very loud and busy. I feel the need for quiet and calm around me as I try to process events of the past few months, but I just cannot get that with him around. I realise that I need to demand that, for my own sanity. Maybe part of the reason that I have a child like Nicholas is to help get me to the point of demanding time for myself. I wanted to be a mother for such a long time, and I loved living that role 24/7 for several years, but now, I really need a break. That was a secondary reason of why Summer and AJ went to the Steiner school when we moved to Australia - mama was burnt out. I had been curious about those schools since Summer was a baby and I had thought it would be a good thing for the kids. It was, for a while. Now that Nicholas is getting older, I'm finding his behaviour exhausting so I need to take care of me so that I can better take care of my family.

Perhaps I've compromised myself for far too long by not taking time out away from my full time job of parenting. Perhaps I've cheated myself, Cary and the kids by not doing that. I know that sometimes I look at Cary and think "Oh God...it's you", but other times I think "thank God it's you". Do all relationships go through this? We've been together for almost 18 years! That's a very long time. People can change a lot in that time...how many people have been together for a long time that are still happy to be together? Really. That don't feel any resentment, that feel that they are still compatible? They probably have time to pursue their own interests and they probably are not together 24/7.

When I met Cary, I was at a place in my life where I was not even interested in having a relationship with anyone. I felt whole and strong and content with who I was and where I was going. He was attracted to that strong woman. That's who I need to find again, for both of our sakes.

There has been so much drama and chaos in recent months, I'm shutting down. My apologies for any unreturned emails for phone calls. If my relationships are the perfect tool for me, then I need to be focusing on those, especially the one with myself. Yep, I'm going to be a bit selfish. I'm going to say "no", I'm going to take time to draw and read and do absolutely nothing. Because if I don't, then my soul will not be filling its true potential for growth. And I will be resentful. And that's no good for anyone.

calming back to me

2011-09-24T16:02:00.000+10:00

I have not been on the computer much at all lately...just been too too busy. Life is calming down now and I feel myself coming back into balance. I decided to just stop worrying about all of the things that "have to" get done, because, basically, the stress of it all was affecting my bliss. Which in turn affected everyone else in the family. Our choices to live this way, house free, were based on previous experience where we felt light and free. This time around, it hasn't felt like that...yet. I'm not going to go on about it though. I'm changing my focus to do the things that I choose to do, to stop and smell the flowers, sit on the beach, play, and basically get back into living in the moment, even when I'm doing tasks that might not be 'fun'.

I'm sure I've had this realisation before, but this time, I needed to go through a whole lot of processing in order to 'get it' again. My life felt as though it was in chaos, but I reached a point where I could make a decision to just stop buying into that train of thought, and let it go.

Something else that came up for me in the past weeks of challenges, has been an underlying questioning of who I Am, and what the heck am I doing with my life? I am surrendering into those questions and looking for absolute Truth. One thing that I now see as an absolute necessity is to make some time for myself. I need to maintain my connection to me so that I can better connect to those around me. I have gotten lost in so many of the stresses and dramas around me lately. Some of that was good, as in dealing with my Dad's death, but some of it was definitely toxic.

This 'dealing with major stress' lesson has been repeated many times in my life. I hope that the next time it comes around, I can remember the importance of maintaining my connection and balance and presence, so that I can deal with it all gracefully.

update and photos...

2011-09-05T16:06:00.000+10:00

We are back in the area where we used to live. I guess it's nice to see familiar things, but I feel no attachment to anything. I think the biggest challenge we had when we were travelling was the lack of organisation. We had to constantly rebuild our base area from the ground up - setting up tents, chairs, cooking area etc. Which was fine for a little while, but long term, it got old and frustrating. Constantly shifting boxes in order to find food and equipment in other boxes, was a bit much. We almost gave up on the idea of living on the road, but, with everything that was happening, we realised that we just needed to stop and remember why we were doing this, and rethink it all. We had wanted to stay in the house an extra month, but that didn't happen. The caravan was supposed to come in a month ago, but that was delayed. Which meant that our "little holiday in tents" was a bit longer than we had originally intended. Also, there were five of us plus a dog so we're talking a bit of stuff, even though we all travelled light.

So we are back on the Gold Coast. We picked up our small camper, a 2007 Jayco wind-up with a king bed on one end, a queen on the other, dining slide-out, and internal shower & toilet. She is a sweet thing, and such luxury after being in tents! We have a gazebo set up outside for some extra area with our long table, cooking bits and pieces, and some shelves for food etc. It's nice to have some room to spread out a bit. The drawback of this particular place is that we are not allowed to have pets so we can't have Gypsy with us. We are having her boarded nearby so we can see her often though so that is the best compromise for now. This park is across the road from the beach, and it has a couple of swimming pools. Our storage unit is not too far away so we will be working on getting that minimized by selling or donating things. We are enjoying catching up with good friends we have in this area. Our bigger camper has arrived in Australia and is waiting to clear the authorities. We are hoping that won't take too much longer.

Here are just a few photos of our recent adventures.

Barron Gorge, behind Cairns. There is a hydro-electric power plant at the bottom of this which went to. We weren't able to see the actual workings of the plant, but there was an info center with a video about it all which was pretty interesting for the engineer minds of the guys in the family.

We took a trip over the Daintree river and to cross the river, we had to get on a car ferry. As we were waiting for the ferry, we got out of our car and wandered around like most of the other passengers. Sure, there were the typical warnings of the crocodiles in the area (we actually saw crocs in the wild when we crossed another river). But sleeping near the front of this little boat was a deadly brown snake. It's coiled up near the rope and you can't really see it in this pic.

I took a lot of photos that day.

The boys were happy to be on another adventure!

I love the different trees and shapes in the rainforest!

AJ and Cary at Cape Tribulation.

Another beautiful tree, or shell of a tree.

The green water of Mossman Gorge

The boys found an old plane museum in Malanda

And a war museum, which was closed, but they had fun playing on the tank out the front.

We went to the Cairns Tropical Zoo where my step-cousin is the head reptile keeper. We got a special, behind-the-scenes show and got to know some of the critters a little better, like this boa constrictor...a really sweet guy!

I love coconuts!

Rope swings and creeks are all over the place (just beware of crocs!)

Mission beach is still recovering from the cyclone that went through it last summer. We found several coconut palms that had been bent way over, which were fun to climb on.

We all fell in love with the peace and beauty of Mission Beach.

Ahhhhh....

17 days

2011-08-25T19:27:00.012+10:00

It's been 17 days since my Dad died suddenly. I've been processing a lot of emotions in that time. It's been quite a roller coaster ride actually.

Several hours after my Dad died, and before I knew, I was sleeping and I had a dream where I was aware of a strong energy around me. The energy was light and playful and joyful and loving and very grateful to be free of the physical body. I knew something had happened, and I woke up crying. I actually thought that someone else had died and I had a strong feeling that I needed to call my Dad. As it was the middle of the night, I lay awake for a while before finally going back to sleep. When I woke up, I told Cary about the dream and, as it was only about 7am, we went for a long walk on the beach. When we came back, the kids wanted some breakfast. Shortly after, I was getting ready to call my Dad when my sister rang with the news.

I am very grateful for the gift of that dream. I know that my Dad's spirit is free, really free.

Although my Dad was often busy with other commitments as we were growing up, there were still lots of memories. A lot of them involved music and song...Family gatherings with a sing-a-long, music playing in the house, singing songs in the car, Christmas carols, watching musicals together, random moments of breaking into song. My Dad was born on Bastille Day so every morning on his birthday, we sang the French national anthem:

"Allons enfants de la Patrie,
Le jour de gloire est arrivé !"

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After the initial shock of the news, I am feeling quite peaceful now. I know that it was my Dad visiting me in my dream, and I know he is in an amazing place. It was so very good to be surrounded by family and friends recently. At the private viewing, my brother and sister and I went in together to see Dad. We cried, we sang, we told stories and jokes. We spent a long time there, which was incredibly healing for all of us. The following day we had a beautiful service and wake, and two days later Dad was laid to rest in Sydney. A poem that was read for him starts off "Don't grieve for me, for now I'm free" (click for the full version). I know it's true.

I love being so close to my family, and this area is lovely and familiar as I've been visiting here most of my life. But it doesn't feel like "my" place, ya know? Maybe with time it could be, and maybe another time it will be, but for now, I feel like we need to move on. I feel some sadness in that. Sometimes I would like to be the person who can put down roots and stay in one area for a long time. I don't like being so far away from family. This recent event has brought that home to me. But I need to be true to my Free Spirit self. I am grateful that I am close in heart to my family, and I hope that now that we are mobile and not confined to a house, that we can visit more often.

My Dad's death has me thinking about many aspects of my own life and making sure I am living it as fully as possible. Questioning if things still work for me, and if so, if they could be even better. Thinking about what I really want, without compromising. Thinking about who I really want to Be, and the things that are the most important to me. This total shake-up has me feeling irritated, scattered and out of sync with the world, but I know it's just part of the process, and that in time, it will all come back together again, and flow on even more deeply and beautifully.

My Dad..

2011-08-22T20:11:00.003+10:00

My Dad taught me:- to not be afraid of the sharks at the beach
- what to do when I saw a snake in the bush
- how to reconcile a bank statement
- the importance of treating co-workers kindly and equally.

My Dad loved to have a good time, he enjoyed living in the moment and found great joy in simple things. Whenever we would ask him what he wanted for his birthday or Christmas, he would answer that all he wanted was a hug.

The book "Johnathon Livingston Seagull" was a favourite of my Dads. That story of the importance of being free to be yourself helped to shape his life and was a powerful influence on my own life.

My Dad's sudden death also has some lessons (gifts maybe?) for me:

- to live more fully...to take chances, pursue passions, follow dreams, enjoy each moment.

- to love more deeply...to be truly present when connecting with others; to give more affection, compliments and to tell others what they mean to me; to be gentle and more forgiving towards myself and everyone else.

- to laugh more often...to not take life too seriously because it isn't permanent! To play more and to always find the Joy.

Thanks Dad...for these and so much more.

My father..

2011-08-14T07:29:00.003+10:00

My Dad, this blogs biggest fan, has died.

He had just celebrated his 72nd birthday.

We packed up our camping gear from the beautiful spot we had in Mission Beach and hotfooted it down the coast. Cary did a massive job of driving the whole way..(thankyou!)

I'll write more at a later date.

...fly high songbird...

mobile home!

2011-08-01T11:09:00.000+10:00

We decided to move to a different site within the campground. The other site was nice as it was next to the turtles and the camp kitchen, but it was also under some heavy duty power lines which was bothering us. So we've moved to the back of the park, which is much quieter. As we were not moving very far, we didn't see the point in packing the tents all the way up. We just took out the bags that were in them, unpegged them, and carried them down the road to the new site. Of course we got quite a few comments like "now that's what I call a mobile home!" and everyone had a bit of a laugh.

Our new site is very quiet and we have a beautiful view of the creek. There are a few steps down to the water which is a safe place to let Gypsy play off-leash. It just feels better here.

We explored the little town of Kuranda a couple of days ago which was beautiful. It is in the rainforest, 1000 feet above sea level behind Cairns. They have funky little markets, Cary and I had a massage, we had a picnic in the park, strolled around the shops, went for a run through the rainforest, admired the Barron falls and just enjoyed being in the hinterland. When we came back down the mountain, we had dinner next to the beach. mmmm...I love the rainforest, and waterfalls, but the beach is really where I feel the best! It was a beautiful, nature-full day....so nourishing on so many levels!

I am so grateful for...

2011-07-28T11:00:00.000+10:00

...rain
...cool weather
...noise
...chaos
...challenges

... as they all give me a much greater appreciation for, and joy in...

...sunshine
...warmth
...quiet
...calm
...growth

Thank you life, for your highs and lows, for all of the experiences that allow me to shift and stretch and become more of Who I Really Am.

Life on the road...

2011-07-27T12:05:00.002+10:00

We get a lot of different reactions when talking to people about what we are doing. We don't offer the information, it is just the nature of camping life to chat and ask others about how and where they are travelling to. People ask us "where do you live?". We point to our tents and say "today, we live over there". Some people are shocked, some are concerned, some are excited, some are baffled. Most people have a home base, even if they are on the road for a year or so.

Sometimes we leave it at that, sometimes we go on to explain briefly what led us to be there, how we were travelling several years ago, for a year. When we got to the Gold Coast, we liked it so we stayed there and it was cheaper to rent a house for what we thought would be a little while, which became almost 3 years. When they sold the house, we decided to keep travelling. Right now, we are just waiting for our new camper coming over from the USA. We decided to do our waiting in an area that is warm so that's why we're here.

The people that are shocked think that it's an awfully long time to be living in tents with 3 children. Really? Compared to what? Two months in two tents. We are enjoying it. Well, most of the time...I may be a free spirit, but I need a little bit of organisation in order to function smoothly. I like knowing where things are and our system is pretty simple, but it can get messed up sometimes when things get put back in the wrong place. There is so much to do around here, mostly fun stuff, but also a lot of practical stuff that sometimes I forget that I'm supposed to be relaxing as well. Then it catches up to me and I wonder why I'm tired. Mostly, it's fun and exciting and busy and we all feel healthier and happier and more connected. I am not going to romanticize it though. It can be bloody frustrating when it's dark and we have no power and I can't see where things are. Although that can mean a really easy dinner and an early night. We have been really lucky with good weather...up until last night when it rained most of the night. Our tent held up well for a second-hand $20 tent with just some very minor leakage in the front. The other tent had a bit more leakage, mainly due to wear on the outer fly allowing the rain to seep through. That tent was free so it's pretty good for the price. We will just put a tarp over the top of it from now on to prevent anymore wet walls in there. So some minor frustration with that but overall, our cheapy tents have served us well. I know that we will greatly appreciate moving in to a caravan after this experience though!

Keeping up with meals and buying food is another consideration. We do not have the storage space to do a full weeks shopping so we have to shop every couple of days. We have a large cooler with us to keep food cool. This means buying ice every day or two. When the ice melts, the water can go through all of the food, often ruining it in the process. We don't mind a little cool water in there to help keep the food cool, but it can't be too much and the food has to be packed just right in order to keep the water out of it. That's another minor annoyance - when I think I'm going to snack on some hummus and then I find it's just a tub of water. We have to keep food stored away so sometimes it's a bit of a shuffle to find everything I need to make a meal. I bought an extra washing basket so that we can put everything we need for a meal in it, and take it to the camp kitchen without having to trek back to our site because I forgot the pepper or something.

Other than those things, I can't think of any other little challenges. I actually like the walk to the laundry and bathroom and camp kitchen and chatting to a variety of people along the way. I like moving and being active. I love looking out of my tent into the rainforest and watching the little creek below. I love sitting under the stars at night. I love exploring new places and hiking and waterfalls and beautiful beaches. I would rather explore a place of natural beauty than go to a place like "The Butterfly House" which claimed to have 4000 different kinds of butterflies. I would rather marvel at the butterflies in their natural environment when I do see them.

Our kids are enjoying playing cards with new friends in the evenings rather than watching hours of tv. They run and play and explore, choosing to climb one of the many beautiful trees over playing at a playground structure.

I love being warm in the winter time, wearing singlet tops and shorts or a sarong and feeling the sun on my bare skin. I love having the freedom to be here, to move when we have had enough of a place, to take from a place just what we want, not trying to do all of the "touristy" things, just seeing the places that speak to us, even if it means staying at the campground most of the day for a week. I love meeting people from all over the world. I love living close to the earth and the elements. I love watching the shadow of a bug as it crawls over the outside of my tent as I'm typing this. I love having this moment, this time, right here, right now. So blessed!

photos

2011-07-25T20:40:00.002+10:00

Airlie Beach

A chilly night in Airlie

Cedar Creek falls, just trickling a little at the moment

We are travelling with our tents etc in the little trailer so that there is a lot more room for the kids in the car. We have the third seat in the wagon so Summer gets that all to herself while the boys sit in the middle. Cary has done a great job of driving the entire way here. He is not at all impressed with the Australian roads, comparing the main highways to back country roads in the US. Gotta say, he has a valid point.

Gypsy is a happy traveller!

Turtles on the log in the creek next to our campsite.

Hanging out with new friends. This little creek winds around the campground.

AJ wanted to cook dinner - kangaroo sausages and a big salad. The rest of the family likes the roo meat. I'm still veg and won't touch it.

Camp kitchen, the kids waiting for the sausages

where to start?

2011-07-18T11:22:00.001+10:00

I have no idea of what day or date it is. And I love that!

We stopped a few times on our way up to Cairns, but mainly we just wanted to have warm nights so we didn't do too much sight-seeing along the way. AJ had asked if we could stop at "every single museum in Australia". (How many kids would ask that?!) We stopped at a couple, but then kept pushing on.

We would like to do this trip again, when we are set up for full time traveling with the caravan and not just in tent-and-holiday mode. We can take our time then and stop often.

So now we are in Cairns. The long trip and the hours of seeing only sugar cane and scrub and a few cows and a rare little town were so worth it! Oh my golly I love it here. Our campsite is so beautiful - lush rainforest with a little creek running alongside where our tent is. We are just steps away from turtles and fish. I love watching the turtles...they crawl onto some of the branches that are hanging over the water and sun themselves for hours before plopping back into the water. The creek runs over some rocks about 20 meters away and the babbling sound it makes is so soothing to fall asleep to! A few minutes walk along the other way of the creek is a little beach area with rope swings. The kids are making lots of new friends and having a great time. We are having such a lovely time in the campground that we haven't seen much of Cairns yet. We did go to Rusty's markets yesterday - great fruit and veg and other cooked foods for sale. Then we went to the sea side lagoon to meet up with some friends from Brisbane who have been traveling for a couple of months. I already felt quite at home here, but seeing familiar faces made it feel even more so!

I will get some photos downloaded sometime. We have not always had power to charge and download our devices, and that hasn't bothered us. We will get around to it all whenever we do. It is just so nice to be warm, and in nature and living so simply. ..

...just got a couple of pics that I took on my phone. Here is one of Shute Harbour in the Whitsundays, south of here...beautiful!

A new chapter...

2011-07-01T10:31:00.000+10:00

We are officially house-free! The final week at the house was extremely busy with packing, moving things into storage, and cleaning the house. I would wake up around 3am, thinking of all of the things we still needed to do, then try to get a little more sleep, eventually give up, get up around 5am and get going. How the heck does one 3 bedroom / 1 bathroom house take so much work to empty and clean?! We have just about everything in a storage unit the size of a single car garage. That includes all of our bikes, large fridge, mattresses, washer, dryer, kayak and loads of boxes. The tents, sleeping bags and some of our clothes are with us, ready for our trip north.

Thank you little house! Thanks for keeping us dry and warm and for the memories we shared with you. Thank you garden for your fragrant flowers and yummy fruits.

I kind of expected to feel a little sad about leaving the old house. I really don't though. I think I'd already detached myself. Yesterday, as I was still cleaning and packing, I just felt excitement about the new chapter about to start. Today when I woke up, I felt lightness and joy and relief. We are spending a couple of days with our close friends, Lucy Briggs and Kevin Briggs. So grateful to have this time to just stop and take a breath and tie up loose ends and get the car efficiently organised for our trip. I feel so much gratitude right now. I feel so mellow and peaceful.

(not a great photo, but there was a large circle with the same letters repeated several times. Does it say 'nowhere' or 'now here' or 'here now'? )

I like to see this as 'now here'. And that's where I am. No plan, no need to have to do or go anywhere. I feel so much lightness now. Our rough plan, for now, is just to head north, where the nights are warmer, for about 4 weeks, camping and living simply and deeply.

tick tock...

2011-06-20T08:20:00.000+10:00

...ten days left!

We had a big garage sale over the weekend and sold a lot of bits 'n pieces though none of the bigger things. We do have some people interested in different pieces, and are waiting to hear back from them. If we hear nothing within the next few days, then we'll put them on consignment somewhere.

Sometimes after a sale I experience a little tinge of sadness, grief maybe, for some particular things I have sold. I actually don't feel that at all this time. I parted with some things that I'd had since I was a teenager, and I am happy that they have gone to other people. It just all felt right, and so good to release those things.

Today we are going to start moving things into our new storage unit. I think once the boxes that are ready to go, are out of here, it won't look so chaotic in here and it will help me focus on what still needs to be packed or donated.

I sat outside in the beautiful winter sunshine yesterday and looked through a guide to the campgrounds for this state that we'll be travelling in, very very soon! We are currently in the subtropics, which has beautiful days, but the nights are chilly. We're not fond of the cold so we are heading north for the tropical, dry winter. Super excited!! So many places are pet friendly too!

We are so ready for this! Well, mentally...physically we have lots to do still so I should get going...!

me n my gal..

2011-06-12T18:36:00.005+10:00

I love having a daughter! I love sharing the girly things in life with her. She is usually the one making me a little more girly and I kinda like that. She loves to try on clothes, look at jewelry and paint toe nails. She adds a softness to the male energy in the house. She helps out in so many ways around the house, from the practical things that need doing, to helping me stay balanced when I start to feel a little overwhelmed.

She can be sweet and gentle, or loud and fiery. She is very much her own person and does everything in her own way and her own time. That may not look like a lot of other kids, but that is what makes her so unique. She is aware that she is living her life, her way, on her timetable. We are so grateful that we have the opportunity for her to live her life this way, unfolding in her own way.

Being my oldest child, she has also been on the receiving end of my entire parenting journey - the great moments, and the times I'm not proud of. She has been my best teacher in patience, and trust and unconditional love.

She is very generous and she has been giving away a lot of her childhood toys in the past year. Slowly moving into a new phase of her life. Sometimes she cries because she does not want to grow up, other times she is excited thinking of the time left before she can drive. She is observant of others and will often play with the younger children at our different groups, to make sure they are included.

I am so honoured that she chose me as her mama. I am so grateful for her love and depth.

This moment...

2011-06-11T20:16:00.001+10:00

I am making the most of living here, in this area and in this house. Every sunny day lately, we have been going to the beach. It's the thing I am going to miss the most about this place. If we didn't have Gypsy, then we would just go back to the caravan park down the road next to the creek and across the road from the beach. But we can't go there and this area is very limited on pet-friendly caravan parks. Other areas are very welcoming and I know we will find other beachy places where Gypsy is welcome. For now though, we will be a bit further away, maybe a 20 minute drive to the beach instead of a 10 minute stroll.

I'm enjoying the space inside on the rainy days, spreading out and baking breads and cookies and making soups. Kicking back on the big couch watching movies on the big screen. I remember rainy days in our old camper and how we would often go out for the day to the library or a museum or a mall to explore the gadget shops and watch the different kinds of people in the different areas. At night time we'd watch movies or play games, feeling close and warm. Both are good and the most important thing is to just be making the most of wherever we are by being present, letting our attention be there in that moment, enjoying what is.

One more month...

2011-06-01T07:13:00.003+10:00

Somehow, it's all coming together. It always does. The apparent chaos is taking a little more order and the process is unfolding in a natural way. I don't do 'to-do' lists like I used to. Most of the work required here is obvious, I don't need to write it down to remind me. I no longer need that satisfaction of 'crossing things off the list'. I do write down the things that I may not remember, so my to-do lists these days are very short, if at all.

I'm slowly emptying cupboards and I have boxes stacked in sections to either go to storage, go to the camper, or to be sold. I'm really impressed with how much Nicholas has released. He is very sure of his decisions and is looking forward to making "lots of money" selling off the things he has finished with. The storage and camper piles are neatly inside of the house. The sell stuff is randomly placed on the back patio. When I have finished inside the house, I need to go through that and organise it and donate some of it.

Summer has also released a lot of things, mainly clothes. She loves clothes and has been loving experimenting with different styles and themes, well, she's been doing that from the time she could dress herself! She has decided that she wants all of her clothes to be "earthy", so out with the hot pink hair, and the bright blue poncho! If the clothes aren't earthy or hippy, they were gone! She has been slowly giving away some of her childhood toys over the last year. When other children would come over, she often offered them things she thought they would like.

I think our children have been to enough yard sales and op-shops to know that there is an abundance of toys and clothes in the world, and at really good prices too! AJ has some really cool toys and gadgets and books. He has always loved books about real things. Even when he was one year old, he preferred looking at books of the internal workings of an airplane, and books with real photos of animal (not drawings). He's not into reading novels, but he will read fact books all day. He loves doing word puzzles with me (we're currently into an iPhone app called '7 Little Words'). He will listen to me reading a story, and he will read stories to Nicholas, but not usually for himself. With the exception of the Usborne puzzle adventure stories, where you have lots of clues and have to figure out the puzzle within the story. He also loves tech stuff and is longing to have his own computer.

It's the first day of winter here...a cool, rainy day. A good soup day! In one month, we will be living in our camper, all of the 'stuff' in the house will be sorted and we will have closed the front door for the last time. One more month. The children are all very excited, as am I. I feel very calm within at the moment. I know there is a lot to do in the month ahead, including a birthday to celebrate for a very excited little man, and it's all going to be great...it already is!

Today I am especially grateful for...

2011-05-25T06:33:00.000+10:00

friends...past and present. Thank you for all of the friends that have touched my life thus far. For those that I haven't been in touch with for some time - whether or not we shall meet again - thank you for the special role you played at the time. I send you love and hope you are happy and healthy. For those of you who are currently a player in my life, thank you for the joy and encouragement and inspiration you share. I love you!

Simply Natural Life

2011-05-22T07:50:00.000+10:00

Since 2003 I've had the domain name 'Simply Natural Life' (dot com). I actually started a website for it years ago, but when I went to launch the site, the host no longer accepted that software (even though it was their own, and I was using that same software for another site that was already published, they weren't accepting new sites with it.) I think that was around the time we were getting ready to move to Sedona, Arizona, but then that plan got ditched at the last minute. Regrouping back in Vegas, and planning our move to Australia then took over everything. Well, that and taking care of three children as well!

Over the years I've looked at the files that I had for the site and realised that I would probably do it differently now. Every year when the name came up for renewal, I found I just wasn't ready to let it go, and I had a feeling that there was still something in there for me to do with it. I thought about starting another blog, but in some ways, it's very similar to my Free Spirit Life. I've already incorporated parts of a Simply Natural Life on this blog, especially when I wrote during our year on the road and the transition either side of that. A part of living simply would be to have everything in one place on this blog. I've even neglected my other project, Peace Ripple, but it is very forgiving. I think I'll continue to run that alongside this, as a separate entity, whenever I am inspired to add to it. I am working on a website for some parts of SNL, but I am drawn to blog about more aspects that I have been, so I am going to use this blog to do so. Then I wondered if I should change the name of this blog to reflect that change? Free & Natural Life? Natural Free Life? Simply Free Life? Simply Free & Natural Life? Simply Natural Free Spirit Life (now that's just too long)! For now, I'm just incorporating the reference to SNL in the blog description up the top.

I think that there are three main concepts that I want to focus on - living simply, freedom, and the underlying Joy that is possible when living an authentic life. As well as the usual family stuff and my ramblings. Does using the 'free-spirit' give the impression of flowing dresses and fairy wings? I am so not into dresses, but sure I'll show my wings from time to time. Does the 'natural' imply that we forage for our own food, never go into supermarkets and don't use any plastic? Well, sometimes, often and as little as possible are those answers. Does using the 'free' imply that I'm referring to things that you don't need to pay money for rather than a state of mind? Does 'free-spirit' already imply a certain level of simple living? Does 'simply natural' imply a level of living free? Maybe I'm really overthinking the whole thing, but I feel the need for a slight shift in focus and the name will reflect that. Maybe I'm just procratinating when I really should be sorting and packing, but hey, I'm having fun playing with possibilities here!

Preparing to move out of the house is taking a lot of energy - physical as in time and the process of sorting through things, and also mental as I need to look at things and make decisions for 5 people as to the absolute best things to bring with us, and what to do with the rest of it. However, whenever it starts to feel like a lot, I am able to remind myself that it will all be done soon, and that it will be great! I can remember what it was like and the lightness and joy that I felt before, and that is my main motivation. I can also feel my creativity starting to spark again with other possibilities swirling. On here, I want to write more about other parts of living simply that work for me in a practical way that anyone can use no matter how they live.

I'm feeling excited to get up in the morning! oh, so much to do! I'm trying to take time to just sit and BE with it all too and feel the deliciousness of it all unfolding! mmmmmm so nice to be coming out of stagnation.

Adventures in packing...

2011-05-11T15:28:00.001+10:00

My house is a total mess at the moment...how exciting!!

When I was on our recent roadtrip, my sister and I were chatting about how different we are. Even though we were raised the same way, we've interpreted life so differently. Her main focus in life in stability and security. Mine are freedom and flexibility. We love each other very much despite our differences, and we are very good friends. A few times I thought I could settle down, but life keeps telling me that that idea is just not for me.

Since we returned from our roadtrip, I've been circling around the rooms of the house, wondering where to start packing up in preparation for life on the road again. We've already gotten rid of a bunch of stuff and packed up some things, so it's not going to be a massive process. But it is still a transition and I've had some periods of amazing excitement, and a couple of moments when I was a little unsure if we were doing the right thing. In those latter moments, I'd just remind myself that we don't HAVE to do this. Then I remembered that I knew that, and that I really wanted to do it!

I eventually decided to start in the kitchen, and pack it up as if we were already on the road.
I remember a lot of our shortcuts and tips from the year we had on the road so it's not like I have to figure it all out. Doing this is making me feel as though the adventure has already begun. Well, everyday is an adventure, but this is great preparation for a really grand adventure! I'm keeping out only the basics and wondering why the heck did I get more than that anyway? I see it as a challenge as to how little I can live comfortably with. I bought a pressure cooker to replace the rice cooker and the stock pot and another saucepan. I also want to get rid of as many electrical appliances as possible (not that I have a lot to start with), as I want functional kitchen pieces that can be used on any kind of stove or oven (electric, gas, or solar). Do I really need the food processor that only gets used a few times a year? Nope, I'm sure that any jobs needing that can by done by hand or the blender. The blender gets a lot of use so that is definitely coming. Out goes the sandwich press, the cast iron skillet will do just fine. I have a cast iron dutch oven as well which could be used in an open fire. I like having different options for cooking so that we are very flexible and adaptable depending on our situation.

My whirlwind of creating different piles in the kitchen has affected other areas of the house...kind of like picking up a rug and shaking it. There are piles of stuff everywhere. I don't enjoy chaos, but I am able to see this as a part of the process, not of waiting until this is done before the next adventure starts, but as a part of the adventure itself. It is liberating to cleanse and release excess stuff! I'm loving finding myself more through the letting go of stuff.

I realise that I need to have an exciting life – full of passion and adventures. I know that I have created that! I am so glad that I have chosen the free spirit path! And that I have some pretty awesome people in my life to share it with!

Today I am especially grateful for...

2011-05-08T20:12:00.000+10:00

...the infinte nature of love and life

Gratitude

2011-05-06T07:12:00.000+10:00

That's my word of the season. For many years my word was 'Peace'. I surrounded myself with words, music, pictures and colours that would remind me of that, and until I eventually started to own it. I've played with other guide words since then, but they didn't affect me the way that Peace, and now Gratitude have.

For quite a while I've been saying that I'm grateful for (something) and I really have been. I've been deeply touched by periods of immense gratitude for the joys of life. I've noticed that during those times, I also felt aligned with the deep calm within, and felt in tune with the song of my spirit.

I feel that owning Peace opened me more to Trusting the unfolding of life, and to accepting the things that are beyond my control. In being more aware of all that I am grateful for, I can take that deeper to living more consistently with Joy. Whether that Joy is the quiet fullness of my heart, or the crazy, jumping up-and-down, let-me-at-it pull towards an adventure or a moment, I am living with it more often.

I had a lot of external 'peaceful' stimulus around me when I was learning to adopt Peace into myself. On this Gratitude journey, I am finding that I just need to remember to pause and reflect on any of the things I am grateful for. It's triggered from within. Then the Joy radiates out. And I am so grateful for that!

lessons from the floor...

2011-05-03T09:47:00.000+10:00

...the bathroom floor actually. I was lying there last night, massive migraine...why? I felt grateful that my year of weekly migraines was far behind me, but it has been such a long time since I had felt so awful. I knew it would pass, but it wasn't going to be pretty. I remembered the years of abuse that I had intentionally inflicted on my body that had sometimes put me in the same position. I am sooo glad I no longer do those things. What was going on in my life that had brought me there last night?

My body is used to eating a pretty clean, simple diet. It chugs along quite comfortably with that, a little exercise and awareness of stress. I know that I had eaten some things I don't usually eat while on our road trip, vegetarian instead of vegan, and a little more processed foods that the mostly fresh food I eat. I didn't exercise a whole lot while we were away, but I was really happy that we had taken two hoops with us and I had more free time to play with those. We would pull them out almost every time we stopped for any reason and hoop around a little - so great for loosening up the stiff lower back from sitting in the car!

As I was lying on the floor, I was grateful for the efficiency of my body. I was grateful for the awareness that there may be a lesson or two there for me.

The other main difference yesterday was that I had had a cup of coffee. I have had less than 10 cups of coffee in my whole life. Now I remember why. I love the smell, but it does not like me! I think it was the final push after eating the other things.

So, apart from not drinking coffee again, what else was going on? I felt like there was more. I felt a renewed promise to take care of myself, - my body and how I nourish it through nutrition and move it joyfully, - my mind and where I put my attention and awareness, - my spirit and living my truth. I was aware that I had been complaining about someone who had been very judgemental, but in my complaining, I had been judging them! (who's the hypocrite now?!) I was aware that I have gotten away from some of my core values, just a subtle little side-step, but I made a promise to myself to fully embrace those things again.

Although my experience on the floor was uncomfortable, and messy, it was effective in giving me a little shake to get me back on track. This morning I feel a little weak in my body, but stronger in my spirit. I feel excited and grateful for the awareness that allows me to grow, even when I'm down and out.

Road Trip!

2011-05-02T19:10:00.003+10:00

The kids and I enjoyed our little road trip. Over 1600km in one week, visiting family and friends, celebrating birthdays and Easter, seeing beautiful autumn colours, camping, sapphire fossicking, visiting the grave site and rocky hideout of one of Australia's most famous bushrangers, enjoying beautiful sunshine and rain, driving through green country fields and thick, lush, misty rainforest.

This pic shows all the kids, including Gypsy, checking out some of the sapphire wash. They found a few little bits of sapphire which was pretty exciting for them. We got chatting to some other people there...turns out they live in the same little suburb as us! Small world!

Autumn glory!

AJ standing in front of 'Thunderbolt's rock'. ..he's a little hard to see, but he is standing next to a bunch of graffiti. He and I climbed around it. The last time we drove down the New England Hwy, we stopped off at Thunderbolt's cave (another hideout). I just love stories of the bushrangers. Thunderbolt was pretty well liked and a gentleman towards the ladies, but he was a bit of a bad boy and was shot dead at age 36. AJ and I got into some of the crevices and imagined what it would be like for Thunderbolt there. We saw a perfect place that his horse probably hid in and took in the 360 degree view which would have given the bushranger a good vantage point of the entire area.

Gypsy made a new friend in my sister's cat. The kids and I slept in the tent in the backyard so that Gypsy could sleep with us. The nights were cool, but not as cold as the first place we had camped on our trip. Even though, Gypsy thought the best place to sleep was right at the bottom of AJ's sleeping bag...yes, IN the bag. AJ loved that!

The Golden Guitar in the country music capital, Tamworth.

We stopped off at the little park across the road from the house we lived in when we first moved back to Oz. AJ was thrilled to catch up with some friends!

Beautiful rainbow lorikeets.

We were mostly unplugged on our trip which was refreshing. I just loved traveling and would have taken longer to get home if it hadn't been raining so much along the coast. The kids and I listened to audio books along the way, and just chatted a lot about all kinds of things. I love those close times in the car! Gypsy was very relaxed in the car and an excellent traveller. She was very mellow whenever we stopped anywhere and seemed very content to go along with whatever we were doing.

It was so special for us to spend time with family, I hope it won't be so long before we see them all again!

When we returned, I felt no attachment to the house and the stuff in it, and I can't wait to be traveling again!

AJ!!

2011-04-18T20:03:00.003+10:00

Guess who just turned 10?!!! Double Digits!! A whole decade of adventures with AJ!!

Some recent pics...

A new game for Christmas..

AJ & Missy...a dog we were dog sitting for a while. Actually, I think it was the dog who was doing the sitting (on AJ). Missy was a great dog, but she got a bit rough with Gypsy, trying to be the dominant one, so we couldn't continue caring for her. That was upsetting to AJ who would love to have a large pack of dogs...and a bunch of cats and pet rats and lizards and snakes and ducks and ..and..

Birthday time!

AJ had planned the whole day...actually a month or so ago...it included 3 hours at Time Zone (a huge games arcade)...for some seriously fun gaming...

He is so sweet...he just wanted a day with the family and it was very special.

He also won "Student of the Week" at his new martial arts class. He had been doing tae kwon do, and had gotten his yellow belt, but we weren't totally thrilled with their techniques. We thought that class was fine if you wanted to do tae kwon do as a sport, but for actual self-defense, it was pretty lousy. So now he's doing a Mixed Martial Arts class which is sooo much better.

He's pretty thrilled with himself too!

Such a sweet, funny, smart, gentle, loving, amazing young man...and I am so honoured that he chose me to be his mama, and to share this journey with us.

no excuses

2011-04-12T07:34:00.000+10:00

We have received news that we need to be out of this house by the end of June. It's good to know as it helps us play around with different possibilities. I almost said that it helps us plan, but that's just amusing as our plans tend to get changed all of the time. The unfolding process seems so much more exciting when I can see the sea of possibilities and dive into that, rather that sitting on the edge fishing for a particular path that must be ours. I make no excuses for changing my mind regularly and I will not be tied down to living a life that is not authentic to my strong needs for freedom and flexibility!

Being in this house for 2.5 years has given me so many lessons. After reluctantly getting off the road to stay here awhile, I came to appreciate the house, but more so, our life here. In the last 12 months, the feeling of stagnation has been growing stronger, with a side order of restlessness.

When we were discussing our possibilities, going to another house was one of them. I looked online at other rentals, but the idea of going to live in another box really didn't sit well with me. I felt physically ill at the thought of it. trapped even.

So often, at garage sales and car boot sales, I see people who are selling off their collectibles and bits n pieces that they have spent so many years collecting. More people are realising that we can feel so much lighter with so much less stuff. I know that we don't have a lot of extra stuff, but I do have more stuff than I really need. I feel that, living in the house, the time is slowly ticking by, and I'm here waiting ... for something?

Yes, we get out and do things and go places. I do appreciate our time in this house. But sometimes when we're been out and about, I feel kind of heavy when I get back here.

The best thing about staying in one place is the community that we become a part of. I really love the friends we've made here. I love going to the farmers market every Saturday morning and chatting to the farmers and other booth workers I've come to be friendly with. And I love the friendly wave from the 85 year old feisty lady across the street (she is tiny, but is full of opinions and sparkle!).

I love sitting on the beach and looking at the expansiveness of the ocean, and lately, I've really been loving standing barefoot outside every night and just looking up at the stars. Some people love looking at the moon, and I do enjoy that, but it is the stars that I really connect with. I feel so peaceful and excited and full of possibilities and adventure when I'm stargazing. Compared to the ocean, the night sky seems so much more expansive! I feel larger too, not physically, but beyond the physical.

I still have lots of questions, and sometimes the not-knowing seems overwhelming (but not very often). I often think I should be 'doing' something beyond the other things I already do with being a mama. You know, something 'important' like having an online business, or making things to sell. Maybe one day. Right now, I think the most important thing I need to do, is to BE the best person, mama, wife, friend I can be. No excuses!

"Being In Heaven"

2011-03-23T04:28:00.002+11:00

...that was the name of the movie we watched with our friends after the open house on Saturday. It was a nice story, similar to 'The Secret' in its message, adding in some extra information and tools. It spoke about how so many of our behaviours stem from our subconscious and the beliefs that were formed there when we were children by the way we were raised and taught. Beliefs we may have developed from parents or teachers that have shaped us, like "there's not enough money", "you're not good at drawing"..that kind of thing. Listening to that, I was not thinking of those situations in my own life, but I started wondering what kinds of things my own children might start 'blaming' me for when they are older. It was always my intention to raise them so they knew that they are loved and encouraged and free to explore the things that interest them.

I can see them when they are older, lamenting things like: "My parents gave me choices", "I got too many hugs", "we moved around, lived in different countries and had too many experiences!".... sounds so funny. I know that I can focus on the things that I feel I am doing right for my children, but I also know that there are times when I am not perfect (really?!), and maybe I get a little cranky (no!), and maybe I don't always listen very well. Those things happen when I feel overwhelmed, tired and / or just out of balance. Staying attentive to my children is best when I am attentive to myself first. When I ensure that I don't say yes when I really want to say no, when I ask for help if I need it, when I say what I need, when my outer life is a reflection of my inner life with my needs for rest, food, company, play and nature and balanced, when my spirit is content, then I find it so natural to just BE. To Be present and aware of other people's needs, to listen and understand, to be creative and playful.

I made a commitment to myself to be more aware of my own balance, and to help the children maintain their balance as we move into this very uncertain period. This family unit is my absolute priority. I only have one chance to make their childhoods magnificent and I want them to be confident, empowered adults, with no lingering limiting beliefs. This is what I have always wanted for them. Sometimes when they were younger, it seemed as though their toddler and early childhood days would go on forever. Looking back, it's gone so fast! It's a little challenging with Summer as she can be extremely hard on herself but then she'll break through and say something profound, so I know she is "getting" this, it's just taking such a long time for her to "own" it.

I started thinking of things from my own childhood that may have held me back and, although I can see some patterns and behaviours in my past that were shaped from my childhood, I know that I let go of them a long time ago. The movie spoke about tools to 'write over' those old patterns and programmes, but I don't think that's always ideal as they will still be there underneath. I thought about what had helped me to deal with my past and realised that my process (without the help of any book or person...just my own evolvement) had similar steps:

1. Awareness. This gradually built up until it became strong enough to make me take notice and realise "I don't want this anymore". Seeing and feeling how it was really affecting me mentally, spiritually, physically.

2. Anger, blaming someone else for teaching me those things.

3. Acceptance. Realising that I had continued this of my own free will.

4. Responsibility. Choosing to either continue, or not.

5. Compassion. Wondering what made my role models do the things that they had done? What had they gone through? Maybe they were just doing the best they could with what they knew.

6. Forgiveness. Letting go of my attachment to that pattern, sending love to my teacher. Forgiving myself.

7. Loving myself and remembering that I want more for myself than the way I was living. Getting clearer about the kind of person I choose to be and the way I choose to live my life. Writing a new story for myself.

This was never some kind of worksheet that I did, it was a natural progression once I had the initial awareness. Sometimes it took years to let go of a behaviour / thought pattern and sometimes it was very quick. I look back at my past with gratitude for making me who I am today, and no regrets.

Other points the movie made were:

- the importance of getting clear about what you really want.

- Affirming those things, repeating them to yourself, especially while you are relaxed / meditating.

- Taking time to experience peak-state activity where you can focus solely on that, particularly good are art, music and sports which allow a prolonged exposure into Being with your higher self. Drawing, painting, playing an instrument, surfing, skiing, woodwork, gardening,.. that kind of thing - the things we are often passionate about but don't always allow ourselves time for as there is "too much else to do". How much time do we absolutely waste on things we really are not passionate about, like TV and surfing the net?

- Being present - really present, fully there with your senses all experiencing as many moments as often as possible. When you are slicing vegetables, feel the knife in your hand, see the textures of the vegetables, the smells, listen to the sounds around you.

- Ask yourself often "Am I Aware?"...are you really experiencing this moment? Are you in alignment with yourself, your thoughts and your actions? Are you joyful?

- When you give, don't expect anything in return.

This life can be so very complex. And also so very wonderful.

Sometimes exhausting. Mostly exhilarating!

And always oh so worth it!

Ahhhh...freak out!

2011-03-20T04:18:00.001+11:00

The house we are renting was just put on the market for sale. As we didn't know what we were doing (whether or not we were moving within Australia or overseas), we chose to go on a weekly lease rather than sign up for another 6 or 12 months when our last lease expired. When we heard about the house going up for sale, we took it as a sign that we actually do need to move and we'd better figure out what we really want to do. I was detached and felt light and as though everything would fall into place exactly as it was meant to. It always does.

Yesterday (Saturday), I was awake early, went out to the farmer's market, chatted with a bunch of people, and felt very content. I was feeling full of gratitude for the wonderful friends we had spent Friday evening with, and the friends in our Natural Learner's group that we had spent Thursday with, and some other friends we have planned a family sleepover with, and my heart felt fuller as I thought about our wider circle of friends that we've made through homeschooling and the New Thought center. I am so abundant!

I went home, made a big pot of pumpkin soup, tidied the house and thought about the first Open House that was planned for that afternoon. "It's raining - probably nobody will come", "the market is down, it will probably take months to sell", and similar thoughts. AJ was concerned about strangers coming through the house, maybe touching his things, but he was more concerned about Gypsy getting out and he opted to stay outside with her for the 30 minutes of the open house He had asked Nicholas to stay in their room to keep an eye on their things. (Nicholas didn't though - he made friends with one of the children that came through and they ran around in the yard together.) I was looking forward to the open house being done, and hanging out with friends to watch a movie and enjoy the soup.

I had a practical and detached view of being in this house and was thinking that we would be here for months. I was not prepared for the emotions that came full steam to the forefront when 30 strangers came through my home. When I heard the estate agent telling a prospective buyer that the owner wants the house sold by 5th April, I had a little panic. As soon as everyone left, I broke out in tears. Then I left the house and took Gypsy for a walk. I thought about what was really going on inside of me:

- I'm not attached to the actual house, but I do love the life we have here.

- I don't want to move now, but we're going to have to. The house has been priced low enough that it should attract a quick sale. (maybe?)

- I don't know where we will go, Cary is leaving next month and may be gone for months. If I can turn the slight panic of uncertainty into adventure, I'll move through it with excitement rather than dread. It's a choice.

- I felt somewhat powerless when all of those people were in the house. I didn't want them there, but as it's not my house, and we didn't sign a lease, it was a gamble we took.

- I really don't like feeling powerless!

- The most important thing is that we as a family are together, and healthy, and joyful.

- I am still abundant and safe and I am grateful for this adventurous life!

- I need to stay balanced and present.

- I am grateful for the time that we have had here, the friends and family that have visited us in this house, for birthday and Christmas celebrations, for stories read and movies watched, for cookies baked and milestones reached, for birds and bugs and bats, for jasmine, mulberries and passionfruit, for lovely neighbours and a quiet street, for the daily life we have shared here, as a family. This house will be a symbol of this period of our family life, not for the bricks and tiles, but for the experiences we have had. Leaving here does not mean that those things stop. It just means that we continue them somewhere else. I will look back on photos of our time here, with a warm heart and a big smile, and much gratitude for this chapter.

and...

- I AM POWER-FULL!!!!

My boys...

2011-03-11T19:56:00.000+11:00

AJ started Tae Kwon Do last month and he loves it! He's often practicing his punches and kicks wherever we are - at home, at the beach, at the shops...he doesn't care, he just wants to. Even though he enjoyed doing basketball last year, this really seems to be his 'thing'. For now at least.

he's on the left in this pic below, on his first day, but with pretty good form already!

Nicholas has lost two teeth now, and loves visits from the tooth fairy! Actually, the boy is pretty bold - he'll just outright ask people for money "can you give me a dollar?" If they say no, he'll say "then how about thirty bucks?"...with a big grin on his face as though he just expects it.

Nicholas has taught himself how to swim. He was a comfortable swimmer in the shallow areas, as long as he could still touch the bottom, but last week he became confident in swimming in deep, dark water where he could not touch. He was swimming around with some friends (I was very close) and having such a good time that he didn't realise that he was in so deep at first, but when he did he said "hey mum...I can swim now!" Yes...yes you can...you can do anything!

unexpected turn

2011-03-10T06:57:00.001+11:00

Just as I settled into accepting that we were not getting out of our house in April to go traveling, and felt comfortable with the idea of staying in the house for at least several months beyond that....shift happens! I had plans for the extra things I was going to do in the house...looking forward to the cooler weather coming up and doing more baking and crafts. We moved things around and the house was feeling really good and more settled. Ha! We found out late yesterday that the house we are renting is going on the market for sale. As we are on a week-to-week lease now, that gives a lot of uncertainty. When we first got the news, Cary and I laughed at how delightful the Universe can be! Maybe we are actually meant to go traveling after all! We both felt incredibly calm, knowing that things were unfolding exactly as they are meant to. We felt the alignment and knew it would all be good.

As I tried to sleep last night, I found myself awake at 2:30am thinking of all of the little tasks involved with getting out of the house. I'm glad I didn't start working on the vege garden again as I had planned on doing. I'm glad we have already downsized somewhat, and I had already partly packed some boxes to go into storage. I'm really glad we decided to keep Gypsy...that little dog is definitely a part of the family. Several months ago we had been thinking that it may be kinder to rehome her instead of trying to travel with her. Our biggest concern was leaving her stuck inside the camper on days when we couldn't take her with us somewhere, or the lack of a backyard for her to run freely and having to have her tied up outside. We are working on training her so that life will be easier for her and us. We adore her....and think we gave her the right name to be a traveling doggy!

So many other details to consider...

Ahhh...Trusting...Breathing....trying to not let my head take over and steal the Joy of the unfolding adventure.

Feeling gooooood....

2011-03-04T22:18:00.001+11:00

It's 9pm. I've been up since 6am. I have been going all day and I still feel as though I have energy! I haven't felt like this for a long time. I feel excited and creative and inspired and joyful as I move through this day. I've rearranged the boys room, cooked three meals from scratch, including trying a new recipe for yamburgers (so yum!), played with the kids, gone grocery shopping, paid bills etc. I know that the additional exercise I've been doing over the past month has helped greatly with my energy levels. I feel stronger physically and mentally.

I think I'm also still on a high from our great day out yesterday with our local Natural Learners group. Seven families with a total of 21 kids, ranging in age from 1-15, playing beautifully together for 6 hours or more. I love this tribe! I love the wide range of topics in the conversations the parents have! So inspiring!

I'm excited about the little project I'm working on, and I'm really excited to have energy to live so joyfully!

new old projects

2011-03-01T21:47:00.000+11:00

As I was working through the box of papers that I spoke about in my last post, I had the realisation that these things are very similar to the books I had. I had been able to release a lot of my books by understanding that I didn't need to hold onto them...any lessons in them that I thought I "needed", would come to me when I was ready, perhaps in a totally different form. I was totally prepared to recycle most of the papers. Somehow these seemed a little more personal than books though, because they were things that had come through me, or to me at specific times in my life. Still, I was okay with releasing most of it.

I'm glad I took the time to sort through it. I found some common themes through looking at it all, and felt inspired to work on some of my internet ideas. Probably half of the papers went into the recycling bin, but the rest will jumpstart the projects that have been on a very slow simmer for quite a few years. I was also thrilled to find some letters, cards and emails from some people who have been very special in my life over the years and it was so wonderful to read their words again. I was also able to see how I have evolved ...quotes and affirmations that helped me to get to the next step on this journey. I really have come a loooooong way!!

I'm excited to get back to work on those old projects. I have a fresh take on how they might look, but I also know that they will take on a life of their own and evolve in maybe a slightly different direction to what I have in mind right now. Kind of like how my own life has turned out!

shifting stuff...

2011-02-25T22:17:00.001+11:00

I feel like I've spent the last couple of months just moving stuff around. Physical 'stuff'. We're packing and moving back to the USA...hang on, let's stay here a bit longer...let's go on the road now...let's wait...argh! Breathing deeply...
I don't know where we'll be in six months, but I do know that we are right here right now.

We've moved stuff around in the house, we've gotten rid of stuff, we've packed things up to go into storage, and we've taken some of those things back out again so that we can use them. It feels as though a lot of my extra time that isn't busy with taking care of the family, or going to the gym, has been spent shifting stuff around. (Actually I have been taking a little time out to draw or watch a movie or read a couple of paragraphs of a book.)

I think I'm almost finished shifting stuff, for now anyway. I'm at a point where I'm sorting through papers. I have a file box full of paper...it just look like nothing, but written on all of those papers are hundreds of quotes I've been collecting since I was a teenager, ideas I've had for businesses, personal goals, breakthroughs, interesting articles that I thought I might use to put on some of the websites I've never built. I've had a brief look through some of it, but it's brought up some other stuff inside of me that I guess I'm meant to shift.

I've been thinking about time lost and if it's possible to re-live good things in our life. I heard a song that I remember hearing as a young teen. I remember listening to that, longing to be older and 'free' and being out there, living my own life. When I heard that same song today, I had a slight longing to be younger again, with so much excitement ahead. Are we ever satisfied? (I know..that's the ego.) I often think of the year we spent on the road. It was so wonderful for so many reasons! But could I capture that again? It would be different now...Summer is a teenager, a young woman and loves having her own space, AJ is fast approaching puberty and is loving his tae kwon do classes, Nicholas is wild and outgoing and loves spreading his lego out all over the floor. Are we ever able to relive those special times of our life? Should we? Or do we just cross them off the bucket list?

So the box of papers I have that is filled with my past, the longings I had for my future...what to do? Do they still have any meaning? Would I actually use them for something or look at them if I lived another 50 years? Or 20? What if I only had 2 years left? Would I be worried about scraps of paper? Do those quotes and things still have any meaning or are they like the school work that I have collected while designing my very own curriculum on this journey? They have been stepping stones to help me become who I am today.
A part of me wants to read every single thing. To get swept up in reminiscing, to see what I still find inspiring. Another part of me is ready to just let it all go. To burn it all and release it to the Universe. To move into greater acceptance of Who and Where I Am right now. Will I really do that? Hmm, I imagine it could be very liberating.

sandcastles...

2011-02-06T21:42:00.002+11:00

I haven't been blogging due to:
a) finally some decent summer weather and lots of play time at the beach or creek;
b) a surprise visit from my sister and niece;

c) reaching saturation point from packing and sorting and putting everything related to such tasks on hold in favour of more playtime;

d) painfully slow internet service;
e) all of the above.

If you guessed e), give yourself 100 points for whatever you want!

I will get around to downloading photos still hibernating in different devices for the past 4+ weeks, but in the meantime, check out the sandcastle below!

and this knight..

Here AJ is standing next to the knight sculpture, the castle next to it was made the day before and is half washed away. The man that does these spends a week at a holiday apartment on the beachfront every year and spends every day building a new sculpture. The conditions were not great this year due to so much rain, so I only saw these two done.

Washed up on the beach:

In other news, Summer and I have joined the local pool / gym. My home fitness plan has not been as effective as I would have liked. I am really stoked about getting back into a gym! We've already been just to swim laps, but this coming week we're going to hit the weight room and a bunch of different classes as well. I stopped working as a Personal fitness trainer when I was pregnant with Summer and for 12 years my 'gym' was the 24/7 of lifting and carrying babies and little children, pushing strollers, piggybacks and all of the busy-ness that goes with life with young children. I am definitely in a different phase of my mothering career now. One that isn't so physically demanding. I need that though - I love having a strong body and challenging myself to push it a little more. I'm really looking forward to moving the weights and feeling my muscles come back to life. Like sculpting a beautiful sandcastle. I know it will take time, and I know that if I don't pay attention to it, it will slip away again. But the creation is going to be so fun!

Stuff & life...

2011-01-23T23:20:00.000+11:00

I wrote this ten days ago and didn't get finished because I've hardly been online at all in that time:

We've been watching the Australian flood news on the tv for the past few days. Floods that were as close as 1.5 hours from our house. The strength of the Aussie spirit came shining through, and the way the community has come together is just phenomenal. It is heartwarming to see people just go into the homes of strangers and help clean or take food and water or do whatever they can, and leave as friends. The news is calling it a 'citizens army'. I love the way Aussies come together in times of need. The general comments of the people affected are things like "I've got my family with me...there are other people worse off than me...we'll be right".

We have been going through our house, getting rid of stuff. We have the choice of doing this. Others did not. Some folk have lost every single material thing they had. We are donating a lot of our things to the flood victims. I feel better about donating things that can actually be used by those affected rather than donating money - ya just never know if it goes towards the first class travel of those in charge of the charity or foundation.

As I go through the stuff in our house, I wonder just how lightly I could move through life. I don't know if I could ever be like Peace Pilgrim, but I wonder how many boxes or suitcases it would take to hold the material things I choose to share my life with? It's like a personal challenge for me. Most of the things I'm putting in storage are photos and favourite kids things. I've managed to get all of my clothes into a medium sized suitcase. At the moment, my winter overcoat and my shoes are not included, but I'm sure they would fit in there if I unzipped the zipper that allows the case to expand.

added 23 January:

We have lightened the house a lot. There are still a lot of piles around the place as we sort through different areas, but we are seeing progress. We are taking time out every day to just enjoy our family and the beautiful weather we are now having - kayaking, swimming, and just playing...and being oh so grateful for every moment!

Here we go again...

2011-01-11T09:35:00.000+11:00

..I've done this before and it is much easier this time. But every now and again, I have to stop and process the changes. It's like I have a moment of doubt, or I get overwhelmed by the tasks ahead, or both. Yes, we are drastically downsizing (again!). An extended overseas trip is looking like the most probable path at this stage. We are decluttering with that goal in mind, so we are getting rid of a LOT of stuff. The piles around the house have stirred up the energy around here - we are all excited, but at times a little nervous or unsure or downright panicked! Underlying all of those things, it feels good to have such a massive clean up.

There are so many things that I am just not attached to in this house. When we did the big move from the USA to Australia over 4 years ago, I found it very hard to sort through my books. I had a six-shelf bookshelf full of books on parenting, nutrition, spirituality, natural health and healing. Going through those books was like trying to figure out who I really was as I had to pick just 10 books to bring with me. (We had decided not to ship the whole house and to stick to absolutely favourite things.) I almost felt like I was letting go of untapped parts of me as I let go of those books. I now see that as crazy as it actually freed me to discover a new dimension of JOY! I learned to trust myself more as the authority in my own life - not any author or 'guru'. I found that the books I had brought with me, I rarely even looked at! I was so busy with the adventure of life and discovering the new place and new parts of myself that I had to laugh at myself for being so attached to some books. That process helped me so much with questioning my attachment to things. Well, that and living on the road for a year - that sealed the lesson!

I still have some books, and some of the books that I had let go of in the USA actually came back to me here via op shops, or gifts. When I release my books this time, I know that the lessons that may be contained in those books for me, will come back to me if I need them. Maybe in a conversation, a bumper sticker, a quote on facebook or even the same book at a yard sale. Maybe I don't even need these books, but I will release them at the right time, in the right place for someone who does need them, and trust that they will find them.

It's not just books, but the other 'stuff'. My sister has kindly offered to store our photos and some favourite things at her home (thank you SO much Ros!), which makes packing and sorting so much easier. I know we'll be back to visit and the kids will have some favourite things here waiting for them to play with when they get here.

Our departure date is not set. We still have several months here at least. AJ has asked that we be back in the USA by 4th July as he wants to buy a lot of fireworks! Cary will be going back there in April, and the kids and I will probably do some traveling in Oz before we go. Many new adventures waiting for us!

A new year dawning...

2010-12-31T10:45:00.002+11:00

Tomorrow is the start of a new year, but it is also just another day. Something about putting up a new calender makes us want to recreate part of ourselves as well. It gives hope that this new year will be bigger and brighter, a chance to reflect on our ups and downs of the past year, and to learn and grow from those things. To set course for new goals, or to work harder on achieving existing goals. But do you really need to work "harder"? I have found that when I am able to maintain my balance, that my goals seem to happen effortlessly. Have you noticed that in your life? I'd love to hear from you.

I admit I'm not one for new years resolutions. I set goals for myself when I feel inspired to do so, not because of the date. Even if I was prone to new year goal setting, this coming year has so many possibilities that I am not going to try and limit them with specific goals. I am aiming to stay in tune with my deepest self, to be aware of the subtle (and not-so-subtle) signals that guide me along my path. When I think about where I may be this time next year (or even six months from now), I can honestly say "I don't know".

Getting to a point of being comfortable with the uncertainty has taken time, but adds an exciting element to life. It also helps me to live more fully in the present and milk the most from every moment. This morning I was walking along the beach and was aware of the velvet softness of the sand, the glitter of the sun on the gently forming waves, the feel of liquid silk as the water caressed my feet. Right now I hear the music of different birds an my soul is delighted. I feel light and free. I find that, in the appreciation of the natural beauty around me, wherever I am, and the joy of my family, wherever we are and whatever we are doing, I continue to feel light and free, as long as I stay rooted in the moment. I stay in balance. It's not "hard work", it flows naturally.

So tomorrow will be another day, but filled with many wonderful moments, just as every day is.

Romantic ideas?

2010-12-26T20:20:00.004+11:00

When I was 28 years old, I left Australia to spend some time with an American man I'd met when I was working on Hamilton Island in the tropics (who I later married). I didn't then know that I would be leaving my home country for over 12 years. I did have four trips back to Australia in that time, but they were only 30 days or less each time. I don't think I ever gave myself time to let go of the people, places, attachments and history that I had in Australia. Not that I think that is entirely necessary, but in order to fully embrace living in a foreign country, it would have been helpful if I could have lived more in the moment and less with a sense of longing for something else. The whole time I lived in the USA, I felt as though a part of me was somewhere else.

Being back in Australia for four years now, I see things through different eyes. Maybe I had only remembered things of my past from the perspective of that younger (less mature) version of me. Most of those people have changed, places have grown, attachments don't feel the same and history feels like it was someone else's. I have enjoyed visiting places I knew when I was younger, but it also feels good to keep moving. I have enjoyed reconnecting with old friends, and it has been fun to talk about old times, but then it is really sweet to return to my family, to what we have built together, to what is happening for us, right now. Those friends have their own lives now which is different to what we had once shared. I appreciate the new friends we have made. I have loved time spent with my extended family here, although it has been rare as everyone is so busy, and so spread out and petrol is so expensive to get anywhere. My history here feels vague, and I also am aware of the history we have in the USA. I finally feel as though I can let go of attachments and more fully embrace the present and the future, wherever I am.

The new year brings a list of possibilities for our family, which may involve travel and / or moving within Australia and / or overseas. At this stage, we just don't know. We do know that change is coming, and we are open to that and are exploring all of the different options. I think I may have had a romantic view in my head of what it would be like to live back in Australia. The reality is that it has been wonderful, and exciting, and challenging, and expensive and a huge learning experience. I have grown in many ways, but feel it is time to move on, even if it means going somewhere I have been before. The difference is that I feel different, and I feel more whole within myself and more peaceful and more able to enjoy the moment for what it actually is, instead of some romantic notion of something that was. I have a deep appreciation for this moment and all of the people and places and experiences that have brought me here. I Trust that things are unfolding as they should and I look forward to all of the adventures 2011 has to offer.

May your days be filled with love for your self, all of the people in your life, and every single moment.

Namaste

Our star...

2010-12-23T22:07:00.000+11:00

Our family has been enjoying going to our local New Thought center every week. I've been running a kids club there. We do some crafts, play games, read stories, and have fun. We've done vision boards and gratitude trees and performed songs like Shawn Gallaways 'I Choose Love'. Last Sunday we had a celebration of the season and I was asked to have the kids perform a Christmasy song. We had one week to talk about what we would do and put our own twist on it. We decided to do 'The 12 days of Christmas'.

Here is how we changed it to make it relevant to the nature of our area and the kids who helped to write it:

On the ___ day of Christmas, the Universe gave to us -

A star in the Southern sky

Two Peace doves

Three bananas

Four pretty flowers

Five golden beaches

Six happy friends

Seven colours of the rainbow

Eight wonders of the world

Nine songs for dancing

Ten butterflies

Eleven funny jokes

Twelve sunny days (well, maybe). (We've had so much rain!)

We had little props and actions for each 'day', and each of the kids got involved to the level of their comfort. On the 'Star in the Southern Sky', Nicholas held up a picture of a star that some of the kids had drawn and coloured...but he didn't just hold it up, he was very dramatic and expressive - so much so that the audience were cracking up and Nicholas pretty much stole the show. He is such a natural performer!

I wish I had some video of this - so funny!

It's official...

2010-12-15T09:32:00.000+11:00

..we have a teenager in our home!

Summer had a wonderful 13th birthday!

Wow...13 years...in just five years she will be an adult!?!?! I am so grateful for her...what a wonderful teacher and friend she is...what a sweet and generous and loving girl! I treasure every moment with my daughter!

Just another day...

2010-12-08T18:13:00.002+11:00

These are the kind of things that polka dot our days with joy...

Cary won a raffle for this box of goodies:

A couple of circus players came to our homeschool park day for a relaxed lesson with hoops and pois and twirling sticks and different kinds of juggling. Their slack line was a huge hit and in this pic, Nicholas is being helped along it by two of his friends:

We found this fun see-sawing thing that went around as well as up and down:

AJ learning how to crack a whip:

Bounty from the farmers market:

arty pineapple pic:

The green fruit is a sapote (chocolate pudding fruit) which actually taste nothing like chocolate, but the inside does look like chocolate pudding. They are yummy!

Silk dying with friends:

Free tickets to the pro basketball game:

Nicholas lost his first tooth!

AJ's basketball presentation:

Summer's birthday party:

Boys and Gypsy at the beach. They found a large hole that someone had dug and were laughing that Gypsy was in her own hot tub! Gypsy quite likes the water!

Nicholas drew this spiral on the beach. I love his little footprints around it:

The past few days...

2010-12-08T16:12:00.000+11:00

I have got to get some recent photos on here! Cary had a birthday, Summer had a birthday party (her actual bday is coming up fast), Nicholas lost his first tooth and it is so green here after a lot of rain.

After my last post, I had totally released the outcome of the camper. I knew what I wanted but was not attached to having that happen. And so, with that attitude, the camper situation actually settled...without futher drama. It was almost an anti-climax after so much turmoil. But it was sweet. Now we can move on.
We have the camper back in our driveway ...and it looks like we might sell it, not use it.

more growth..

2010-12-04T06:58:00.003+11:00

My dear Dad gently pointed out to me yesterday that I haven't blogged since 13 November. Yeah...I've been a little anti-social lately. My last post was concerned with some physical stuff. Right after I'd posted that, a whole bunch of mental stuff came up and I admit to struggling with processing it all. Some of you know that we've been dealing with a legal issue concerning a camper that we sold in August. The people that bought it changed their minds, but instead of saying that, they started claiming all kinds of things were wrong with the camper (which we knew they absolutely were not), they got different Government agencies onto us (we were cleared of everything), and they generally have been making life, well, a little challenging. The worst moment was when the man came to our house when Cary was overseas and was yelling at me and saying things that are not true. The worst thing about that was that the children were present and were scared. It took away some of the "safe place" that a home is meant to be and now we always make sure the front door is locked when we are home. We had offered to fix the things that the people claimed were not right with the camper (which we did not have to do), but then they would change their story of what it actually was they had a problem with. The constant threats and dark negativity from those people have been exhausting. I let the situation take over my life.

In recent weeks, the situation came to a head with an official mediation, which was a joke, followed by many phone calls and emails between us and their legal advisor (who just gave up after a while as they were so unreasonable, he told them he wouldn't help them anymore), and our solicitor. We offered to buy the camper back as it's a great camper and we would like to use it to do some long-term camping next year. We are still in the process of agreeing on terms of settlement. If we can't do that, then we will be going to court early next year. It has been upsetting to be on the defensive when we have done nothing wrong!

All along, we could see that these other people were in some kind of mental pain. We sent them peace energetically and we really wanted them to be happy. Using Law of Attraction, I felt and saw the outcome I desired. Coming to my house and threatening me I can deal with, but scaring my children is crossing the line. I have found it hard to think kindly towards these people after doing that, especially as we had offered to fix any problems (when we really didn't have to). Maybe their pain has been so deep, that they just don't know another way of dealing with life?

Cary and I have been bickering a lot due to the tension caused by this matter in our lives. We had different ideas on some of the points raised and the underlying causes. Before the mediation, we had the idea to go back on the road, and as we don't currently have a camper, we thought it would be win-win if we agreed to buy it back. We set numerous dates to settle the matter but there was always a last minute change. I felt as though I couldn't plan anything. I no longer knew if we were even going to get the camper back and be able to go traveling, or if we were going to be going to court. Then there was discussion about returning to the USA. With two birthdays and Christmas in December, I couldn't even think about what kinds of things to get as gifts if we were going to be downsizing or moving or who knew what other option may pop up?!

I started spiralling down. I was still trying to take care of my physical body, but it wasn't enough...my mind was in a spin. I thought things like "what have I done to attract these people into my life?", but then countered that with "what can I learn from this...what lessons are here for me?". The drama of it all was taking over and I was letting it steal my Joy. I came to realise several things:

* Compared to what some other people are facing in their lives right at this moment (or have faced in their lives) - death of a loved one (I was using a lot of leverage of myself so I focused on people I knew that had lost a child); serious illness; chronic pain; financial ruin - this whole situation was a mere nuisance. A little bump in the road. So I greatly downgraded it's importance.

* As a "sensitive" person, I had allowed the negativity from the other people to get to me. I usually go through life expecting the best from people, so I stay open to receiving that. However, in this case, I was also open to receiving the opposite of that, so I need to work on protecting myself energetically. That could also help me in crowded situations which tend to totally overwhelm me when I haven't prepared myself.

* These people, this situation, does not control me. I had given away some of my control, my power, when I let my days be guided by all of the phone calls and emails and trying to fit in with making new settlement plans. I reclaim my Power and take back control of my own life!

* I am safe.

* I am strong.

* I am grateful for every person and thing in my life as everyone who is in my life is here for a reason. Sometimes recognising that lessons don't always come in "nice" packages, has it's benefits as it gives us an opportunity to grow stronger in a new, maybe uncomfortable, way. So, I am grateful for these people, for the chance to explore confrontation (definitely not my strength previously...I've usually been the Peacemaker). I have grown stronger in that department and I'm sure that will filter into other areas of my life.

* I am grateful for the experience as it has opened our eyes to focusing on what is most important in our lives. There were times when we were so immersed in dealing with this situation, that we were not very kind to each other. We were in our own spaces in attempting to process this and find the solution that best fitted our own needs. Mine was Peace, and I admire Cary for standing up for what he knows is right and for refusing to be bullied, but our methods didn't always agree. He maintained "the good guys don't hide".

* I am also grateful for the opportunity to explore different options in the direction of our lives. Staying here, traveling, moving. Ultimately, the importance of flexibility is necessary for us.

* I am grateful for the lesson in detachment. Not just from things - I was excited when I thought we were getting the camper back..then we weren't ...then we were..then we weren't..argh!- , but from ideas too. I had to release the way that I wanted this to play out as it was just not working out that way. Doing so has allowed new ideas and possibilities to surface and swirl in our lives. Who says we can't have a base here AND travel AND spend time in the USA?!

* I am grateful for the lesson in TRUST. I've always believed that "everything I needed would be provided", though I have usually only accepted that in positive situations, not ones that could be percieved as 'negative'. However, I also know that God would not send me anything that I could not handle. So I am grateful for remembering that I am not alone and that All Is Well.

...I don't know how the story with the camper will end, but I do know that my approach to it now is calm and peaceful and loving. I have let go of fear and move forward with excitement in knowing that the Universe has provided a very interesting life for me! I have my Joy again!

Back into the light...

2010-11-13T07:43:00.000+11:00

A few days ago I wrote a blog entry that I did not post. It was written from a dark place that I had gotten myself trapped in (again!). Thankfully these episodes do not happen too frequently and I know that they do actually serve a purpose. They signal that my life is not in alignment with Who I Really Am and they give me the motivation (after some wallowing... no, that's not how I want to see it. How about..after some processing..) to climb out of the rut.

I think I only slip into those dark places when I've slowly let go of things I love to do. It's so easy to blame other people or forces for that. In my case I was partly blaming the weather for being too cold / wet / windy for getting out and riding or walking. I also got trapped into thinking that it was because my body is physically changing as I get a little older (hormones etc). In thinking about how I'm getting older, I feel like I actually look older. I thought I had been aging fairly gracefully, but this was like a sudden aging and it shocked me. I've been feeling very tired and my motivation to do anything much over the basics, went way down. Basically, I just have not been comfortable with myself and I stuffed those feelings down with extra food, and food that I don't usually eat. Food that I know does not serve me well or give me energy. Of course I put on weight so then I was a fat old lady in my mind. Not very empowering at all. I think doing the vision board recently got me thinking about how I really want to feel, which was good, but then I got stuck in thinking of all of the reasons why that might not happen. Self-sabotage at its finest.

I got to the point where I said "ENOUGH!". I have a lot of positive experience to call upon. Times when I felt fantastic and energetic, ranging in scale from a whole bunch more than I did at that low point, to times when I was bursting with energy all day. I called upon all of those and replayed those feelings over and over in my mind, feeling those sensations in my body, remembering that energy...and I reclaimed my vibrancy! The strength of my determination pulled me out of the quicksand and had me standing solidly on the rock of knowing what I need to do to manifest that in my body and my life. I know that just wanting it is not enough and I need to actually DO things - playful movement and fueling my body with what I know nourishes it the absolute best.

I am not expecting immediate results, although after just a couple of days, my energy level has come up and my body is responding with more efficiency. I am keeping in my mind the feelings of vibrant health that I have known in the past. I know that I don't have the added metabolic benefit of being pregnant and/or nursing (that I had for almost 13 years straight) and that my biggest hurdle will be my own mind. I'm up for the challenge! I have set a 4 week goal and am confident of achieving that.

Big clean up..

2010-11-10T11:27:00.002+11:00

A few weeks ago we had the "big clean-up" in this area - where the council sets a date to pick up all of the big rubbish people don't want but are too lazy to take to the dump. My kids would get so excited whenever they would see a pile of stuff on the side of the road. They made monkey noises and begged me to slow down so we could see if there was any "good junk" in there. The best thing we found was a large weber barbque. The grill needed a little scrubbing, but the rest of it was fine. Cary has enjoyed having an open grill to char mammal flesh on again! And the kids enjoyed roasting some marshmallows too!

The idea of a 'big clean up' rolled over into our house and we've been going through stuff to get rid of things we just don't want anymore and plan on having a garage sale as soon as we get a sunny Saturday. (Sooo much rain lately!) Nicholas wants to put "twenty bucks" on each of his toys that he wants to sell! I like this...I like the feeling of letting go of stuff I just don't use, or use so rarely it's not worth the space it takes up. It's one good thing about living in a small house...we just can't get too much stuff in here or it would just weigh us down. Living simply without (too much) clutter does take a conscious awareness to prevent it from getting out of control in the first place. It's helpful before any purchase (or trash pick) to think "do I really need this?" ... "will this make my life easier or more joyful?". It's so easy to get carried away by the thrill of the hunt..or the deal, which is exciting and fun. It's easy to let go of excess stuff when you are not attached to it. Use your stuff...enjoy it...but when it starts owning YOU, it's time to think about where you really want to place your attachments.

Happy Halloween!

2010-11-02T12:31:00.000+11:00

Halloween is getting to be more of a 'big thing' over here in Australia. Summer and AJ remember what a big deal it was when we lived in the USA, and it's still nowhere near that, but it is getting a little bigger every year. The big orange jack-o-lantern pumpkins are imported and more people are getting into carving them or using them as decorations...although they do cost about $20 EACH, so they are kind of rare to see around. Well, besides the price, it's the fact that it's almost summer time here so it's pretty warm during the day so they really don't last long. Anyway, the kids have been wound up about Halloween for months. I found it hard to get motivated to do much about it, but made an effort in the couple of days before. On Halloween day, we went to a street fair where all the kids held a snake:

and played games, and painted, and watched the lion dancers:

and AJ was chosen to go onstage and play a local-knowledge game - which he won!!!!:

He was SO thrilled!! He won prizes to some local fun places.

Gypsy didn't like being left for the day so she decided to dig a hole to China:

We went trick-or-treating in the evening and the kids got about 50 pieces of candy each. Which sounds like a lot, but by U.S. standards, it would be a tiny fraction. They are still grateful for what they got.

So now the kids are already planning for Halloween 2011!

Manifesting...

2010-10-25T08:00:00.003+11:00

My entire life I've had the feeling that 'Everything I needed would be provided'. Mostly as a kid I wanted freedom. I valued time exploring and creating - building cubby houses and playing games in the bush near our house, feeling the freedom of playing in the water of the creek or lake or beach near us. There were also some material things I wanted - candy / lollies which I always seemed to find a few coins for; a particular doll I wanted that I was given for Christmas; a pair of striped socks that I saw and loved and received soon after. I can't think of any thing that I had wanted as a child, that I did not receive. I think that is because my main focus was on feeling free and as long as I could fill myself up on that, which I did every day after school and most of the weekend, my life felt as though it was all it could be with the limitations I knew I had to live within at the time.

Looking back, I can see how my thoughts also attracted things I did not want. At school when the head nun came into the room, I would slink down in my chair thinking "please don't pick on me today"..which of course she did because I was so focused on her picking on me, rather than my thoughts centered in being safe.

As I reached my teens, I had a new focus - boys. When I set my sights on a guy, he would almost always become interested in me. It was a very powerful feeling!

Fast forward some years and I did start becoming much more aware of the connection between my thoughts and my reality. From my late teens I started reading inspiring books that spoke about that, but it took some time to really 'get' it. In recent years, the movie 'The Secret' has inspired a lot of people to learn about 'The Law of Attraction' (LOA). Maybe I should say 'remember' about LOA because I feel that it is something we do already know, we just forgot, or it got covered over with mainstream conditionings. You know...all of the rules and regulations that come with being a 'good' boy or girl.

I've been able to manifest a lot of things and people and experiences that I have desired in my life...I had the desire, and then released my attachment to that desire and life has flowed to me. Sometimes I've felt stuck and frustrated that something is not happening, or not happening quickly enough...then I've realised that I am too attached to that and maybe, there will be a more magnificent expression of that desire show up. Like the time when we had packed up the house and were loading the truck to move to Sedona...yay, finally getting out of Las Vegas!...when suddenly the business deal we were moving there for, fell apart. I felt sick and allowed myself to wallow in that for a couple of days before deciding that there must be a good reason. Several months later we were packing to move to Australia!!

I want my children to remember how powerful they are...how they can manifest things and people and experiences by the way they use their thoughts. So we played with making Vision Boards. (When you get a piece of cardboard or paper or a corkboard or some kind of flat surface, and attach pictures of things you want to have, do or be.) We went to the op shop and got a big pile of assorted magazines and started tearing or cutting out anything that just spoke to us, we didn't have to figure out why. We also used some catalogues from various stores that we had collected. Once we had a big pile of pictures and words, we sorted through those to find the ones that spoke to us the most. I thought this would be a pretty easy exercise, mostly for the kids...but I really got into it! I immersed myself in it and enjoyed making a picture of what is important in my life.

Summer has a few pictures of places she'd like to travel to, a phone she'd like, some fashion items, a picture of some money and the words Harmony, Healing, Happiness, Confidence, Power, Sunshine and 'The Power of Positive Thinking'. AJ is still working on his big pile. Nicholas pasted several pictures of young boys in stylish clothes, boys shoes, some lego and a couple of other toys, and three pictures of guys surfing. He has been saying for months that he wants a surfboard and wants to learn how to surf. ...It's big clean-up time around here at the moment and people have been putting all of their big rubbish next to the gutters for collection. Walking home from the beach the other day, we found TWO surfboards in a throw-out pile! Powerful stuff!

My own vision board:

Most things I already have, a few I'd like to add into my life - more yoga and gardening, a newer car and some places I'd like to travel to and to 'feel amazing'. Looking at this many times a day (I taped it to my kitchen window), I know that I am already working on attracting those things into my life. Seeing the words of the things I already have, like Family and Magical Kids, just reminds of of how much I appreciate those things. Seeing some of the other pictures and words like Play and Flowing help me to remember to maintain and grow those aspects of myself. The picture in the bottom right hand side is of a lady who had lost a leg in a car accident and had survived breast cancer. Peggy Leggit sent over the trike and camper from the UK and came over here to travel around Australia, towing the tiny camper behind her. To me, she symbolised courage and freedom and determination and living a full life. And for me, that's what it's all about!

Random..

2010-10-24T09:53:00.001+11:00

Obviously I haven't blogged for a while. Cary was away for 45 days, which were days that were full of highs and a few lows and an unexpected growth in my confidence in handling conflict and difficult situations. Seeing...Feeling...Knowing..that I am whole and safe..and that by staying centered in that awareness, then I can calmly stand my ground in an assertive and compassionate manner. I Know ..deeply.. that All Is Well, I see myself as a part of Something Wonderful, that goes beyond this material moment. Past breakdowns have led to breakthroughs and I am in a very contented place.

Our days have been full... being together as a family, going to the beach, finding treasures at the op shops, cool hats for the boys:

..hanging out with friends..

(yep, they are on top of the roof!)

...and all of the other things that make up our lives...including playing with Gypsy, who is now 7 months old and such a fun part of the family. Life is full, and so good!

Insight..

2010-09-27T10:44:00.000+10:00

I opened up an email with the subject line "Personal Development Insights #27"....and the content was blank. I laughed and thought how appropriate it was! I was expecting another long, wordy email sprinkled with cliches and anecdotes. But, due to a little glitch in my server at the time, I got a blank email. It reminded me that the only 'Personal Development Insight' will not be found in someone else's words, but in my own life. Of course, I knew that...it's just so fun to be reminded of it with little gifts from the Universe, even over the internet.

The original email did eventually appear another time when I was scrolling through my inbox....but I didn't read it, I just smiled and remembered how strong I am.

Post Conference Glow..

2010-09-10T21:32:00.000+10:00

I am still in such a happy place after the conference! I feel so full of gratitude and peace and love. I just love hanging out with other families who value connection with each other and respect for all. I love that they see as much value in a conversation with a 5 year old as with an adult.

I know I keep blogging about how much I love it here in this area...I feel like I can't say it enough....sometimes I feel like I'm bursting with joy!

I came across a few other recent photos I thought I'd share...

Summer walking a labyrinth we drew on the sand. She has some trekking poles with her as we've been experimenting with pole / nordic walking. The poles came in handy to draw the labyrinth and they actually do help give a better workout during a walk. I guess it's a little like cross-country skiing without the snow.

The view from my hammock.

Nicholas and his girlfriend, hanging out enjoying a snack. She is 2.5 years older than him and the reason he gave up nursing last year. He declared that he was old enough for a girlfriend, therefore he was too old for "oobie".

Unschooling Conference...

2010-09-09T21:23:00.006+10:00

Wow...what an amazing 5 days!

The first Australian Unschooling Conference was held 1/2 mile from our house at the Tourist park that we used to camp at. Over 100 free spirited families gathered together to share ideas and build community.

The talks happened in a large marquee with other large tents for kids activities and one for teens. Dayna Martin was a featured speaker..she is here with her family and it's nice having another family from the USA to hang out with for a while. People who we get and who get us when they or we are talking about life in the USA. And they are just such a fun and loving family that it is an absolute joy to get to know them all better. There were other speakers covering different angles of unschooling, non-violent communication, highly sensitive people, a kids panel, a grandmother, and a family in their second generation of Natural Learning, with 5 out of their 6 children living in their own homes on the family farm.

"Free to Live, Free to Learn, Free to Be Me"

There was a ton of fun things for the kids to do including facepainting (Summer loved to help with that), a treasure hunt (held in the evening when they hunted for glow-sticks), volleyball, swimming, a blacksmithing workshop, clay, dance, music, henna, games, beading, a family bush dance, and a talent show.

AJ showed his confidence and comedy as he did a magic act for the group, with a little help from his new friend Tiffany.

This Dad and his son had one of the best seats in the house to view the talks!

Post conference ... kids hanging out on the edge of the creek.
I'm glad that there are quite a few families hanging around for some extra time to chill and share and bask in the community that was built. It helps to process some of the points raised during the conference and to keep the connection going for as long as possible.

I enjoyed the main talks, but I got as much or more out of the couple of micro sessions I attended with small groups. Throughout it all, there was such a strong feeling of acceptance and joy and support and encouragement and love.

I feel so blessed to have such strong, committed support groups around me, and to have made some beautiful new friends from other areas in Australia and New Zealand. I live in this amazing area. My family is happy and free. My cup is full!

A few recent activities...

2010-09-09T18:44:00.001+10:00

We seem to have been super busy lately, and I've been rather slack about posting photos. Cary is back in the USA at the moment for a month or so. I don't know if that will give me more or less time to catch up on this kind of thing. Anyway...

Kids and Gypsy at the beach. Gypsy loves the beach! Especially chasing seagulls and digging, and meeting other doggies.

I love having this so close to us!

One of the local homeschool groups we are in holds a sports day once a year. The kids were thrilled to participate and win some little medals:

That same group also has a monthly activity at the local PCYC when the kids can try a variety of sports.

Nicholas and his buddy had a great time with the boxing!

I do have to mention the outfit that Nicholas is wearing. He wore that same outfit for two months straight. He did sometimes agree to wear pj's to bed so that I could wash his clothes and have them ready for him the next day. When we went to the beach he would sometimes put some shorts on so that he didn't get sandy pockets in his favourite jeans. There was another shirt he wore for the first month (a hooded sweatshirt usually worn with the hood up, as in the pic at the top right hand side of this blog) before switching to the bony one. When he started out, the jeans were like new. Slowly the holes appeared in the knees but it didn't phase him one bit. It was only when the bum started wearing out that he decided to retire them. There was no way he was showing his butt to the world!

Our local group held a felting day and we all made wet felted water bottle holders. I will aim to remember to get some photos of the finished products. It was so neat to hang out and do craft with a big bunch of friends. We held the activity at one of the local parks so we had the use of the picnic shelter and running water and the kids that didn't want to participate, or that wanted a break in between all of the rubbing and rolling, could go off and play.

What the heck is it all about? (& a turnaround)

2010-08-29T06:27:00.001+10:00

Really....why are we all here? If we were all created by some higher intelligence / force / spirit...what on earth did they have in mind as the purpose of all of this? Why is there war and greed and everything negative? I do believe in a Greater Power, I just am at a total loss to understand..well,...life.

There is a lot of talk of how we are heading for a Golden Age, where more people will be enlightened and the world will be more harmonious. Well...why wasn't the world created like that to start with?!

All of the suffering, and challenges...are they all here to offer us contrast? To make us appreciate the goodness in our lives? Is that really necessary? If 'God' is so compassionate, WHY does s/he let so many bad things happen?

Where is the justice and the logic in loving caring people who cannot have a baby and the drug-addict mother who can't stop having babies?

I've heard all of the cases...We don't need to understand, we just have to accept and have faith and believe that there is a greater purpose to all of this...that Suffering is a normal part of the human experience. I don't want to listen to another 'spiritual author' just trying to sell their own books and products which are usually just a rehash of other peoples insights anyway. How many of them actually want to help others and how many just want to cash in on the questioning and suffering?

(several days later...)
.... I don't know the answers. Maybe that's ok. If I keep dwelling on that, I create a downward, dark spiral within myself. That is not my true nature. I feel the most in alignment when I am seeing the light, the positive in life. I don't need a lot of contrast in my life...I've had enough to know that the dark side is not where I want to be. Focusing on the big 'why' of life had me somewhat paralysed ... I felt that I could not move forward, and at the time, I did not want to.

I spent some time surrounded by nature. Not expecting anything, just open to letting these recent thoughts mull around within me...I was a little surprised when I started to feel lighter...when a Knowing came to me that no matter what happens, I will still Be. The judgement of 'good' or 'bad' was up to me. I could focus on all of the chaos that seems to be swirling lately, gathering momentum in the lives of so many people that I know. Or, I could focus on the place within where I feel like I'm working with the Universe - where I feel Joy just by being my true self. Nothing grandiose, just simply and quietly stating my truth, seeing the absolute best in people, aiming to not judge but to live showing kindness and love and compassion to others and myself.

My focus is to inspire myself to live this lightness more fully. To not be so concerned with the things I cannot change, and to not contribute to the things I do not like in the world. Even in little ways like statements of judgement of people or situations. That doesn't serve anyone. Perhaps my ego gets a little comfort stroke from that, but it does not bring me alignment with my truth. Along the way, if I inspire anyone else, well that is just a bonus.

With great joy and gratitude for all that is...

Simple Living challenge...

2010-08-26T16:29:00.000+10:00

Have you seen this website: http://sixitemsorless.com/ ? Here is their experiment, their challenge if you will:

What do our clothes say about us? Why do spend so much time on what we wear? What happens when we don’t?

Starting Monday, June 21st 2010, a group of people from California to Dubai are going to take part in a little experiment: each participant gets to choose six (and only six) items of clothing and pledge to wear only these six items of clothing for a month. They’ll share their experiences here at sixitemsorless.com

There are exceptions that don’t count towards the six: undergarments, swim wear, work-out clothes, work uniforms, outer jackets (rain slicker, outdoor jacket), shoes and accessories. You can get multiples of the same item for laundry purposes, but different colors count as separate items. Or you can tell us to stuff it and make your own rules.

People have asked what the philosophy is behind the experiment and most assume it’s a statement about consumerism. In reality, we haven’t dictated a driving thought. Rather it’s about putting a challenge out there and seeing what people bring to it, do with it and talk about.

This challenge totally appeals to my love of simple living! There is a new round starting soon online, but you obviously can do your own thing anytime. I thought of the clothes in my closet, all keen to get in and choose 6 things....then I realised that I already do close to that. I have two favourite pairs of jeans, and pair of black yoga pants, and three favourite long sleeved tshirts that I have been spending most days in for the past few months.

So why do I have extra clothes? I think it's the 'maybe' factor. You know...maybe one day I'll want to wear that...maybe one day it will fit me again....maybe one day I'll want to try a new combination. But I don't. I do like the idea of consciously choosing to give away the clothes that don't fit and that I really don't totally love and just leaving 6 basic items. I can see doing this times 3 - having a winter set, a spring / fall set, and a summer set. ...I know what I'll be doing within the next few days.

I heard of another challenge where a couple decided to live with 100 items each...including the house, car, dishes, books etc. Hmm....

I think we do live fairly simply, but we definitely have acquired a bunch of stuff since getting off the road and back into a house...I think 2 years ago now. I can't believe how time is flying by.

Feeling grateful...

2010-08-24T14:55:00.001+10:00

There's nothing like passing an overturned car surrounded by emergency equipment on the motorway to give a renewed appreciation for my life.

I've been in a low place lately, and just as I started coming out of it, I passed the accident which was like the final shake I needed to get over myself.

So I thought I'd take this opportunity to think about some of the things I'm most grateful for.

I'm grateful for...

- three healthy, strong, loud, vibrant, amazing, children that everyday teach me more about unconditional love and patience and joy.

- my relationship to Cary who has been able to show me the high road during some recent challenges; who moved half way around the world to start a new life in a land where the business rules are very different to what he knew, just to fulfill my dream of moving back here near the beach.

- my body which may not be exactly how I would like it right now, but it is not in pain, and it has done some truly amazing things, including giving birth naturally three times.

- my extended family who loves me even though they don't always understand or agree with my choices.

- my friends who are quick to give a hug or a shoulder and just some good companionship that comes with sharing similar lifestyle choices.

- the magnificent ocean and the joy and fulfillment that it gives me almost every day as I walk along the shore and play in its water.

- the local birds and their songs that bring me pure delight.

- the bushland and it's mysteries and familiarity and noises.

- the food we have to eat, clothes to wear, a warm home, tools to make life easier and entertaining (computer, iphones, etc)

- music and movement.

- opportunities to grow and stretch myself, uncomfortable as they may be.

- experiences to try many different things and people and places in my life.

- and mostly, thanks to this very breath that keeps me going here.

...What are you grateful for right now?

Food and us

2010-08-13T08:09:00.004+10:00

I don't know if you caught the link to this on my sidebar (under Favourite Blogs and The Fresh Network) recently:

http://fresh-network.typepad.com/fresh_network_blog/2010/07/what-do-you-think-of-the-weston-price-foundations-dietary-recommendations.html#more

I have quite a few friends that follow, and are rather passionate about, the Weston Price diet and the cookbook associated with that - 'Nourishing Traditions'. I admit to owning that cookbook but frankly only use it for the information in it is that relating to the preparation and cooking of grains. The high fat and meat content of the rest of the philosophy just does not resonate with me.

I think that's a big thing - if something resonates with you. When you just 'know' that something is right for you. Not just by the mental concepts and physical research, but the inner "yes" that speaks to you on a deeper, soul level of just knowing if something will work for you, or not.

I think different diets work for different people. I do not like it when I'm told that "this is the right way...this is the best way for everyone to eat....you should only be doing this". If something works for you, I'm honestly happy for you. But don't try and tell me that I need to change what I'm doing. I'm not going to tell you to give up meat, so don't tell me I need to eat it.

I've been vegetarian for 16 years, mostly vegan.
I had a blood two weeks ago. When going veg, many people are told to take vitamin B12 supplements. I never have (apart from multi vitamins during pregnancy) and my test showed my B12 to be in the excellent range. My iron and a couple of hormones were a bit low though. The combination of the deficiencies though has been leaving me feeling lethargic and very low in motivation for much at all. It's good to know because I'm not driving myself to work out every single day at the moment. I'm taking time out to lie in the hammock in the sun and let my body rest.

Summer and Cary also had blood tests. It turns out that Summer has Insulin Resistance (pre-diabetes). Part of our 'unschooling' has also been allowing the children to determine what food they would like to eat, and when, and how much. The thought behind that is that they will self-regulate and get all of the nutrients they actually need. It works great with the boys. It does not work with Summer. I have often thought that there was 'something' going on with Summer, and at different times, after discussion with different health 'professionals', and with Summers agreement, we've tried gluten-free foods, and other slight changes in the foods that Summer ate. After giving her the majority of the choice in what she ate, and watching her health deteriorate a little more as time passed, we have to make some big changes in what Summer eats and when. We have to help her own this new way in order to help her health for the rest of her life. Diabetes has a strong presence in Cary's side of the family. Summer has obviously inherited that tendency. Cary tests show that he also has Insulin Resistance, though not as extremely as Summer.

...update, we went for more tests last week and my iron is now in the 'normal' range. The only thing I did differently was to add 1 tablespoon of blackstrap molasses into my daily diet.

Community, TV, unschooling

2010-08-10T07:43:00.006+10:00

How many homes have you been to where the furniture in the living room is arranged so that everyone has the best view of the television?

I remember a time when living rooms were arranged so that people could actually look at each other and talk together. (yes, I am that old.)

As I was growing up, we had pretty strict limits on watching the TV. We only had four channels, and there wasn't a whole lot on anyway. We never watched it after school - we always shined our shoes, did our homework and went outside to play in the bush or at the creek or riding our bikes. During school holidays, we sometimes watched the 'midday movie' if we were at home, our favourites were the musicals which we would then sing all afternoon, and even longer. I still remember the silly song (which became a family favourite) from "A Connecticut Yankee in King Arthur's Court" with Bing Crosby ..."I'm busy doing nothing working the whole day through...trying to find lots of things not to do...I'm busy going nowhere, isn't it such a crime...I'd like to be unhappy but.........I never do have the time....la la la la....". On the weekends, we maybe watched a couple of shows or a movie, but TV wasn't really a big part of our lives.

As we got older, we watched a little more, but not much. We always preferred swimming or playing snooker or cards or games or going for a bushwalk or to the beach...you get the idea.

Human beings were not designed to live alone. But so many have turned to the TV for a sense of community. We feel like we belong to the Hannah Montana tribe and the Survivor tribe and the True Blood tribe (etc) and, for brief periods, we get to live in another world, we get caught up in their dramas, we take on the way these people speak and act. The 'stars' of these shows are treated like little gods, paid enormous amounts of money and people spend hours dreaming about them, and try to dress like them and we lose our own individuality.

When one show ends, we skip over to another tribe. How many years of a persons life is used up just randomly skipping around, looking for something to satisfy, complaining that there is "nothing on", but not able to just turn it off and DO something that might satisfy that need for connection with self and other real live people?

I am talking about myself here too. I have not always had a community around me where my kids could feel a part of, people that they could spend hours playing and exploring and working with, and that I have used that big box as a babysitter. It does not feel 'right' to me. A lot of the 'kids' shows show behaviours that I know are not natural to my own children, but they imitate anyway. They disrupt the harmony in our home.

We live what a lot of people would call 'unschooling' in that we do not follow a strict curriculum. I prefer to call it 'living', or if you need a label - natural learning, life learning, self-designed living. A lot of unschoolers have no limits on media, food, and pretty much everything their children do. And I understand why they do that and the incredible Trust that allows them to do that. However, I don't think it works for everyone.

We have one main TV and another small one that is only connected to the playstation. We have two computers. And five people. We aim to consider everyone's needs, so we can't all have unlimited time on the computer or with the TV.

I like a couple of shows on TV, like "Glee" and "Doctor Who". Also, shows about travel, nature and science. I like hanging out and watching a movie or two, especially if it's raining outside. I just don't like the TV on all day. It disrupts MY harmony and I'm a valued member of this family as much as anyone else so I deserve to have my needs taken into account also.

When I met Cary, I was surprised at how much TV he watched. It was rather foreign to the way I'd lived. I chose to accept that about him. It's kind of funny that he doesn't really like watching it much at all now. He appreciates spending time with the family connecting, playing, chatting, doing things together, and spending time pursuing other interests he has.

I understand that 'Radical Unschoolers' would state that they see the value in everything their child wants to do, even if that is watching TV every waking moment for days, weeks or months. If that works for them, that's great. I'm not trying to RU. My priority is creating a home, a life, where we all have our needs considered, even if they do not get met right away. Where the focus is on connection and harmony and Joy and living OUR lives, deeply and fully.

There's so much more to life than being 'programmed' by others...that is why they call them 'programs' isn't it? My goal is to leave the box turned off much more than it has been, to live more in our own reality show, one that is unedited and absolutely authentic.

Tribal Dancing...

2010-08-01T09:36:00.006+10:00

The kids and I went to a Tribal Dance at the eco-village last weekend. We were guided to express ourselves physically within our own comfort zones and ability. It was a place of non-judgement, only acceptance and finding our own Truth. Our energy was gradually getting higher and faster until we were all sweating and out of our minds (some more than others) and back to our senses.

We moved as individuals, then as a group...creating community, a tribe if only for a short time, but perhaps taking that feeling out into the wider community in which we live, remembering that we are all connected. (Until we forget again).

After the dancing, we were guided into meditation...to a place where we were encouraged to get in touch with our Truth as it was alive for us right then. I had a hand resting on my solar plexus and felt my strength...I mean, really felt it. I felt my courage and power. I felt my guiding forces of Peace and Joy and Love. I felt a deepened acceptance of myself in this phase of my life. More gratitude for the different colours of gold and silver in my hair, a softening of the lines on my face. I felt deeply in touch with my true self and very very content.

Delicious Simplicity...

2010-07-30T09:04:00.002+10:00

Ah the simple joys just keep on rolling...

This week we rode our bikes to a local playground to meet up with a homeschooling group that we'd never met with before. We were delighted that there were lots of older kids in the group and Summer made a new friend which she was thrilled about. The other groups we go to seem to have more older boys than girls. She doesn't mind playing with the boys, but it is nice for her to have a girl for a friend too.

On the way home, it started raining a little bit. We only had about a mile to go so we kept on going. I could have thought "oh no..we're all going to get wet...it might be slippery...will the kids be ok?". But I didn't. I saw my jeans getting darker as the big fat raindrops coloured them...and all I could feel was JOY! I whooped and laughed at how delicious it felt to be in the fairly warm rain, riding our bikes, feeling free! The kids picked up on that and started laughing with delight too.

We went home and got into some warm clothes. For me, I got into my pyjamas. AJ wanted to go to the library so we went. Yep, I went to the library in my pj's. Mind you, to the outside observer, they probably looked like yoga clothes, except that I usually wear a bra to yoga. Again, I felt a sense of freedom, of really just not caring what anyone else thought. And that freedom of self is absolutely delicious!

A visit to a friend...

2010-07-28T10:53:00.003+10:00

This majestic view is what my friend and her family gets to look at every day. The photo does not do it justice at all. It was so easy to feel peaceful and grounded and grateful there. A part of something truly magnificent, connected to Mother Earth and just a small, but important part of Every Living Thing.

This was a special playdate, a rare time with just Nicholas and I out together visiting new friends. While us Mums drank tea, Nicholas and his friend climbed trees and dug in the dirt and played with the chickens who were freely wandering around the 7 acre property. I was so pleased that we went and had a chance to deepen our connection to these gentle friends.

On the way home, we stopped at a roadside produce stand and stocked up on bananas, avocados, tomatoes, and one of the best pineapples I've ever eaten. There are quite a few of these kind of roadside stands with honesty boxes in the area. I really liked this one that was converted from an old jeep:

And the view through the window...

...which reminded me of life and death and the passing of time and how nature just keeps on going...

Valedictorian Speech

2010-07-22T03:21:00.003+10:00

(The following was read as the valedictorian' s speech at
Coxsackie-Athens High School in recent weeks, creating quite a stir
among administrators, to great applause from students and many of their
parents)

There is a story of a young, but earnest Zen student who approached his
teacher, and asked the Master: "If I work very hard and diligently, how
long will it take for me to find Zen?" The Master thought about this,
then replied, "Ten years . ." (The student then said, "But what if I
work very, very hard and really apply myself to learn fast - How long
then?" Replied the Master, "Well, twenty years." "But, if I really,
really work at it, how long then?" asked the student. "Thirty years,"
replied the Master. "But, I do not understand," said the disappointed
student. "At each time that I say I will work harder, you say it will
take me longer. Why do you say that?" (Replied the Master, "When you
have one eye on the goal, you only have one eye on the path."

This is the dilemma I've faced within the American education system. We
are so focused on a goal, whether it be passing a test, or graduating as
first in the class. However, in this way, we do not really learn. We do
whatever it takes to achieve our original objective.

Some of you may be thinking, "Well, if you pass a test, or become
valedictorian, didn't you learn something? Well, yes, you learned
something, but not all that you could have. Perhaps, you only learned
how to memorize names, places, and dates to later on forget in order to
clear your mind for the next test. School is not all that it can be.
Right now, it is a place for most people to determine that their goal is
to get out as soon as possible.

I am now accomplishing that goal. I am graduating. I should look at this
as a positive experience, especially being at the top of my class.
However, in retrospect, I cannot say that I am any more intelligent than
my peers. I can attest that I am only the best at doing what I am told
and working the system. Yet, here I stand, and I am supposed to be proud
that I have completed this period of indoctrination. I will leave in
the fall to go on to the next phase expected of me, in order to receive
a paper document that certifies that I am capable of work. But I
contest that I am a human being, a thinker, an adventurer - not a
worker. A worker is someone who is trapped within repetition - a slave
of the system set up before him. But now, I have successfully shown
that I was the best slave. I did what I was told to the extreme. While
others sat in class and doodled to later become great artists, I sat in
class to take notes and become a great test-taker. While others would
come to class without their homework done because they were reading
about an interest of theirs, I never missed an assignment. While others
were creating music and writing lyrics, I decided to do extra credit,
even though I never needed it. So, I wonder, why did I even want this
position? Sure, I earned it, but what will come of it? When I leave
educational institutionalism, will I be successful or forever lost? I
have no clue about what I want to do with my life; I have no interests
because I saw every subject of study as work, and I excelled at every
subject just for the purpose of excelling, not learning.

John Taylor Gatto, a retired school teacher and activist critical of
compulsory schooling, asserts, "We could encourage the best qualities of
youthfulness - curiosity, adventure, resilience, the capacity for
surprising insight simply by being more flexible about time, texts, and
tests, by introducing kids into truly competent adults, and by giving
each student what autonomy he or she needs in order to take a risk every
now and then. But we don't do that." Between these cinderblock walls,
we are all expected to be the same. We are trained to ace every
standardized test, and those who deviate and see light through a
different lens are worthless to the scheme of public education, and
therefore viewed with contempt.
H. L. Mencken wrote in The American Mercury for April 1924 that the aim
of public education is not to fill the young of the species with
knowledge and awaken their intelligence. ... Nothing could be further
from the truth. The aim ... is simply to reduce as many individuals as
possible to the same safe level, to breed and train a standardized
citizenry, to put down dissent and originality. That is its aim in the
United States. (Gatto)

To illustrate this idea, doesn't it perturb you to learn about the idea
of "critical thinking." Is there really such a thing as "uncritically
thinking?" To think is to process information in order to form an
opinion. But if we are not critical when processing this information,
are we really thinking? Or are we mindlessly accepting other opinions as
truth?

This was happening to me, and if it wasn't for the rare occurrence of an
avant-garde tenth grade English teacher, Donna Bryan, who allowed me to
open my mind and ask questions before accepting textbook doctrine, I
would have been doomed. I am now enlightened, but my mind still feels
disabled. I must retrain myself and constantly remember how insane this
ostensibly sane place really is.

And now here I am in a world guided by fear, a world suppressing the
uniqueness that lies inside each of us, a world where we can either
acquiesce to the inhuman nonsense of corporatism and materialism or
insist on change. We are not enlivened by an educational system that
clandestinely sets us up for jobs that could be automated, for work that
need not be done, for enslavement without fervency for meaningful
achievement. We have no choices in life when money is our motivational
force. Our motivational force ought to be passion, but this is lost from
the moment we step into a system that trains us, rather than inspires
us.

We are more than robotic bookshelves, conditioned to blurt out facts we
were taught in school. We are all very special, every human on this
planet is so special, so aren't we all deserving of something better, of
using our minds for innovation, rather than memorization, for
creativity, rather than futile activity, for rumination rather than
stagnation? We are not here to get a degree, to then get a job, so we
can consume industry-approved placation after placation. There is more,
and more still.

The saddest part is that the majority of students don't have the
opportunity to reflect as I did. The majority of students are put
through the same brainwashing techniques in order to create a complacent
labor force working in the interests of large corporations and
secretive government, and worst of all, they are completely unaware of
it. I will never be able to turn back these 18 years. I can't run away
to another country with an education system meant to enlighten rather
than condition. This part of my life is over, and I want to make sure
that no other child will have his or her potential suppressed by powers
meant to exploit and control. We are human beings. We are thinkers,
dreamers, explorers, artists, writers, engineers. We are anything we
want to be - but only if we have an educational system that supports us
rather than holds us down. A tree can grow, but only if its roots are
given a healthy foundation.

For those of you out there that must continue to sit in desks and yield
to the authoritarian ideologies of instructors, do not be disheartened.
You still have the opportunity to stand up, ask questions, be critical,
and create your own perspective. Demand a setting that will provide you
with intellectual capabilities that allow you to expand your mind
instead of directing it. Demand that you be interested in class. Demand
that the excuse, "You have to learn this for the test" is not good
enough for you. Education is an excellent tool, if used properly, but
focus more on learning rather than getting good grades.

For those of you that work within the system that I am condemning, I do
not mean to insult; I intend to motivate. You have the power to change
the incompetencies of this system. I know that you did not become a
teacher or administrator to see your students bored. You cannot accept
the authority of the governing bodies that tell you what to teach, how
to teach it, and that you will be punished if you do not comply. Our
potential is at stake.

For those of you that are now leaving this establishment, I say, do not
forget what went on in these classrooms. Do not abandon those that come
after you. We are the new future and we are not going to let tradition
stand. We will break down the walls of corruption to let a garden of
knowledge grow throughout America. Once educated properly, we will have
the power to do anything, and best of all, we will only use that power
for good, for we will be cultivated and wise. We will not accept
anything at face value. We will ask questions, and we will demand truth.
So, here I stand. I am not standing here as valedictorian by myself. I
was molded by my environment, by all of my peers who are sitting here
watching me. I couldn't have accomplished this without all of you. It
was all of you who truly made me the person I am today. It was all of
you who were my competition, yet my backbone. In that way, we are all
valedictorians.

I am now supposed to say farewell to this institution, those who
maintain it, and those who stand with me and behind me, but I hope this
farewell is more of a "see you later" when we are all working together
to rear a pedagogic movement. But first, let's go get those pieces of
paper that tell us that we're smart enough to do so!

Erica Goldson
Athens, NY

How are you?

2010-07-21T04:37:00.003+10:00

What do you really mean when you ask someone "how are you?". Are you asking about their physical health? Mental health? Busyness? What?

I often just resort to the answer "I'm good...how are you?". But then what do I mean by that? "I'm good"...my body may be healthy, but my mind may be scattered, my connection to myself way out of balance, but still I say that "I am good".

Have you ever answered the question with a totally un-normal, unexpected reply to "how are you?"? Like "I am absolutely fantastic, thanks for asking..." or "I am amazingly wonderful". If you have, you'll notice that people often stop for a second and look at you, perhaps a little envious, perhaps trying to figure out if you're on something or just not quite 'right' in the head.

Asking "how are you" seems like a quick, polite way to connect to someone, but then do we really have the time to hear if the answer turns out to be a long drawn out reply about how the person really is? What they may be feeling physically or emotionally? Some of our elderly neighbours love to do that, and I am happy to listen to them. I enjoy the time that we connect to these interesting women. My children get a little restless, but they get to see me being patient and kind to others and can choose whether they want to incorporate that into their lives. If it turns out that whoever I ask is experiencing some kind of pain, be it physical or emotional, that they want to share, I aim to be present for them in sharing that, and I try to project calm, loving energy to them to help them deal with that.

Asking the check out operator at the local store "how are you?" has resulted in one word answers, so in an attempt to connect a little more with those I interact with, I try asking different questions like "what's the best thing about your day so far?".

So many of us are so very busy...what would it be like if we all just slowed down a little and thought about really connecting with everyone we meet, even if just for a moment? Giving a gift of your time and your energy instead of a standard question that you may not even mean?

When I ask someone that I do know that question, I generally mean...how is your physical health / what have you been up to / what's new? These are all the "safe" topics we were taught to believe are the right way to start a conversation.

What I really want to know, is "what is making your heart sing today?"

I want to know where people's JOY is. I want to connect IN joy. I want to interact in a way that will encourage people to touch their own joy, even for a moment.

I am still working on ways to do this more often, working through old conditionings that I no longer want.

The thing I have found though...is that if I am not feeling connected to my own Joy, it is really hard to help others see theirs.

If you are not too busy, please leave a comment or send me an email rawmum at yahoo dot com...and tell me the best thing about your day today and / or what is making your heart sing...

Thank you...

In Joy...
Annette

The curve ball..

2010-07-14T14:05:00.004+10:00

The hardest thing about leaving the USA and moving to Australia, was leaving our dog and cat behind. We could have brought them, but it would have been a lot of money including the airfare, special handling en route, 5 months of vet tests in the US before 30 days in quarantine in Oz, not to mention the stress on the animals. Since we've been here, we've had a lot of uncertainty about where we were going to live, if we were going to stay, should we move to a larger house, should we get back on the road, etc. Throughout it all, the kids (AJ especially) have often asked if we could get a dog - or a cat or a rat or a snake etc, but mostly a dog.

We really miss a lot of aspects about living on the road. For me, it was the simplicity of the life, the adventure and living in nature and just being outdoors and active a whole lot more. With the cooler weather here (well, it is the middle of winter, but we are in the subtropics...days are mid 60's - mid 70's, nights are mid 40's - mid 50's), it's still a bit chilly for us. We have been talking about getting on the road next February when our lease expires. It was something we were all very excited about. Our aim was to slowly head north for the winter and take some time to see if we might find another area we would prefer to live.

Four days ago, we planned to walk up to the beach but got delayed a couple of times before we could leave. We walked up the next block and suddenly a little puppy walked onto our path. We stopped and patted her and then watched as she walked onto the road. Oh no! We had to find her home and return her, but she did not have a tag on. We knocked on a bunch of doors nearby but nobody knew her. I kept hearing a voice saying "there are no coincidences". We brought her back to our house for a drink of water and to make a temporary leash. Then we took her to the local vet to see if she had a microchip. She did not, but the vet took her in case the owner called anyway.  The puppy was such a sweetheart. Obviously young, but not hyper. She was very relaxed in our arms when we had carried her and she just seemed to fit in with the family. The kids were sad to give her in to the vet, even though we had only had her for about an hour.

We continued to talk about going camping and all of the things we would be doing when we were back on the road. But we also talked about how sweet the little dog was and how she had fit in with us so easily and what it would be like to have a dog....but could we get back on the road? Could we do both? We would be limited in our choices of where we could camp...would it work? Would it be possible to balance our need for freedom and adventure with the responsibility of owning a dog?   No, we decided, it would be too restricting. Ok, so 'there are no coincidences'...what did that mean?...was the dog there at the same time we were as a gift for us, or to challenge us to explore what was the most important things to us? There was a definite feeling of synchronicity. Would we be denying our family a whole lot of joy and fun and the once-in-a-lifetime experience of the children sharing their childhood with a much loved companion animal?   How often does the right kind of dog just walk across your path?

You can see the curve ball coming can't you?....

So the day after, the owner of the dog called us to thank us for finding her. And then she said that she is actually trying to place the dog, as she took the dog for a patient of hers who has gone into the hospital for an extended period and cannot care for her. Were we interested?!   Oh dear. Cary initially said thanks, but no. We all felt really sad about that though.    It's a big commitment to take on an animal, especially a puppy. We didn't want to ever be in the position to have to give an animal up again.   Our heads kept going back and forward over the debate so our hearts stepped up to make the call. And as soon as Cary called them back to say "yes!", it was though something clicked into place that made our family feel more complete.   I don't know what the future will bring us from here, but I do know that sometimes, you just have to take a leap of faith and see how well you fly.

Having our little girl - a 16 week old Jack Russell weighing 6lbs / 2.5kg, named Gypsy - will bring a new adventure into our lives and enhance the childhood of three very happy children. She is already encouraging us to get outside more and just be more playful and active. Things I thought I needed to get back on the road to experience. Hmm...where will this lead us? I don't know, but I have a feeling, it will be all good!

Personal Training myself..

2010-07-13T19:05:00.002+10:00

In my life BC (before children), I worked as a Personal fitness trainer and Aerobics instructor (and a part time gig as a Reiki practitioner as well which kind of balanced my energy - the physical / mental of the fitness work with the Spiritual of the Reiki work). Anyway...back then, I could not quite figure out why it was so hard to motivate some of my clients. Well guess what? I have become my clients! Middle aged, extra pounds, and very little motivation. I have recognised this in me for several months now and well, haven't been very motivated to do anything about it. Until now...my body just does not seem as efficient as it used to be and I know I need to move more to fix that.

So I accessed my former self and asked her to come up with a fitness plan that would suit my needs for simplicity, time-efficiency and fun while improving my fitness. What she came back with is something I think will actually work!

60 minutes of something aerobic per day. Preferably something like a 30+ minute bike ride or hike with the family in the morning and a 30+ minute walk to the beach and along the soft sand (for an extra workout), by myself so I can listen to a podcast or some groovy music. Yes, that's do-able. I need to also work on my strength now that I no longer lift little children throughout the day. On days that I don't do the Green Challenge, I will aim to work up to doing 50 each of squats, push ups and crunches. This week though, I am telling myself I only need to do one set of 10 reps of each (slowly). If I miss a day then I need to do an extra set the next day. Oh yeah, I'm a tough coach! (I'm not even going to think of how pathetic this programe is compared to what I used to do!) I never have to do more than 50 of each, but when that is too easy, then I need to do them very very slowly and / or with extra weight. Those three exercises cover all of the main muscle groups. Doing the Green Challenge seems to find any others I may have missed! I'm grateful that my PT self came up with the three exercises plan - simple and brilliant!

One good thing about being older while working with this programme is that I don't feel fanatical about it. I fit the exercise in around everything else. And I am gentle with myself too. I accept that I am getting older and my metabolism has changed and I know that in order to age more easily, I need to do this. I believe that flexibility is also important so I will work in some stretching and yoga wherever possible. Looking forward to a fitter future and longer paddles in my kayak!

Awe.Some!

2010-07-02T05:15:00.011+10:00

As we put another $70 worth of petrol in the car, I knew we had been getting lazy...taking the car to the store, the post office or the park instead of riding bikes. I knew I had to change things, at least for myself. I had to get back to being more aware of the choices I make. Not just for the environment, but also for my own health and fitness.

Last week Cary and AJ went to the Currumbin Wildlife Sanctuary that is one suburb away from us. They went on the Green Challenge which is a treetops ropes course. They loved it so much that Cary insisted we get a years membership for the whole family. Yesterday we signed up and I got to have a go. Oh. My. Golly. That was soooooo much fun! I just loved loved loved it! I felt so free! We get an extra discount for being locals so the cost for the entire family for the year was cheaper than a gym membership for just one of us. Plus, we are outside working out, having fun, communing with nature and listening to the birds and animals which I'll take any day over a noisy, smelly gym! We do plan riding our bikes there once we get Cary another bike. Apart from the ropes courses, there are many Australian birds and animals to view and interact with and a fantastic playground for the smaller kids.

Nicholas on the flying fox in the playground:

Summer going for a stroll through the trees :

Me, dancing in the treetops (Cary said I looked happier in the trees than I did on the ground. I really felt so relaxed up there.)

AJ & I hanging around:

We got to tarzan-swing onto a net that we then had to climb up. There were so many different, very cool challenges! Poles to walk over, swinging planks, tubes to crawl through, nets, ladders, zip lines etc. I did all of the courses except for the extreme 'black' course. I'll leave that one until my strength improves.

AJ zipping along...

This one was a bit tough, each step was a swing:

Summer had been unsure about doing the course, but she took her time, and would tell herself "I am strong" whenever she felt unsure. She did the beginners course, and I was very proud of her, and more importantly, she was proud of herself! She is looking forward to doing it again.

Our family is so thrilled to have this membership and to support the Wildlife Sanctuary who do a lot to encourage environmental awareness. I am looking forward to getting fitter and stronger in such a playful way! This really honours my needs for freedom and adventure and family fun!

a lesson for me...

2010-06-30T19:00:00.002+10:00

We enjoyed the passes we had to the big amusement parks for the past few months. Well, towards the end, Cary and I were pretty much over it, and the kids seemed more interested in the gaming section than the rides. We were there last week and looking around at the different games. Most of the games are the kind that shoot out tickets after a game and the tickets can be traded in for prizes. The day that we were there, AJ saw a new machine that had prizes inside of it and the prize that he saw and wanted was a big rack of tickets! I said to him that I have never seen anyone win on those kind of machines, and I suggested that he play a different game, where I knew he would get about 40 tickets.

He would not be denied! He had his eye on that big ol' rack of tickets and he wanted it! He watched other people playing the machine and tried to see if there was any method to it. All you had to do was pull a lever and a wheel spun around until it got to a number. In three spins, you had to accrue enough points to get past a high number where you had the option to choose a little prize, or you could choose three more spins to get to a higher number and a larger prize. Cary gave the kids his last coin to play the game. They each took a turn pulling the lever and were able to get to the next level. So they took turns again...and WON the tickets!!! I received a lesson then in watching what I say...I always go along with the big dreams that AJ has, like his invention ideas...why didn't I support his smaller goal? After all, it's often with a series of smaller goals achieved that one has the confidence to go for the larger goals.

How many tickets were there? 1000! Well over the 40 he may have gotten on the 'safe' game.
Even though I was trying to avoid him being disappointed by not playing the risky machine, he proved to me that sometimes, you just have to take a gamble ...you never know! And he is right...life itself is a gamble and I have not always been the one to play by the rules and take the 'safe' path.

A funny little thing though...once he had the tickets, he had no idea of what he wanted to do with them. So the kids decided that as they had all contributed, they would just split them so they each got a variety of candy and novelties.

.. journey

2010-06-28T13:57:00.004+10:00

A couple of weeks ago we hooked up our old video camera to the tv to watch some home movies. We saw Summer's 5th birthday (a few days before Nicholas turned that age), AJ's 2nd and 3rd birthdays and other times of the kids just playing. Watching my children's stages and growth had me thinking of my journey as a parent and the different stages of growth I've been through as well.

Attachment parenting was a natural choice when Summer was born, even though I didn't know it had specific, almost unspoken 'rules' about how to do it 'right'. When I found that out, I started doing more research into natural parenting. I started out parenting by instinct but lost some of that in trying to follow other people's guides. I read a lot - books, magazines, internet forums and websites - trying to find the right information. Some of it was helpful. A lot of it was time used up that could have been spent discussing ideas with Cary and seeing how they could work with our family. Instead, I armed myself with new ideas and then informed Cary of how it was going to be. Then I would be mad when he didn't see it that way too! I really have spent a lot of time reading about how other 'experts' suggest we live a simple and natural and connected life. I kind of wish now that I had just lived my own life.

We moved into Steiner homeschooling, to relaxed homeschooling, then to Life Learning /Unschooling. The deeper I go into Unschooling, the more I see how beautifully it ties in everything that has resonated with me along my lifelong Spiritual journey. The Power of Now, Law of Attraction, the Golden Rule, and just a desire to be a Mama who loves spending time with her kids and sees the value in every single thing about them. For most of my life I have believed that 'Everything I Need will be Provided'. It's always been so. It encourages me to allow that same Trust to operate in the lives of my children where I have at times had doubt.

Cary and I have had our ups and downs over the years but for the most part we coast along well. A few weeks ago, we had an argument that took me by surprise. I took some time out afterwards and asked for guidance to give me some insight into preventing that pattern. I realised that I have a different level of communication with my kids than I do with Cary. I have put so much into being a Mama that I have neglected being a Partner in a deep and meaningful way. And I confess here publicly that I listened better, and gave more respect to, my children. In reading the different parenting books and advice over the years, I didn't factor that I could, or maybe should, apply those aspects that resonated with me, to my relationship with my husband.

So here I am....letting go of any rules that are not mine...letting my instincts guide my choices....making respect for ALL (not just my kids, but Cary, myself and everyone I meet) a priority. My life continues to get richer and deeper! (My golly...what will another 10 or 20 years bring?!) I know there are more lessons for me in the area of living an authentic life of deep connection...I am aware of a subtle longing inside of me for..for..? I'm sitting with that and in the meantime, I am enjoying the joy of individual moments and when there is some quiet, I ponder the root of that ache.

Mr 5!

2010-06-22T13:36:00.002+10:00

Look who turned 5 recently!

Cary arrived back from his trip to the usa one week before the big birthday. He was only gone one month this time.

We've had some beautiful warm sunny days lately, and some drizzly cool ones. I don't like any cool weather, but I am grateful for warm slippers and flanelette sheets! I know we are very lucky to live in the sub-tropics, but this time of year always has me longing for the full tropical weather!

Who shall I Be today?

2010-06-01T09:31:00.004+10:00

We have the official start of Winter here today. The mornings and evenings are a little chilly, and the days are usually sunny. Even though we live in a sub-tropical area, I still don't like that little chill in the morning. I am such a wimp in any cool weather.

So this morning I was lying in my nice warm bed savouring the warmth and thinking "I don't want to get up". Then I reminded myself that I really don't "have" to. The kids had gotten up and were doing their own thing. There was no rush at all for me to get up. In fact, there was no thing I "had" to do. Lots of options of things I could "choose" to do though.

So I started the day thinking about the kind of me I wanted to "be" today...connected, playful and loving...and the decisions of what I do, will stem from that.

recent photos...

2010-06-01T08:43:00.003+10:00

I've been meaning to post these pics for a while...finally getting around to it.

These first photos are from a morning bike ride we took, um a month ago, but anyway...I stopped to take a pic of the path itself next to the creek, then took a series of pics in stages looking from where the creek meets the ocean then the next stage along the creek until I had covered approx 180 degrees and was looking at the mountains behind me...

If I was really clever, I could probably put all of those photos together so you could get the full effect, but I'm not and I really don't want to figure that out as my daughter told me I already spend too much time on the computer! So next up...we rode another 30 seconds along the path and stopped along the breakwall (creek is on one side, beach on the other) ... We can't help but feel so blessed to live in this magical area!

Another day...Summer sunning herself:

The kids pulled all of the cushions off of the couch and made a big tower in the hallway. They would run and jump on it and push it over or climb up on it...kept them amused for at least an hour!

Nicholas just looking cute:

Nicholas and I sitting on the roller coaster carriage just before N's first ride on it! He was very excited and loved it!

Our three fantastic, amazing, wonderful, awesome children:

Nicholas with his biggest fan:

A few more photos while I'm on a roll...

2010-06-01T08:33:00.000+10:00

We found this sign kind of funny:

Kids and a new friend at the Currumbin Wildlife Sanctuary:

Koala (awake - how rare!)

Koala asleep - that's usually how they are seen.

Kids on the spider web in the fantastic playground in the Sanctuary. I thought the spider hanging over them was a very cool addition:

The kangaroos there are very used to being handled. This is the most relaxed roo I've ever seen:

The boys chatting to an emu:

Kids and roo:

Double rainbow:

A kookaburra visited us as we were packing up after our local hs group last week. The boys were able to hand-feed it. Pretty tame for a wild bird!

An ordinary day...

2010-05-18T20:14:00.004+10:00

Today was another magical day! It wasn't that we did anything extraordinary, it was just that we stayed connected and in harmony with each other all day.

AJ has been in a Transformers phase - the movies and the PlayStation 2 game. I was not sure about this when it started as I thought it might be a bit violent, but the action is mostly the robots blowing things up, and I find something strangely satisfying in that. AJ is so into this...I could almost feel a little down on myself for doubting his choice initially - but I'm not going to go there. AJ is so immersed in the game and when we do have to go out, his mind is still going with all of the possibilities and all of the things he is going to build in the future, and other storylines they could come out with. He will talk non-stop for a long time and then go really quiet again before he comes out with another excited commentary of all the wonderful things going on in his mind!

Summer has always liked dressing up and mixing new combinations of clothing and accessories. Recently she's been cutting a lot of her clothes so that a dress became a coat and part of the leg of some stretchy pants became a boob tube...that sort of thing. (I'm glad we buy our clothes at the thrift stores/op shops!) I moved the kids computer out of the office area into her room and she spent quite a while playing on that.

Nicholas loves ...oh, just about everything!

Today everyone got some of their needs and desires met...AJ spent quite a while playing transformers, we went to an op shop and Summer bought some new clothes, we played at a new park where AJ and Nicholas wandered over to where a Dad was playing football and soccer with his kids. The Dad used to be a coach and happily included my boys and showed them how to kick properly. Then we went to a mall and hung out at the Apple store where AJ made some new friends, even if they did mostly communicate via their ipods while standing next to each other! Nicholas said he would really like a dressing gown (bath robe) as it is getting cool here and that would keep him warm and snugly in the mornings and evenings around the house. We found a really warm, black gown with a red dragon on it and he is so thrilled with that!

It was such an ordinary day to anyone looking in, but I had such a great day, feeling so grateful for this experience. Nothing fancy, just pure connection and listening and sharing and respecting.

lovin' this life!

2010-05-15T07:17:00.004+10:00

The things I love most about this lifestyle is the freedom and flexibility and connection! I so love being able to be spontaneous, to be open to new opportunities as they arise...there is so much joy in life in every moment! Yes, even when the kids are squabbling...these are the moments that can test us the most in this department as they are great challenges in staying connected to ourselves and our children. They are great lessons in staying calm and present to help our children work through these moments so they can all feel heard and respected. Sometimes I am better at this than other times.

I've learned that it is ok to be a little selfish, meaning that I need to take time for me to recharge and center myself. In giving myself a little time, I can give a whole lot more time and focus to my children. When I do this, when I feel balanced, our days flow with delight. Every time I help my kids work out a challenge, I feel that actually helps us all to become stronger. So even though it might be loud or messy, it can be fantastic.

I love the passion of this life - of being "allowed" to express our emotions in all of their intensity. I love the connection we have, really listening to each other and aiming to find ways to meet needs and desires. Last week we spent a day driving around our area looking for a particular PS2 game that AJ reallllly wanted. The other two kids understood how much that meant to AJ and were happy to go along. (AJ had bought a game with some birthday money, it didn't work and he was disappointed. The replacement game didn't work either so we went to another store which was supposed to have it but had just sold it and then to another store which found one in the back room - phew!)

When I am in balance, which is happily more often than not, I feel so full, so blessed. Some days I feel like I am going to burst with joy! My children feel that and we all have a grand ol goofy time together. I have so much to be grateful for.

Today we are heading out to meet friends to go snorkeling and then...who knows where we'll end up? So many adventures waiting to happen....

Shining...

2010-05-08T02:25:00.007+10:00

I think I have the verbal runs at the moment. After being kind of quiet on this blog, I'm processing where I'm at now and I feel like I'm through the muck and back on top again. Thanks for listening.

Thinking about what I wrote last time, I honestly know that I do not have to focus more on one area of my life to promote, maybe make a business out of, and become some kind of 'expert' in.

I have many sides and, like a diamond, they all work together to make me shine as brightly as I do. It is not my path to focus on one area, and it is only when I am out of balance that I start to compare myself to others and start thinking that I "should" settle down and do something like that. But that is just not me. I love the adventure of life, the smorgasboard of experiences and it is when I am living the joy of that, and sharing that with my family and friends, that I shine the brightest.

Things in my life like Reiki and Reflexology are tools that I use to enhance where I am at. My main purpose right now, is to be the grandest expression of my Self so that I can be the best Mama / wife / sister / daughter / friend I can be.

I was starting to get a little frustrated with myself as these feelings I've been writing about recently...well, I am pretty sure I've written about them before. I started to imagine things like "oh the people that read this are going to get so bored with me repeating myself!". But it's okay. Because I see this journey of life like a spiral and maybe some of the path bumps into another part where I was feeling these same things. Knowing that I've been there before...and gotten through it...just makes it easier the next time. So I bump into that part of the cycle and then remember some of the mental processes I used for getting through it, and it's like it's over with quicker each time before I get flung off on another exciting part of the journey. Even if it looks a little similar to before...I can still make it feel fresh and new by being in the moment of it, breathing it in deeply, and being oh so grateful for it all!

So, I don't have to focus on one area. I feel the most inspired when I am doing exactly what I wrote at the top of this blog page - Living in harmony with the earth, in Joy with each other, and in touch with Spirit.

I love my free-spirit life! I love this lifestyle for my family! I really love being a Mama.

Oh my golly, "the world" is so very very busy around us. It's so easy to get caught up in 'having to keep busy'. I sometimes think that what I am 'doing' is more important that what I am Being.
Thanks to processing this confusion on this blog (even if I've done it before), I am proud to say that I am back on track and back in the business of JOY! Long may it reign! (If I do happen to slip, be a pal and remind me please.)

Whatever I 'do' from this moment forth, is never as important as who I will 'Be'. And that, dear friends...is where my main area of focus needs to be. Whatever I 'do' from that state, is secondary, .... if I am to become an 'expert' in any field, let it be in Joy!

stumbling into learning

2010-05-06T17:11:00.004+10:00

For most of today I have been in a place mentally that I have not been for quite a while. A place that is uncomfortable and familiar. It's a place that has me questioning a lot of different things in my life thus far. A place where I feel I haven't really come very far from the last time I felt like this. A feeling of incredible restlessness, like I have missed opportunities...like I have not lived up to my potential. A little bit mad with myself for not sticking with something..anything! But I can't stand being "stuck". I love to be free!

I didn't want to stay in that state. In the past, this state has felt like I'm in quicksand and if I try to force myself out, I just get pulled back further into it.

So I just stayed present with it, and tried to see it unfolding as if I was an observer of myself.

I became grateful for this opportunity as those feelings were indicating that something is just not working in my life right now, and changes need to be made. Some changes I can recognise and apply right away...things like changing my exercise habits, reducing some clutter and establishing a new rhythm that reflects Cary's absence and the cooler weather. Some changes run a little deeper and have me thinking about my grander purpose and if I plan on continuing to graze at the smorgasboard of life (Well now, stating it like that, the answer has got to be "hell, yeah!".), or focus more on one area and get passionate about that.

I think it's that I feel I have more of myself to give and I have not found the right outlet for that and I feel a little frustrated. Forcing the issue is not going to bring results, so I am going to (try and) remember to Trust. In the meantime, I will continue to pursue the things that interest me and see where they lead. I think it's time I worked on a Vision Board as well to clarify my goals.

So I started out this day feeling scattered and like I was bumbling around....and I am ending this day full of gratitude and a sense of Peace. I feel gentleness towards myself and an excitement that something new is around the corner...

rainy mood on a sunny day..

2010-05-05T10:35:00.003+10:00

We took Cary to the train station early this morning. He caught the train to the airport for a flight back to the USA. As usual, we do not know when he will be back here. Maybe 6 weeks, maybe longer.

My energy feels scattered. Partly because we were doing a lot of extra work in the past week working on a deal that fell through at 8pm last night. Partly because it felt like a last minute rush to get Cary ready and the constant rain yesterday didn't help.

I've had months to prepare for Cary leaving again. It never seems real until it's happened. At the moment, it feels like he has just gone out and will be home any minute.

It's always a bit odd when he goes, and it takes a couple of days for the kids and I to find our own groove again. I get to remember that I am strong enough to take care of all of this here. There will be times when I will doubt that, when I will feel overwhelmed and exhausted. But I dig deep and find what I need to keep going. Often it comes when I just let go and remember that Everything I Need Will Be Provided. When I Trust that things are unfolding as they should, even when that is uncomfortable or wonderful or confusing. When I remember that the only thing I really need to be doing, is being present in this very moment.

It's a beautiful day today. I almost wish it was still raining, as that would suit my mood. But the sun is encouraging me to go outside and recharge....yeah, I think I will.

lots of photo catch-up!

2010-05-04T13:38:00.002+10:00

This was taken back in January at one of our favourite playgrounds close to us:

Cary going for a ride on his spiffy bike:

Cary at the beach:

Summer and I found this...interesting..critter at the beach. It was alive and just sitting on the sand. It kind of looked like a frog with no head. I think it may have been looking for a bigger shell to call home.

Spider trail:

The strangest mushroom I've ever seen:

Sunrise:

Sea World:

AJ & Nicholas flying:

Sir Nicholas...

2010-05-04T11:43:00.001+10:00

Little rockstar:

tough guy:

Let me show you my muscles:

"is dinner ready yet?"

He wears many hats:

AJ

2010-05-04T11:29:00.004+10:00

Recent pics of AJ:

talking to the kangaroos:

impromptu jamming:

basketball star:

Summer days...

2010-05-04T11:19:00.003+10:00

Some recent pics of our girl:

thoughtful:

Sweet:

Sunny:

Sassy:

Playful:

recently...

2010-04-26T10:40:00.006+10:00

we finally got around to getting a new computer...and an external back up drive! So I can share photos like these of AJ's 9th Birthday ealier this month!!!!!

Birthday morning:

AJ decided that this birthday was going to be the day for conquering his concern about going on the corkscrew roller coaster at Sea World...and he did and loved it! Around the middle of the train below, you'll see Cary in the red shirt waving, and AJ sitting next to him. Summer is behind them. The ride is awesome with a full loop and a couple of twists, and very fast.

Nicholas decided this was going to be the day to try out all of the little kids rides that he had previously just not wanted to go on. AJ helped him out on the first couple. Here they are waiting in line together. I love it that they still hold hands!

After that, AJ, Summer and Cary went back to the corkscrew while I stayed with Nicholas in the little kids section. Nicholas just amazed me by running from ride to ride and hardly paying attention to where I was. I found myself stepping further and further back as he made friends with the other kids in line and started horsing around with them. In this photo, he is the 3rd from the left with his arms up in the air on a ride that goes straight up and down. Once he decided he could do these rides, he did them easily....both my boys showed how fast they are growing up that day!

And the cake, special request...mama's vegan chocolate cake with chocolate icing and banana ice cream, after pizza for dinner.

A very happy 9th birthday!

More photos coming soon! Oh, and the new computer prompted a new look for this blog. I'll have to play around with that title photo to try and reduce the size....later, right now we are headed to play at the park!

Living Simply..part 2

2010-04-05T08:01:00.004+10:00

Another thought...for some people, living simply means living on their own land, growing their own food, relying on the natural elements for power and water. I admire the people who live this way. For a long time, I even wanted to do this too. Thinking about it, it does not seem to me like a simple way to live...basic and very earthy yes...but damn hard work. I am not afraid of hard work, I have just been questioning if doing this would fulfill me. If it would allow me the time I have now to devote to my family.

Since we've been back in Australia, we've all grown personally, emotionally and spiritually. But professionally, Cary feels as though he's gone backwards. ..I see that side of his growth like he has been in the pullback phase of a slingshot. He's gone as far as he can without breaking...now he's released the thinking that was keeping him in that mindset and he's being flown forward and is really soaring. I know he'll go a long way.

Cary had reached a point of major frustration. He was almost ready to go back to the USA to live. Realising that the most important thing in my life is keeping the family together, I released my attachment to the thoughts that were keeping me here. Just as I sincerely offered that we could go back to the USA if he thought that would be better, he realised that he really does prefer it here and it seemed to fuel his determination to make it work here. He asked Spirit for guidance and 'out of the woodwork', answers started coming to him.

The opportunities that Cary is now creating and attracting will require us to move house. Our lives will be a little more hectic and not as 'simple' as they have been on this plateau. But as I mentioned in my previous post, as long as we maintain our connection to the important people in our lives (including our own selves and God), and we remain unattached to the physical reality around us, our lives will rich and full and deep.

I don't think this is the right time for us to get on the land totally. I would like to have a large veggie garden in our new place (the move probably won't happen for 4-6 months). I'll continue to do all that I do to be kind to the health of my family and the environment. The hard work in front of us now will involve more of a mental nature, and that's good too. And as long as I stay grounded in Who I Really Am, my life will always have an element of Simplicity.

Living Simply...what does that mean anyway?

2010-04-02T21:27:00.010+11:00

I've mentioned on here from time to time that we enjoy Living Simply....but what does that mean really?

What do other people mean when they talk about "living simply"?

It could mean living frugally...living in a place that meets your basic needs, surrounded by just enough 'stuff' to make your life comfortable. No frills, no added extras and no clutter. Buying just enough food to get you through the week, and/or buying in bulk to get additional discounts. Buying the things you need when they are on sale. Probably not having things like cable tv, air conditioning etc.

It could mean living 'green', with the environment a major consideration in how you live. Purchasing mostly organic food, recycled clothes and household items, or new items that meet a certain standard.

It could mean not over scheduling your life so that you have more spare time to let life unfold. Spending quality time with those you love (family, friends and yourself) just to Be and explore and seize the moments.

For me, it is a little of all of these things. Probably the most important part of Living Simply, for me, is not having attachment to the material things I do have, and also not feeling attached to things "having" to be a certain way. My priority is my family and the connection we have to each other and to our Selves and to a Higher Source.

We have been living in a very basic house with mostly second hand, basic things around us. We're now seeing several paths in front of us...stay as we are...get back on the road....or move to a larger house with a large outdoor area where Cary could store all of the big toys he brings in from the USA. It's exciting having options. I think on some level, I may have resisted going for a larger house and newer furniture thinking that it wasn't very Simple or Spiritual. I now realise that it's not the things around me that make my life Spiritual or Simple ... it's maintaining Who I Really Am.
........you know what? That's it (for me)! My life is fairly Simple because it's not complicated by searching and trying to find myself in the grand scheme of Life. I'm pretty content with Who I Am and I have a great deal of Trust that Life is unfolding exactly as it should.

I can really Be my Self whether I'm living in a camper or in a very nice house. No matter where I go, I carry with me the lessons learned in non-attachment and living with connection as my priority. In doing so, I am living my life fully and deeply.

I actually prefer that term...Living Deeply. That's what we do.