Tuesday, May 09, 2006

So ordinary

I feel so bloody ordinary. What have I done that's wonderful? Made a difference? Inspired others?

When I was a child, I always felt different, like I had a very special job to do. So here I am, 41 years old and what? What have I done with my life? Yeah, yeah, lots of things. But it's not enough. I feel unfulfilled. What's missing?

I tried talking with Cary about this and he just tries to fix things. Which is very nice, but not what I need. I need to talk about it and try to find my own way through this. So I guess I'm back to blogging.

Maybe for now, I need to focus on the needs of my own family and appreciate all of the things I do have. Gratitude and Service seem to be a little low in my life at the moment.

"To the world you may be only one person, but to one person you may be the world." I need to remember the important role I have in the lives of my children.

What kind of validation am I looking for? Am I not starring enough in my own life that I feel I need to have a "more important" job outside of the family for that financial reward and recognition?

I don't know, I'm just frustrated right now. I want to do more. Maybe I need to be more first.

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