Tuesday, June 20, 2006

Breathing deep

and waiting. We may have a house in Sedona, Cary's trying to wrap it up but the owners are in Europe at the moment and it's taking a while. If so, we have 10 days to pack up this house. If not, we have to keep looking. As I've been looking around here, it appears that we don't have a lot of 'stuff', but when it comes to packing it up, it sure feels like a lot. So I've been thinning it out even more as I pack. I am so excited about the move, just the actual moving has me on the edge of being totally overwhelmed. Mind you, it's not the easiest thing to do while taking care of 3 children 24/7.

I've also been trying to do more deep breathing when it comes to parenting. Being a mama is such an honour and joy, but such bloody hard work too. Mentally. I really do try to use techniques like those in PET (parent effectiveness training) and NVC (non violent communication) - which are basically the same. But my past conditioning keeps getting in the way. Damn I want a fresh slate! Marshall B. Rosenberg (NVC) says that we should not try to be 'perfect' parents as we will just blame and attack ourselves every time we are not that, which would not benefit our children. Instead, aim "to become progressively less stupid parents", learning from the times we wish we'd done things differently.

An interesting point Marshall makes is that in order to give our children what they need, we need to be getting the emotional support we need as parents. For so many years, I thought that a "good" mama would put her children first all the time. There were many times when I really wanted to go for a walk (or somewhere) by myself while Cary watched the kids. But their pleading eyes when I was leaving made me give in and let them come with me. That didn't give me the break I needed which ultimately didn't help them either. Trying to exercise at home doesn't give me the same release as it would if I were at a gym as I am still "on" as mama. I've just realised, it really is ok, and important too, to ensure my needs are met. Not in a selfish way, but in the PET & NVC ways where the aim is to meet everyones needs. Maybe my block has been knowing my own worth. Ooh, I actually feel something shifting in me as if I've turned a key. Wow. Instead of just saying that, I'm really feeling - Knowing - it. A little breakthrough moment here at 3am. I should get up in the middle of the night more often! It's a wonderful, quiet time to actually think.

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