I made cookies last night. I cheated and used a box mix from the health food store. The thing is, they actually turned out well for a change. Breads I can do, cookies don't usually work for me. They were (I use the past tense as they disappeared very quickly) chocolate chip cookies. I've been eating a lot more chocolate lately. I've never really been much of a chocolate lover, but in the past year or so, I've found that a little bit on stressful days helped me through. Chocolate therapy. Better for the body and less expensive than drugs! I've probably had more chocolate in the past month than I have in the past 5 years combined. But I'm over that now. Probably because we're unpacked again, are moving forward towards moving to Australia and maybe because I've started taking a little apple cider vinegar in water several times a day. I think it's helping to balance my body in several ways. Maybe it will help me reduce the much higher amount of fat I've been consuming lately. Between extra fat and chocolate, I've put on a few pounds. But I am really liking bananas and peanut butter together. Slap some nut butter on a sliced banana, or put in a smoothie with some soy milk and a little carob powder, or just mash it up with some honey. Frozen bananas with nut butter, carob and just a little milk blended together make a very easy ice cream. YUMO! But I am starting to feel like I need to reduce the amount of fat in my diet.
Yesterday our neighbour warned us that another neighbour had spotted a rattlesnake when they were walking their dog in the desert a couple of days ago. (The day before I had bought a toy rattlesnake at a yard sale for Nicholas.) I was thinking about how rarely I've seen a snake in the wild in all my years of living next to the bush and hiking. Actually only once. I wonder if that is partly because I never expected to see one and did not focus on them. This morning as we got to our spot to run Scooby, I made a mental note to stay on the main path as there might be less chance of seeing a snake. Then I got deeply engrossed in thinking about our plans for Australia. Scooby was bounding off the path all over the place chasing bunnies and lizards. Sami was behind me readjusting the new hydration backpack she got. AJ ran ahead of me pretending to be a hawk. Nicholas was snuggled next to me in the sling. I was looking down at the ground, but not really seeing it until suddenly a very well camoflauged snake slithered in front of me. It was the same colour as the sandy dirt, about 3 feet long and about 2 feet in front of me. It brought me back to reality and the present moment as the shock of seeing it had me let out a girlish squeal. The rest of the walk I was grounded in the present, aware of my surroundings and I felt a hightened awareness of all life around me both seen and unseen. I felt a deep respect and appreciation for nature and the natural lessons life provides. Interesting how snakes were coming to me - the toy one, the talk of one, the thought of one, then the actual sight of one. I was born in the year of the Snake too.
Last night it really hit me (again) about the sacredness of my children and my role in their lives. Not just as the birth vessel, but the Guide in their early years. It is so easy to get caught up in the daily stuff of life that I tend to not see the bigger picture. I think with less material stuff in our house, we are free-er to connect more with each other. I have such an important job here. These 3 souls are entrusted to me for a short time. Not to shape them, but to water their seeds of individuality, to encourage their shining selves to share their light with the world. No longer will I feel that I am "just not doing enough" with my talents. I am. I am a Mother!