Thursday morning I was feeling very very low and upset. I almost didn't go to the Lifeleaners event at the Children's Museum. I had a lot of phone calls to make to stop the connection there (Sedona) and disconnection here of utilities etc. I felt so confused and didn't feel like facing anyone. But I knew my kids would enjoy the day so I decided we'd go. We got to the museum late of course and my friends there were so wonderful that I soon felt so much better. I was able to joke about the situation and start thinking about the postitive side of this.
When I told my sister about the change in plans, she was amazed. I really thought I was out of here this time...I got so much closer than I have any other time! My sister mentioned the cliche of how when one door closes, another one opens. I told her that this felt like one door had opened and been slammed shut in my face. She said it was more like a revolving door. Yeah, that too. Especially as we'll be staying in the same house here and nothing has really changed on the outside, but it feels like a lot has changed.
I started to thinking about what I'd learned from this whole experience. I see several lessons. One is the example I was to my children on how to deal with stress. I don't think I past this test very well so I'm sure the lesson will be repeated. Another lesson was in my attachment - not just to physical things, but to ideas and imaginings of how things may be. Another lesson is in the amount of control I actually have over my life.
So what now? Well the house is almost empty so it's a good time to do some spring cleaning. I'm doing a little, but I've got a crew coming in on Monday to give the whole house a good scrub from top to bottom. Tuesday is a public holiday which means Cary will be home. So we are going to unload the truck. I'm enjoying having less 'stuff' around so I'm going to give more thought to what I want to put back in the house. We had gotten rid of our old beat-up couch so we are looking for a decent one to replace it. I told Cary I want a funky purple couch. He said "whatever you want". "Damn right" I said.
Where do we go from here? Maybe Panama, maybe Australia. Who knows? I'm not sure anymore.
Sami and AJ have accepted this all so easily. When I told them we would not be moving, they just said "ok" with the same tone as when I had said we were moving. Sami later said that she had been looking forward to playing at the new house with the secret closet. Our hall closet is currently empty. So I hung a couple of sarongs on the door side of the closet, and put some cushions and a blanket in there and the kids are thrilled with their new 'secret closet'.
Nicholas is teething and has two big molars coming through. We've been so busy lately. Things should be getting back to "normal" around here in another week. Or more.