I woke up at 4am again. I slept well, but hope I can get a bit more sleep before the big trip. I was lying awake thinking of the journey this has been and will be. Specifically about our 'stuff'.
I had felt good about the decision to load a pallet with our stuff. Then we decided not to even do that, but to just sea-mail a few boxes through the post office. I spent a LOT of time downsizing even further, weighing boxes, figuring out exactly how much it was going to cost through the PO. I sold off a lot more of the things I had wanted to take originally. And it felt ok. At the last yard sale I sold a lot of the books I had wanted to take. I was ok with that because it felt like the small box that I had finally downsized to, had given a clear indication of where my focus for future growth lay. Through sorting through my books, I was able to see the path of what is important for me to do in my life. It was an interesting experience. And I felt good about it.
A similar experience with sorting through more of the toys and things I had wanted to take. I had felt really ok with selling off some of the really neat toys the kids had. I kept thinking "this would be too heavy / they don't play with this very much". Again, it allowed us all to focus on the toys they do play with so I can keep this in mind when we do settle again. I will be more mindful of what I buy instead of just buying something because it's made of wood, or I think it's neat.
But just now, I was lying awake thinking of some of the books and toys and other household things I would have kept if I had stuck to our plan of taking the pallet load. I was feeling a bit pissed off at myself for not being firm in that decision. But I think that there has been so much going on, in a relatively short time, that this has been like a band-aid that was pulled off quickly - it just hit me what has happened and I had a shock for a moment when I wish the band-aid was still there, but after the sting wears off, I'll realise that I feel much better.
If I had not been back-n-forth, I would have missed the valuable lesson in where to focus my growth and what toys are important to my children. I probably would have started accumulating 'stuff' when we get settled again instead of being more mindful of what we get and how we spend our time and money. It's also a lesson in Trust. If those books and toys and things are meant to be in my life, they will reappear. It's a lesson in trusting myself, that I made the right decisions. It's a lesson in Gratitude for the things I do still have. And it's a lesson in Living Simply so that we can Simply Live.
I'm grateful for the lessons. I do wish I could have had those lessons in a less stressful way but perhaps they wouldn't have been so effective.
I've had to say goodbye / farewell to some very dear friends over the past couple of days. A couple of times I've wondered if we are really doing the right thing, do I really want to leave these wonderful people? I have been so blessed with my friends! At least with the internet, it makes it much easier to keep in touch. Thank you dear friends for your love and friendship and support and laughs and tears and lessons.
This time in 24 hours, we will be sitting on a plane over the Pacific Ocean. This time in 48 hours, we'll be playing on a beach in Australia. It's all good!