Friday, January 26, 2007

More on grief

I did not mean to be flippant in my previous post about grief. I was mainly referring to low-scale grief, not the kind that is usually associated with the loss of a person.

I received news tonight that my brother's health has gone down even further. Further tests still need to be done, but it looks like the cancer is spreading, possibly into his brain. I certainly don't want to jump the gun and assume this is what has happened without the test results, but it's hard not to think about all possible outcomes, including the worst.

The thought of a world without him consumes me with an overwhelming grief. Oh God, help him. Stop his pain.

What are the lessons? I'm searching...

After all of the releasing I've done, does it make it any easier to release a loved one?

I am so grateful for all of the times we had together. He is one of the main reasons I had such a great childhood. We were so close for the first 16 years of my life until he moved out of home and started finding his own way. The fact that I couldn't go with him and he was often too busy for me hurt like hell. But I eventually learned to accept that and stopped trying to fill the void he left.

I don't want to see him so sad and in pain. I want him to be free of that.

I am reminded to live my own life more fully - don't hold back, stand up for my beliefs, pursue my dreams. To love more deeply - taking time to really connect with those close to me, to hold them a bit longer, look into their eyes and speak from my heart. To take life more lightly - see the simple pleasures, laugh freely and often, to be silly and playful.

I don't want to think the worst as I do not want to project that energy onto him. I will visualise him healthy and pain-free and be available to listen to him and do whatever I can.

Would you please say a prayer for my brother Geoff too?


justine said...

we'll be praying for Geoff in Kansas. love and peace to you, Annette.

Anonymous said...

Also, Love and prayers from Wittman, MD-I will also ask members of my Church to pray for him and will have him put on the prayer list. Whatever I can do to help, please let me know. Love, peace and freedom from pain-(that's what I used to e-mail to Isabelle during her experience)
Your Shoo zoo

Shoo zoo said...

Did not mean to be anonymous-had clicked on "other" as I didn't have an account with the blog!