How much of what we present to the world comes from our external self (image) and how much from our internal self (attitude)? To what extent can one influence the other?
I've been pondering this for several weeks now. Recently we decided to sell the Mercedes Benz wagon that Cary had bought me for my birthday. She has a couple of minor problems so we thought we'd just get a cheap runner and sell off all of our vehicles until we see a deal on something newer and nicer.
So, we got the cheap runner - a decent looking / running station wagon. But it's not the Merc.
When I first got the Merc, I wasn't attached and thought, "ah yeah, this is nice to drive for a little while". (My husband, a car dealer in the US, has had me in a lot of different cars over the years.) But I found that I felt good driving it too. Does driving a Merc somehow get more respect from other drivers, or was I respecting myself more by feeling proud of driving a nice car? Did the car have anything to do with my attitude? Do I really care what other people think?
The other car we got is a fine car. The paint is a little dull, but she runs well and I'm grateful I have anything to drive. But it does not stand out in the crowd (or the parking lot) like the merc. Do I want to stand out? No, but I don't want to be a part of the crowd either and I like driving something that not everybody has. Is that it? I don't think I'm a snob, but I do like to be different. I might not look too differently to most people - I am perfectly happy in jeans & a t-shirt and black workboots or thongs. My hair is natural and free, like me. I don't have a ton of piercings or any tatoos.
So why did I feel uncomfortable driving the new (used) car? Why did I look at the Merc sitting outside, with no buyer, and feel glad that we had such a nice car outside of our place? I'm not sure yet.
Having nice things is ok. It's ok to want them and it's ok to keep them. I'm so used to selling things. Maybe my time with the Merc just isn't up yet. It could be that simple.