I have a bunch of partially written blog posts that just haven't felt quite right to post. I doubt I'll get back to them so let me give you the cliff notes here...
I started to write about Christmas...it was the weirdest one ever. Not because of anything in particular, except maybe the lack of anything extra-ordinary. Our celebrations of that day has been going through a series of changes over recent years. There are many things about Christmas that I do not enjoy, and I experience resistance to acting and behaving in a way that the mainstream society thinks that I should just for one day of the year. I still have some conditioning that thinks I "should" do certain things but this year I didn't do a lot of them. I still had a lovely day...very relaxed and joyful and playful. Which is like every other day. Every day is special to me. I am full of gratitude for the love and joy in my life! So maybe every day is like Christmas to me. I am aware of the gifts within it. The extraordinary is my "ordinary"! So why, and how, do I make just one day even more than the others? I didn't, and I won't. Every day should be celebrated!
I started a post about my friend Andrew. He was six weeks older than me and 'the boy next door' for the first 6 years of my life. We played together, reached those early milestones together, had our first year of school sitting next to each other, and got into all kinds of mischief and fun. Our mothers remained great friends even though our families gradually saw less and less of each other after we moved away. He died last month. I just want to thank him for enriching those early years as my first best friend.
I started some other posts about a variety of things that have been happening, but I'll simplify that into saying that I've made a lot of changes. I'm getting more efficient with my time in many ways. I've removed myself from email groups and newsletters, reduced facebook contacts and groups, condensed email accounts and resigned from running the local Natural Learners Homeschooling group. My focus is my family and being with them in the world. My online time needs to be efficient and I am much more particular about who is in my In Box, or on my News Feed. The children are all growing so fast and they want to do a bunch of new things. My only commitment is to my family and I feel liberated in stepping back from running the homeschool group. I am grateful for some warm and wonderful friends we have made and will continue to see.
I'm keeping my hair cut kind of short because I really like the feel of it..it's lighter and cooler in the summer heat and I'm over having to do something with my hair when it's longer and hot out. The way it is now, I really don't have to fuss with it at all besides a quick brush now and again. Yep, efficiency again! And I think it looks sassy!
I've realised that I love the beach, but I really don't need to swim in the waves. I used to love to do that, and I still do if they are gentle "floaty" waves. Anything else, I just don't enjoy. Which is amazing because I used to spend hours in the waves when I was younger. I felt free there. Now, I feel free everywhere! I felt as though the waves matched my spirit with the ups and downs and turmoil. Now, I feel much more peaceful inside and I like activities that reflect that. I totally appreciate that others just love being in the waves, I just don't. And that is so OK!
I know I'm changing....I accept that I am "middle-aged"....I am grateful for all of the experiences and people that have woven in and out of my life....and I really, really love who I am and where I am right now! I like recognising when I've moved through an experience, like having long hair, or wanting to swim in the waves at the beach...and there is no grief, just gratitude for those things, and joy for what comes in its place. I love growing up and growing older!!!!!