Tuesday, November 29, 2005

Home is.. Where?

My Dad and Stepmum are moving in about two weeks time. They are leaving their tropical sanctuary on an adventure to wherever they end up. I am excited for them, yet I am also deeply sad. They had lived there for about 20 years - half of my life! Their home has been the place I thought of most when I would think about Australia. Ahhh...the tropics...the place where I feel so vibrant! I love the warmth and the humidity and the lush green rainforests. I often visited their place for some R&R and found the peace of their property so soothing. After leaving Australia, I would mentally visit there and remember that peace. The crystal clear waterfall down the road from their place, the beautiful flowers everywhere, even all the bugs and toads and LIFE! So very different from living in the desert.

With the departure of my Dad and Stepmum from that area, I feel a shift inside. Things in Australia are so different now. The one thing I thought I could rely on to stay the same (them at their house in Beauvalley), is no longer. People are different, places are different and I am different. I treasure the memories of the Australia I knew. But I don't feel the strong pull to go back there like I used to. If anything happened to Cary, then I would. I can see us living in another country, surrounded by tropical beauty, but not Australia at this stage.

Even though we've lived in Southern Nevada for over 7 years, it doesn't feel like home and it never has. It's a stepping stone on the road home.

My Mum is coming over! She should be here in 3 hours! I'm a bundle of twisted emotions - excited, nervous, happy, worried. We had some rough times when I was a teenager, but became close as I finally matured. She still manages to touch some nerves though. Her health has not been good this year and I am hoping that this trip will give her some time to relax and just enjoy.

Sunday, November 13, 2005


I'm a little puzzled that my post partum weight loss seems to have stopped. Previously, with nursing, I could eat a ton of food and still have the weight fall off me. Now I'm stuck 15lbs over where I want to be. Ok, so I started out Nic's pg 10lbs over my usual weight due to an emotional trip to Australia. But come on...or come off I should say! I walk 30-60minutes most mornings in addition to feeling busy all day. I've been eating well. So why isn't it working?

What has been the best way of eating for me in the past? Simple, low-fat, vegan food, with a high percentage of fresh fruits and veges. Following the 'Fit for Life' Natural Hygiene plan worked well for several years, though I was probably a bit too disciplined with it at times by denying myself food. Eating only raw foods also worked for me but it consumed me mentally. I'm not going to try to follow any particular plan. I'll use a combination of Natural Hygiene, Ayurveda and intuition to create my own thing which will be enjoyable, simple, low-fat, mostly vegan with a high % of fresh produce.

I need to add in more yoga as well as the walking. The yoga will help to strengthen and stretch my muscles. Maybe some pilates as well. I don't feel like going back to weight training. I loved it in the past. But I need more gentle things now. Yoga and pilates can do the job.

My focus needs to be on health, not weight. In letting go of that issue, perhaps I can let go of the pounds too. Cary certainly isn't upset by the way I look. He's more attracted to me now than ever. I recently was talking about a picture of an angelic goddess and he told me that I should look in the mirror to see that. Awwww - what a sweetheart!


I may not be so different after all! I've just scratched the surface of a couple of things: being a Highly Sensitive Person (I scored 25 out of 27 in the online quiz); and, Sensory Integration Dysfunction (I need to look into this more). I went looking for things that might help me with Sami as the enzymes and probiotics don't seem to be doing a thing. One thing led to another and, in my search to help Sami, I may be able to help myself too. Not that I thought anything was 'wrong' with me, but there were times when I felt isolated with the way I felt. Perhaps I will learn tips to help. Actually, I think I know the things that will help, it's just that I don't give myself the permission to do those things. Such as take time for myself, take a nap during the day, relax more, recognise my own needs for water, food, space - and know that it's perfectly ok.

Sami seems more intense lately. Cary is finally understanding what I've been talking about for so long. I think she falls more into the Out-of-Sync category (sensory intergration dysfunction) from what I've read so far and some of that applies to me too.

Nicholas just turned 5 months old and has two teeth. He is rolling over a lot more today. Everytime I put him down, he rolls over onto his belly. Like he finally figured it out and is excited to be doing something different.

We went to some yard sales this morning. AJ is very happy with his purchase - a very pink Barbie motorhome. Sami got some little Polly Pocket houses. I got some little curtains that might work in our motorhome and a sweet porcelain christmas doll that moves and plays music.

Sunday, November 06, 2005

Strange Saturday

I felt incredibly calm yesterday. I took the kids to a couple of yard sales in the morning. AJ was having a very challenging moment when we got to the first one and was screaming and carrying on very loudly and dramatically. I know other people there were looking at us, but I put a bubble around us and let their stares and opinions bounce off it, so they didn't get to me at all. I was very calm with AJ, I acknowledged what he was feeling, told him gently that he may not spit on me and helped him figure out a solution. He was frustrated with something that he thought Sami had done intentionally (drop something of his in the van and he couldn't find it) but she had accidentally bumped him or it. Once the item was found, and he and Sami told each other what they thought had happened, he was calm again and it was all forgotten.

We found a few treasures. Sami bought herself 4 beanie soft toys, 3 CD roms, a pair of binoculars, a ceramic ballerina and a few other little things. Her favourite is a lizard. She's started collecting lizards lately. AJ bought a large nutcracker doll and I got 3 Rocky and Bullwinkle videos - classics! When we got home it felt like every room in our little house needed some TLC. Sami went through her toys and got a bag of stuffed toys to give away. Several of them were unicorns. I was surprised, she used to love them. Actually, I think I encouraged that as I feel that unicorns are so mystical and beautiful. Maybe it was never really her thing, or maybe she feels as though she has enough. Maybe she's making way for more lizards!

We had a general tidy up in most rooms of the house. I made a few updates on our website, took care of 3 kids, washed diapers, etc. Nicholas was having a sleepy day. He took an unusual amount of long naps. In the evening he had another very loud period of communicating. Hmm, I wonder what is really going on with him. I don't remember the other two kids doing this. AJ fell asleep at 5:30pm. That's 4 hours before his usual time. Sami stayed up later than usual and she was in a very "smarty pants" mood. She was having fun with it though. Everyone seems out of whack somehow, or maybe their getting a new kind of whack. Interesing.

Gooey stuff

I felt so weird yesterday. I just couldn't get grounded and it required quite a bit of effort to function and follow conversations. I started the day just not feeling well. Some de-toxing going on. I've been doing a bit more Reiki on myself and in my life. As the day progressed I started feeling a bit better as I was drinking a ton of water. I just kept feeling like my Spirit and body were not quite fitting together.

Somehow I managed to function and (I think) appear kind of normal. We had to do a little shopping then we met at a friends house for an afternoon of science experiments with our lifelearners group. Cornstarch and water - fun! Water, oil and food colouring - cool! Vinegar, baking soda and balloons, etc. Fun for all! Nicholas was very vocal and was doing his best to contribute his opinion to what was going on. We had another long drive home (1.5 hours). This time we pretty much stayed in the one spot as there was no consoling him. As soon as I would put him back in his seat, he would just start screaming again. I finally got myself grounded again, got myself totally in the present moment and really connected with him heart-to-heart. I communicated total acceptance and love to him and I felt consumed with gratitude for the magnitude of the moment. He fell asleep. I held him until he was totally calm. I wanted to stay there for a long time, savouring that moment. Sami and AJ were so understanding about the long drive home. They are used to it now, but they've always been great about it. AJ was getting a bit restless by the time Nicholas finally fell asleep but then he fell asleep too, so did Sami. After that, it was a very peaceful ride home.

Wednesday, November 02, 2005

1 Nov pt 2

AJ has only eaten candy today. He did ask for oatmeal for breakfast, but he didn't eat it. Sami did include a pear and some cream-of-wheat. Right now she's about to eat some tortillas, after she's finished playing with them - wrapping them around her wrist and calling herself "Tortilla Princess" and acting like she was a superhero.

We did make it to the park this afternoon. We had the whole place to ourselves. It was so peaceful! Apart from a couple of small aircraft, all we heard were the birds. The kids brought their candy with them and we had a long discussion on our favourite candies, and if we could choose one huge box of our favourite, which one would it be? AJ couldn't decide between Skittles and M & M's. Sami settled on eyeballs which were made especially for Halloween and were chocolate with a fudge center. Crunch bars came a close second for her. We played guessing games to see who could guess how many pieces of candy were in the little packs of M & M's and other similar packs. Shortly before we left the park, some Grandparents came with their 2 Granddaughters. It was so cool that the Grandparents played on the equipment and swung on the swings too. That's like my Mum.

I was thinking of all the tv shows and books that have animals acting like humans - wearing clothes, living in houses, walking on their hind legs, cooking food, going to school, going to the dentist, etc. Argh! Ok, some of them are sort of cute, but some are just ridiculous!
How about some shows and books showing humans living like them? Ok, besides Tarzan that is.
Maybe I'm just being silly. Sami brought home a bunch of Babar books from the library the last time we were there. I have trouble reading them without making comments that refer to how silly the books are. Why does Celeste need a doctor and an ambulance to deliver her baby? She's an elephant - she knows how. Actually the baby does end up coming before the doctor gets there, but then it gets put in a crib and treated like a human baby. And why do the hippos act like hippos and don't wear clothes and walk around on their hind legs like all the other creatures?

Hey hey..AJ's asking for macaroni and cheese. I guess he's eaten all of his candy.

1st Nov

We've all been feeling rather calm and peaceful the last few days. I think that staying close to home more often and not always running around to planned activities has been good for us all. Yesterday was Halloween. The kids and I decided to go out and get some candy and a few things for the camper. We actually had a really fun shopping trip to Wal-Mart. Except for a few minutes when Sami and AJ were fighting over a little toy bat ring that AJ had found. They worked it out - after AJ had a turn with it, he chose to give it to Sami.

After we came home, Sami got some of the Halloween candy and put it into a big bowl. She and AJ were very excited about going trick-or-treating and were looking forward to having the neighbouring kids stop by for some candy. Sami started giving them huge handfuls of candy when they did arrive. I suggested she might want to cut it back a little so that there was enough for all the kids who came by. AJ decided just to dress as Batman, not the Batman/Darth Vader/Harry Potter combo he was going to do. Sami was a black and purple witch with a long black dress that had purple bits draped across the arms, a black pointed witch hat with long purple hair attached to it, and a black witch broomstick. She totally forgot about the long scary finger things she got recently to finish off the outfit. Oh well. Nicholas was in a pea-in-the-pod bunting outfit and looked very cute. We did some local t-o-t'ing then Cary came home and we all drove over to visit some friends for a short while before doing a little t-o-ting in their neighbourhood. When we got home, the kids dumped out their candy and happily shared some with each other and put the things they did not want into the bowl to hand out to others.

This morning AJ, Nicholas and I went for a long walk. AJ told me that he couldn't wait for Halloween to come again. We had fun looking at all the Halloween decorations at different houses along our way, and talking about all the exciting things we have to look forward to: Aunt Susan's visit, Thanksgiving, Grandma's visit, Daddy's b/day, a trip to the Grand Canyon, Sami's birthday, Christmas, New Year, a trip to Panama. So many great things in store! When we got home from our walk, Sami and AJ took off to the camper for a candy party. We were planning on going to the park this morning, but right now there is a big backhoe blocking our driveway and some people digging a big hole in the road in front of our house. AJ stood out there and watched them for quite a while. Now he and Sami are watching a little tv while Nicholas takes a nap and I have some playtime here.

Life is good!