Monday, November 05, 2007

Transition

During birth, transition is the stage when the mama thinks she just cannot go on. The babe is usually born very soon afterwards.


I had my own transition here last week. I reached the point where I was just "done" with all of this. The rain, the mildew, the constant dampness, the wind, the cramped conditions, not being able to find things easily, light bulbs blowing in the night, torrential rain knocking part of the annexe over, rain getting in and soaking the beds when we went out leaving the windows unzipped a little, tons of extra washing, the constant work, blah blah blah.

After transition comes the birth and a wonderful feeling of release and joy, although the mama is usually tired from the process. I thought back to my post regarding 'it's all about me'. Where I wrote about it being my responsibility to choose my focus. I KNOW this. This time the thought wasn't too far away. I knew it was there, I knew it was up to me to change how things were going, I just didn't feel capable. I needed to go deep into that transition, to really feel it, to get to a point where I sobbed deeply and for as long as was necessary to release it all. Years of pent up frustrations and old conditionings came through while I was sitting amongst a huge pile of wet laundry, with the camper a total mess and the rain still coming down. The children witnessed, they comforted but I did not stop for their sake, I kept going for me, not holding back, just letting it flow until it was done. Then I got up and did what had to be done - the washing, the meals, the shift in attitude.

I thought of people so much worse off than me. I wondered how I can always find so much stuff to do when living in such a little place. It seemed almost comical that, no matter what size place I live in, I can keep so busy taking care of the place. I wondered how I would live if I was told I had two years left to live - or what about two months?! Would I be so concerned with another wet towel dropped in a pile on a chair or would I just point out calmly that the towel won't dry if left like that, or even just hang it up myself without complaint?

I've had my transition, I feel lighter and more joyful, but tired. I'm a new babe and calmly determined to live with more love and lightness in my life.
I do not want to stop living like this, I know it is temporary and one day I will look back and this time with very fond memories. I am grateful for all of the lessons I'm getting, for the growth that's happening with all of us and for the fresh air and sunshine (even when it's hiding behind grey skies). I'm looking forward to the travel plans that we have and the adventures of mind, body and spirit that await us.

2 comments:

justine said...

this was good! I am just catching up on reading, but I, too, am dealing with transitions. After a good cry, I found the word "Gratefulness" floating through my mind. It's where I took my focus. On to being grateful. It required effort to make the focal shift, but it was worth the effort.

Annette said...

I hear you! Gratitude is absolutely something that helped me turn things around. I was also grateful for the transition, for the experience of feeling the deep, dark place. I'm not in a hurry to go there again, but in a way, the visit there helped me become stronger.
Hugs to you. A xxx