Adventures in packing...

My house is a total mess at the moment...how exciting!!

When I was on our recent roadtrip, my sister and I were chatting about how different we are. Even though we were raised the same way, we've interpreted life so differently. Her main focus in life in stability and security. Mine are freedom and flexibility.  We love each other very much despite our differences, and we are very good friends.  A few times I thought I could settle down, but life keeps telling me that that idea is just not for me.

Since we returned from our roadtrip, I've been circling around the rooms of the house, wondering where to start packing up in preparation for life on the road again. We've already gotten rid of a bunch of stuff and packed up some things, so it's not going to be a massive process. But it is still a transition and I've had some periods of amazing excitement, and a couple of moments when I was a little unsure if we were doing the right thing. In those latter moments, I'd just remind myself that we don't HAVE to do this. Then I remembered that I knew that, and that I really wanted to do it! 

I eventually decided to start in the kitchen, and pack it up as if we were already on the road.
I remember a lot of our shortcuts and tips from the year we had on the road so it's not like I have to figure it all out. Doing this is making me feel as though the adventure has already begun. Well, everyday is an adventure, but this is great preparation for a really grand adventure!  I'm keeping out only the basics and wondering why the heck did I get more than that anyway? I see it as a challenge as to how little I can live comfortably with. I bought a pressure cooker to replace the rice cooker and the stock pot and another saucepan. I also want to get rid of as many electrical appliances as possible (not that I have a lot to start with), as I want functional kitchen pieces that can be used on any kind of stove or oven (electric, gas, or solar). Do I really need the food processor that only gets used a few times a year? Nope, I'm sure that any jobs needing that can by done by hand or the blender.  The blender gets a lot of use so that is definitely coming.  Out goes the sandwich press, the cast iron skillet will do just fine. I have a cast iron dutch oven as well which could be used in an open fire. I like having different options for cooking so that we are very flexible and adaptable depending on our situation.

My whirlwind of creating different piles in the kitchen has affected other areas of the house...kind of like picking up a rug and shaking it. There are piles of stuff everywhere. I don't enjoy chaos, but I am able to see this as a part of the process, not of waiting until this is done before the next adventure starts, but as a part of the adventure itself. It is liberating to cleanse and release excess stuff! I'm loving finding myself more through the letting go of stuff.

I realise that I need to have an exciting life – full of passion and adventures. I know that I have created that!   I am so glad that I have chosen the free spirit path!  And that I have some pretty awesome people in my life to share it with!

no excuses

We have received news that we need to be out of this house by the end of June.   It's good to know as it helps us play around with different possibilities.  I almost said that it helps us plan, but that's just amusing as our plans tend to get changed all of the time.  The unfolding process seems so much more exciting when I can see the sea of possibilities and dive into that, rather that sitting on the edge fishing for a particular path that must be ours.  I make no excuses for changing my mind regularly and I will not be tied down to living a life that is not authentic to my strong needs for freedom and flexibility!

Being in this house for 2.5 years has given me so many lessons.  After reluctantly getting off the road to stay here awhile, I came to appreciate the house, but more so, our life here.  In the last 12 months, the feeling of stagnation has been growing stronger, with a side order of restlessness.

When we were discussing our possibilities, going to another house was one of them.  I looked online at other rentals, but the idea of going to live in another box really didn't sit well with me.  I felt physically ill at the thought of it.  trapped even. 

So often, at garage sales and car boot sales, I see people who are selling off their collectibles and bits n pieces that they have spent so many years collecting.  More people are realising that we can feel so much lighter with so much less stuff.  I know that we don't have a lot of extra stuff, but I do have more stuff than I really need.  I feel that, living in the house, the time is slowly ticking by, and I'm here waiting ... for something? 

Yes, we get out and do things and go places.  I do appreciate our time in this house.  But sometimes when we're been out and about,  I feel kind of heavy when I get back here. 

The best thing about staying in one place is the community that we become a part of.  I really love the friends we've made here.  I love going to the farmers market every Saturday morning and chatting to the farmers and other booth workers I've come to be friendly with.  And I love the friendly wave from the 85 year old feisty lady across the street (she is tiny, but is full of opinions and sparkle!).

I love sitting on the beach and looking at the expansiveness of the ocean, and lately, I've really been loving standing barefoot outside every night and just looking up at the stars.  Some people love looking at the moon, and I do enjoy that, but it is the stars that I really connect with.  I feel so peaceful and excited and full of possibilities and adventure when I'm stargazing.  Compared to the ocean, the night sky seems so much more expansive!  I feel larger too, not physically, but beyond the physical. 

I still have lots of questions, and sometimes the not-knowing seems overwhelming (but not very often).  I often think I should be 'doing' something beyond the other things I already do with being a mama.  You know, something 'important' like having an online business, or making things to sell.  Maybe one day.  Right now, I think the most important thing I need to do, is to BE the best person, mama, wife, friend I can be.  No excuses!

unexpected turn

Just as I settled into accepting that we were not getting out of our house in April to go traveling, and felt comfortable with the idea of staying in the house for at least several months beyond that....shift happens!  I had plans for the extra things I was going to do in the house...looking forward to the cooler weather coming up and doing more baking and crafts.  We moved things around and the house was feeling really good and more settled.  Ha!  We found out late yesterday that the house we are renting is going on the market for sale.  As we are on a week-to-week lease now, that gives a lot of uncertainty.  When we first got the news, Cary and I laughed at how delightful the Universe can be!  Maybe we are actually meant to go traveling after all!  We both felt incredibly calm, knowing that things were unfolding exactly as they are meant to.  We felt the alignment and knew it would all be good. 

As I tried to sleep last night, I found myself awake at 2:30am thinking of all of the little tasks involved with getting out of the house.  I'm glad I didn't start working on the vege garden again as I had planned on doing.  I'm glad we have already downsized somewhat, and I had already partly packed some boxes to go into storage.  I'm really glad we decided to keep Gypsy...that little dog is definitely a part of the family.  Several months ago we had been thinking that it may be kinder to rehome her instead of trying to travel with her.  Our biggest concern was leaving her stuck inside the camper on days when we couldn't take her with us somewhere, or the lack of a backyard for her to run freely and having to have her tied up outside.  We are working on training her so that life will be easier for her and us.  We adore her....and think we gave her the right name to be a traveling doggy!

So many other details to consider...

Ahhh...Trusting...Breathing....trying to not let my head take over and steal the Joy of the unfolding adventure.

Stuff & life...

I wrote this ten days ago and didn't get finished because I've hardly been online at all in that time:

We've been watching the Australian flood news on the tv for the past few days.  Floods that were as close as 1.5 hours from our house.  The strength of the Aussie spirit came shining through, and the way the community has come together is just phenomenal.   It is heartwarming to see people just go into the homes of strangers and help clean or take food and water or do whatever they can, and leave as friends.  The news is calling it a 'citizens army'.  I love the way Aussies come together in times of need.  The general comments of the people affected are things like "I've got my family with me...there are other people worse off than me...we'll be right".

We have been going through our house, getting rid of stuff.  We have the choice of doing this.  Others did not.  Some folk have lost every single material thing they had.  We are donating a lot of our things to the flood victims.  I feel better about donating things that can actually be used by those affected rather than donating money - ya just never know if it goes towards the first class travel of those in charge of the charity or foundation.

As I go through the stuff in our house, I wonder just how lightly I could move through life.  I don't know if I could ever be like Peace Pilgrim, but I wonder how many boxes or suitcases it would take to hold the material things I choose to share my life with?  It's like a personal challenge for me.  Most of the things I'm putting in storage are photos and favourite kids things.  I've managed to get all of my clothes into a medium sized suitcase.  At the moment, my winter overcoat and my shoes are not included, but I'm sure they would fit in there if I unzipped the zipper that allows the case to expand.

added 23 January:

We have lightened the house a lot.  There are still a lot of piles around the place as we sort through different areas, but we are seeing progress.  We are taking time out every day to just enjoy our family and the beautiful weather we are now having - kayaking, swimming, and just playing...and being oh so grateful for every moment!

Here we go again...

..I've done this before and it is much easier this time.  But every now and again, I have to stop and process the changes.  It's like I have a moment of doubt, or I get overwhelmed by the tasks ahead, or both.  Yes, we are drastically downsizing (again!).  An extended overseas trip is looking like the most probable path at this stage.  We are decluttering with that goal in mind, so we are getting rid of a LOT of stuff.  The piles around the house have stirred up the energy around here - we are all excited, but at times a little nervous or unsure or downright panicked!  Underlying all of those things, it feels good to have such a massive clean up.

There are so many things that I am just not attached to in this house.  When we did the big move from the USA to Australia over 4 years ago, I found it very hard to sort through my books.  I had a six-shelf bookshelf full of books on parenting, nutrition, spirituality, natural health and healing. Going through those books was like trying to figure out who I really was as I had to pick just 10 books to bring with me. (We had decided not to ship the whole house and to stick to absolutely favourite things.)  I almost felt like I was letting go of untapped parts of me as I let go of those books.  I now see that as crazy as it actually freed me to discover a new dimension of JOY! I learned to trust myself more as the authority in my own life - not any author or 'guru'.  I found that the books I had brought with me, I rarely even looked at!  I was so busy with the adventure of life and discovering the new place and new parts of myself  that I had to laugh at myself for being so attached to some books.  That process helped me so much with questioning my attachment to things.  Well, that and living on the road for a year - that sealed the lesson!

I still have some books, and some of the books that I had let go of in the USA actually came back to me here via op shops, or gifts.  When I release my books this time, I know that the lessons that may be contained in those books for me, will come back to me if I need them.  Maybe in a conversation, a bumper sticker, a quote on facebook or even the same book at a yard sale.  Maybe I don't even need these books, but I will release them at the right time, in the right place for someone who does need them, and trust that they will find them.

It's not just books, but the other 'stuff'.  My sister has kindly offered to store our photos and some favourite things at her home (thank you SO much Ros!), which makes packing and sorting so much easier.  I know we'll be back to visit and the kids will have some favourite things here waiting for them to play with when they get here.

Our departure date is not set.  We still have several months here at least.  AJ has asked that we be back in the USA by 4th July as he wants to buy a lot of fireworks!  Cary will be going back there in April, and the kids and I will probably do some traveling in Oz before we go.   Many new adventures waiting for us! 

lovin' this life!

The things I love most about this lifestyle is the freedom and flexibility and connection! I so love being able to be spontaneous, to be open to new opportunities as they arise...there is so much joy in life in every moment! Yes, even when the kids are squabbling...these are the moments that can test us the most in this department as they are great challenges in staying connected to ourselves and our children. They are great lessons in staying calm and present to help our children work through these moments so they can all feel heard and respected. Sometimes I am better at this than other times.

I've learned that it is ok to be a little selfish, meaning that I need to take time for me to recharge and center myself. In giving myself a little time, I can give a whole lot more time and focus to my children. When I do this, when I feel balanced, our days flow with delight. Every time I help my kids work out a challenge, I feel that actually helps us all to become stronger. So even though it might be loud or messy, it can be fantastic.

I love the passion of this life - of being "allowed" to express our emotions in all of their intensity. I love the connection we have, really listening to each other and aiming to find ways to meet needs and desires. Last week we spent a day driving around our area looking for a particular PS2 game that AJ reallllly wanted. The other two kids understood how much that meant to AJ and were happy to go along. (AJ had bought a game with some birthday money, it didn't work and he was disappointed. The replacement game didn't work either so we went to another store which was supposed to have it but had just sold it and then to another store which found one in the back room - phew!)

When I am in balance, which is happily more often than not, I feel so full, so blessed. Some days I feel like I am going to burst with joy! My children feel that and we all have a grand ol goofy time together. I have so much to be grateful for.

Today we are heading out to meet friends to go snorkeling and then...who knows where we'll end up? So many adventures waiting to happen....

Transition

During birth, transition is the stage when the mama thinks she just cannot go on. The babe is usually born very soon afterwards.


I had my own transition here last week. I reached the point where I was just "done" with all of this. The rain, the mildew, the constant dampness, the wind, the cramped conditions, not being able to find things easily, light bulbs blowing in the night, torrential rain knocking part of the annexe over, rain getting in and soaking the beds when we went out leaving the windows unzipped a little, tons of extra washing, the constant work, blah blah blah.

After transition comes the birth and a wonderful feeling of release and joy, although the mama is usually tired from the process. I thought back to my post regarding 'it's all about me'. Where I wrote about it being my responsibility to choose my focus. I KNOW this. This time the thought wasn't too far away. I knew it was there, I knew it was up to me to change how things were going, I just didn't feel capable. I needed to go deep into that transition, to really feel it, to get to a point where I sobbed deeply and for as long as was necessary to release it all. Years of pent up frustrations and old conditionings came through while I was sitting amongst a huge pile of wet laundry, with the camper a total mess and the rain still coming down. The children witnessed, they comforted but I did not stop for their sake, I kept going for me, not holding back, just letting it flow until it was done. Then I got up and did what had to be done - the washing, the meals, the shift in attitude.

I thought of people so much worse off than me. I wondered how I can always find so much stuff to do when living in such a little place. It seemed almost comical that, no matter what size place I live in, I can keep so busy taking care of the place. I wondered how I would live if I was told I had two years left to live - or what about two months?! Would I be so concerned with another wet towel dropped in a pile on a chair or would I just point out calmly that the towel won't dry if left like that, or even just hang it up myself without complaint?

I've had my transition, I feel lighter and more joyful, but tired. I'm a new babe and calmly determined to live with more love and lightness in my life.
I do not want to stop living like this, I know it is temporary and one day I will look back and this time with very fond memories. I am grateful for all of the lessons I'm getting, for the growth that's happening with all of us and for the fresh air and sunshine (even when it's hiding behind grey skies). I'm looking forward to the travel plans that we have and the adventures of mind, body and spirit that await us.