My evolution...

This blogging journey has been interesting.  For me anyway.  Recently, I randomly selected some old posts and it's been interesting to read them and see what was going on in my life then.  Some made me laugh out loud.  Some made me a little sad.  Some made me smile, and some made me think "what the...?"!

I can see some patterns.  Some breakthroughs.  Some times when lessons were repeated, so maybe I didn't always "get" them to the degree that I thought that I did at the time.  Maybe life is just so full at times, that it's easy to get distracted from remembering to stay present, or to fill myself with love all of the time, or to write five things that I'm grateful for every single day.  Or whatever I think that I "should" be doing.

I had a poster of the following 'Ten Rules for Being Human' on my wall when I was a teenager.  It was near my 'Desiderata' poster.  Such wonderful inspiration to share my days with!   I have often remembered, and quoted, parts of both.  Mostly to myself.   It's number 10 on the Rules that always gets me though!

Argh!  Just when I think I've got it, Number 10 strikes again!!

It has taken repetition, and a gradual chipping away at some old patterns.  It has taken me forgetting on a conscious level, so that, when the lesson appears again, I can go deeper into remembering.

I think that all of the "big" lessons for me, have really how to incorporate all of those "little" lessons into my very Being.

Hmm, into my very Being.

That's it!   They become a part of the way that we are, the way that we live every moment.  So then we no longer have to consciously remember them.

Some lessons take longer to incorporate.  That chipping away at old patterns.
Some might hit us with full force after a sudden awareness, which may or may not be triggered by a major event in our life.

Remember to be gentle with the process. Because learning lessons does not end, as long as we are still breathing!

Remember that all that really matters, is love.

Love is our Soul Purpose.

And that you have all of the tools and resources and answers within you already to know how to live that!

Before Speaking...

I have often found smalltalk...well, a little challenging. There are some people that it just seems easy with, the conversation just seems to flow. We connect and can talk about any subject either lightly or in depth.  Some others though, I find myself scratching for something to talk about, sometimes finding myself saying things that just seem 'not right' for me. Afterwards I might think "why on earth did I say that?". I assume that the other person might think that I am not interested or even maybe not interesting if I don't have a lot to say. It's getting to the point where I am preferring to avoid some social settings so I don't have to be involved in conversations that seem the same repetition of meaningless drivel. (too harsh?)

I am very comfortable with myself and with my silence...when I'm by myself. I'm learning to be comfortable maintaining that in a social situation. I love this quote by Sai Baba:

"Before Speaking, Ask Yourself:

Is It Kind?

Is It Necessary?

Is It True?

Does It Improve On The Silence?"

I choose to live this! 

However the question does arise...just what DO you speak about in random social situations?  Do you really have to say anything if you don't feel inspired?  Other people may feel uncomfortable and say unkind things behind my back.  Who knows...maybe they already do?!  What others think of me in none of my business!  I can only be in control of ME....my state of mind....my inner peace....my balance...  and when I can do that, I believe that I will radiate the Love and Peace and Joy that I am feeling.

I found this other great article on 7 Questions to Ask Yourself Before You Speak if you are interested in another opinion.  Worth a look!

.... I actually wrote that post earlier this year.  I've grown quite a bit since then and I no longer judge myself for what I do or don't say.  Wow!  I had forgotten that I used to do that!  It was great to read this post and see how far I've come!

Celebrating...

...Me!!!

Not just because it's my birthday this month....not even that reason actually.  I don't like thinking that there is one particular day each year that is dedicated to me.  I like having the mindset that I can celebrate myself. every. single. day!

In my quiet little way, I feel delight that I have given myself the gift of Health and Awareness.  I even feel as though my eyesight has become clearer.  I've been waking up with energy in my body, excitement in my mind and a stronger connection to my Spirit.


...just deepening the thoughts behind some of my previous posts...
In recent months, I feel as though I haven't always been living in alignment with Who I Really Am.  I am not proud of some recent behaviours. Not just the post about alcohol, but a few other things too.  I have felt a swirling, undercurrent, pulling me back and forth, testing me, teasing me, confusing me.   I have felt a shifting all around me - with some of our friends, our activities, with things the children are interested in now, new business ideas, and just a lot of big and small changes.

I have felt myself withdrawing in order to ponder, to try and put my finger on what is just not working and what does not feel right to me.

Now I am coming through that tunnel, I am seeing the Light and I am grateful for the period of contemplation.

I am clearer in my priorities.... which is still strongly focused on our free-spirited life.  But I have renewed passion to improve my physical health, add to my mental strength and deepen my Spiritual connection.  Rediscovering this felt so right that I am celebrating every day!  It seems as though, after having the intention, these things are finding ways to weave throughout the fabric of my days - all of those aspects, working together.  Which is probably because I'm aware of the opportunities to take seemingly ordinary events, and add a new dimension to them.   I am growing in all areas, and feeling the joy of that.

For me, the deep joy in each moment mostly stems from gratitude - for each breath, for the sun, the warmth, connection, playing...every. thing!  I feel such a giddy delight in living simply!  Some people don't understand the attraction we have to this lifestyle.  They infer that they are superior because they have more material stuff.  That's okay, we're happy for them.  And we're happy for us.

You know, what other people think of me is none of my business.  I just need to feel Right about being with myself.  When I can walk proudly because I know that I am Being the Best I Can Be, then I can be grounded in my own confidence, and I can ripple out the Love and Joy that I feel.  The Love and Joy that comes from within and from taking time to connect with Spirit and it all just gets better...deeper...stronger...

Love is all that matters...

Sometimes I just "get" life!  The reason for it, the grand design.....then the ridiculous pettiness we waste time on makes me just want to laugh!

I remember that the only thing that is really important...is Love.

How we relate to each other and ourselves.  Does it really matter who is "right"?  That's ego.

I remember to Trust....that everything is unfolding as it should...that everything I need will be provided. 

I let go of attachments and I feel lighter and brighter.

I let go of having to Do anything in particular....and it frees me up to just Be Who I Really Am.  In that state, I feel more productive if I choose to be.  Operating from a center of Love makes all tasks joyful.


Now if I could just remember all of this!! 

Implosion...

...the ghosts of Christmas' past, present and future all paid me a visit on the eve of Christmas Eve...all at the same time.    I was feeling good that I had finished shopping and there was only some more cookies to bake to give away to our neighbours.  I put on my apron and Santa hat and turned on the Christmas music on the CD player.  ...brewing...brewing...

Let me explain that baking cookies in a very small space is slightly challenging!  It is a constant shuffle of ingredients, bowls, measuring cups etc, and don't even think about trying to use the sinks as they are covered over to try and create more counter space. 

So I'm dealing with this shuffling and a low lying frustration creeps in...compounded by the Christmas music bringing up memories of 46 previous Christmas' that I've had - from as far back as I can remember all the way through...memories of my family, the incredible excitement, the following crash, the stress in the house, the music, my Dad singing (I won't hear that again), my Mum cooking, the rules and restrictions,  extended family gatherings, .... remembering so many moments by remembering how I was feeling then, often conflicting with how I thought I should be feeling.  Did other kids feel overwhelmed?  I felt like there was so much waiting before Christmas, then waiting for everyone to wake up that morning, then a short time of being free to gather with everyone for a relaxed time of sharing gifts before it was back to waiting to play because we had to get ready for church, then help with lunch then have a rest then go out visiting...waiting until we could stop doing stuff and just Be in that relaxed time again.  As I got older, the plan for the day changed and it did get more relaxed, but somehow there often seemed to be some drama.  I've probably spent almost as many Christmas days not in the presence of anyone from my childhood family, as what I have with them.  I've had a lot of different experiences - being with friends, camping, and the past 17 Christmas' have been with Cary, most of those in the USA.  Memories of his family and sharing special times with them came to mind... memories of our children's Christmas fun, getting rugged up, having a fire in the fireplace, driving around and looking at all of the Christmas lights (they are amazing in the USA!)....swirling...swirling memories of Christmas past....

My kids bickering was surrounding me, adding to my growing frustration of the lack of room.  The fn rainy weather that was keeping them inside was bugging me...could we please have a sunny Christmas sometime?  The lack of a decent area outside for them to play in.. I finally stopped trying to create a Christmas mood and turned off the Christmas music so that they could watch 'Toy Story'.  That was okay until they realised that the disc was scratched and they couldn't finish watching it and they went back to bickering.  Made me all warm and fuzzy thinking about the "joy" of Christmas...Not!  The Christmas music went back on ..."it's the hap, happiest time..of the year!"   I wasn't feeling it.  I questioned the current state of Christmas in my life and in myself and thought about how to do it differently in the future.

When I asked one of my kids to bring me the egg yolks to put in the gingerbread dough that I was mixing, and they brought over and tipped in the egg whites instead, I lost it.  I simply couldn't reach over myself and get the egg yolks as I had to go 10 feet away to use the power point to plug in the hand mixer and I thought how easy it would be to ask one of my kids to help me and stop bickering with the others for 10 seconds.

I told Cary that I'm not doing this again next year...I won't attempt to bake cookies in this small space, I will either just not do it, or I will go to a friends house who has a proper kitchen.  And I won't send Christmas cards because that art seems to be just about dead as most people just send an electronic bulk email often without a personal note.  And I don't want to be here next year, I want to be somewhere different.  Preferably somewhere that it is not raining.  (yes, I know...it's the sub tropics and it's the wet season so what did I expect?!)

I don't know why this one day of the year brings up so much 'stuff' for me.  I've alternated between wanting a big cosy house with all of the trimmings and extended family around me, to wanting to ignore it all and go play on a deserted island until it was all over.  I needed to process the ghosts of Christmas' past, present and future to see where I am in alignment with it all right now.

The real thing that my implosion brought to light was that I want Christmas to have more meaning, more depth.  I think I've pretty much been able to create the relaxed Christmas Day atmosphere that I had wanted as a child.  We don't make plans beyond getting up in the morning, and giving the children some gifts.  After that, they are free to play, we prepare nice food, hopefully go for a swim and / or a walk.  It's not a whole lot different from our other days.  Our children get gifts all through the year, or they buy themselves things they want.  Cary and I also get what we want when we want it and haven't exchanged Christmas gifts for many years.  I enjoy buying a few extra fun gifts for our children, and I enjoy seeing them have fun with them.   Enough rambling...

The BEST seat in the house!

Or...more specifically...outside of the house...

Ahhh....I love the beach!  It is 531 casual, strolling steps from our place, through the campground and across the road to the sand.  I love this time of the year with lots of fresh tropical fruits to savour, the sunshine and warmth and of course, the magnificent ocean, perfect for swimming in.  Being in the ocean is the number one place where I feel the most free and joy-full!  Where I feel the most connected to Source and Oneness and myself.  Oh yeah... ***  bliss! ***

More on relationships...

Since I last wrote about relationships, I've been exploring that topic more deeply.  I've been thinking of the idea of freedom within a relationship...not necessarily to be with other people romantically, but to be freely, deeply with myself...and to make no excuses for that.  To Love myself unconditionally, and to accept myself wholly. 

 

 

Think about it..  It takes awareness to maintain your connection to yourself.  It is easy to lose that during the busy-ness of daily life, in all of the other relationships we have - with our partners, our children, our coworkers, etc.  With the constant bombardment from the media as well, soon it can feel as though the life you are living is just on the surface.  It is so easy to forget to tune in to our true selves.  To say what you really mean, instead of what you think someone else wants to hear.

I'm talking about taking responsibility for YOU - for your feelings and your interpretation of experiences.  Not saying things like "my wife (husband) makes me feel unloved / unattractive / etc", because NO one can make you feel anything, only you can choose to feel those things.  Often those are things that you already feel about yourself that you are just projecting onto that other person in order to avoid taking responsibility for yourself.

So the first thing is to be aware - of the outside influences that distract your connection to yourself.  Of all of the little voices saying that you "should" do or say something.  Of all of the times when you do something out of conditioning rather than an actual need or desire.  Be aware and recognise when you are not really present with your feelings, with the moment.

Then take responsibility for your thoughts and actions.  Allow others to Be however they choose to be.  Stay strong in your inner connection, knowing that you are the only one who can make you feel good or not-good. 

Doing this, you can be with anyone, anywhere, and you can feel the freedom to just BE.

mobile home!

We decided to move to a different site within the campground.  The other site was nice as it was next to the turtles and the camp kitchen, but it was also under some heavy duty power lines which was bothering us.  So we've moved to the back of the park, which is much quieter.  As we were not moving very far, we didn't see the point in packing the tents all the way up.  We just took out the bags that were in them, unpegged them, and carried them down the road to the new site.  Of course we got quite a few comments like "now that's what I call a mobile home!" and everyone had a bit of a laugh.

Our new site is very quiet and we have a beautiful view of the creek.  There are a few steps down to the water which is a safe place to let Gypsy play off-leash.  It just feels better here.

We explored the little town of Kuranda a couple of days ago which was beautiful.  It is in the rainforest, 1000 feet above sea level behind Cairns.  They have funky little markets, Cary and I had a massage, we had a picnic in the park, strolled around the shops, went for a run through the rainforest, admired the Barron falls and just enjoyed being in the hinterland.  When we came back down the mountain, we had dinner next to the beach.  mmmm...I love the rainforest, and waterfalls, but the beach is really where I feel the best!  It was a beautiful, nature-full day....so nourishing on so many levels!

I am so grateful for...

...rain
...cool weather
...noise
...chaos
...challenges

... as they all give me a much greater appreciation for, and joy in...

...sunshine
...warmth
...quiet
...calm
...growth

Thank you life, for your highs and lows, for all of the experiences that allow me to shift and stretch and become more of Who I Really Am.

A new chapter...

We are officially house-free!  The final week at the house was extremely busy with packing, moving things into storage, and cleaning the house.  I would wake up around 3am, thinking of all of the things we still needed to do, then try to get a little more sleep, eventually give up, get up around 5am and get going.  How the heck does one 3 bedroom / 1 bathroom house take so much work to empty and clean?!  We have just about everything in a storage unit the size of a single car garage.  That includes all of our bikes, large fridge, mattresses, washer, dryer, kayak and loads of boxes.  The tents, sleeping bags and some of our clothes are with us, ready for our trip north.  

Thank you little house!  Thanks for keeping us dry and warm and for the memories we shared with you.  Thank you garden for your fragrant flowers and yummy fruits.

I kind of expected to feel a little sad about leaving the old house.  I really don't though.  I think I'd already detached myself.  Yesterday, as I was still cleaning and packing, I just felt excitement about the new chapter about to start.  Today when I woke up, I felt lightness and joy and relief.  We are spending a couple of days with our close friends, Lucy Briggs and Kevin Briggs.  So grateful to have this time to just stop and take a breath and tie up loose ends and get the car efficiently organised for our trip.  I feel so much gratitude right now.  I feel so mellow and peaceful.

(not a great photo, but there was a large circle with the same letters repeated several times.  Does it say 'nowhere'  or 'now here' or 'here now'? ) 

I like to see this as 'now here'.  And that's where I am.  No plan, no need to have to do or go anywhere.  I feel so much lightness now.  Our rough plan, for now, is just to head north, where the nights are warmer, for about 4 weeks, camping and living simply and deeply.

This moment...

I am making the most of living here, in this area and in this house.  Every sunny day lately, we have been going to the beach.  It's the thing I am going to miss the most about this place.  If we didn't have Gypsy, then we would just go back to the caravan park down the road next to the creek and across the road from the beach.  But we can't go there and this area is very limited on pet-friendly caravan parks.  Other areas are very welcoming and I know we will find other beachy places where Gypsy is welcome.  For now though, we will be a bit further away, maybe a 20 minute drive to the beach instead of a 10 minute stroll.

I'm enjoying the space inside on the rainy days, spreading out and baking breads and cookies and making soups.  Kicking back on the big couch watching movies on the big screen.  I remember rainy days in our old camper and how we would often go out for the day to the library or a museum or a mall to explore the gadget shops and watch the different kinds of people in the different areas.  At night time we'd watch movies or play games, feeling close and warm.  Both are good and the most important thing is to just be making the most of wherever we are by being present, letting our attention be there in that moment, enjoying what is.

Gratitude

That's my word of the season.  For many years my word was 'Peace'.  I surrounded myself with words, music, pictures and colours that would remind me of that, and until I eventually started to own it.  I've played with other guide words since then, but they didn't affect me the way that Peace, and now Gratitude have.

For quite a while I've been saying that I'm grateful for (something) and I really have been.  I've been deeply touched by periods of immense gratitude for the joys of life.  I've noticed that during those times, I also felt aligned with the deep calm within, and felt in tune with the song of my spirit. 

I feel that owning Peace opened me more to Trusting the unfolding of life, and to accepting the things that are beyond my control.  In being more aware of all that I am grateful for, I can take that deeper to living more consistently with Joy.  Whether that Joy is the quiet fullness of my heart, or the crazy, jumping up-and-down, let-me-at-it pull towards an adventure or a moment, I am living with it more often. 

I had a lot of external 'peaceful' stimulus around me when I was learning to adopt Peace into myself.  On this Gratitude journey, I am finding that I just need to remember to pause and reflect on any of the things I am grateful for.  It's triggered from within.  Then the Joy radiates out.  And I am so grateful for that!

no excuses

We have received news that we need to be out of this house by the end of June.   It's good to know as it helps us play around with different possibilities.  I almost said that it helps us plan, but that's just amusing as our plans tend to get changed all of the time.  The unfolding process seems so much more exciting when I can see the sea of possibilities and dive into that, rather that sitting on the edge fishing for a particular path that must be ours.  I make no excuses for changing my mind regularly and I will not be tied down to living a life that is not authentic to my strong needs for freedom and flexibility!

Being in this house for 2.5 years has given me so many lessons.  After reluctantly getting off the road to stay here awhile, I came to appreciate the house, but more so, our life here.  In the last 12 months, the feeling of stagnation has been growing stronger, with a side order of restlessness.

When we were discussing our possibilities, going to another house was one of them.  I looked online at other rentals, but the idea of going to live in another box really didn't sit well with me.  I felt physically ill at the thought of it.  trapped even. 

So often, at garage sales and car boot sales, I see people who are selling off their collectibles and bits n pieces that they have spent so many years collecting.  More people are realising that we can feel so much lighter with so much less stuff.  I know that we don't have a lot of extra stuff, but I do have more stuff than I really need.  I feel that, living in the house, the time is slowly ticking by, and I'm here waiting ... for something? 

Yes, we get out and do things and go places.  I do appreciate our time in this house.  But sometimes when we're been out and about,  I feel kind of heavy when I get back here. 

The best thing about staying in one place is the community that we become a part of.  I really love the friends we've made here.  I love going to the farmers market every Saturday morning and chatting to the farmers and other booth workers I've come to be friendly with.  And I love the friendly wave from the 85 year old feisty lady across the street (she is tiny, but is full of opinions and sparkle!).

I love sitting on the beach and looking at the expansiveness of the ocean, and lately, I've really been loving standing barefoot outside every night and just looking up at the stars.  Some people love looking at the moon, and I do enjoy that, but it is the stars that I really connect with.  I feel so peaceful and excited and full of possibilities and adventure when I'm stargazing.  Compared to the ocean, the night sky seems so much more expansive!  I feel larger too, not physically, but beyond the physical. 

I still have lots of questions, and sometimes the not-knowing seems overwhelming (but not very often).  I often think I should be 'doing' something beyond the other things I already do with being a mama.  You know, something 'important' like having an online business, or making things to sell.  Maybe one day.  Right now, I think the most important thing I need to do, is to BE the best person, mama, wife, friend I can be.  No excuses!

A new year dawning...

Tomorrow is the start of a new year, but it is also just another day.  Something about putting up a new calender makes us want to recreate part of ourselves as well.  It gives hope that this new year will be bigger and brighter, a chance to reflect on our ups and downs of the past year, and to learn and grow from those things.  To set course for  new goals, or to work  harder on achieving existing goals.  But do you really need to work "harder"?   I have found that when I am able to maintain my balance, that my goals seem to happen effortlessly.  Have you noticed that in your life?  I'd love to hear from you.

I admit I'm not one for new years resolutions.  I set goals for myself when I feel inspired to do so, not because of the date.  Even if I was prone to new year goal setting, this coming year has so many possibilities that I am not going to try and limit them with specific goals.  I am aiming to stay in tune with my deepest self, to be aware of the subtle (and not-so-subtle) signals that guide me along my path.  When I think about where I may be this time next year (or even six months from now), I can honestly say "I don't know".

Getting to a point of being comfortable with the uncertainty has taken time, but adds an exciting element to life. It also helps me to live more fully in the present and milk the most from every moment.  This morning I was walking along the beach and was aware of the velvet softness of the sand, the glitter of the sun on the gently forming waves, the feel of liquid silk as the water caressed my feet.  Right now I hear the music of different birds an my soul is delighted.  I feel light and free. I find that, in the appreciation of the natural beauty around me, wherever I am, and the joy of my family, wherever we are and whatever we are doing, I continue to feel light and free, as long as I stay rooted in the moment.  I stay in balance.  It's not "hard work", it flows naturally.

So tomorrow will be another day, but filled with many wonderful moments, just as every day is.

Tribal Dancing...

The kids and I went to a Tribal Dance at the eco-village last weekend.  We were guided to express ourselves physically within our own comfort zones and ability.  It was a place of non-judgement, only acceptance and finding our own Truth.  Our energy was gradually getting higher and faster until we were all sweating and out of our minds (some more than others) and back to our senses.

We moved as individuals, then as a group...creating community, a tribe if only for a short time, but perhaps taking that feeling out into the wider community in which we live, remembering that we are all connected.  (Until we forget again).

After the dancing, we were guided into meditation...to a place where we were encouraged to get in touch with our Truth as it was alive for us right then.  I had a hand resting on my solar plexus and felt my strength...I mean, really felt it.  I felt my courage and power.   I felt my guiding forces of Peace and Joy and Love.  I felt a deepened acceptance of myself in this phase of my life.  More gratitude for the different colours of gold and silver in my hair, a softening of the lines on my face.  I felt deeply in touch with my true self and very very content.

How are you?

What do you really mean when you ask someone "how are you?".  Are you asking about their physical health?  Mental health?  Busyness?  What? 

I often just resort to the answer "I'm good...how are you?".  But then what do I mean by that?  "I'm good"...my body may be healthy, but my mind may be scattered, my connection to myself way out of balance, but still I say that "I am good". 

Have you ever answered the question with a totally un-normal, unexpected reply to "how are you?"?  Like "I am absolutely fantastic, thanks for asking..."  or "I am amazingly wonderful".  If you have, you'll notice that people often stop for a second and look at you, perhaps a little envious, perhaps trying to figure out if you're on something or just not quite 'right' in the head. 

Asking "how are you" seems like a quick, polite way to connect to someone, but then do we really have the time to hear if the answer turns out to be a long drawn out reply about how the person really is?  What they may be feeling physically or emotionally?   Some of our elderly neighbours love to do that, and I am happy to listen to them.  I enjoy the time that we connect to these interesting women.  My children get a little restless, but they get to see me being patient and kind to others and can choose whether they want to incorporate that into their lives.  If it turns out that whoever I ask is experiencing some kind of pain, be it physical or emotional, that they want to share, I aim to be present for them in sharing that, and I try to project calm, loving energy to them to help them deal with that.

Asking the check out operator at the local store "how are you?" has resulted in one word answers, so in an attempt to connect a little more with those I interact with, I try asking different questions like "what's the best thing about your day so far?".

So many of us are so very busy...what would it be like if we all just slowed down a little and thought about really connecting with everyone we meet, even if just for a moment?  Giving a gift of your time and your energy instead of a standard question that you may not even mean?

When I ask someone that I do know that question, I generally mean...how is your physical health / what have you been up to / what's new? These are all the "safe" topics we were taught to believe are the right way to start a conversation.

What I really want to know, is "what is making your heart sing today?"

I want to know where people's JOY is.  I want to connect IN joy.  I want to interact in a way that will encourage people to touch their own joy, even for a moment. 

I am still working on ways to do this more often, working through old conditionings that I no longer want.

The thing I have found though...is that if I am not feeling connected to my own Joy, it is really hard to help others see theirs.

If you are not too busy, please leave a comment or send me an email rawmum at yahoo dot com...and tell me the best thing about your day today and / or what is making your heart sing...

Thank you...

In Joy...
Annette

.. journey

A couple of weeks ago we hooked up our old video camera to the tv to watch some home movies. We saw Summer's 5th birthday (a few days before Nicholas turned that age), AJ's 2nd and 3rd birthdays and other times of the kids just playing. Watching my children's stages and growth had me thinking of my journey as a parent and the different stages of growth I've been through as well.

Attachment parenting was a natural choice when Summer was born, even though I didn't know it had specific, almost unspoken 'rules' about how to do it 'right'. When I found that out, I started doing more research into natural parenting. I started out parenting by instinct but lost some of that in trying to follow other people's guides. I read a lot - books, magazines, internet forums and websites - trying to find the right information. Some of it was helpful. A lot of it was time used up that could have been spent discussing ideas with Cary and seeing how they could work with our family. Instead, I armed myself with new ideas and then informed Cary of how it was going to be. Then I would be mad when he didn't see it that way too! I really have spent a lot of time reading about how other 'experts' suggest we live a simple and natural and connected life. I kind of wish now that I had just lived my own life.

We moved into Steiner homeschooling, to relaxed homeschooling, then to Life Learning /Unschooling. The deeper I go into Unschooling, the more I see how beautifully it ties in everything that has resonated with me along my lifelong Spiritual journey. The Power of Now, Law of Attraction, the Golden Rule, and just a desire to be a Mama who loves spending time with her kids and sees the value in every single thing about them. For most of my life I have believed that 'Everything I Need will be Provided'. It's always been so. It encourages me to allow that same Trust to operate in the lives of my children where I have at times had doubt.

Cary and I have had our ups and downs over the years but for the most part we coast along well. A few weeks ago, we had an argument that took me by surprise. I took some time out afterwards and asked for guidance to give me some insight into preventing that pattern. I realised that I have a different level of communication with my kids than I do with Cary. I have put so much into being a Mama that I have neglected being a Partner in a deep and meaningful way. And I confess here publicly that I listened better, and gave more respect to, my children. In reading the different parenting books and advice over the years, I didn't factor that I could, or maybe should, apply those aspects that resonated with me, to my relationship with my husband.

So here I am....letting go of any rules that are not mine...letting my instincts guide my choices....making respect for ALL (not just my kids, but Cary, myself and everyone I meet) a priority. My life continues to get richer and deeper! (My golly...what will another 10 or 20 years bring?!) I know there are more lessons for me in the area of living an authentic life of deep connection...I am aware of a subtle longing inside of me for..for..? I'm sitting with that and in the meantime, I am enjoying the joy of individual moments and when there is some quiet, I ponder the root of that ache.

Shining...

I think I have the verbal runs at the moment. After being kind of quiet on this blog, I'm processing where I'm at now and I feel like I'm through the muck and back on top again. Thanks for listening.

Thinking about what I wrote last time, I honestly know that I do not have to focus more on one area of my life to promote, maybe make a business out of, and become some kind of 'expert' in.

I have many sides and, like a diamond, they all work together to make me shine as brightly as I do. It is not my path to focus on one area, and it is only when I am out of balance that I start to compare myself to others and start thinking that I "should" settle down and do something like that. But that is just not me. I love the adventure of life, the smorgasboard of experiences and it is when I am living the joy of that, and sharing that with my family and friends, that I shine the brightest.

Things in my life like Reiki and Reflexology are tools that I use to enhance where I am at. My main purpose right now, is to be the grandest expression of my Self so that I can be the best Mama / wife / sister / daughter / friend I can be.

I was starting to get a little frustrated with myself as these feelings I've been writing about recently...well, I am pretty sure I've written about them before. I started to imagine things like "oh the people that read this are going to get so bored with me repeating myself!". But it's okay. Because I see this journey of life like a spiral and maybe some of the path bumps into another part where I was feeling these same things. Knowing that I've been there before...and gotten through it...just makes it easier the next time. So I bump into that part of the cycle and then remember some of the mental processes I used for getting through it, and it's like it's over with quicker each time before I get flung off on another exciting part of the journey. Even if it looks a little similar to before...I can still make it feel fresh and new by being in the moment of it, breathing it in deeply, and being oh so grateful for it all!

So, I don't have to focus on one area. I feel the most inspired when I am doing exactly what I wrote at the top of this blog page - Living in harmony with the earth, in Joy with each other, and in touch with Spirit.

I love my free-spirit life! I love this lifestyle for my family! I really love being a Mama.

Oh my golly, "the world" is so very very busy around us. It's so easy to get caught up in 'having to keep busy'. I sometimes think that what I am 'doing' is more important that what I am Being.
Thanks to processing this confusion on this blog (even if I've done it before), I am proud to say that I am back on track and back in the business of JOY! Long may it reign! (If I do happen to slip, be a pal and remind me please.)

Whatever I 'do' from this moment forth, is never as important as who I will 'Be'. And that, dear friends...is where my main area of focus needs to be. Whatever I 'do' from that state, is secondary, .... if I am to become an 'expert' in any field, let it be in Joy!

Living Simply..part 2

Another thought...for some people, living simply means living on their own land, growing their own food, relying on the natural elements for power and water. I admire the people who live this way. For a long time, I even wanted to do this too. Thinking about it, it does not seem to me like a simple way to live...basic and very earthy yes...but damn hard work. I am not afraid of hard work, I have just been questioning if doing this would fulfill me. If it would allow me the time I have now to devote to my family.

Since we've been back in Australia, we've all grown personally, emotionally and spiritually. But professionally, Cary feels as though he's gone backwards. ..I see that side of his growth like he has been in the pullback phase of a slingshot. He's gone as far as he can without breaking...now he's released the thinking that was keeping him in that mindset and he's being flown forward and is really soaring. I know he'll go a long way.

Cary had reached a point of major frustration. He was almost ready to go back to the USA to live. Realising that the most important thing in my life is keeping the family together, I released my attachment to the thoughts that were keeping me here. Just as I sincerely offered that we could go back to the USA if he thought that would be better, he realised that he really does prefer it here and it seemed to fuel his determination to make it work here. He asked Spirit for guidance and 'out of the woodwork', answers started coming to him.

The opportunities that Cary is now creating and attracting will require us to move house. Our lives will be a little more hectic and not as 'simple' as they have been on this plateau. But as I mentioned in my previous post, as long as we maintain our connection to the important people in our lives (including our own selves and God), and we remain unattached to the physical reality around us, our lives will rich and full and deep.

I don't think this is the right time for us to get on the land totally. I would like to have a large veggie garden in our new place (the move probably won't happen for 4-6 months). I'll continue to do all that I do to be kind to the health of my family and the environment. The hard work in front of us now will involve more of a mental nature, and that's good too. And as long as I stay grounded in Who I Really Am, my life will always have an element of Simplicity.

Living Simply...what does that mean anyway?

I've mentioned on here from time to time that we enjoy Living Simply....but what does that mean really?

What do other people mean when they talk about "living simply"?

It could mean living frugally...living in a place that meets your basic needs, surrounded by just enough 'stuff' to make your life comfortable. No frills, no added extras and no clutter. Buying just enough food to get you through the week, and/or buying in bulk to get additional discounts. Buying the things you need when they are on sale. Probably not having things like cable tv, air conditioning etc.

It could mean living 'green', with the environment a major consideration in how you live. Purchasing mostly organic food, recycled clothes and household items, or new items that meet a certain standard.

It could mean not over scheduling your life so that you have more spare time to let life unfold. Spending quality time with those you love (family, friends and yourself) just to Be and explore and seize the moments.

For me, it is a little of all of these things. Probably the most important part of Living Simply, for me, is not having attachment to the material things I do have, and also not feeling attached to things "having" to be a certain way. My priority is my family and the connection we have to each other and to our Selves and to a Higher Source.

We have been living in a very basic house with mostly second hand, basic things around us. We're now seeing several paths in front of us...stay as we are...get back on the road....or move to a larger house with a large outdoor area where Cary could store all of the big toys he brings in from the USA. It's exciting having options. I think on some level, I may have resisted going for a larger house and newer furniture thinking that it wasn't very Simple or Spiritual. I now realise that it's not the things around me that make my life Spiritual or Simple ... it's maintaining Who I Really Am.
........you know what? That's it (for me)! My life is fairly Simple because it's not complicated by searching and trying to find myself in the grand scheme of Life. I'm pretty content with Who I Am and I have a great deal of Trust that Life is unfolding exactly as it should.

I can really Be my Self whether I'm living in a camper or in a very nice house. No matter where I go, I carry with me the lessons learned in non-attachment and living with connection as my priority. In doing so, I am living my life fully and deeply.

I actually prefer that term...Living Deeply. That's what we do.