My evolution...

This blogging journey has been interesting.  For me anyway.  Recently, I randomly selected some old posts and it's been interesting to read them and see what was going on in my life then.  Some made me laugh out loud.  Some made me a little sad.  Some made me smile, and some made me think "what the...?"!

I can see some patterns.  Some breakthroughs.  Some times when lessons were repeated, so maybe I didn't always "get" them to the degree that I thought that I did at the time.  Maybe life is just so full at times, that it's easy to get distracted from remembering to stay present, or to fill myself with love all of the time, or to write five things that I'm grateful for every single day.  Or whatever I think that I "should" be doing.

I had a poster of the following 'Ten Rules for Being Human' on my wall when I was a teenager.  It was near my 'Desiderata' poster.  Such wonderful inspiration to share my days with!   I have often remembered, and quoted, parts of both.  Mostly to myself.   It's number 10 on the Rules that always gets me though!

Argh!  Just when I think I've got it, Number 10 strikes again!!

It has taken repetition, and a gradual chipping away at some old patterns.  It has taken me forgetting on a conscious level, so that, when the lesson appears again, I can go deeper into remembering.

I think that all of the "big" lessons for me, have really how to incorporate all of those "little" lessons into my very Being.

Hmm, into my very Being.

That's it!   They become a part of the way that we are, the way that we live every moment.  So then we no longer have to consciously remember them.

Some lessons take longer to incorporate.  That chipping away at old patterns.
Some might hit us with full force after a sudden awareness, which may or may not be triggered by a major event in our life.

Remember to be gentle with the process. Because learning lessons does not end, as long as we are still breathing!

Remember that all that really matters, is love.

Love is our Soul Purpose.

And that you have all of the tools and resources and answers within you already to know how to live that!

Letting go...

In the past six weeks, I've let go of a lot.

A lot of material items, and a lot of inner releases as well.

It has been the most relaxed and joyful holiday season I've experienced for a very long time.


I've done major decluttering so many times that the process is familiar and even easy.  I don't follow anyone's 'rules' for doing so.  For example, some people try and get their wardrobe down to a set number of pieces.  I don't see the point in that.  I have a small area for my clothes.  I just want them to fit in there neatly.  I also want all of the clothes in there to be clothes that I feel happy wearing.  Every so often, I go through them all when I realise that there are clothes in there that I just haven't been wearing.  I try them on and ask myself two questions: "Is this comfortable?" (I only like clothes that I can't feel when they are on.  No scratchy areas, or seams, or tightness.)  And, "Do I feel good in this?".  The feeling is not just the physical comfort, but the sub-conscious effect of the colour and style.  With these two questions, it's very easy to decide on whether or not to keep something, or to let it go so that someone else might use it.

I have been through every cupboard of our little townhouse.  It's amazing how many bits and pieces were hiding in the shadows!   Again, two questions: "Do we actually use this?", and "Does this delight me?".  Only one question needs a "yes" for an item to stay.

If we have been somewhere special, I often pick up a stone or a shell or an unusual stick or something.  I keep these things around the place.  When I can no longer remember where I picked that piece up, and the memory associated with it, I return it to the earth.

I got rid of several pieces of furniture that were just storage places for 'stuff'.  In getting rid of a place to hold it, I then was able to be more ruthless in what stayed and what went as I moved things around.

I let go of the idea of being a great gardener.  At least while we are living here.  I have tried container gardening, but not very successfully.  If I read more about it, and tested the soil, and moved the plants in and out of the sun or fertilised more or less frequently, I'd probably do better.   I had been trying to grow different foods.  The thing is, we can easily go through one lettuce in a day or two.  The amount of space that I'd need to maintain our demand was crowding us, and the amount of time that it would take to care for that, can be better spent elsewhere.  I got rid of a lot of extra garden pots and garden paraphernalia that was cluttering up our patio.  It felt really good.

I let go of a lot of other projects that no longer felt important.  These were things that had held a little piece / peace of me as I'd thought that I should finish them someday.  Gone.  Not necessary.  I did all that I needed to do.

I let go of books that were no longer relevant.  Now all of my books fit neatly on one shelf.  I am going to take more time to read in the coming months.  I rarely read fiction, it's usually books on health and spirituality that inspire me.

With Thanksgiving, two family birthdays, Christmas, and a road trip to visit extended family, the holiday season can feel overwhelming to me.  I try to make each event and every person feel celebrated.  A huge thing for me, is that I let go of that being my job, my responsibility.  Instead,
I stayed authentically in my own Joy, and I let that ripple out.

Another huge thing for me, was that I let go of the grief that I still had about my Dad no longer being earthside.  So many of my Christmas memories featured him so strongly, especially from my childhood.  Christmas carols always reminded me of him as he loved to sing, and I loved his voice.  I let go of the attachment to those early memories, I let go of the sadness that I wouldn't hear his voice again.  Instead, I just remembered the Joy of those times.  I felt a deep Peace, and a lot of gratitude for those memories.

I let go of having to do certain things.  I wrote fewer Christmas cards.  I baked fewer cookies.  We did not put up all of the Christmas decorations.  I spent more time doing things for myself, like going for a paddle out on the lake that we live on.  Without guilt!  With Joy!

I rarely went onto any social media.  Before I cut back, I had tried to keep up with news and events from family and friends on a regular basis.  But I just stopped.  I stopped having to 'like' my friends posts.  I also stopped the subtle comparison I was subjecting myself to when I thought I should be more like some of my friends who were fitter than me, or more creative than me, or more fun than me.   I 'unliked' and unfollowed a whole bunch of pages and people.   Maybe twice a week, I might have a quick scroll through Instagram and Facebook, and that's enough.  I've got board games to play, books to read, new recipes to try, and fun to be had with the people that are here in my life right now.

I don't know what the new year has in store for us.  I feel so good to be starting the year feeling so light.  Feeling so Joy-Full.  Feeling more space within me, and around me.  Feeling calm and, with fewer distractions, more focused on goals.

I hope that you all are in a place of Peace, and that the year ahead brings you good health and great happiness.

In Joy,
Annette

Gracefully surrendering...

...the things of youth...oh what a trip this has been!...like a 3D game of snakes and ladders as my path winds around this mountain of my life.  Sometimes taking a leap forward, sometimes sliding back.  All of it has been so perfect!  The beauty of hindsight is that I can see how some of the worst times shaped me to have enormous growth.

One of the things that has helped shape me is 'Desiderata' (I've put a copy below).  My sister was given a poster of that when she was an early teenager.  I am four years younger than her and we shared a bedroom.  She had the poster on the wardrobe door and I read it many, many times.  Every day I would add a new sentence to what I had already memorized and I would say it over in my mind during the long walk to and from the school bus.  When she moved out, I got my own copy which has traveled with me in all of my moves around Australia and the world.  It's still relevant.  I find myself pondering the line: "Take kindly to the counsel of the years, gracefully surrendering the things of youth." 

In that spirit, I claim:

Love

Peace

Joy

Personal Power

Acceptance

Self-worth

as some of my most valued lessons, deeply learned and integrated.  I claim them from all of the challenges and bruises and highlights that it took to earn them during my youth.  I now own them and they will not be surrendered.  Only all of the fears and insecurities and confusion will be released.  They may just look like words, but they mean much more than that to me.  Who knew?  Growing older can come with such a beautiful Peace.  Growing into one's true self.  Not needing to prove anything to anyone.  Not needing to feel guilty.  My body may not look and act like it did years ago, but the trade for inner Peace is definitely worth it to me.

So grateful for every single breath and step along this path!


DESIDERATA

Go placidly amid the noise and haste, and remember what peace there may be in silence.

As far as possible, without surrender, be on good terms with all persons. Speak your truth quietly and clearly; and listen to others, even to the dull and the ignorant, they too have their story. Avoid loud and aggressive persons, they are vexations to the spirit.

If you compare yourself with others, you may become vain and bitter; for always there will be greater and lesser persons than yourself. Enjoy your achievements as well as your plans. Keep interested in your own career, however humble; it is a real possession in the changing fortunes of time.

Exercise caution in your business affairs, for the world is full of trickery. But let this not blind you to what virtue there is; many persons strive for high ideals, and everywhere life is full of heroism. Be yourself. Especially, do not feign affection. Neither be cynical about love, for in the face of all aridity and disenchantment it is perennial as the grass.

Take kindly to the counsel of the years, gracefully surrendering the things of youth. Nurture strength of spirit to shield you in sudden misfortune. But do not distress yourself with imaginings. Many fears are born of fatigue and loneliness.

Beyond a wholesome discipline, be gentle with yourself. You are a child of the universe, no less than the trees and the stars; you have a right to be here. And whether or not it is clear to you, no doubt the universe is unfolding as it should.

Therefore be at peace with God, whatever you conceive Him to be, and whatever your labors and aspirations, in the noisy confusion of life, keep peace in your soul.

With all its sham, drudgery and broken dreams, it is still a beautiful world.

Be cheerful. Strive to be happy.

**************************************************************************

For the story on the discovery of this piece of inspiration, go to:

http://www.businessballs.com/desideratapoem.htm

Before Speaking...

I have often found smalltalk...well, a little challenging. There are some people that it just seems easy with, the conversation just seems to flow. We connect and can talk about any subject either lightly or in depth.  Some others though, I find myself scratching for something to talk about, sometimes finding myself saying things that just seem 'not right' for me. Afterwards I might think "why on earth did I say that?". I assume that the other person might think that I am not interested or even maybe not interesting if I don't have a lot to say. It's getting to the point where I am preferring to avoid some social settings so I don't have to be involved in conversations that seem the same repetition of meaningless drivel. (too harsh?)

I am very comfortable with myself and with my silence...when I'm by myself. I'm learning to be comfortable maintaining that in a social situation. I love this quote by Sai Baba:

"Before Speaking, Ask Yourself:

Is It Kind?

Is It Necessary?

Is It True?

Does It Improve On The Silence?"

I choose to live this! 

However the question does arise...just what DO you speak about in random social situations?  Do you really have to say anything if you don't feel inspired?  Other people may feel uncomfortable and say unkind things behind my back.  Who knows...maybe they already do?!  What others think of me in none of my business!  I can only be in control of ME....my state of mind....my inner peace....my balance...  and when I can do that, I believe that I will radiate the Love and Peace and Joy that I am feeling.

I found this other great article on 7 Questions to Ask Yourself Before You Speak if you are interested in another opinion.  Worth a look!

.... I actually wrote that post earlier this year.  I've grown quite a bit since then and I no longer judge myself for what I do or don't say.  Wow!  I had forgotten that I used to do that!  It was great to read this post and see how far I've come!

Gratitude

That's my word of the season.  For many years my word was 'Peace'.  I surrounded myself with words, music, pictures and colours that would remind me of that, and until I eventually started to own it.  I've played with other guide words since then, but they didn't affect me the way that Peace, and now Gratitude have.

For quite a while I've been saying that I'm grateful for (something) and I really have been.  I've been deeply touched by periods of immense gratitude for the joys of life.  I've noticed that during those times, I also felt aligned with the deep calm within, and felt in tune with the song of my spirit. 

I feel that owning Peace opened me more to Trusting the unfolding of life, and to accepting the things that are beyond my control.  In being more aware of all that I am grateful for, I can take that deeper to living more consistently with Joy.  Whether that Joy is the quiet fullness of my heart, or the crazy, jumping up-and-down, let-me-at-it pull towards an adventure or a moment, I am living with it more often. 

I had a lot of external 'peaceful' stimulus around me when I was learning to adopt Peace into myself.  On this Gratitude journey, I am finding that I just need to remember to pause and reflect on any of the things I am grateful for.  It's triggered from within.  Then the Joy radiates out.  And I am so grateful for that!

more growth..

My dear Dad gently pointed out to me yesterday that I haven't blogged since 13 November.  Yeah...I've been a little anti-social lately.  My last post was concerned with some physical stuff.  Right after I'd posted that, a whole bunch of mental stuff came up and I admit to struggling with processing it all.  Some of you know that we've been dealing with a legal issue concerning a camper that we sold in August.  The people that bought it changed their minds, but instead of saying that, they started claiming all kinds of things were wrong with the camper (which we knew they absolutely were not), they got different Government agencies onto us (we were cleared of everything), and they generally have been making life, well, a little challenging.  The worst moment was when the man came to our house when Cary was overseas and was yelling at me and saying things that are not true.  The worst thing about that was that the children were present and were scared.  It took away some of the "safe place" that a home is meant to be and now we always make sure the front door is locked when we are home.  We had offered to fix the things that the people claimed were not right with the camper (which we did not have to do), but then they would change their story of what it actually was they had a problem with. The constant threats and dark negativity from those people have been exhausting.  I let the situation take over my life.

In recent weeks, the situation came to a head with an official mediation, which was a joke, followed by many phone calls and emails between us and their legal advisor (who just gave up after a while as they were so unreasonable, he told them he wouldn't help them anymore), and our solicitor.  We offered to buy the camper back as it's a great camper and we would like to use it to do some long-term camping next year.   We are still in the process of agreeing on terms of settlement.  If we can't do that, then we will be going to court early next year.  It has been upsetting to be on the defensive when we have done nothing wrong!

All along, we could see that these other people were in some kind of mental pain.  We sent them peace energetically and we really wanted them to be happy.  Using Law of Attraction, I felt and saw the outcome I desired.  Coming to my house and threatening me I can deal with, but scaring my children is crossing the line.  I have found it hard to think kindly towards these people after doing that, especially as we had offered to fix any problems (when we really didn't have to).  Maybe their pain has been so deep, that they just don't know another way of dealing with life? 

Cary and I have been bickering a lot due to the tension caused by this matter in our lives.  We had different ideas on some of the points raised and the underlying causes.  Before the mediation, we had the idea to go back on the road, and as we don't currently have a camper, we thought it would be win-win if we agreed to buy it back.  We set numerous dates to settle the matter but there was always a last minute change.  I felt as though I couldn't plan anything.  I no longer knew if we were even going to get the camper back and be able to go traveling, or if we were going to be going to court.  Then there was discussion about returning to the USA.  With two birthdays and Christmas in December, I couldn't even think about what kinds of things to get as gifts if we were going to be downsizing or moving or who knew what other option may pop up?!

I started spiralling down.  I was still trying to take care of my physical body, but it wasn't enough...my mind was in a spin.  I thought things like "what have I done to attract these people into my life?", but then countered that with "what can I learn from this...what lessons are here for me?".  The drama of it all was taking over and I was letting it steal my Joy.  I came to realise several things:

* Compared to what some other people are facing in their lives right at this moment (or have faced in their lives) - death of a loved one (I was using a lot of leverage of myself so I focused on people I knew that had lost a child); serious illness; chronic pain; financial ruin - this whole situation was a mere nuisance.  A little bump in the road.  So I greatly downgraded it's importance.

*  As a "sensitive" person, I had allowed the negativity from the other people to get to me.  I usually go through life expecting the best from people, so I stay open to receiving that.  However, in this case, I was also open to receiving the opposite of that, so I need to work on protecting myself energetically.  That could also help me in crowded situations which tend to totally overwhelm me when I haven't prepared myself.

*  These people, this situation, does not control me.  I had given away some of my control, my power, when I let my days be guided by all of the phone calls and emails and trying to fit in with making new settlement plans.  I reclaim my Power and take back control of my own life!

*  I am safe.

*  I am strong.

*  I am grateful for every person and thing in my life as everyone who is in my life is here for a reason.  Sometimes recognising that lessons don't always come in "nice" packages, has it's benefits as it gives us an opportunity to grow stronger in a new, maybe uncomfortable, way.  So, I am grateful for these people, for the chance to explore confrontation (definitely not my strength previously...I've usually been the Peacemaker).  I have grown stronger in that department and I'm sure that will filter into other areas of my life. 

*  I am grateful for the experience as it has opened our eyes to focusing on what is most important in our lives.  There were times when we were so immersed in dealing with this situation, that we were not very kind to each other.  We were in our own spaces in attempting to process this and find the solution that best fitted our own needs.  Mine was Peace, and I admire Cary for standing up for what he knows is right and for refusing to be bullied, but our methods  didn't always agree.  He maintained "the good guys don't hide".

*  I am also grateful for the opportunity to explore different options in the direction of our lives.  Staying here, traveling, moving.  Ultimately, the importance of flexibility is necessary for us.

*  I am grateful for the lesson in detachment.  Not just from things - I was excited when I thought we were getting the camper back..then we weren't ...then we were..then we weren't..argh!- , but from ideas too.  I had to release the way that I wanted this to play out as it was just not working out that way.  Doing so has allowed new ideas and possibilities to surface and swirl in our lives.  Who says we can't have a base here AND travel AND spend time in the USA?!

*  I am grateful for the lesson in TRUST.   I've always believed that "everything I needed would be provided", though I have usually only accepted that in positive situations, not ones that could be percieved as 'negative'.  However, I also know that God would not send me anything that I could not handle.  So I am grateful for remembering that I am not alone and that All Is Well.

...I don't know how the story with the camper will end, but I do know that my approach to it now is calm and peaceful and loving.  I have let go of fear and move forward with excitement in knowing that the Universe has provided a very interesting life for me!  I have my Joy again!

Peace fun

We went to a Peace Walk in Byron Bay on Sunday. It was a part of the http://www.theworldmarch.org/. - the actual part of the world march in Australia was happening in Sydney, but this was a local gig to support that effort and help raise the energy. The theme: "We want Peace and Non-Violence".

AJ's foot :

Nicholas walking a little labyrinth that I drew in the sand.

Summer and a new friend drawing "the biggest peace sign" in the sand.

To get to this event, we had left our place in beautiful sunshine and drove almost an hour, into rain and cool weather. The weather was not very nice and we thought the Walk may be cancelled. But we parked, wrapped ourselves in towels and blankets and wandered down to the beach where the walk was to take place. We found one other family there - a homeschooling mama (who had arranged the walk) and her three kids. The rain held off for a while so we played on the sand to see if anyone else wanted to brave the weather. No one did, but it was ok because we had a fabulous time! We clicked so well with this other family, like we had been friends for a long time. We ended up going back to their place for the afternoon. The kids found plenty to amuse themselves...the pegs were a big hit! -

Always growing

Thanks for the "happy birthdays"!

In the photo taken from the lookout on the hike, our house is in amongst those on the right. It takes us about 10 minutes to walk up to that lovely long beach.

In the '44' post, I wrote that I was both calm and excited. Later I thought that they may seem like opposites. But I feel them both. I feel an inner calm - a peace and Knowing that, whatever happens on the outside, I can handle it and deal with it coming from a place of that calm and holding my own Truth.

This state is becoming more and more my usual state. For so long, it would be something that I would only catch glimpses of every now and again. Now it is something that I experience daily. Sometimes I slip out of it for a while. But those slips are becoming less frequent. The most significant slip happened a few days ago. I had let things stack up - I was really tired, I had not been drinking enough water and therefore I had a headache, I had not been eating enough. And, my Mum was here. The last time I saw my Mum, we had a major disagreement. That was almost a year ago, and in the meantime, phone calls have been very good as we had worked through that. But actually seeing her, I became aware that I was holding some tension, just waiting for some kind of negativity to come from her. Well, ...the negativity came, but not from her. I attracted it, but it came from a stranger. It came when I had all the other things (tired, dehydrated, hungry) happening. What did I do? I just walked away. I chose not to get into an ego battle with that person, I chose to just do what was best for my spirit. As soon as it happened, I realised what had happened and why. It did not take me hours to figure it all out. I knew straight away the mental process behind it all, and the fact that my physical state had also contributed. Within seconds of walking away, I had realised this and felt good that I was walking away from the negativity. I said to myself "I'm better than I used to be". Instead of beating myself up for what I "should have" done to prevent that situation, I was proud of myself for choosing the way that gave me back my own strength and clarity and truth. I was not upset with the stranger, in my mind, I actually thanked them for giving me the chance to handle this in a new way.

So from that came a deeper commitment to take care of myself - to drink enough water, to keep my body nourished with enough food, to get more rest.
Even though we are spiritual beings having a human experience, we can't live too much in either dimension while we are here. We need to take care of this physical body and we need to take care of the spirit as well. Maybe it's that balance that I'm getting better at.

So I also feel excited that, through this Peace and awareness, I am always growing, I am feeling both deeper within and more expansive as that energy radiates out. I am excited that, with all of the travelling and moving around that I've done, this journey within still holds a beautiful feeling of adventure. I am excited as the more I go deeper, the more I love what I find and the way that helps me BE.

I am in love with this life.

surfin' for peace

A couple of nights of insufficient sleep...days spent being busy with three busy, noisy children....trying to quieten my mind - it used to be so easy, what happened? I think my mind has gotten so used to being surrounded by chatter and interruptions that that's what I get even when I wake up in the middle of the night. Several days ago it all led to a build up of frustration. We all went to the beach with me in a bit of a grey mood despite the brilliant sunshine. As we were walking there, the smells of frangipani's filled the air and I started feeling better.

The ocean was rough - dumping waves and a strong rip. The water was so clean and clear and a perfect temperature. We swam where the lifeguards were and oh boy oh boy was that ever what I needed to clear my head! There is nothing like a good body bash in the waves! What a fantastic workout. We stayed in pretty close to shore, away from the waves breaking after Summer and AJ both got dumped. Ah the power of Mother Nature! Walking through the water, against the rip was a great leg workout. The whole thing was really. The next day when we went to the beach, the ocean was back to being more gentle with easy breaking waves and no rip.

I just love being so close to the ocean! Being in the ocean, and being on the shore looking at the ocean, it's so easy for me to just BE, the chatter slows right down and calm comes to me, even when I'm right in the middle of a breaking wave - that's pure joy to me!