My evolution...

This blogging journey has been interesting.  For me anyway.  Recently, I randomly selected some old posts and it's been interesting to read them and see what was going on in my life then.  Some made me laugh out loud.  Some made me a little sad.  Some made me smile, and some made me think "what the...?"!

I can see some patterns.  Some breakthroughs.  Some times when lessons were repeated, so maybe I didn't always "get" them to the degree that I thought that I did at the time.  Maybe life is just so full at times, that it's easy to get distracted from remembering to stay present, or to fill myself with love all of the time, or to write five things that I'm grateful for every single day.  Or whatever I think that I "should" be doing.

I had a poster of the following 'Ten Rules for Being Human' on my wall when I was a teenager.  It was near my 'Desiderata' poster.  Such wonderful inspiration to share my days with!   I have often remembered, and quoted, parts of both.  Mostly to myself.   It's number 10 on the Rules that always gets me though!

Argh!  Just when I think I've got it, Number 10 strikes again!!

It has taken repetition, and a gradual chipping away at some old patterns.  It has taken me forgetting on a conscious level, so that, when the lesson appears again, I can go deeper into remembering.

I think that all of the "big" lessons for me, have really how to incorporate all of those "little" lessons into my very Being.

Hmm, into my very Being.

That's it!   They become a part of the way that we are, the way that we live every moment.  So then we no longer have to consciously remember them.

Some lessons take longer to incorporate.  That chipping away at old patterns.
Some might hit us with full force after a sudden awareness, which may or may not be triggered by a major event in our life.

Remember to be gentle with the process. Because learning lessons does not end, as long as we are still breathing!

Remember that all that really matters, is love.

Love is our Soul Purpose.

And that you have all of the tools and resources and answers within you already to know how to live that!

Sassy me...

I gave my boys a haircut last week and then decided that I should have a trim as well.  AJ offered to cut my hair for me.  It's been pretty warm here lately and we don't have air conditioning in the caravan or in our car.  In order to stay cooler, I needed to tie my hair back all of the time...and I was also getting too many headaches. 

I told AJ that I wanted to go a bit shorter and he figured that chin-length would be good so he snipped away.  Summer evened it out a bit and now we have a new-look me!....

I love it!  I don't just look a little different, I feel different too...Much sassier!  (and my headaches have stopped!)  But this feeling is not just because of the haircut.  (It would be the other way around.)

I wrote recently about some of the pre-menopausal symptoms I've been experiencing. I haven't had the hot flushes for several months, I just feel like my whole body is running warmer than usual. Maybe that's partly hormones and partly, or mostly, the extra pounds I'm wearing. This is the first summer that I've had a challenge with the heat of the season. As I'm entering my own autumn years, I'm actually looking forward to the season of autumn and the slightly cooler weather. Even my wardrobe now has some autumn colours in it.

I like this feeling, it feels like a new, stronger power brewing, creating a more Sassy me, not willing to take any crap from anyone. No longer willing to put myself out for others. Not selfish as such, just making sure I take care of myself and my family first. With a fiery, passionate determination to back it up. Very fiery. It's almost like adolescence again only more directed and with the wisdom of experience backing it.

Several things have happened lately which have led to me feeling a little taken advantage of.  I take full responsibility for my part in that. 

And now I take full responsibility in ensuring it never happens again! 

I claim my right to speak my mind and defend my needs!  I know that I am valuable and worthwhile!

When I logged on here this morning, this is the daily affirmation from Dr Wayne Dyer that I was greeted with:

My destiny is mine to control.

When you acquire enough inner peace and feel really positive about yourself, it's almost impossible for you to be controlled and manipulated by anybody else.

It was such a great reminder and affirmation of where I am right now.   Who said getting older was a bad thing?  Right now, I wouldn't trade it for anything!

The BEST seat in the house!

Or...more specifically...outside of the house...

Ahhh....I love the beach!  It is 531 casual, strolling steps from our place, through the campground and across the road to the sand.  I love this time of the year with lots of fresh tropical fruits to savour, the sunshine and warmth and of course, the magnificent ocean, perfect for swimming in.  Being in the ocean is the number one place where I feel the most free and joy-full!  Where I feel the most connected to Source and Oneness and myself.  Oh yeah... ***  bliss! ***

This moment...

I am making the most of living here, in this area and in this house.  Every sunny day lately, we have been going to the beach.  It's the thing I am going to miss the most about this place.  If we didn't have Gypsy, then we would just go back to the caravan park down the road next to the creek and across the road from the beach.  But we can't go there and this area is very limited on pet-friendly caravan parks.  Other areas are very welcoming and I know we will find other beachy places where Gypsy is welcome.  For now though, we will be a bit further away, maybe a 20 minute drive to the beach instead of a 10 minute stroll.

I'm enjoying the space inside on the rainy days, spreading out and baking breads and cookies and making soups.  Kicking back on the big couch watching movies on the big screen.  I remember rainy days in our old camper and how we would often go out for the day to the library or a museum or a mall to explore the gadget shops and watch the different kinds of people in the different areas.  At night time we'd watch movies or play games, feeling close and warm.  Both are good and the most important thing is to just be making the most of wherever we are by being present, letting our attention be there in that moment, enjoying what is.

Gratitude

That's my word of the season.  For many years my word was 'Peace'.  I surrounded myself with words, music, pictures and colours that would remind me of that, and until I eventually started to own it.  I've played with other guide words since then, but they didn't affect me the way that Peace, and now Gratitude have.

For quite a while I've been saying that I'm grateful for (something) and I really have been.  I've been deeply touched by periods of immense gratitude for the joys of life.  I've noticed that during those times, I also felt aligned with the deep calm within, and felt in tune with the song of my spirit. 

I feel that owning Peace opened me more to Trusting the unfolding of life, and to accepting the things that are beyond my control.  In being more aware of all that I am grateful for, I can take that deeper to living more consistently with Joy.  Whether that Joy is the quiet fullness of my heart, or the crazy, jumping up-and-down, let-me-at-it pull towards an adventure or a moment, I am living with it more often. 

I had a lot of external 'peaceful' stimulus around me when I was learning to adopt Peace into myself.  On this Gratitude journey, I am finding that I just need to remember to pause and reflect on any of the things I am grateful for.  It's triggered from within.  Then the Joy radiates out.  And I am so grateful for that!

no excuses

We have received news that we need to be out of this house by the end of June.   It's good to know as it helps us play around with different possibilities.  I almost said that it helps us plan, but that's just amusing as our plans tend to get changed all of the time.  The unfolding process seems so much more exciting when I can see the sea of possibilities and dive into that, rather that sitting on the edge fishing for a particular path that must be ours.  I make no excuses for changing my mind regularly and I will not be tied down to living a life that is not authentic to my strong needs for freedom and flexibility!

Being in this house for 2.5 years has given me so many lessons.  After reluctantly getting off the road to stay here awhile, I came to appreciate the house, but more so, our life here.  In the last 12 months, the feeling of stagnation has been growing stronger, with a side order of restlessness.

When we were discussing our possibilities, going to another house was one of them.  I looked online at other rentals, but the idea of going to live in another box really didn't sit well with me.  I felt physically ill at the thought of it.  trapped even. 

So often, at garage sales and car boot sales, I see people who are selling off their collectibles and bits n pieces that they have spent so many years collecting.  More people are realising that we can feel so much lighter with so much less stuff.  I know that we don't have a lot of extra stuff, but I do have more stuff than I really need.  I feel that, living in the house, the time is slowly ticking by, and I'm here waiting ... for something? 

Yes, we get out and do things and go places.  I do appreciate our time in this house.  But sometimes when we're been out and about,  I feel kind of heavy when I get back here. 

The best thing about staying in one place is the community that we become a part of.  I really love the friends we've made here.  I love going to the farmers market every Saturday morning and chatting to the farmers and other booth workers I've come to be friendly with.  And I love the friendly wave from the 85 year old feisty lady across the street (she is tiny, but is full of opinions and sparkle!).

I love sitting on the beach and looking at the expansiveness of the ocean, and lately, I've really been loving standing barefoot outside every night and just looking up at the stars.  Some people love looking at the moon, and I do enjoy that, but it is the stars that I really connect with.  I feel so peaceful and excited and full of possibilities and adventure when I'm stargazing.  Compared to the ocean, the night sky seems so much more expansive!  I feel larger too, not physically, but beyond the physical. 

I still have lots of questions, and sometimes the not-knowing seems overwhelming (but not very often).  I often think I should be 'doing' something beyond the other things I already do with being a mama.  You know, something 'important' like having an online business, or making things to sell.  Maybe one day.  Right now, I think the most important thing I need to do, is to BE the best person, mama, wife, friend I can be.  No excuses!

"Being In Heaven"

...that was the name of the movie we watched with our friends after the open house on Saturday.  It was a nice story, similar to 'The Secret' in its message, adding in some extra information and tools.  It spoke about how so many of our behaviours stem from our subconscious and the beliefs that were formed there when we were children by the way we were raised and taught.  Beliefs we may have developed from parents or teachers that have shaped us, like "there's not enough money", "you're not good at drawing"..that kind of thing.  Listening to that, I was not thinking of those situations in my own life, but I started wondering what kinds of things my own children might start 'blaming' me for when they are older.  It was always my intention to raise them so they knew that they are loved and encouraged and free to explore the things that interest them.

I can see them when they are older, lamenting things like:  "My parents gave me choices", "I got too many hugs", "we moved around, lived in different countries and had too many experiences!".... sounds so funny.  I know that I can focus on the things that I feel I am doing right for my children, but I also know that there are times when I am not perfect (really?!), and maybe I get a little cranky (no!), and maybe I don't always listen very well.  Those things happen when I feel overwhelmed, tired and / or just out of balance.  Staying attentive to my children is best when I am attentive to myself first.  When I ensure that I don't say yes when I really want to say no, when I ask for help if I need it, when I say what I need, when my outer life is a reflection of my inner life with my needs for rest, food, company, play and nature and balanced, when my spirit is content, then I find it so natural to just BE.  To Be present and aware of other people's needs, to listen and understand, to be creative and playful. 

I made a commitment to myself to be more aware of my own balance, and to help the children maintain their balance as we move into this very uncertain period.  This family unit is my absolute priority.  I only have one chance to make their childhoods magnificent and I want them to be confident, empowered adults, with no lingering limiting beliefs.  This is what I have always wanted for them.  Sometimes when they were younger, it seemed as though their toddler and early childhood days would go on forever.  Looking back, it's gone so fast!   It's a little challenging with Summer as she can be extremely hard on herself but then she'll break through and say something profound, so I know she is "getting" this, it's just taking such a long time for her to "own" it.

I started thinking of things from my own childhood that may have held me back and, although I can see some patterns and behaviours in my past that were shaped from my childhood, I know that I let go of them a long time ago.  The movie spoke about tools to 'write over' those old patterns and programmes, but I don't think that's always ideal as they will still be there underneath.  I thought about what had helped me to deal with my past and realised that my process (without the help of any book or person...just my own evolvement) had similar steps:

1.  Awareness.  This gradually built up until it became strong enough to make me take notice and realise "I don't want this anymore".  Seeing and feeling how it was really affecting me mentally, spiritually, physically.

2.  Anger, blaming someone else for teaching me those things.

3.  Acceptance.  Realising that I had continued this of my own free will.

4.  Responsibility.  Choosing to either continue, or not.

5.  Compassion.  Wondering what made my role models do the things that they had done?  What had they gone through?  Maybe they were just doing the best they could with what they knew.

6.  Forgiveness.  Letting go of my attachment to that pattern, sending love to my teacher. Forgiving myself.

7.  Loving myself and remembering that I want more for myself than the way I was living.  Getting clearer about the kind of person I choose to be and the way I choose to live my life.  Writing a new story for myself.

This was never some kind of worksheet that I did, it was a natural progression once I had the initial awareness.  Sometimes it took years to let go of a behaviour / thought pattern and sometimes it was very quick.  I look back at my past with gratitude for making me who I am today, and no regrets.

Other points the movie made were:

- the importance of getting clear about what you really want.

- Affirming those things, repeating them to yourself, especially while you are relaxed / meditating.

- Taking time to experience peak-state activity where you can focus solely on that, particularly good are art, music and sports which allow a prolonged exposure into Being with your higher self.  Drawing, painting, playing an instrument, surfing, skiing, woodwork, gardening,.. that kind of thing - the things we are often passionate about but don't always allow ourselves time for as there is "too much else to do".  How much time do we absolutely waste on things we really are not passionate about, like TV and surfing the net? 

- Being present - really present, fully there with your senses all experiencing as many moments as often as possible.  When you are slicing vegetables, feel the knife in your hand, see the textures of the vegetables, the smells, listen to the sounds around you.

- Ask yourself often "Am I Aware?"...are you really experiencing this moment?  Are you in alignment with yourself, your thoughts and your actions?  Are you joyful?

-  When you give, don't expect anything in return.

This life can be so very complex.  And also so very wonderful.

Sometimes exhausting.  Mostly exhilarating!

And always oh so worth it!

Feeling gooooood....

It's 9pm.  I've been up since 6am.  I have been going all day and I still feel as though I have energy!  I haven't felt like this for a long time.  I feel excited and creative and inspired and joyful as I move through this day.  I've rearranged the boys room, cooked three meals from scratch, including trying a new recipe for yamburgers (so yum!), played with the kids, gone grocery shopping, paid bills etc.   I know that the additional exercise I've been doing over the past month has helped greatly with my energy levels.  I feel stronger physically and mentally. 

I think I'm also still on a high from our great day out yesterday with our local Natural Learners group.  Seven families with a total of 21 kids, ranging in age from 1-15, playing beautifully together for 6 hours or more.  I love this tribe!  I love the wide range of topics in the conversations the parents have!  So inspiring!

I'm excited about the little project I'm working on, and I'm really excited to have energy to live so joyfully!

Romantic ideas?

When I was 28 years old, I left Australia to spend some time with an American man I'd met when I was working on Hamilton Island in the tropics (who I later married).  I didn't then know that I would be leaving my home country for over 12 years.  I did have four trips back to Australia in that time, but they were only 30 days or less each time.  I don't think I ever gave myself time to let go of the people, places, attachments and history that I had in Australia.  Not that I think that is entirely necessary, but in order to fully embrace living in a foreign country, it would have been helpful if I could have lived more in the moment and less with a sense of longing for something else.  The whole time I lived in the USA, I felt as though a part of me was somewhere else.

Being back in Australia for four years now, I see things through different eyes.  Maybe I had only remembered things of my past from the perspective of that younger (less mature) version of me.  Most of those people have changed, places have grown, attachments don't feel the same and history feels like it was someone else's.  I have enjoyed visiting places I knew when I was younger, but it also feels good to keep moving.  I have enjoyed reconnecting with old friends, and it has been fun to talk about old times, but then it is really sweet to return to my family, to what we have built together, to what is happening for us, right now.  Those friends have their own lives now which is different to what we had once shared.  I appreciate the new friends we have made.   I have loved time spent with my extended family here, although it has been rare as everyone is so busy, and so spread out and petrol is so expensive to get anywhere.  My history here feels vague, and I also am aware of the history we have in the USA.  I finally feel as though I can let go of attachments and more fully embrace the present and the future, wherever I am.

The new year brings a list of possibilities for our family, which may involve travel and / or moving within Australia and / or overseas.  At this stage, we just don't know.  We do know that change is coming, and we are open to that and are exploring all of the different options.  I think I may have had a romantic view in my head of what it would be like to live back in Australia.  The reality is that it has been wonderful, and exciting, and challenging, and expensive and a huge learning experience.  I have grown in many ways, but feel it is time to move on, even if it means going somewhere I have been before.  The difference is that I feel different, and I feel more whole within myself and more peaceful and more able to enjoy the moment for what it actually is, instead of some romantic notion of something that was.  I have a deep appreciation for this moment and all of the people and places and experiences that have brought me here.  I Trust that things are unfolding as they should and I look forward to all of the adventures 2011 has to offer.

May your days be filled with love for your self, all of the people in your life, and every single moment.

Namaste

Manifesting...

My entire life I've had the feeling that 'Everything I needed would be provided'.  Mostly as a kid I wanted freedom.  I valued time exploring and creating - building cubby houses and playing games in the bush near our house, feeling the freedom of playing in the water of the creek or lake or beach near us.  There were also some material things I wanted - candy / lollies which I always seemed to find a few coins for; a particular doll I wanted that I was given for Christmas; a pair of striped socks that I saw and loved and received soon after.  I can't think of any thing that I had wanted as a child, that I did not receive.  I think that is because my main focus was on feeling free and as long as I could fill myself up on that, which I did every day after school and most of the weekend, my life felt as though it was all it could be with the limitations I knew I had to live within at the time.

Looking back, I can see how my thoughts also attracted things I did not want.  At school when the head nun came into the room, I would slink down in my chair thinking "please don't pick on me today"..which of course she did because I was so focused on her picking on me, rather than my thoughts centered in being safe.

As I reached my teens, I had a new focus - boys.  When I set my sights on a guy, he would almost always become interested in me.  It was a very powerful feeling! 

Fast forward some years and I did start becoming much more aware of the connection between my thoughts and my reality.  From my late teens I started reading inspiring books that spoke about that, but it took some time to really 'get' it.  In recent years, the movie 'The Secret' has inspired a lot of people to learn about 'The Law of Attraction' (LOA).  Maybe I should say 'remember' about LOA because I feel that it is something we do already know, we just forgot, or it got covered over with mainstream conditionings.  You know...all of the rules and regulations that come with being a 'good' boy or girl. 

I've been able to manifest a lot of things and people and experiences that I have desired in my life...I had the desire, and then released my attachment to that desire and life has flowed to me.  Sometimes I've felt stuck and frustrated that something is not happening, or not happening quickly enough...then I've realised that I am too attached to that and maybe, there will be a more magnificent expression of that desire show up.  Like the time when we had packed up the house and were loading the truck to move to Sedona...yay, finally getting out of Las Vegas!...when suddenly the business deal we were moving there for, fell apart.  I felt sick and allowed myself to wallow in that for a couple of days before deciding that there must be a good reason.  Several months later we were packing to move to Australia!!

I want my children to remember how powerful they are...how they can manifest things and people and experiences by the way they use their thoughts.  So we played with making Vision Boards.  (When you get a piece of cardboard or paper or a corkboard or some kind of flat surface, and attach pictures of things you want to have, do or be.)  We went to the op shop and got a big pile of assorted magazines and started tearing or cutting out anything that just spoke to us, we didn't have to figure out why.  We also used some catalogues from various stores that we had collected.  Once we had a big pile of pictures and words, we sorted through those to find the ones that spoke to us the most.  I thought this would be a pretty easy exercise, mostly for the kids...but I really got into it!  I immersed myself in it and enjoyed making a picture of what is important in my life.

Summer has a few pictures of places she'd like to travel to, a phone she'd like, some fashion items, a picture of some money and the words Harmony, Healing, Happiness, Confidence, Power, Sunshine and 'The Power of Positive Thinking'.  AJ is still working on his big pile.  Nicholas pasted several pictures of young boys in stylish clothes, boys shoes, some lego and a couple of other toys, and three pictures of guys surfing.  He has been saying for months that he wants a surfboard and wants to learn how to surf.  ...It's big clean-up time around here at the moment and people have been putting all of their big rubbish next to the gutters for collection.  Walking home from the beach the other day, we found TWO surfboards in a throw-out pile!  Powerful stuff!

My own vision board:   

Most things I already have, a few I'd like to add into my life - more yoga and gardening, a newer car and some places I'd like to travel to and to 'feel amazing'.  Looking at this many times a day (I taped it to my kitchen window), I know that I am already working on attracting those things into my life. Seeing the words of the things I already have, like Family and Magical Kids, just reminds of of how much I appreciate those things.  Seeing some of the other pictures and words like Play and Flowing help me to remember to maintain and grow those aspects of myself. The picture in the bottom right hand side is of a lady who had lost a leg in a car accident and had survived breast cancer.  Peggy Leggit sent over the trike and camper from the UK and came over here to travel around Australia, towing the tiny camper behind her.  To me, she symbolised courage and freedom and determination and living a full life. And for me, that's what it's all about!

Random..

Obviously I haven't blogged for a while.  Cary was away for 45 days, which were days that were full of highs and a few lows and an unexpected growth in my confidence in handling conflict and difficult situations.  Seeing...Feeling...Knowing..that I am whole and safe..and that by staying centered in that awareness, then I can calmly stand my ground in an assertive and compassionate manner.  I Know ..deeply.. that All Is Well, I see myself as a part of Something Wonderful, that goes beyond this material moment.  Past breakdowns have led to breakthroughs and I am in a very contented place.

Our days have been full... being together as a family, going to the beach, finding treasures at the op shops, cool hats for the boys:

..hanging out with friends..

(yep, they are on top of the roof!)

...and all of the other things that make up our lives...including playing with Gypsy, who is now 7 months old and such a fun part of the family.  Life is full, and so good!

Community, TV, unschooling

How many homes have you been to where the furniture in the living room is arranged so that everyone has the best view of the television?

I remember a time when living rooms were arranged so that people could actually look at each other and talk together. (yes, I am that old.)

As I was growing up, we had pretty strict limits on watching the TV. We only had four channels, and there wasn't a whole lot on anyway. We never watched it after school - we always shined our shoes, did our homework and went outside to play in the bush or at the creek or riding our bikes. During school holidays, we sometimes watched the 'midday movie' if we were at home, our favourites were the musicals which we would then sing all afternoon, and even longer. I still remember the silly song (which became a family favourite) from "A Connecticut Yankee in King Arthur's Court" with Bing Crosby ..."I'm busy doing nothing working the whole day through...trying to find lots of things not to do...I'm busy going nowhere, isn't it such a crime...I'd like to be unhappy but.........I never do have the time....la la la la....". On the weekends, we maybe watched a couple of shows or a movie, but TV wasn't really a big part of our lives.

As we got older, we watched a little more, but not much. We always preferred swimming or playing snooker or cards or games  or going for a bushwalk or to the beach...you get the idea.

Human beings were not designed to live alone. But so many have turned to the TV for a sense of community. We feel like we belong to the Hannah Montana tribe and the Survivor tribe and the True Blood tribe (etc) and, for brief periods, we get to live in another world, we get caught up in their dramas, we take on the way these people speak and act. The 'stars' of these shows are treated like little gods, paid enormous amounts of money and people spend hours dreaming about them, and try to dress like them and we lose our own individuality.

When one show ends, we skip over to another tribe. How many years of a persons life is used up just randomly skipping around, looking for something to satisfy, complaining that there is "nothing on", but not able to just turn it off and DO something that might satisfy that need for connection with self and other real live people?

I am talking about myself here too. I have not always had a community around me where my kids could feel a part of, people that they could spend hours playing and exploring and working with, and that I have used that big box as a babysitter. It does not feel 'right' to me. A lot of the 'kids' shows show behaviours that I know are not natural to my own children, but they imitate anyway. They disrupt the harmony in our home.

We live what a lot of people would call 'unschooling' in that we do not follow a strict curriculum.  I prefer to call it 'living', or if you need a label - natural learning, life learning, self-designed living.  A lot of unschoolers have no limits on media, food, and pretty much everything their children do.  And I understand why they do that and the incredible Trust that allows them to do that.  However, I don't think it works for everyone. 

We have one main TV and another small one that is only connected to the playstation.  We have two computers. And five people.  We aim to consider everyone's needs, so we can't all have unlimited time on the computer or with the TV. 

I like a couple of shows on TV, like "Glee" and "Doctor Who".  Also, shows about travel, nature and science.  I like hanging out and watching a movie or two, especially if it's raining outside.  I just don't like the TV on all day.  It disrupts MY harmony and I'm a valued member of this family as much as anyone else so I deserve to have my needs taken into account also.

When I met Cary, I was surprised at how much TV he watched.  It was rather foreign to the way I'd lived.  I chose to accept that about him.  It's kind of funny that  he doesn't really like watching it much at all now.  He appreciates spending time with the family connecting, playing, chatting, doing things together, and spending time pursuing other interests he has.

I understand that 'Radical Unschoolers' would state that they see the value in everything their child wants to do, even if that is watching TV every waking moment for days, weeks or months.  If that works for them, that's great.  I'm not trying to RU.  My priority is creating a home, a life, where we all have our needs considered, even if they do not get met right away.  Where the focus is on connection and harmony and Joy and living OUR lives, deeply and fully.

There's so much more to life than being 'programmed' by others...that is why they call them 'programs' isn't it? My goal is to leave the box turned off much more than it has been, to live more in our own reality show, one that is unedited and absolutely authentic.

The curve ball..

The hardest thing about leaving the USA and moving to Australia, was leaving our dog and cat behind.  We could have brought them, but it would have been a lot of money including the airfare, special handling en route, 5 months of vet tests in the US before 30 days in quarantine in Oz, not to mention the stress on the animals.  Since we've been here, we've had a lot of uncertainty about where we were going to live, if we were going to stay, should we move to a larger house, should we get back on the road, etc.  Throughout it all, the kids (AJ especially) have often asked if we could get a dog - or a cat or a rat or a snake etc, but mostly a dog. 

We really miss a lot of aspects about living on the road.  For me, it was the simplicity of the life, the adventure and living in nature and just being outdoors and active a whole lot more.  With the cooler weather here (well, it is the middle of winter, but we are in the subtropics...days are mid 60's - mid 70's, nights are mid 40's - mid 50's), it's still a bit chilly for us.  We have been talking about getting on the road next February when our lease expires.  It was something we were all very excited about.  Our aim was to slowly head north for the winter and take some time to see if we might find another area we would prefer to live. 

Four days ago, we planned to walk up to the beach but got delayed a couple of times before we could leave.  We walked up the next block and suddenly a little puppy walked onto our path.  We stopped and patted her and then watched as she walked onto the road.  Oh no!  We had to find her home and return her, but she did not have a tag on.  We knocked on a bunch of doors nearby but nobody knew her.  I kept hearing a voice saying "there are no coincidences".  We brought her back to our house for a drink of water and to make a temporary leash.  Then we took her to the local vet to see if she had a microchip.  She did not, but the vet took her in case the owner called anyway.  The puppy was such a sweetheart.  Obviously young, but not hyper.  She was very relaxed in our arms when we had carried her and she just seemed to fit in with the family.  The kids were sad to give her in to the vet, even though we had only had her for about an hour.

We continued to talk about going camping and all of the things we would be doing when we were back on the road.  But we also talked about how sweet the little dog was and how she had fit in with us so easily and what it would be like to have a dog....but could we get back on the road?  Could we do both?  We would be limited in our choices of where we could camp...would it work?  Would it be possible to balance our need for freedom and adventure with the responsibility of owning a dog?   No, we decided, it would be too restricting.  Ok, so 'there are no coincidences'...what did that mean?...was the dog there at the same time we were as a gift for us, or to challenge us to explore what was the most important things to us?  There was a definite feeling of synchronicity.  Would we be denying our family a whole lot of joy and fun and the once-in-a-lifetime experience of the children sharing their childhood with a much loved companion animal?   How often does the right kind of dog just walk across your path?

You can see the curve ball coming can't you?....

So the day after, the owner of the dog called us to thank us for finding her.  And then she said that she is actually trying to place the dog, as she took the dog for a patient of hers who has gone into the hospital for an extended period and cannot care for her.  Were we interested?!   Oh dear.  Cary initially said thanks, but no.  We all felt really sad about that though.    It's a big commitment to take on an animal, especially a puppy.  We didn't want to ever be in the position to have to give an animal up again.   Our heads kept going back and forward over the debate so our hearts stepped up to make the call.   And as soon as Cary called them back to say "yes!", it was though something clicked into place that made our family feel more complete.   I don't know what the future will bring us from here, but I do know that sometimes, you just have to take a leap of faith and see how well you fly. 

Having our little girl - a 16 week old Jack Russell weighing 6lbs / 2.5kg, named Gypsy - will bring a new adventure into our lives and enhance the childhood of three very happy children.  She is already encouraging us to get outside more and just be more playful and active.  Things I thought I needed to get back on the road to experience.  Hmm...where will this lead us?  I don't know, but I have a feeling, it will be all good!

Awe.Some!

As we put another $70 worth of petrol in the car, I knew we had been getting lazy...taking the car to the store, the post office or the park instead of riding bikes. I knew I had to change things, at least for myself. I had to get back to being more aware of the choices I make. Not just for the environment, but also for my own health and fitness.

Last week Cary and AJ went to the Currumbin Wildlife Sanctuary that is one suburb away from us. They went on the Green Challenge which is a treetops ropes course. They loved it so much that Cary insisted we get a years membership for the whole family. Yesterday we signed up and I got to have a go. Oh. My. Golly. That was soooooo much fun! I just loved loved loved it! I felt so free! We get an extra discount for being locals so the cost for the entire family for the year was cheaper than a gym membership for just one of us. Plus, we are outside working out, having fun, communing with nature and listening to the birds and animals which I'll take any day over a noisy, smelly gym! We do plan riding our bikes there once we get Cary another bike. Apart from the ropes courses, there are many Australian birds and animals to view and interact with and a fantastic playground for the smaller kids.

Nicholas on the flying fox in the playground:

Summer going for a stroll through the trees :

Me, dancing in the treetops (Cary said I looked happier in the trees than I did on the ground. I really felt so relaxed up there.)

AJ & I hanging around:


We got to tarzan-swing onto a net that we then had to climb up. There were so many different, very cool challenges! Poles to walk over, swinging planks, tubes to crawl through, nets, ladders, zip lines etc. I did all of the courses except for the extreme 'black' course. I'll leave that one until my strength improves.

AJ zipping along...

This one was a bit tough, each step was a swing:

Summer had been unsure about doing the course, but she took her time, and would tell herself "I am strong" whenever she felt unsure. She did the beginners course, and I was very proud of her, and more importantly, she was proud of herself! She is looking forward to doing it again.

Our family is so thrilled to have this membership and to support the Wildlife Sanctuary who do a lot to encourage environmental awareness. I am looking forward to getting fitter and stronger in such a playful way! This really honours my needs for freedom and adventure and family fun!

Who shall I Be today?

We have the official start of Winter here today. The mornings and evenings are a little chilly, and the days are usually sunny. Even though we live in a sub-tropical area, I still don't like that little chill in the morning. I am such a wimp in any cool weather.

So this morning I was lying in my nice warm bed savouring the warmth and thinking "I don't want to get up". Then I reminded myself that I really don't "have" to. The kids had gotten up and were doing their own thing. There was no rush at all for me to get up. In fact, there was no thing I "had" to do. Lots of options of things I could "choose" to do though.

So I started the day thinking about the kind of me I wanted to "be" today...connected, playful and loving...and the decisions of what I do, will stem from that.

Living Simply..part 2

Another thought...for some people, living simply means living on their own land, growing their own food, relying on the natural elements for power and water. I admire the people who live this way. For a long time, I even wanted to do this too. Thinking about it, it does not seem to me like a simple way to live...basic and very earthy yes...but damn hard work. I am not afraid of hard work, I have just been questioning if doing this would fulfill me. If it would allow me the time I have now to devote to my family.

Since we've been back in Australia, we've all grown personally, emotionally and spiritually. But professionally, Cary feels as though he's gone backwards. ..I see that side of his growth like he has been in the pullback phase of a slingshot. He's gone as far as he can without breaking...now he's released the thinking that was keeping him in that mindset and he's being flown forward and is really soaring. I know he'll go a long way.

Cary had reached a point of major frustration. He was almost ready to go back to the USA to live. Realising that the most important thing in my life is keeping the family together, I released my attachment to the thoughts that were keeping me here. Just as I sincerely offered that we could go back to the USA if he thought that would be better, he realised that he really does prefer it here and it seemed to fuel his determination to make it work here. He asked Spirit for guidance and 'out of the woodwork', answers started coming to him.

The opportunities that Cary is now creating and attracting will require us to move house. Our lives will be a little more hectic and not as 'simple' as they have been on this plateau. But as I mentioned in my previous post, as long as we maintain our connection to the important people in our lives (including our own selves and God), and we remain unattached to the physical reality around us, our lives will rich and full and deep.

I don't think this is the right time for us to get on the land totally. I would like to have a large veggie garden in our new place (the move probably won't happen for 4-6 months). I'll continue to do all that I do to be kind to the health of my family and the environment. The hard work in front of us now will involve more of a mental nature, and that's good too. And as long as I stay grounded in Who I Really Am, my life will always have an element of Simplicity.

Living Simply...what does that mean anyway?

I've mentioned on here from time to time that we enjoy Living Simply....but what does that mean really?

What do other people mean when they talk about "living simply"?

It could mean living frugally...living in a place that meets your basic needs, surrounded by just enough 'stuff' to make your life comfortable. No frills, no added extras and no clutter. Buying just enough food to get you through the week, and/or buying in bulk to get additional discounts. Buying the things you need when they are on sale. Probably not having things like cable tv, air conditioning etc.

It could mean living 'green', with the environment a major consideration in how you live. Purchasing mostly organic food, recycled clothes and household items, or new items that meet a certain standard.

It could mean not over scheduling your life so that you have more spare time to let life unfold. Spending quality time with those you love (family, friends and yourself) just to Be and explore and seize the moments.

For me, it is a little of all of these things. Probably the most important part of Living Simply, for me, is not having attachment to the material things I do have, and also not feeling attached to things "having" to be a certain way. My priority is my family and the connection we have to each other and to our Selves and to a Higher Source.

We have been living in a very basic house with mostly second hand, basic things around us. We're now seeing several paths in front of us...stay as we are...get back on the road....or move to a larger house with a large outdoor area where Cary could store all of the big toys he brings in from the USA. It's exciting having options. I think on some level, I may have resisted going for a larger house and newer furniture thinking that it wasn't very Simple or Spiritual. I now realise that it's not the things around me that make my life Spiritual or Simple ... it's maintaining Who I Really Am.
........you know what? That's it (for me)! My life is fairly Simple because it's not complicated by searching and trying to find myself in the grand scheme of Life. I'm pretty content with Who I Am and I have a great deal of Trust that Life is unfolding exactly as it should.

I can really Be my Self whether I'm living in a camper or in a very nice house. No matter where I go, I carry with me the lessons learned in non-attachment and living with connection as my priority. In doing so, I am living my life fully and deeply.

I actually prefer that term...Living Deeply. That's what we do.

Plateau

I used to get such an urge to write, like a hunger that had to be fed.
I haven't felt that for quite a while.

Life is good. I feel inspired by just living each day, each moment...often not knowing what's next but knowing that's all unfolding as it should. I feel so content just living that I just forget to write about it, or it's just not a priority anymore.

As most of the readers of this are family and friends we don't see often enough, I will try to post a little more regularly to help us keep in touch. I appreciate the private emails and phone calls I get, often in relation to what I've posted.

Our main computer is still down and we are plodding along on the kids old one. Looking into different options if the other cannot be repaired, but hoping that 3 years of photos can be retrieved from it, if nothing else.

The recent tsunami threat has had us thinking about our direction. So far nothing has been decided, but several ideas are brewing. We do love it here, walking distance to the beach...but...the salt spray is hard on the bikes and car and lots of other things, and the sandy soil makes it hard to grow food unless it's in pots. I guess no place is perfect.

AJ is loving playing basketball on Saturday mornings...he wishes it was on every day! We all look forward to Thursdays at the park with our homeschooling friends. Nicholas is a wild man and will try climbing where the big kids climb. At home he loves to help out with all kinds of things from baking to washing dishes. Summer is now as tall as me, and hopefully still growing! She's such a beautiful, gentle girl. I love our morning walks together. She is very affectionate and gives Cary and I many hugs throughout the day.

We've continued to have lots of rain, with another cyclone hanging off the coast a bit further up which will still bring us more rain. At least everything is nice and green, even if it is hard to get the washing dry.

I'm struggling to write here...I feel like I've said all of these things before and I'm boring myself. Maybe because it seems like nothing has really changed, ...maybe I'm just enjoying the view from this plateau. I know that I will soon need to either climb another mountain or take another path. I'm letting this time just Be. I don't want to get on here and ramble on about mundane stuff. I'm not upset about losing the inspiration to write, I'm accepting it. I think it actually just moved aside to allow me to focus on other areas. I have been doing more with Reiki and that feels really good.

That's all I've got for now...
Until next time... have a beautiful day!

Accepting..

We have a few more days of summer left. Earlier this week it was very warm with really high humidity. The day after, it had turned into the middle of autumn already. A couple of weeks ago I started grieving the end of summer. I felt like we had not been swimming and playing outside as much as I would have liked...partly because of the rain, and partly because of being tied up with business stuff. But I can't change that now.

I found a streak of grey in my hair, and I realised there is a similar lesson. I just need to accept the passing of the season. I still consider myself young, but need to accept that I'm moving into my autumn phase. Fighting it, trying to go against it, is futile. By accepting it, I can move forward, gracefully.

la la land

It's probably time to post again...I've been in some la la land mentally, which is actually a lovely place...and to think I achieved that without drugs or alcohol! Seriously though, I've been in a place of feeling detached from material things, and I've just been zoning in the moments, or maybe I should say 'zening in the moments'. whatever. 'blissing' would work too. I see some of my friends have been busy blogging and I am probably weeks behind in reading them. Maybe I'll catch up soon.

I have a 'to-do' list on the side of the fridge and I feel no pressure to do any of it. I've not been pushing myself like I used to. I really like that! I've actually been getting a lot done lately, and enjoying the process. Um, does this mean that I'm finally growing up? I feel more playful than ever though. What a lovely balance! Actually, I think the reason I feel more playful is that I take myself much more lightly these days. If something doesn't go the way I think it should, I am quick to let it go - even laugh it off - and move on. I was so not this way for sooo long. It feels real good.

We now have the framework in place for our new business to import caravans, boats, motorcycles, jet skis, and other fun toys from the USA. That took a lot of running around and I still have more work to do on the accounting side of things. Cary picked up two caravans last week and we went through the boxes of things he'd packed inside of them. He's very excited as his tool box is finally here so now he can work on all of those projects he's been putting off due to a lack of tools! The kids were excited as the water pistols they got from Zeb at his birthday party were amongst all of the goodies and this is perfect weather for a really good water fight! (Thanks Tara!)

The kids have been really patient while we've been involved with the business stuff, they've been playing together (Summer and Nicholas have been playing a lot with little figures and dolls), and playing electronic games and watching movies and enjoying swimming as often as we can get to the beach or creek. Which is not every day, but it's most days.

I am feeling so grateful right now.

I was waiting for Cary at an appointment last week and I picked up a magazine on a table next to me. I flicked through and saw photos of people who are "celebrities" some I recognised, some could have been people who live in the next street, I had no idea who they were and why they were famous and it wouldn't have mattered if I'd walked past them. But these people were being photographed doing ordinary things - shopping, eating out, swimming. Oh. My. God. "Normal" things. SO WHAT?! I just don't get that whole celebrity mania and why those people get paid such obscene amounts of money for going to work. That's a whole other kind of 'la la land' to me - one that is very much based on the material world. I'll stick to mine any day.