And now for something completely different...

...well not really, I was being sarcastic, but...it's raining!!  We lived in the desert for 8 years, and rain was rare.  I know we have made up for it now!  We've had rain here for 10 days in a row, with a couple of short breaks.  We have been though soooo much rain in our time here.  I have enjoyed living on the coast, next to the beach, with lush greenery around us.

But I'm over it now.
(I started writing this several weeks ago and since then we have had some sunshine...and more rain!)

In 2009 when we were all in the USA, Cary said to me then that we may have to stay there.  I freaked.  I wasn't ready.  I was still attached to needing to be in Australia.  I felt as though I had unfinished business there (here).  I am so very grateful for our family and friends here and for every single experience we've had here.  It's been an intense learning curve.  If we had to leave the country now though, I can honestly say that I'm Ready. 

I am ready to move to another part of this country, or another country entirely.  I do like this area for many reasons, and it's a good place for a base, but it's almost time to experience other places again.  We are starting to get that "stagnant...itchy feet" feeling.

I left Australia just before my 29th birthday.  I lived in the USA for 12.5 years, always feeling a little (or a lot) homesick, always with some longing for the life I knew in Australia.  Maybe it held me back from fully embracing life in the USA.  I embraced it a lot, but I often felt as though I didn't really fit there.  I think that was just my mindset though.  Maybe I just felt as though something was missing.

I do not regret leaving the USA, I needed to go full circle, back to Australia.  I needed to reconnect with my roots.  I needed time and space to see how much I had grown, how living in the USA had allowed me the time and space to expose ME, without the conditions of my past surrounding me.  Meeting all new people, with no preconceived ideas of who I was or what I was supposed to be...I was free to totally just Be Me!  I didn't realise how much I had grown until I came back and found that I no longer fit into my old life here.  The conditionings didn't stick, I acted differently and that made some people that knew me years ago, uncomfortable.

I am grateful for the people that embraced the shining me, that accepted and did not judge.  I am grateful for the new friends that I have made.  I am grateful for the chances to risk hurt and rejection because I know that to NOT risk those things, is far more painful.  The joy that comes in consciously connecting with new people reminds me to appreciate that connection for that moment, and for as long as it may last.  Some friendships don't last as long as we may want them to, and that can be so sad and disappointing.  Believe me, I know that lesson all too well.  Other friendships and connections have an energy of being forever, even though you may not be in touch for several years, you can just pick up where you left off as though no time has passed at all.  Thankfully, I know that lesson as well!   It's all a part of the smorgasbord of experiences at the buffet of life.  As we tell our kids - yes, life, and people, may disappoint you, but it's how you react to that that will make the difference in your experience.  You can choose to let it stall you, or spur you on to move through that to a new place of joy.  Yes kids, life is tough, and messy and wonderful and exciting and confusing and sad and amazing and.....oh so worth it!

Loving my Life...

I am so in Love with my Life...my husband, my children, my friends, my home, the different communities we are involved in.  I feel so very grateful!

Yesterday, one of our neighbours gave us some lemons from their lemon tree.  The tree is located at their house nearby...they don't live there, they much prefer the caravan life so they have other people living in their house.  Our neighbours go over and tend to the garden when they need to or if they are passing by, they will harvest some of the fruit.  They have an abundance of lemons at the moment and were happy to share with everyone here.  Nicholas loves to make lemonade so he did that, and we also made vegan lemon poppy seed muffins.  Soooo good!  Of course we took some over to our neighbours that had given us the lemons, and we gave some to another neighbour who always brings us bread as she works at a bakery. 

Cary and another neighbour swap books and then stand in the middle of the road chatting about them...and setting the world right of course too!

I just love the relaxed, supportive community that we have here at the campground.  Nothing is forced.  Interactions are as much or as little as we want.  They are genuine, "this is me - you like or you don't...not my problem".  I feel no self-consciousness walking around, still in my PJ's in the middle of the day if I want to.

I love our community of other Natural Learning families and the commitment we have to support each other.  The women in this group are amazing!  We can talk about anything and everything and feel fully supported and nourished by the love and encouragement there.

I am blessed with other beautiful, spiritual, friends in other circles.  We are each others teachers and students and they contribute to my depth and my expansion.

Of course, the reason and the delight and the stars and the moon and all of the sparkly special, wonderful purpose for my life is my own little family and what we create every single day.  I am so honoured to be Cary's wife and my children's mama!  I am in awe of the people my children are already.  I am so deeply happy to be sharing this with Cary!  Our 18 year journey hasn't always been smooth, but I am so grateful that we stuck it out and got over the rough patches to get to this place of deeper love, commitment, respect and gratitude. 

Life is so sweet! 

Relationships..

"Your relationship to all things, was created as the perfect tool in the work of the soul." - Neale Donald Walsch

I've been thinking a lot about this.

AJ is rather smitten with a girl and keeps asking me all kinds of questions.  As the girl is vegan, he is wondering if he should go vegan in order to be with her.  I told him that he should never compromise who he is in order to please someone else.  That's only cheating both of them and will probably lead to resentment on his part at some point down the track.

(Have I done that?  Have I compromised myself in relationships?  Have I said yes when I wanted to say no, have I gone places, or done things that I actually didn't want to do?  In pleasing another, did I not please myself?  I'm pretty sure I have at times.)

I've been struggling with Nicholas who is so very loud and busy.  I feel the need for quiet and calm around me as I try to process events of the past few months, but I just cannot get that with him around.    I realise that I need to demand that, for my own sanity.  Maybe part of the reason that I have a child like Nicholas is to help get me to the point of demanding time for myself.  I wanted to be a mother for such a long time, and I loved living that role 24/7 for several years, but now, I really need a break.  That was a secondary reason of why Summer and AJ went to the Steiner school when we moved to Australia - mama was burnt out.  I had been curious about those schools since Summer was a baby and I had thought it would be a good thing for the kids.  It was, for a while.  Now that Nicholas is getting older, I'm finding his behaviour exhausting so I need to take care of me so that I can better take care of my family.

Perhaps I've compromised myself for far too long by not taking time out away from my full time job of parenting.  Perhaps I've cheated myself, Cary and the kids by not doing that.  I know that sometimes I look at Cary and think "Oh God...it's you", but other times I think "thank God it's you".  Do all relationships go through this?  We've been together for almost 18 years!  That's a very long time.  People can change a lot in that time...how many people have been together for a long time that are still happy to be together?  Really.  That don't feel any resentment, that feel that they are still compatible?  They probably have time to pursue their own interests and they probably are not together 24/7.

When I met Cary, I was at a place in my life where I was not even interested in having a relationship with anyone.  I felt whole and strong and content with who I was and where I was going.  He was attracted to that strong woman.  That's who I need to find again, for both of our sakes. 

There has been so much drama and chaos in recent months, I'm shutting down.  My apologies for any unreturned emails for phone calls.   If my relationships are the perfect tool for me, then I need to be focusing on those, especially the one with myself.  Yep, I'm going to be a bit selfish.  I'm going to say "no", I'm going to take time to draw and read and do absolutely nothing.  Because if I don't, then my soul will not be filling its true potential for growth.  And I will be resentful. And that's no good for anyone.

17 days

It's been 17 days since my Dad died suddenly.  I've been processing a lot of emotions in that time.  It's been quite a roller coaster ride actually.

Several hours after my Dad died, and before I knew, I was sleeping and I had a dream where I was aware of a strong energy around me.  The energy was light and playful and joyful and loving and very grateful to be free of the physical body.  I knew something had happened, and I woke up crying.  I actually thought that someone else had died and I had a strong feeling that I needed to call my Dad.  As it was the middle of the night, I lay awake for a while before finally going back to sleep.  When I woke up, I told Cary about the dream and, as it was only about 7am, we went for a long walk on the beach.  When we came back, the kids wanted some breakfast.  Shortly after, I was getting ready to call my Dad when my sister rang with the news.

I am very grateful for the gift of that dream.  I know that my Dad's spirit is free, really free.

Although my Dad was often busy with other commitments as we were growing up, there were still lots of memories.  A lot of them involved music and song...Family gatherings with a sing-a-long, music playing in the house, singing songs in the car, Christmas carols, watching musicals together, random moments of breaking into song.  My Dad was born on Bastille Day so every morning on his birthday, we sang the French national anthem:

"Allons enfants de la Patrie,
Le jour de gloire est arrivé !"

After the initial shock of the news, I am feeling quite peaceful now.  I know that it was my Dad visiting me in my dream, and I know he is in an amazing place.  It was so very good to be surrounded by family and friends recently.  At the private viewing, my brother and sister and I went in together to see Dad.  We cried, we sang, we told stories and jokes.  We spent a long time there, which was incredibly healing for all of us.  The following day we had a beautiful service and wake, and two days later Dad was laid to rest in Sydney.  A poem that was read for him starts off "Don't grieve for me, for now I'm free" (click for the full version).  I know it's true. I love being so close to my family, and this area is lovely and familiar as I've been visiting here most of my life.  But it doesn't feel like "my" place, ya know?  Maybe with time it could be, and maybe another time it will be, but for now, I feel like we need to move on.  I feel some sadness in that.  Sometimes I would like to be the person who can put down roots and stay in one area for a long time.  I don't like being so far away from family.  This recent event has brought that home to me.  But I need to be true to my Free Spirit self.  I am grateful that I am close in heart to my family, and I hope that now that we are mobile and not confined to a house, that we can visit more often.  My Dad's death has me thinking about many aspects of my own life and making sure I am living it as fully as possible.  Questioning if things still work for me, and if so, if they could be even better.  Thinking about what I really want, without compromising.  Thinking about who I really want to Be, and the things that are the most important to me.  This total shake-up has me feeling irritated, scattered and out of sync with the world, but I know it's just part of the process, and that in time, it will all come back together again, and flow on even more deeply and beautifully.

My Dad..

My Dad taught me:- to not be afraid of the sharks at the beach
- what to do when I saw a snake in the bush
- how to reconcile a bank statement
- the importance of treating co-workers kindly and equally.

My Dad loved to have a good time, he enjoyed living in the moment and found great joy in simple things.  Whenever we would ask him what he wanted for his birthday or Christmas, he would answer that all he wanted was a hug. 

The book "Johnathon Livingston Seagull" was a favourite of my Dads.  That story of the importance of being free to be yourself helped to shape his life and was a powerful influence on my own life.

My Dad's sudden death also has some lessons (gifts maybe?) for me:

- to live more fully...to take chances, pursue passions, follow dreams, enjoy each moment.

- to love more deeply...to be truly present when connecting with others; to give more affection, compliments and to tell others what they mean to me;  to be gentle and more forgiving towards myself and everyone else.

- to laugh more often...to not take life too seriously because it isn't permanent!  To play more and to always find the Joy.

Thanks Dad...for these and so much more.

Road Trip!

The kids and I enjoyed our little road trip.  Over 1600km in one week, visiting family and friends, celebrating birthdays and Easter, seeing beautiful autumn colours, camping, sapphire fossicking, visiting the grave site and rocky hideout of one of Australia's most famous bushrangers, enjoying beautiful sunshine and rain, driving through green country fields and thick, lush, misty rainforest.

This pic shows all the kids, including Gypsy, checking out some of the sapphire wash.  They found a few little bits of sapphire which was pretty exciting for them.  We got chatting to some other people there...turns out they live in the same little suburb as us!  Small world!

Autumn glory!

AJ standing in front of 'Thunderbolt's rock'. ..he's a little hard to see, but he is standing next to a bunch of graffiti.  He and I climbed around it.  The last time we drove down the New England Hwy, we stopped off at Thunderbolt's cave (another hideout).  I just love stories of the bushrangers.  Thunderbolt was pretty well liked and a gentleman towards the ladies, but he was a bit of a bad boy and was shot dead at age 36.   AJ and I got into some of the crevices and imagined what it would be like for Thunderbolt there.  We saw a perfect place that his horse probably hid in and took in the 360 degree view which would have given the bushranger a good vantage point of the entire area.

Gypsy made a new friend in my sister's cat.  The kids and I slept in the tent in the backyard so that Gypsy could sleep with us.  The nights were cool, but not as cold as the first place we had camped on our trip.  Even though, Gypsy thought the best place to sleep was right at the bottom of AJ's sleeping bag...yes, IN the bag.  AJ loved that!

The Golden Guitar in the country music capital, Tamworth.

We stopped off at the little park across the road from the house we lived in when we first moved back to Oz.  AJ was thrilled to catch up with some friends!

Beautiful rainbow lorikeets.

We were mostly unplugged on our trip which was refreshing.  I just loved traveling and would have taken longer to get home if it hadn't been raining so much along the coast.  The kids and I listened to audio books along the way, and just chatted a lot about all kinds of things.  I love those close times in the car!  Gypsy was very relaxed in the car and an excellent traveller.  She was very mellow whenever we stopped anywhere and seemed very content to go along with whatever we were doing.

It was so special for us to spend time with family, I hope it won't be so long before we see them all again! 

When we returned,  I felt no attachment to the house and the stuff in it, and I can't wait to be traveling again!

Living Simply...what does that mean anyway?

I've mentioned on here from time to time that we enjoy Living Simply....but what does that mean really?

What do other people mean when they talk about "living simply"?

It could mean living frugally...living in a place that meets your basic needs, surrounded by just enough 'stuff' to make your life comfortable. No frills, no added extras and no clutter. Buying just enough food to get you through the week, and/or buying in bulk to get additional discounts. Buying the things you need when they are on sale. Probably not having things like cable tv, air conditioning etc.

It could mean living 'green', with the environment a major consideration in how you live. Purchasing mostly organic food, recycled clothes and household items, or new items that meet a certain standard.

It could mean not over scheduling your life so that you have more spare time to let life unfold. Spending quality time with those you love (family, friends and yourself) just to Be and explore and seize the moments.

For me, it is a little of all of these things. Probably the most important part of Living Simply, for me, is not having attachment to the material things I do have, and also not feeling attached to things "having" to be a certain way. My priority is my family and the connection we have to each other and to our Selves and to a Higher Source.

We have been living in a very basic house with mostly second hand, basic things around us. We're now seeing several paths in front of us...stay as we are...get back on the road....or move to a larger house with a large outdoor area where Cary could store all of the big toys he brings in from the USA. It's exciting having options. I think on some level, I may have resisted going for a larger house and newer furniture thinking that it wasn't very Simple or Spiritual. I now realise that it's not the things around me that make my life Spiritual or Simple ... it's maintaining Who I Really Am.
........you know what? That's it (for me)! My life is fairly Simple because it's not complicated by searching and trying to find myself in the grand scheme of Life. I'm pretty content with Who I Am and I have a great deal of Trust that Life is unfolding exactly as it should.

I can really Be my Self whether I'm living in a camper or in a very nice house. No matter where I go, I carry with me the lessons learned in non-attachment and living with connection as my priority. In doing so, I am living my life fully and deeply.

I actually prefer that term...Living Deeply. That's what we do.

Happy Holidays!

I have a stack of Christmas cards on my desk but have not gotten around to writing on any of them. What on earth have I been doing?!!

Cary is coming home tomorrow!!!!! He will be here until May.

In case I don't get the cards written and sent...please know that I wish everyone a very happy and joy-full holiday season.

photo catch up - recent fun

I just love this photo of Nicholas..

We've been having lots of family fun at the hotel pools:

Summer jumping in!


Mission Hills water park with the Lifelearner group:

Nicholas loves the Spongebob swimmers he got for his birthday:

AJ rockclimbing during a homeschoolers session. It was his first time and he did really well - he was a little nervous at first, but once he knew he wasn't going to fall, he bravely went all the way up!

photo catch up - 4th July

Our 4th July started by getting starred and stripe'd and heading to Boulder City for their annual parade. It's not a fancy parade, but it sure is fun.

Love those glasses!

The first part of the parade starts with the politicians, veterans, Miss Boulder City, cheerleaders and other fun entries like this guy on his bike:

And Uncle Sam:


And horses:

And funky shoe cars?:

And then the real big fun starts...

the entries that want to participate in water play come along - they shoot water pistols or throw water balloons at the spectators, who do exactly the same thing back! Sometimes the floats even come really prepared with a huge container of water and a hose:

This little tank says on it "Peace - the old fashioned way" Hmm.

In the end, the locals come out on top with some of the residents along the parade route getting their garden hoses out and even filling up garbage bins for everyone to refill their water pistols from. It is so much fun and totally worth sitting in the hot sun for an hour or so first.

Totally drenched and happy! We had brought our water pistols along and the kids thought that was the best part of the parade.

In the evening we went to a party at Tara's place - thanks Tara, Justin & Zeb, we had a great time! Nicholas sure loved the sparklers too.

I want...

It's chilly here now, according to my cold blood. I soooo want to go to Vegas with Cary next week. I want to see my best friend who has had TWO babies since I've been gone. I want to hang out with the lifelearners again...it's challenging not having unschoolers close here. I want to shop at Whole Foods and Trader Joes. The kids want to do all of that too as well as go to the Children's museum and some of the playgrounds and when it gets warmer there, to the water parks. We miss all of those things from Vegas.

It's just weird when he goes back because I feel like a part of me is there too and I feel torn. I love it here - the natural beauty really fills my soul. But it doesn't pay the rent. And is it worth it to stay here when he needs to go back there several times a year? To separate the family like that?

Lots to think about...

making spaghetti 2

get the whole family involved! After rolling, put through the cutter roll to make spaghetti...



Roll and cut some more:



See how long you can make the spaghetti!



It helps if everyone wears their newly tie-dyed shirts while doing this process too! (I should have done some shirts for Cary...will have to get some more paint!)

After making the spaghetti, we let it dry by hanging it over the clothes drying rack. It was dry in about an hour. Boiled a large pot of water, added a little salt and oil and cooked the spaghetti for about 3 minutes. Served it up with a little organic pasta sauce and a huge salad. Soooo Good! So easy! What we made fed us all with enough leftover for another meal.

Misc. ramblings

I feel like I should blog, but I'm not really into it. I just haven't felt the need for writing lately.

About 5 weeks ago I started exercising regularly again. I noticed that my right ankle and knee started to ache soon after. When I was just standing and preparing food in the kitchen, I would notice them and it encouraged me to notice my posture. I realised that I always leaned to my right side, maybe after almost 11 years of holding little people on my left hip. But it felt like there was another reason....it's like I was side-stepping my own life. So I've been very aware of how I hold myself most of the time and have decided to be up-front and in charge of my life - standing on my own two feet! It really has made a difference and I feel that doing that, combined with exercising and eating 95-100% fresh fruits and veges, has helped me to feel much more in balance and in charge of my life. It's very empowering and I feel wonderful!

My sister and her family were visiting our area this past weekend. So much fun! One of the highlights was Saturday morning when I rode my bike to their apartment which was right near the creek and my sister and I went for a long kayak on the creek. There were some really peaceful spots and it was so lovely to spend some time with just us. Something very rare.

Nicholas seems to be getting taller. When I pick him up these days, his legs feel longer. He loves to talk to people of all ages. He has a special interest in babies and is very gentle with them. He has said several times lately "Mum, I want a baby". good luck with that kid. No more babies here.

I could say something about the state of the financial world at the moment...but I'm not going to do that. I found myself getting very angry a while back, followed by sadness about the way the world is run but then the passion started rising again and I decided to head it in a positive direction rather than getting into talking about the things I can't fix and talking in a negative way about the people in power etc. I decided to focus on the things I CAN work on (starting with me), and the causes I can contribute to in a positive way. I am fueled with positive passion!!

I could just ramble on but it's really windy outside and it's already knocked out the 'net connection about 5 times while I've been writing this. so I'm going to quit while I'm ahead and see if this will post.

So yuba dubba dubba...that's all folks!

wild family

A typical moment in our family:

Oh this is fun...we could get carried away with this!

moving in, moving on

We are living in a house!

We moved in last Thursday. That day, Cary and I kept saying to each other "this feels weird". And we spoke about the next time we go on the road - in a much bigger camper. As I unpacked the first load of stuff, I thought that it was nice to be able to spread out a bit. As Cary brought all of the stuff from storage, I initially wanted to get rid of it all, as I didn't want to get cluttered, but I knew we had some special stuff in there. As I started unpacking it, I found lots of the kids toys and books. I'd take arm loads of things into Summers room. She started getting agitated and then finally said "Ahhhh...that's enough stuff....no more in my room!!!" She, who used to like having all of her things around her, now wants most of it in a box in the garage that she can go to when she wants. She wants her room kept simple and neat. Preferably with no boys bothering anything in there.

After a few days of being in the house, I stopped counting the number of days left in our lease and started to think "this is nice". This is not a big house, but I am delighting in the space. Especially at night when we can easily move around inside without bothering anyone else. Nicholas has been loving pushing cars up and down the hallway and re-discovering toys the toys from storage. AJ must have been really pent up because he can hardly keep still. When we sit down in the evening - on our big 'proper' couch - he is constantly bouncing, turning upside down, getting up and down, going back and forth to the kitchen, dancing with the commercials for 'Australian Idol' and being very busy.

As I put all of the boys toys into their room, it felt way too busy. I've since reduced it a bunch and it feels much better and they can get to the things they actually play with a lot easier. We'll have a yard sale in a few weeks when I've finished going through the boxes in the garage. I've been through everything once, but will need to do it again now that I'm not in a hurry to get the house set up.

I've been doing a ton of washing, as I had many more sheets and towels in storage than I remembered. Luckily, this house has one of the good old huge rotary clothes lines typical of many Aussie homes and I can get about six loads of washing on it easily. As I was folding some of the sheets, I realised that this house does not have a lot of storage room, and how many sheets do we really need? We have a large linen cupboard in the hallway, but I've taken up one whole shelf with my books to avoid buying an extra book shelf. I just don't want excess furniture or stuff around us. One stack of sheets and two stacks of towels (one for beach & one for bath) in the linen cupboard should be plenty. A short stack of pillowcases, another for tablecloths and place mats, and a larger one for cloth napkins should only take up one whole shelf. Then I have another shelf for the kids games and craft stuff. I'm enjoying setting up the house keeping it simple but setting up enough stuff to enjoy and spread out. I'm really looking forward to having that yard sale and getting rid of a lot more stuff. We have a goal of how much money we want to raise and will use some of that for a 12-month family pass to the local bird & wild-life sanctuary.

Nicholas has been having a fever on and off for the past week, as well as a bit of a cold. He's having a major growth spurt with it as his clothes are all suddenly shorter and his speech has changed - not his voice, but the way he thinks and puts sentences together. He's been playing by himself more, chattering away to the little people and cars, imagination in overdrive. (what a beautiful thing!)

We just put a child's seat on the back of my bike for him so we can start riding our bikes to a lot more places and use the car less. Summer and AJ had gotten used to riding their bikes in the caravan park and are now getting more confident about riding on the roads. Most of the roads around here have a bike lane which is great but there are often cars parked in them so they are learning to be careful when riding around the parked cars, especially if there is a car coming from behind. The lane is usually wide enough to allow for that, I was concerned that they might panic a little in that situation but they were fine.

As we pulled down the camper last week, I realised that I hadn't taken any photos of the set up we had that time. Nor had I taken photos of the kids or anything for quite a while. I must change that.

Enjoy your day!