no excuses

We have received news that we need to be out of this house by the end of June.   It's good to know as it helps us play around with different possibilities.  I almost said that it helps us plan, but that's just amusing as our plans tend to get changed all of the time.  The unfolding process seems so much more exciting when I can see the sea of possibilities and dive into that, rather that sitting on the edge fishing for a particular path that must be ours.  I make no excuses for changing my mind regularly and I will not be tied down to living a life that is not authentic to my strong needs for freedom and flexibility!

Being in this house for 2.5 years has given me so many lessons.  After reluctantly getting off the road to stay here awhile, I came to appreciate the house, but more so, our life here.  In the last 12 months, the feeling of stagnation has been growing stronger, with a side order of restlessness.

When we were discussing our possibilities, going to another house was one of them.  I looked online at other rentals, but the idea of going to live in another box really didn't sit well with me.  I felt physically ill at the thought of it.  trapped even. 

So often, at garage sales and car boot sales, I see people who are selling off their collectibles and bits n pieces that they have spent so many years collecting.  More people are realising that we can feel so much lighter with so much less stuff.  I know that we don't have a lot of extra stuff, but I do have more stuff than I really need.  I feel that, living in the house, the time is slowly ticking by, and I'm here waiting ... for something? 

Yes, we get out and do things and go places.  I do appreciate our time in this house.  But sometimes when we're been out and about,  I feel kind of heavy when I get back here. 

The best thing about staying in one place is the community that we become a part of.  I really love the friends we've made here.  I love going to the farmers market every Saturday morning and chatting to the farmers and other booth workers I've come to be friendly with.  And I love the friendly wave from the 85 year old feisty lady across the street (she is tiny, but is full of opinions and sparkle!).

I love sitting on the beach and looking at the expansiveness of the ocean, and lately, I've really been loving standing barefoot outside every night and just looking up at the stars.  Some people love looking at the moon, and I do enjoy that, but it is the stars that I really connect with.  I feel so peaceful and excited and full of possibilities and adventure when I'm stargazing.  Compared to the ocean, the night sky seems so much more expansive!  I feel larger too, not physically, but beyond the physical. 

I still have lots of questions, and sometimes the not-knowing seems overwhelming (but not very often).  I often think I should be 'doing' something beyond the other things I already do with being a mama.  You know, something 'important' like having an online business, or making things to sell.  Maybe one day.  Right now, I think the most important thing I need to do, is to BE the best person, mama, wife, friend I can be.  No excuses!