Sassy me...

I gave my boys a haircut last week and then decided that I should have a trim as well.  AJ offered to cut my hair for me.  It's been pretty warm here lately and we don't have air conditioning in the caravan or in our car.  In order to stay cooler, I needed to tie my hair back all of the time...and I was also getting too many headaches. 

I told AJ that I wanted to go a bit shorter and he figured that chin-length would be good so he snipped away.  Summer evened it out a bit and now we have a new-look me!....

I love it!  I don't just look a little different, I feel different too...Much sassier!  (and my headaches have stopped!)  But this feeling is not just because of the haircut.  (It would be the other way around.)

I wrote recently about some of the pre-menopausal symptoms I've been experiencing. I haven't had the hot flushes for several months, I just feel like my whole body is running warmer than usual. Maybe that's partly hormones and partly, or mostly, the extra pounds I'm wearing. This is the first summer that I've had a challenge with the heat of the season. As I'm entering my own autumn years, I'm actually looking forward to the season of autumn and the slightly cooler weather. Even my wardrobe now has some autumn colours in it.

I like this feeling, it feels like a new, stronger power brewing, creating a more Sassy me, not willing to take any crap from anyone. No longer willing to put myself out for others. Not selfish as such, just making sure I take care of myself and my family first. With a fiery, passionate determination to back it up. Very fiery. It's almost like adolescence again only more directed and with the wisdom of experience backing it.

Several things have happened lately which have led to me feeling a little taken advantage of.  I take full responsibility for my part in that. 

And now I take full responsibility in ensuring it never happens again! 

I claim my right to speak my mind and defend my needs!  I know that I am valuable and worthwhile!

When I logged on here this morning, this is the daily affirmation from Dr Wayne Dyer that I was greeted with:

My destiny is mine to control.

When you acquire enough inner peace and feel really positive about yourself, it's almost impossible for you to be controlled and manipulated by anybody else.

It was such a great reminder and affirmation of where I am right now.   Who said getting older was a bad thing?  Right now, I wouldn't trade it for anything!

"I'm not gonna hold back no more.."

I love that line from Amy Steinberg's song 'Shine' from her 'Fall down to fly' album. It's been like a mantra in my head lately. I wake up in the middle of the night and it's still there. It's bloody brilliant! It's triggered something and I'm not afraid anymore. I didn't think I was before, and I used to be all about finding peace that I didn't always speak up or come forward. Now it's as though lots of different lessons have come together and the real me is stepping out of her old cocoon and boy oh boy don't my wings look beautiful!

Neale Donald Walsch talks about living authentically and that denying yourself is the highest form of denial. We all have a reason to be here, we all have something special to share here. By not sharing that, we are denying the world of our own personal shine.

I don't hold back anymore. My thoughts, feelings and opinions are worthy and a valid part of me that deserve to be heard. eg, this morning I took the kids to the park so we could all play monkey on the climbing net. I've been loving hanging upside down and flipping over. Anyway, when we got there, I thought I saw some teenage boys over at the lake shooting rocks at the seagulls with their sling-shots. Maybe I was wrong...I kept an eye on them. When I saw them walking along following some seagulls and aiming at them, I stormed over to them and stopped them mid-fling with a loud "HEY!" and told them to stop shooting at the birds. I kept walking towards them and they started walking away from me. I was so fired up! One of them spoke to me over his shoulder as they started walking back to their gang of friends. I was suggesting that they shoot at the leaves in the pond, or they throw things up in the air for the other one to shoot at, but they had a smart alec answer to everything I said. I told them I'd be watching them and if they shot at another bird, I'd call the police. When I was talking to them, I felt so strong and powerful and positive. I was really trying to redirect their game in a way that could still be fun for them, but not cruel. They kept watching me watching them and I knew they were going to go for the birds again so I called the police. I also called Cary and he came down and the moment he saw them shooting at the birds, he went over and talked to them and then he called the police too. I waited a while for the police, but we had a couple of other things to do so the kids and I left. Cary left to go and get a newspaper and when he got back the police were there giving the boys a strong talking to. They even had one of them in the police car. The sling-shots are a 'restricted item' and the boys were told if there were any dead birds in the area they would be in serious trouble.

The thing is, once upon a time, I would not have said anything to the boys, I might not have even called the police. I might have turned a blind eye (hate to admit that), or even left. In recent months, I might have called out a kind of meek "hey you boys, stop doing that" rather that going right up to them, full of power, looking to talk to them about why they were doing what they were doing and trying to convince them to change their focus. But I'm not holding back anymore! I'm livin' large and living my truth! I LOVE this feeling!!!!!

A couple of nights ago we all watched the movie "Last Holiday" with Queen Latifah. Excellent! Great for inspiring everyone to get out there and LIVE! So what are you doing on the computer? Go hug someone, get outside and soak up some sunshine or watch a butterfly or climb a tree! I'm going to go do all of that right now! IN JOY!!!