Speaking...

I had a friend tell me that another mutual friend has not been in touch with me lately, because she doesn't know where she stands with me.  She likes me, but her main reason?  Because I don't speak a lot.

I wasn't hurt or upset.  I didn't even feel the need to defend myself.  All of those things would have been certain once upon a time.

It was almost like a could feel a little pixie on my right shoulder just having a bit of a laugh!

Maybe that person did or didn't say that.  Maybe the message got a bit skewed in translation.   Either way, I honestly had the feeling that what another person thinks of me, is none of my business!

Maybe that other person is feeling insecure.  I personally thought that she and I had enjoyed some wonderful, and deep conversations.

Later on, I did ponder the statement though.  I thought about the way that I am with people and I just wanted to reflect on it.

At school and church, we were taught to be quiet, but then they wanted up to speak up on command.  I never bought into the trained monkey idea.

I became an observer, a listener.  I like watching people and trying to figure out why they do certain things.  I shared bits of myself at different times.  Sometimes I got hurt because of that.  So I'd pretend to be someone else that was more outgoing or more naughty or just someone that I was not, just to try and fit in.  It didn't work.  My true self said to me "what the heck are you doing?!  You are a gift and you need to let yourself be free so that you can shine!"

Great advice!

I've had a lot of people in and out of my life.  I became cautious about what I shared with new people, and I had to be really comfortable with someone before I could talk about my feelings, or my story.  That became a pattern of protection.  I aim to be kind, and open, and loving, and friendly.  I am happy to hear about you.  Maybe sometimes still, I can be so busy listening to what you are saying, with your words and / or energetically, that I don't even think to share much about my thoughts or feelings about whatever we are talking about.  Sometimes it seems that someone else has a greater need to speak, so I let them go for it.  I don't have a huge need to speak.

I find small talk painful.  And draining.

I don't enjoy being in groups where there are a few people that seem to want to dominate the conversation and talk over the top of others.  The energy feels frantic and competitive to me.

I do enjoy being in relaxed groups with gentle conversation, without needing agreement on whatever subject is being discussed.

I love to talk about the deep things.  About connection.  About finding your power.  About joy.  About what really matters to you.  About Trust.  Purpose.  Stepping up.  Falling down.  Real stuff.  That's the stuff I want to talk about!  And even better if we can chat one on one.

I am not afraid of public speaking, I can do that about any of my passions...unschooling, Love, homeschooling, living simply, Joy, connected parenting, Reiki and energy healing, traveling with children, etc.  I'm very comfortable with bartering, asking for discounts / refunds / replacements, and calmly speaking up when I know that my rights have been wronged.  Some people are terrified of all of these things.  I used to be.

I'm not verbose in person.  (Though I can ramble on via this blog!)  I like the space between the notes.  I like quiet.  Most of the time.  I'm very comfortable with it.  Some people are not and they have a need to fill up the quiet with a stream of chatter.  I don't like to ramble on about the weather, or the political situation, or what I had for lunch.  I'm not judging those who do.  Hey, if that's your thing, I'm happy for you!  Really.  And I've know plenty of lovely people whose thing it is.

I am more inclined to feel my way through life.  I really don't feel the need to talk a lot.  Some friends in the past have found that trait to be quite calming.  I'm not going to be someone that I am not.  Here I AM!  I am happy to be me!   I hope that you are happy to be You!


I'd say that this meme sums up my philosophy:

Before Speaking...

I have often found smalltalk...well, a little challenging. There are some people that it just seems easy with, the conversation just seems to flow. We connect and can talk about any subject either lightly or in depth.  Some others though, I find myself scratching for something to talk about, sometimes finding myself saying things that just seem 'not right' for me. Afterwards I might think "why on earth did I say that?". I assume that the other person might think that I am not interested or even maybe not interesting if I don't have a lot to say. It's getting to the point where I am preferring to avoid some social settings so I don't have to be involved in conversations that seem the same repetition of meaningless drivel. (too harsh?)

I am very comfortable with myself and with my silence...when I'm by myself. I'm learning to be comfortable maintaining that in a social situation. I love this quote by Sai Baba:

"Before Speaking, Ask Yourself:

Is It Kind?

Is It Necessary?

Is It True?

Does It Improve On The Silence?"

I choose to live this! 

However the question does arise...just what DO you speak about in random social situations?  Do you really have to say anything if you don't feel inspired?  Other people may feel uncomfortable and say unkind things behind my back.  Who knows...maybe they already do?!  What others think of me in none of my business!  I can only be in control of ME....my state of mind....my inner peace....my balance...  and when I can do that, I believe that I will radiate the Love and Peace and Joy that I am feeling.

I found this other great article on 7 Questions to Ask Yourself Before You Speak if you are interested in another opinion.  Worth a look!

.... I actually wrote that post earlier this year.  I've grown quite a bit since then and I no longer judge myself for what I do or don't say.  Wow!  I had forgotten that I used to do that!  It was great to read this post and see how far I've come!

The BEST seat in the house!

Or...more specifically...outside of the house...

Ahhh....I love the beach!  It is 531 casual, strolling steps from our place, through the campground and across the road to the sand.  I love this time of the year with lots of fresh tropical fruits to savour, the sunshine and warmth and of course, the magnificent ocean, perfect for swimming in.  Being in the ocean is the number one place where I feel the most free and joy-full!  Where I feel the most connected to Source and Oneness and myself.  Oh yeah... ***  bliss! ***

More on relationships...

Since I last wrote about relationships, I've been exploring that topic more deeply.  I've been thinking of the idea of freedom within a relationship...not necessarily to be with other people romantically, but to be freely, deeply with myself...and to make no excuses for that.  To Love myself unconditionally, and to accept myself wholly. 

 

 

Think about it..  It takes awareness to maintain your connection to yourself.  It is easy to lose that during the busy-ness of daily life, in all of the other relationships we have - with our partners, our children, our coworkers, etc.  With the constant bombardment from the media as well, soon it can feel as though the life you are living is just on the surface.  It is so easy to forget to tune in to our true selves.  To say what you really mean, instead of what you think someone else wants to hear.

I'm talking about taking responsibility for YOU - for your feelings and your interpretation of experiences.  Not saying things like "my wife (husband) makes me feel unloved / unattractive / etc", because NO one can make you feel anything, only you can choose to feel those things.  Often those are things that you already feel about yourself that you are just projecting onto that other person in order to avoid taking responsibility for yourself.

So the first thing is to be aware - of the outside influences that distract your connection to yourself.  Of all of the little voices saying that you "should" do or say something.  Of all of the times when you do something out of conditioning rather than an actual need or desire.  Be aware and recognise when you are not really present with your feelings, with the moment.

Then take responsibility for your thoughts and actions.  Allow others to Be however they choose to be.  Stay strong in your inner connection, knowing that you are the only one who can make you feel good or not-good. 

Doing this, you can be with anyone, anywhere, and you can feel the freedom to just BE.

How are you?

What do you really mean when you ask someone "how are you?".  Are you asking about their physical health?  Mental health?  Busyness?  What? 

I often just resort to the answer "I'm good...how are you?".  But then what do I mean by that?  "I'm good"...my body may be healthy, but my mind may be scattered, my connection to myself way out of balance, but still I say that "I am good". 

Have you ever answered the question with a totally un-normal, unexpected reply to "how are you?"?  Like "I am absolutely fantastic, thanks for asking..."  or "I am amazingly wonderful".  If you have, you'll notice that people often stop for a second and look at you, perhaps a little envious, perhaps trying to figure out if you're on something or just not quite 'right' in the head. 

Asking "how are you" seems like a quick, polite way to connect to someone, but then do we really have the time to hear if the answer turns out to be a long drawn out reply about how the person really is?  What they may be feeling physically or emotionally?   Some of our elderly neighbours love to do that, and I am happy to listen to them.  I enjoy the time that we connect to these interesting women.  My children get a little restless, but they get to see me being patient and kind to others and can choose whether they want to incorporate that into their lives.  If it turns out that whoever I ask is experiencing some kind of pain, be it physical or emotional, that they want to share, I aim to be present for them in sharing that, and I try to project calm, loving energy to them to help them deal with that.

Asking the check out operator at the local store "how are you?" has resulted in one word answers, so in an attempt to connect a little more with those I interact with, I try asking different questions like "what's the best thing about your day so far?".

So many of us are so very busy...what would it be like if we all just slowed down a little and thought about really connecting with everyone we meet, even if just for a moment?  Giving a gift of your time and your energy instead of a standard question that you may not even mean?

When I ask someone that I do know that question, I generally mean...how is your physical health / what have you been up to / what's new? These are all the "safe" topics we were taught to believe are the right way to start a conversation.

What I really want to know, is "what is making your heart sing today?"

I want to know where people's JOY is.  I want to connect IN joy.  I want to interact in a way that will encourage people to touch their own joy, even for a moment. 

I am still working on ways to do this more often, working through old conditionings that I no longer want.

The thing I have found though...is that if I am not feeling connected to my own Joy, it is really hard to help others see theirs.

If you are not too busy, please leave a comment or send me an email rawmum at yahoo dot com...and tell me the best thing about your day today and / or what is making your heart sing...

Thank you...

In Joy...
Annette

An ordinary day...

Today was another magical day! It wasn't that we did anything extraordinary, it was just that we stayed connected and in harmony with each other all day.

AJ has been in a Transformers phase - the movies and the PlayStation 2 game. I was not sure about this when it started as I thought it might be a bit violent, but the action is mostly the robots blowing things up, and I find something strangely satisfying in that. AJ is so into this...I could almost feel a little down on myself for doubting his choice initially - but I'm not going to go there. AJ is so immersed in the game and when we do have to go out, his mind is still going with all of the possibilities and all of the things he is going to build in the future, and other storylines they could come out with. He will talk non-stop for a long time and then go really quiet again before he comes out with another excited commentary of all the wonderful things going on in his mind!

Summer has always liked dressing up and mixing new combinations of clothing and accessories. Recently she's been cutting a lot of her clothes so that a dress became a coat and part of the leg of some stretchy pants became a boob tube...that sort of thing. (I'm glad we buy our clothes at the thrift stores/op shops!) I moved the kids computer out of the office area into her room and she spent quite a while playing on that.

Nicholas loves ...oh, just about everything!

Today everyone got some of their needs and desires met...AJ spent quite a while playing transformers, we went to an op shop and Summer bought some new clothes, we played at a new park where AJ and Nicholas wandered over to where a Dad was playing football and soccer with his kids. The Dad used to be a coach and happily included my boys and showed them how to kick properly. Then we went to a mall and hung out at the Apple store where AJ made some new friends, even if they did mostly communicate via their ipods while standing next to each other! Nicholas said he would really like a dressing gown (bath robe) as it is getting cool here and that would keep him warm and snugly in the mornings and evenings around the house. We found a really warm, black gown with a red dragon on it and he is so thrilled with that!

It was such an ordinary day to anyone looking in, but I had such a great day, feeling so grateful for this experience. Nothing fancy, just pure connection and listening and sharing and respecting.