Friday, February 22, 2008

getting out of the quicksand

I have a bunch of half finished blogs saved as drafts, as well as others that get started in my head and don't even make it to blogger. That's kind of typical for me...I get all fired up about an idea whether it's a little post on my blog or a new direction in my life. I guess the essence of my desires come through, even though the actual route may differ. Lately I've been in a funk, (the rain hasn't helped), I've been a bit down and a bit hard on myself. We've had fun when we've gone out, but at home I have been distancing myself mentally and sinking into a quicksand of negativity.

The five pounds I am trying to lose will not budge. What's going on? I used to be a Personal Trainer for goodness sakes! I just cannot get myself motivated for any major workouts. I'm eating right and staying active but I used to do less than this and have no problem losing weight. I wake up tired and stay tired a lot of the time. I just feel out of balance. I don't know if it's 13.5 years of being vegetarian, or 11 years of being pregnant and/or nursing that are just taking me to my limits. Maybe it is all the rain we've had, maybe it's being away from the beach. Maybe it's that I'm not making time to read an inspiring book.

I don't know.

I was getting down on myself for all the unfulfilled goals I've had. But, I'm trying to see it like going to the department store of possibilities. Trying different ideas on, seeing how they feel by coming out of the dressing room and parading around in a new outfit for a while. Then seeing something in a new colour or style that might be a better fit and doing the same thing. Sometimes leaving the store with nothing, sometimes with some accessory that will just improve the current wardrobe I already have. Sometimes leaving with a brand new look that might last a long time, or just a little time.
Even so, I was still feeling a bit down, wondering why I don't stick with things that initially seem so exciting and just, well, right.
This morning, as I was trying really hard to think about some of lessons from books I've read recently, I opened my email to find this quote from Abraham:

You want the desire because it is the idea or the goal or the Creation that is responsible for a good amount of Life Force to flow through you. The main event is the Life Force that is flowing through you, not the manifestation. And if you don't believe us now, wait until that manifestation has popped, and realize that its power to draw life through you will be greatly diminished. That's why you keep wanting another goal and another goal and another goal... Excerpted from a workshop in Kansas City, KS on Sunday, September 27th, 1998

So I started feeling better. I've created an amazing amount of Life Force throughout my life. I've dared to step outside of the box and at least explore possibilities. We have worked through a lot of conditioning and personal issues to get our lives to a place where we can be even more flexible and we continue to refine and change things as we grow and change and the needs and desires of each of us is considered.

I will continue to frequent the department store of possibilities....and enjoy every moment!


Stephanie said...

I like that a lot. I think I can get bogged down in thinking that once I've gotten this and this and this figured out, well then, I'm done! And I don't have to figure anything else out ever again. And I get upset with myself for abandoning ideas that I was pretty excited about even when it's apparent that I had clearly found out it wasn't the right fit anyway. This post was a good reminder for me right now.

I also wanted to say that the past few times you've posted pics of Sami I have said to myself how grown-up she is starting to look!

Annette said...

Wow, I just posted another post about how we never get it all 'done'. Glad this post helped you.

And yes, Sami is looking more grown-up. Still very much a child in a lot of ways, thank goodness.

Nice to hear from you!