Wednesday, April 01, 2009

Always growing

Thanks for the "happy birthdays"!

In the photo taken from the lookout on the hike, our house is in amongst those on the right. It takes us about 10 minutes to walk up to that lovely long beach.

In the '44' post, I wrote that I was both calm and excited. Later I thought that they may seem like opposites. But I feel them both. I feel an inner calm - a peace and Knowing that, whatever happens on the outside, I can handle it and deal with it coming from a place of that calm and holding my own Truth.

This state is becoming more and more my usual state. For so long, it would be something that I would only catch glimpses of every now and again. Now it is something that I experience daily. Sometimes I slip out of it for a while. But those slips are becoming less frequent. The most significant slip happened a few days ago. I had let things stack up - I was really tired, I had not been drinking enough water and therefore I had a headache, I had not been eating enough. And, my Mum was here. The last time I saw my Mum, we had a major disagreement. That was almost a year ago, and in the meantime, phone calls have been very good as we had worked through that. But actually seeing her, I became aware that I was holding some tension, just waiting for some kind of negativity to come from her. Well, ...the negativity came, but not from her. I attracted it, but it came from a stranger. It came when I had all the other things (tired, dehydrated, hungry) happening. What did I do? I just walked away. I chose not to get into an ego battle with that person, I chose to just do what was best for my spirit. As soon as it happened, I realised what had happened and why. It did not take me hours to figure it all out. I knew straight away the mental process behind it all, and the fact that my physical state had also contributed. Within seconds of walking away, I had realised this and felt good that I was walking away from the negativity. I said to myself "I'm better than I used to be". Instead of beating myself up for what I "should have" done to prevent that situation, I was proud of myself for choosing the way that gave me back my own strength and clarity and truth. I was not upset with the stranger, in my mind, I actually thanked them for giving me the chance to handle this in a new way.

So from that came a deeper commitment to take care of myself - to drink enough water, to keep my body nourished with enough food, to get more rest.
Even though we are spiritual beings having a human experience, we can't live too much in either dimension while we are here. We need to take care of this physical body and we need to take care of the spirit as well. Maybe it's that balance that I'm getting better at.

So I also feel excited that, through this Peace and awareness, I am always growing, I am feeling both deeper within and more expansive as that energy radiates out. I am excited that, with all of the travelling and moving around that I've done, this journey within still holds a beautiful feeling of adventure. I am excited as the more I go deeper, the more I love what I find and the way that helps me BE.

I am in love with this life.


Eli said...

oh my, what a great success. I am feeling so out of balance, after weeks of bliss. After years of travel, it seems I tip over when I leave my home.

Annette said...

What is it about your home that keeps you in balance? Is it a feeling, or the things around you, or the things you do when you're there? Can you find the inner feeling you get from 'home' and know that that is always a part of you, it is always with you, wherever you are. Knowing that it is there - maybe that can help ground you and give you a deeper calm while you're away.