Wednesday, July 01, 2009

releasing, again

I haven't been inspired to blog much lately, and that's ok.

Cary is really enjoying being back at work here. He says he is excited to go to work 6 days a week, and when he's at work, he's excited to come home and see us. It's great being together as a family, and it's important.

When Cary told me a week ago that he thinks we need to move back here for a couple of years, I totally freaked out. I have been so very very happy back in Australia, living simply, in an absolutely beautiful place that nourishes my soul, my mind, my heart.

But that doesn't pay the bills.

So I've needed some time out to lay low and process the options.
I cried.. I ran faster than ever on the treadmill with Amy Steinberg blaring on my headphones... I moped around... I took long hot baths... I stared aimlessly at the wall... I opened myself up to guidance and answers... I chatted with God and then...

A whole lot of things happened to shift my attitude:-

* I realised that there are worse places to be than Las Vegas;

* I saw Cary's excitement when he was talking about some recent deals and I knew that this is really important to him;

* I realised that I am familiar with this place - we already have friends and I know where to shop for the best deals;

* I felt deep, deep gratitude for the time we've had in Australia and in me I can feel what it is like to be at my favourite place (the beach). Each visit we've had there, I've stored inside and I can recall exactly how I felt, what I saw, the smells, the sounds, the feel of the sand and the water.

* Our time in Australia has changed Cary and forced him to slow down and enjoy life more, to focus on more than just work. Maybe that was one of the most important reasons we needed to go there.

* I felt a determination to appreciate life even more and make the most of opportunities.

* I realised that Cary really does want to move back to Australia, but he wants us to be in a better financial position so that we can buy a little farm. He does love Australia, but he wants more than sucking our savings dry.

* I remembered being a little girl and wanting, more than anything, to be a mother. I am doing that. Parenting this way is the most important thing to me. More important than living in the most beautiful place in the world. I am grateful that Cary agrees with this style of parenting and fully supports us in that.

* I felt a deep gratitude for everything in my life thus far - the people, the places, the lessons, the things. I've learned from everything and will continue to do so.

So I realised that even though it might require a bunch of paperwork and upheaval to organise a "temporary" move back here, I'm ok with it if it means we can be in a better position when we do go back to Oz. Perhaps something bigger and better will come from this.

Maybe our time in Australia has served its purpose for all of us. If an opportunity arises that allows us to stay there, then I will be making sure I live it deeply. If I need to release my attachment to living there, then I will do that too, for now. Maybe I need to learn that I can carry the sweet feelings of aliveness I have when I'm in Oz, anywhere. (It's definitely much easier in a beautiful area though.)

Maybe releasing my attachment to the way things are in Oz at the moment, will allow a new opportunity to come in, here or there, that will brighter than I could have imagined. We'll have to wait and see about that. In the meantime, I'll continue to make the most of each day, to live fully, love deeply and laugh often.


Six Arrows said...

Holy moly! That's a lot for you. I am totally impressed with your attitude, though. How great that you can see the big picture and know that you will return to "Oz" oneday. In the meantime, we will certainly enjoy your company! Good luck with everything going on! You are an amazing person and so inspiring.

TheOrganicSister said...

wow annette. you are so amazing. i was born here and still after so many years and looking at even more i struggle with letting go of an attachment to "elsewhere". i wish i was able to shift to a place of peace about it.