Unbelievable!

We have almost finished packing up the house. With the exception of two closets, curtains and the last minute things, we were pretty much done. Cary and the kids had already fully loaded the 20' box truck we have. Utilities were all taken care of, kids and I were excited and it seemed like it was all systems go.

Until 6:30pm last night when Cary got home and dropped a bombshell. He doesn't think we should go.

There are many good personal reasons for going. But the business deal is starting to look shaky. Actually, it has been looking that way but Cary didn't say anything sooner. The dealership is not ready to go yet and the guy has been stringing Cary along with other possible deals. Except now he also has another guy working for him doing the things that he wanted Cary to do. So Cary doesn't feel confident in trusting this guy. He would rather stay here where he is self-reliant and knows the area and has things set up rather than go to a new area that he doesn't really know. If we did move to Sedona, Cary would still need to come to Vegas for at least a few days every week. So what's the point?

Financially, it seems right that we stay. Personally though, I thought it would be such a positive move for us all individually and as a family. I'm very disappointed.

Adventures with AJ

So I'm trying to pack up the house and I see AJ go into the bathroom. No big deal. Except that 10 minutes later, he's still not out. "Are you OK?" I ask. "Yeah, I'm just squishing some ants". One of our neighbours must have had their place sprayed because the ants came marching into our place by the dozens. So when AJ finally emerges from the bathroom, the floor is soaked and all of the towels are rolled up in a big soppy mess on the floor. Nice, a big mess to clean up. OK, so I took care of that and got back to packing. AJ went to watch a movie with Sami for a little while. Then he found a dead cockroach and decided to dissect it on my cutting board with my good kitchen knife. I walked out to the kitchen at just the right time to catch this. I explained that that wasn't the best place or knife to use to perform such an operation and the other stuff was packed up already. So then he just wanted to chop it in half to see if any blood came out. None did. "That's why it died - it ran out of blood" he announced.

So I wash the cutting board and knife in very hot soapy water and go back to packing. Evidently, AJ thought everything needed washing again so he was back in the kitchen with the little sprayer hose washing the few dishes in the sink and getting water all over the benches in the process. Argh - the electrical stuff! I got back to the kitchen just before the water was so deep that it got into the wiring on my vitamix. Sheesh.

His next trick was to pull the cushions off the couch and bounce on the couch and then onto the cushions that were arranged in a line on the floor. He got so worked up that he bounced the wrong way and literally bounced off the wall!

AJ and Sami decided to go outside and play with the hose and the little wading pools. AJ likes to be in control of the hose so Sami took my big umbrella to protect herself a little. He found other ways to spray her and basically keep her from being able to enjoy splashing in the pool. So I said it was time to turn the water off. He did but then started putting dirt into Sami's pool. She had had enough and came back inside. Of course, he came looking for her to see how he could annoy her even further.

Instead he decided to play with Nicholas. He likes to play a little rough with him and Nicholas actually likes it, most of the time. AJ will pick N up and plop him down onto a big cushion. N laughs at this. I just shake my head. Boys! I love that AJ plays with N a lot and can be very sweet and gentle with him as well as a bit rough.

Ok, so then Cary decides to start loading the big truck. Sami helps take out some of the lighter things. AJ does what he can and then decides that he is going to be in charge of pressing the buttons to make the lift gate go up and down. He runs inside to get his green stool, puts it out on the road next to the truck and assumes his position. He is very happy to have such an important job!

Living with AJ is an adventure. The boy starts talking the moment he gets up and doesn't stop until the moment before he goes to sleep. If I try to watch a movie with him, he talks through most of it. He is so busy and such an interesting thinker. I am amazed by some of his comments and questions. I am so grateful to have him in our family.

Back to plan A

So far none of the 8 moving companies I contacted have gotten back to me. That's ok. Cary got the AC fixed on the box truck today and I bought a hand truck cart. That will probably end up being one of the best $23 investments I've ever made. We've made a good dent in the packing so far. All utility companies have been contacted for the switch on. Must remember to turn off things here.

We're going to load the van first thing in the morning and Cary will drive it down on Thursday. It's all starting to fall into place. The kids are so excited - every day they ask me if we can move today. It's been a bit hectic around here with so many details to take care of, and Sami and AJ have been picking up on all of that and they have been bouncing off the walls a bit.

Hurry up and wait

Cary brought home a big box truck. We were going to load it up this morning and he was going to drive it to Sedona on Monday. Once he got there, he was going to hire a couple of guys, unload it, drive it back and do it all one more time. But it is so bloody hot and the AC in the truck is not working. So Cary loaded about 8 boxes in it this morning and then decided he would be much happier hiring a moving company to do it all.

So once again the plans have changed slightly and I have to wait for the moving companies I've contacted to call me back so that I can then figure out which one is going to be best and hopefully set a firm date.

Every move seems to get bigger and more of a pain in the butt. We have tended to add a child between each move, and that probably contributes to me having less time to think and get organized as well as just having more stuff.

'This too, shall pass'. We will get through this. This time next month, we should be nicely settled in our new place with all utilities and services operating nicely. One thing at a time. I just can't stand the current chaos. Every room is half pulled apart and boxes are piled up all over the place. I'm trying not to feel like a dog chasing it's tail at the moment.

Letting go..

I have been so involved in what we are about to go to with the move to Sedona, that I have not been thinking about what we are leaving behind. We have a new home to go to that the kids are very excited about as it has steps and a couple of fun little hidey holes. Cary's excited about it as it has million dollar views of the rocks. The kids are excited to go to school, Cary's looking forward to working there and I'm hoping to get reconnected with my inner healer through different groups and classes.

We have made some wonderful friends here and that will be the hardest part about leaving. The internet and phone calls makes a distance seem so much closer. But it's not the same. However, I know it's time to move on and so I will keep myself busy with packing so that I do not have to think about the sad side of leaving here.

Breathing deep

and waiting. We may have a house in Sedona, Cary's trying to wrap it up but the owners are in Europe at the moment and it's taking a while. If so, we have 10 days to pack up this house. If not, we have to keep looking. As I've been looking around here, it appears that we don't have a lot of 'stuff', but when it comes to packing it up, it sure feels like a lot. So I've been thinning it out even more as I pack. I am so excited about the move, just the actual moving has me on the edge of being totally overwhelmed. Mind you, it's not the easiest thing to do while taking care of 3 children 24/7.

I've also been trying to do more deep breathing when it comes to parenting. Being a mama is such an honour and joy, but such bloody hard work too. Mentally. I really do try to use techniques like those in PET (parent effectiveness training) and NVC (non violent communication) - which are basically the same. But my past conditioning keeps getting in the way. Damn I want a fresh slate! Marshall B. Rosenberg (NVC) says that we should not try to be 'perfect' parents as we will just blame and attack ourselves every time we are not that, which would not benefit our children. Instead, aim "to become progressively less stupid parents", learning from the times we wish we'd done things differently.

An interesting point Marshall makes is that in order to give our children what they need, we need to be getting the emotional support we need as parents. For so many years, I thought that a "good" mama would put her children first all the time. There were many times when I really wanted to go for a walk (or somewhere) by myself while Cary watched the kids. But their pleading eyes when I was leaving made me give in and let them come with me. That didn't give me the break I needed which ultimately didn't help them either. Trying to exercise at home doesn't give me the same release as it would if I were at a gym as I am still "on" as mama. I've just realised, it really is ok, and important too, to ensure my needs are met. Not in a selfish way, but in the PET & NVC ways where the aim is to meet everyones needs. Maybe my block has been knowing my own worth. Ooh, I actually feel something shifting in me as if I've turned a key. Wow. Instead of just saying that, I'm really feeling - Knowing - it. A little breakthrough moment here at 3am. I should get up in the middle of the night more often! It's a wonderful, quiet time to actually think.

Even more changes

We just got back from 5 days in Sedona. None of us wanted to leave. After an initial spaz attack by everyone as we reacted to the energy there, we all calmed down and got into a really nice flow. Our family felt closer and more in tune with each other than it has for a while.

We spent a fair bit of time in the car, driving around to different areas, getting a little frustrated with the houses we were looking at. Finally we realized that we only really liked the West Sedona area and, although there was nothing available in that area at the time, we released it to the Universe to help us find the right place.

I have spent a lot of time online trying to find other homeschoolers in the area. As I kept coming up empty, I started exploring other options. Immediately, the information for a new Waldorf charter school came to me and I made some enquiries about that. Things fell into place very quickly and easily for that. This past weekend they had a "meet the teachers / staff" event and we went along. There were a bunch of kids there and Sami was nervous but soon met another 8 year old girl who had been unschooled and they connected. AJ looked very comfortable there. The energy of the kids and parents was very similar to the lifelearners, in that same free-spirit way. Both kids did not want to leave when it was time to go and are excited to go back. So we have them enrolled and we will see how it goes. There's only about 12 kids in each class. I am open to them going and if I don't think it's working out to their advantage, and if I find other homeschoolers, then I'll take them out. AJ would be going half-day and Sami full day. I'm sure I'll miss them, but they want to go and I need to release my attachment to the way I think things should be. While they are at school, I can spend a bit of time on the biodisel business and with Nicholas one-on-one. Or just doing other things I want to like working on some websites, or exploring some of the little shops or maybe even catching up on some of the projects I keep putting off like organizing the family photos.

I thought I'd feel like a bit of a traitor to the unschooling theme by enrolling my kids in the waldorf school. But I don't. It's about life-learning and this is another option / lesson for all of us. So much for what I blogged about school less than a month ago. But this school is nothing like 'regular' school and I feel good about the choice. There have been times when I felt as though I wasn't doing 'enough' for them in recent months. It will be interesting to see how this goes.

Nicholas had his first birthday while we were in Sedona. We all went for a beautiful hike in the morning. Oh the air was so crisp and smelled so good. Several times the children actually stopped talking and the peace of the area was soothing to the soul. Sami and AJ were asking lots of questions and telling stories and were really excited about the hike and we all had a great time.

Yesterday Sami asked me "what if we were just toys for God to play with?". I thought that was a pretty deep question and we explored that concept for a while. Children are amazing!

ch ch ch ch changes..

When I was 5 years old, my family moved to a new area. I wasn't happy about the change and did not like my new school. I did like the area we lived with all the bush around and a creek and a lake and hills and rocks to climb. When I was 14, we moved from there and I was really unhappy about that. I rebelled big time. But I eventually calmed down.

Since then though, I have been very open to changes and moving to a new location. I travelled around Australia on my own with no thought of putting down roots anywhere in particular. I think those early shake-ups in my life opened up the possibity of the wonderful things we can find in new areas. Recently, Cary and I decided that the time was right to move back to Australia and started moving towards that goal.

Several years ago, I felt a calling to go to Sedona. A couple of months ago I finally got there for a few days. I thought that was that. But it seems as though Sedona is not done with me. Cary has been offered an exciting business deal there in the biodiesel industry. I'm encouraging him to explore it further. It's the kind of setup that we could duplicate in Australia. We can learn a lot about it here and then go anywhere with that knowledge.

So we do still plan on going to Australia, just with a detour to Sedona for a while. Maybe a year, maybe longer. I'm glad I'm open to change. I'm excited about getting into the alternative energy industry. This is totally in line with who we are and our goals.

My concern about moving there has been in finding an unschooling group as great as the one we have here. Even an eclectic homeschooling group. It looks like there may be something similar just starting up in Flagstaff. Which will be a bit of a drive, but not more than what we're used to doing here.

I don't want to think about packing yet. Cary's in Sedona at the moment and he will look at a couple of houses while he's there. If he doesn't find anything, he wants us all to go there next weekend to have a better look

I've been enjoying my time here with the kids. Yesterday morning we took Scooby for a run in the desert near the water park. We found a dried up pond and spent time exploring that. The kids loved all of the bunnies, birds and lizards they were seeing. I really should take them into nature more often. After growing up in such a lush environment, I have found it difficult to appreciate the local desert environment. I have a feeling that will change when we move to Sedona.