Trust...

At different times in my life I've had a guiding word.  A word that was significant to where I was on this smorgasboard / rollercoaster journey of life, what I was working through and who I wanted to be.  'Peace', 'Freedom', 'Strength', 'Courage', etc.   Currently, my word is 'Trust'. I am working on remembering to Trust that I am being guided, that my life is unfolding as it should.  I know that the more I relax and Trust, the more my life flows smoothly.  When I try to force something that clearly isn't working, then I know I need to stop trying to control it and trust that I'll be guided to the right way. 

How do I know if it isn't working? .... By how I feel.  If something is causing any kind of discomfort within me, then I'm on the wrong path.  It's that little voice inside, guiding me.  All too often I've forgotten to listen, or have stubbornly ignored it in the past.  Thinking that I could possibly be in full control!  Ha! 

If Trust is my main order at the moment, I also have a side dish of 'letting go', and 'clarity'.  With Letting Go, I find that, in most cases, something else will move in to take the available place.  It can be as simple as when I donate some of my clothes and then soon after I happen to find a new (to me) item of clothing that I really like.  Often, the Letting Go leads to Clarity....like when I finally let go of having long hair, I realised with clarity, that I am actually preferring my hair to be short.  Sometimes though, the Letting Go feels big and it leaves a murky pool behind.  I find that I've been looking into that murky pool for a while now, since some recent shifts in my life, and wondering why I'm feeling stagnant.  I'm looking at so many options...and it is wonderful to have them...but feeling drawn in many different directions...expanding and contracting at the same time.  Feeling duality pushing and pulling, the depths and the heights, the past and the future, the swirling and...perhaps not enough time for the stillness. 

Where I am, right now, is lush.  I can look behind me and see the winding, crazy road that has led me here...the thorns and the roses along the way.  Maybe I'm attempting to see the future in the murky pool in front of me, instead of surrendering...trusting...that All Is Well.  I remind myself that I can Trust that I have everything I need, right here, right now.  I remind myself that I am safe, I am Whole, I am Loved, I Am Love, I am Wild and... I am Free!

Thank you storm...



Thank you wind for pulling down our annexe which exposed the van and blew away excess stuff...

Thank you rain for pressure washing the side of the van, getting it so very clean and shiny again...

Thank you ocean for showing us your power and your playfulness with snow-like foam flying through the air up and over the roads.

Thank you divine timing that I was not under this tree when it fell. 



Thank you sun for shining bright after the storm, allowing us to dry out, sort through and clean up outside.

Thank you to Cary for having the foresight to put our outdoor electrical white goods on blocks which prevented major damage to them.  The tarps around them blew off, but after they dried out, they were fine to use and we were able to wash and dry many loads of smelly, wet clothes and towels.  Thanks also to Cary for staying awake during the storm to try to keep things secure.  Eventually, we surrendered to nature and let it go.  Thanks for getting up at 3am to start the clean up.  Thanks for your strength and love throughout the process and every other day.

Thank you to the community we live in...everyone just pitches in and helps out wherever and whenever is needed.

Thank you to my children who stayed calm and ready to go at a moments notice if we needed to evacuate.  They each had a backpack ready with some extra clothes, flashlight, water bottle, snack food, phone and a few favourite things in it. (Nicholas had a fever and was a bit emotional but showed a lot of bravery.)  Thank you for helping with the clean up and for being flexible and able to roll with the changes that life presents.

Thank you to the sites online who were providing constant updates on the storm.  It was very helpful until we lost contact with the outside world through phone, internet and tv.

Thank you to the power company for providing electricity throughout the storm.  We were lucky enough to keep ours even though many people in houses around this area lost theirs. 

Thank you to the movie industry for providing us with dvd entertainment which was a good distraction, especially when the wind was howling and the van was shaking.  Ironically, we were watching the disaster movie 2012 about the end of the world when we heard that the storm was coming.  Although the movie was rather ridiculous, it gave us a point of comparison that what we were going through was minor.  We later saw news coverage showing families in other areas that had their homes underwater and were sitting on the roof waiting for rescue.  Yeah, we have no problems.

Thank you for the gift of pressure.  In considering that we may need to evacuate, I was given a chance to consider the most important things to me.  Of course the health and safety of the whole family is the most important, after that, basic survival things (first aid kit, clothes, food etc), a few things to keep us busy (deck of cards, drawing book and pens) and very few material things that were important.  I chose a handful of photos and a few pieces of jewelry.  That all took me less than 10 minutes to pack into my backpack.  As I had extra time to consider if there was anything else, I added in the birth certificates and passports because those things are just a bother to replace, especially as Cary and the kids birth cert's come from the USA.  I looked at everything else and felt no attachment.  I was ready to go.

Thank you for the freedom...we were woken up to the fact that we were living as though we were living in a small house and had built up walls around our outdoor living area, and filled it with a whole lot of stuff.  In removing the walls and ruining a bunch of the stuff that we do not plan on replacing, we feel liberated... more connected to our neighbours and the world around us, both the earth and the sky.  We do plan on replacing the awning, but not the walls.  It has inspired a review of all of the things we have inside of the van as well.  I have a feeling we'll be downsizing in there too.

We have so much to be grateful for, and we are.  I am reminded to be grateful for all of the other wonderful things in my life...extended family, good friends, good coffee, warmth, food, clean water, I could go on and on.   

I hope that you are safe and well and enjoying your day.  Maybe take a moment to think about some of the things that you are especially grateful for...