a Letter to my Past....

Dear Past...

I am writing to express my immense gratitude for you.  If it was not for you, I would not be who and what I am right now.  That's a big deal.  We've been through a lot together....we've loved, we've lost, we've had adventures, we've been high, we've been low, we've cried, we've screamed, we've wandered aimlessly and we've pursued specific goals.  We've done a lot!  We've explored different countries, taken road trips to unknown destinations,  followed our passions, run away from our demons and known some incredible people along the way.

My clock has turned to 49.  As I enter my 50th year of this time earthside, the time has come for me to take what we have created and walk through a new door.  It's a new chapter in a juicy novel.

I take with me the products of the lessons we've shared.  The actual processes, dramas and passions no longer matter for I am moving beyond what was.

I am releasing the hold that you have on me.  I know I've worked on a lot of that over the years and this step comes as no real surprise.  This new phase that I have been easing into has shown me the residual aspects that I was still carrying.  The growth that we've shared has been integrated.  In that way, we are One.

In order for me to move forward and embrace the next phase of my life with Grace and depth and unconditional Love, I need to do this.  To shake off the parts of you that no longer serve me. You had a stubborn grip on me still, but we both knew that this day was coming.

I feel like a snake, shedding its skin, though my 'skin' is within me as well as in the Light around me.  Perhaps a better analogy would be that of the caterpillar turning into a beautiful butterfly... I've always imagined myself with wings!  The urge to do this feels as necessary as taking a breath.   I couldn't stop it if I tried, I would only get more uncomfortable the longer I delayed this.

I love you.  I embrace you with tenderness and gratitude.  And I release you.

In Joy,

Me

Some people may think that I am finally "growing up"...I don't subscribe to that notion.  I think that I am evolving.  To me, "growing up" brings with it some sense of stability.  I don't expect that, and I don't want it either.  I like the area we live in at the moment, but I am totally open to moving somewhere else and even getting back on the road indefinitely.  I like adventure and an amount of uncertainty.  I like to play and be "like a child".  I still have a cheeky girl inside of me that wants to walk on the edge, who dances in the aisle at the supermarket, who likes to do whatever she likes.  The neat thing about getting older is that I care much less about what other people think about what I do.  It's a good place to be.