March / April photos

We had this goanna visit a cabin we stayed in on the Sunshine Coast. It was at least 3 feet long and the kids enjoyed following it around for a while.


Shortly before school broke up for the holidays, AJ's teacher had a birthday celebration for him. The morning started with their usual morning circle and for the story, the teacher told the Rainbow Bridge story then Cary and I took over with a brief synopsis of AJ's birth and life thus far. Before the circle started, AJ had the privilege of wearing the golden cape and crown, which he actually kept on all day. The teacher had knitted him a woolen cat as a gift. In the afternoon, we went in early to share their afternoon tea time. The children had made a banana birthday cake and they sang Happy Birthday to him before enjoying the cake and some fruit. He felt very special and thoroughly enjoyed the day.




The day after AJ's birthday celebration was the Easter celebration at school. The children watched a puppet show and then performed a little play. While that was happening, the Easter Hare gathered up the baskets they had made and hid them in the garden. In the baskets were a woolen bunny the children had made and a felted egg, about the size of a chook egg, they had also made and some wool for them to rest in. There were also some plant bulbs. The above photo shows AJ holding his basket and Nicholas excited for him.


While AJ's class was having the Easter Celebration, Sami's class had their performance as part of the Main Lesson Sharing that happens on a regular basis in the school. We missed it so the teacher gladly said they'd do a special performance just for our family. Here we are inside the classroom. Sami is the second student from the right wearing a brown shirt and black pants. The large wall hanging behind her is actually a woolen felted picture.


Sami, Nicholas and AJ on Easter morning.

What a busy time it's been lately! It started with celebrating my birthday a week early with my dear Dad and wonderful stepmum Frankie who called in on their way back from a trip to Brisbane to celebrate the launch of a book that Frankie had helped to illustrate. She's such a talented artist and a beautiful person on many levels. We had a lovely time with them. Then a week later we had my birthday which was a lot of fun. Cary and the kids had made a vegan chocolate cake that we had for breakfast. Sami wanted to go to school but AJ took the day off and spent the morning with us swimming at Sawtell beach followed by lunch with friends at the Sawtell surf club. I had a few surprise guests and had a great time. We made a yummy mexican dinner in the evening and just took it easy.

About a week later we had the celebrations at the school and then my sister and her family arrived for 4 days. We celebrated my birthday again, Easter and AJ's birthday early. After they left, we started preparing for AJ's birthday and party that he had on his actual birthday. We had 10 children, 3 toddlers and 5 adults plus our family at the party. After meeting here, we walked across the street to the playground to play. We were going to go down to the creek and run and splash there, but the kids were all having a good time at the playground so we just stayed there for a while. Then we came back over to our place for lunch and cake and more playing. It took us quite a while to get it all together between cleaning the house and making all the food but it went smoothly and a good time was had by all.

Since the party, we've been checking our clothes status for winter gear. The days are still beautiful here, usually in the mid to high 70's F. Though the nights and mornings are getting cooler. I took AJ to Target to get him some more long pants but he found everything too scratchy and uncomfortable. A pair of kids jeans there are $25! Yesterday we went to some thrift stores and ended up finding him 8 pairs of long pants of various kinds and colours that he actually liked and worked out at an average cost of $1.50. So I think we're all set for winter now. Nuke has enough clothes but we'll see if he will actually wear them. He's so particular about what he will wear.

We've still been playing lots of games here. Sami has really gotten the hang of mancala and sees the strategy of it. AJ can be walking past, look at the mancala game in progress and within seconds see how everyone should move. AJ constantly amazes me with some of his statements and questions. I'll never forget the question he asked one day about a year ago when he was just 5 years old. We were in the car on our way home from a gathering with our Life Learner friends. He was quietly gazing out of the window when he said "..what if WE were the ones in the snowglobe?"

Sami's been amazing us lately too. Her thoughtfulness has shown a maturity we were not expecting at this age. She's mellowed with AJ and they do not have the same number of challenges that they used to. She's been a really great helper with Nicholas and around the house in general. She has made some amazing connections in her own life that show how she is integrating herself into the larger world out there and how that all fits into the family life. I won't go into specifics, but it's beautiful to watch her blossoming right before our eyes.

Nicholas is incredibly busy. He is speaking more every day. He knows the names of a lot of the local birds and animals and can recognise some of the bird calls, like the kookaburra. Mind you, that is pretty distinctive, but we haven't heard them a lot lately so I was amazed when we did hear one the other day and Nuke said "burra!" We had three kangaroos grazing 3 feet away from our family room window yesterday evening. Nuke knew to be very gently and quiet while watching them graze. Which is amazing because most of the time he goes non-stop like a pile of nuclear energy. He confidently rides a three-wheeled scooter and every day he gets on the tricycle to see if his feet will touch the pedals yet. I must get him a small trike for his 2nd birthday in about 8 weeks time. And loud! Oh my goodness! He certainly wants to be heard.

I'd better get going. I'm going to pack a picnic and we're going to go and check out a gold mine near here. Then on to a labyrinth that I saw a sign for. I'm fascinated by swirls and labyrinths. I got some sidewalk chalk and drew some labyrinths on the pavers at the side of our house. They were great until the rain washed them away. Now I'm playing with a new design to try. Speaking of swirls and things, have you seen the go gratitude site?
www.gogratitude.com/masterkey/ After watching this, you can sign up for the 42 day experiment which consists of daily emails which are lovely. I thought I had a pretty good appreciation of my life, but the emails did help to deepen that.

Today is the day after...

AJ's 6th birthday. We all had a great time. I'll blog about it later and post some photos. I feel a little wiped out today but just wanted to post a little hello to my dear friends and family here. So "hello". I miss you.

After reading the last post...

...Cary said to me "you're still struggling with this?" (releasing attachment). The answer is definitely no - I am not struggling at all. It's just that every now and then a small little feeling pops up that I just didn't expect. I decided to blog about it as a very real part of simplifying - to let others know that these kind of feelings might pop up and it's ok.

My sister and her family came over for 4 days over Easter. It's so great that we only live 4 hours drive away and can see each other more often. It was strange to me to have Easter in the autumn again. It seems so right to have it in the Spring. Easter here is just done differently than in the US. The plastic eggs we used to get to put our own fillings in are just not available here. Back in the US, we would put crystals, coins, stickers, and some candy in the eggs. Here, it's all about chocolate! I had bought our children a chocolate bunny each. So did my sister. And she had a ton of little chocolate eggs to do an egg hunt with. So AJ was in heaven! I'm sure it reminded him of Halloween (which is not celebrated here). So whatever hemisphere we are in during the fall, he will have a candy fest to look forward to!

The weather is still beautiful here. The days are warm enough for swimming, but the evenings and mornings are getting cooler. The kids have 3 weeks off school and we are exploring our local area a bit more. We just heard about some waterfalls about 15 minutes away from our house. We knew of some an hour away, but we'll have to check these out this week. We've been playing lots of games and are really into Mancala at the moment. When I play with AJ, I can see him thinking several moves ahead whereas Sami just plays by luck. Interesting how different they are. At the moment, they are having fun playing Polly Pocket together. An Ibis just walked past my window and a kangaroo is across the road. The rainbow lorikeets are chattering and the plovers are looking for breakfast. We are off to a friends farm to see his different crops - mainly bananas which are almost done for the season and pumpkins. My Mum is popping in this afternoon on her way back from visiting my brother. He had radiation treatment on the cancer in his neck last week. He was very sick afterwards but is getting better now.

Better go and grab a shower. Ah dear, I won't have time to work out, what a shame! I've gotten very slack about "working out". It seems like such a chore. I have so much more fun going for a walk along the beach or for a swim.

Every now and then...

...I get a pang - of what, is it grief? longing? - for some of the material stuff we left behind. It's not as strong as it used to be, and it is getting less frequent, but it still comes and I didn't expect that. It's usually directed towards a few specific books - which I know can be replaced but those specific copies already had my energy in them. Also, some of the kids toys and games. I think I was more attached to them than the kids were! Probably because I put a lot of time and thought into shopping around, getting good deals and organising their room.

I think what I'm feeling is a sense that I wasn't quite finished with those things. Some of the books, I may not have even read yet, but planned on doing so. Some of the toys and games the kids played with a lot or a little but they might have wanted to do so again as we had such a good time in the past with them. Things they might have grown out of could have been passed on to Nukie.

At least we had a choice of what to bring with us. It's not like some natural disaster wiped us out of everything. I still have all of our photos and special mementos. We brought some great toys with us and we've found some other fun toys. I brought some of my other favourite books and have found new favourites at the library and second hand book stores.

Most importantly, we have each other, we have this beautiful area and we have right here, right now to create in whatever way we want. Nothing is more important.

Material stuff is going to flow in and out of my life. That's ok, it's all only background props to the real play of life that is happening with the people front and center.

On the odd occasion when those little pangs do still come up, I will just need to take a moment to remember the fun or the lesson in the item, thank it and let it go and I'll go and hug someone here and be filled with gratitude that they are here and we are together.

Priorities. Perspective. People before things.

I am woman!

I've been feeling very connected to my family recently. My own little family that is. I've let go of the feeling that I had to contribute in some financial way and am focusing on contributing in other ways that I am rich in.

I used to think that if I brought in a bit of money, that Cary wouldn't have to work as hard or much. I also thought that I would somehow be thought of as more valuable or interesting or clever if I was able to bring money in. Over the years, I have dabbled in different things that I thought might be the way to go to bring in a little extra income while still being a full time Mama. They did not bring in a lot of money, they only added to my stress level and took me mentally away from my family for longer than I care to admit.

When I think back to when I was a little girl, I loved to play with the couple of dolls I had. I couldn't wait to be a mother. I loved to play with young children and do babysitting. Then I joined the workforce and saw the recognition that can come with having a paid position. And the fun that came with the things that the money could buy.

I was 32 when Sami was born and I was ready to be a mother. I had gotten a lot of wild girl ways out of my system and I was ready to settle. Being a mother was the best thing that happened to me. It touched me deeply and I was so satisfied. Somewhere along the way as we started spending more time with other mothers, I found myself comparing myself to some of the other Mamas. For example, the homeschooling mother of 4 who ran her own successful online business and childbirth education classes who also found time to write a book. Ok, she had family living nearby and I'm sure they helped out but still..it got me thinking. Other Mamas were working from home or, I felt, just doing a better job of being a Mama. I started to feel inadequate on many levels. How long have I wasted feeling like this? I felt like I should contribute financially to the family and do something of significance to the world. I've started several websites that have never been finished or published.

I've come to the acceptance that this is not the time for me to do those things. This time in my life is meant to be devoted to the family, what could be more significant than that? I am back in touch with my strong Mothering connection including the type of Mama I want to be and the type of life I want for my children. This is where I make the most important difference in the world - in their lives. There will be time later for me to devote more time to changing the world. In the meantime, I'll do it in whatever way I can that does not detract from my goal of being the Best Mama I Know I Am. I am valuable and interesting and clever right now with what I do.

I no longer feel concerned about other peoples judgement when they ask me what I do and I tell them I am a full time Mama. But I will not say that I am "just" a Mother because I am so much more than that. I will tell them with passion that I have the Best job in the world - I am a Mother, a Wife, a Lover which all wraps itself neatly into the statement "I am Woman!". Perhaps the significant difference I can make in the world (besides the differences I make in the lives of my family which is huge in itself), is that by letting other people see how proud and passionate I am about this role, I can make changes in their attitudes. When I have extra time, I will still work on one of the websites but I won't aim to make it as big as I thought it should be before it gets launched. I'll launch it small and add to it as I can.

I am so proud of my relationship with Cary. I feel grateful to have a mate that makes me feel like a woman and supports me in being a Mother. The love and respect he shows me fills me with gratitude. I am also grateful that I don't have to get paid work because he values what I do so much that he is happy to provide that. It frees me up to focus on the areas of life that are my strengths - loving and nurturing, which are priceless. I know I have the best gifts right here in this home with these awesome people. I feel fulfilled and satisfied. Every day I have the chance to create my day the way I want it. I want it full of love and adventure and joy. And you know, you get what you focus on!

Come on 42, this is going to be a GREAT year! I am woman, I am proud...look out!

Early morning

It's very early in the morning and, once again, I am awake. It's so rare these days that I can sleep a whole night through. I try to sleep, but once my mind is awake, it likes to take advantage of the quiet to think about things.
The kids had last week off school. In the beginning, they were not well with a fever but towards the end of the week, they were much brighter though still not 100%, so we took a short trip up to Brisbane. We looked around north Brisbane on the coast, saw my brother and came back the next day. We did not like that area so we are fully focused on the Sunshine Coast and just need to narrow down where in that area. I'm excited. This whole process has been interesting. I thought I was free-spirited enough to just pick up and go when we first thought about it but then emotions and some practicalities got involved. I thought about the friends we'd made here, the school, the quiet beautiful area we live in, the fact that we had only recently moved and I was enjoying feeling settled. But now I feel unsettled and restless and eager to go. I had to work through all of the feelings that came up and acknowledge that they were valid. But I also realised that some of the fears surfacing came from a lack mentality, from me thinking that it couldn't be as good somewhere else. I know that some of the friends I've made here will keep in touch, and that there are new friends waiting to be made. I know that there are other beautiful areas waiting to be explored and appreciated. I know that there are plenty of options regarding the children and "education" and that the children are more adaptable than I was giving them credit for. I have been working on strengthening my relationships with my children - really connecting with them, giving them more affection and one-on-one time and communicating in a more honest and open and direct way. I am feeling stronger as a parent and as a person. I am putting my family first instead of spreading myself too thin by trying to work on other projects and do other things. By keeping the family strong, we can do anything together!

On the way back from this recent trip, as we got closer to home, Sami said that she did not want to go home, she wanted to keep travelling around. I told her about a classmate of hers that would soon be leaving to travel around Australia with her family indefinitely. Sami's eyes got wide with excitement and thought that sounded like a fabulous idea.

I've started looking around this house and seeing things that I don't use or want anymore. We're going to have a big clean out in the garage which still has boxes of things there from my previous life here and things we had sent over from the USA. Then I'm going to start a box for us to put items in for a future yard sale to have just before we move (if I can wait that long!). Our house isn't junked up, but I want to keep on top of things so that it doesn't get to that level again.

Nicholas is growing so fast and is moving into a whole new stage which is very fun. His use of verbal language is increasing and his imagination is taking off. He's like AJ's little shadow at times but also definitely has his own opinion on how things should be. And loud...oh my goodness. Was I ever wrong for thinking he would be the quiet one!

So life is good. I'm glad we have the 3 extra months here to just enjoy the great things about this area while we are here and plan how we want things to be when we do move.

Swirling

Our recent trip north was interesting. The day we arrived was the hottest and most humid they'd had for years. Cary, Sami and Nicholas do not do well in the humidity and we were wondering about our plan to move there. After talking to several locals and realising that this was not typical weather, we pursued our fact-finding mission. We looked at several areas and houses. We narrowed down the area we like and almost put an application in on a rental house. At the last moment, we decided to go back to our plan of waiting another 3 months and focusing more on business and make sure that area will be suitable for a base. Cary has had some interest in the idea of importing American cars and we would be closer to the port of Brisbane. But would we be close enough? Should we be even closer in? We still love the Sunshine Coast but need to look around a bit more. Maybe if we go about 15-20 minutes inland, we can get some land and have a big vege garden again.

While we were away, we bought a 1995 Toyota Landcruiser with dual fuel. Petrol and LPG (liquid petroleum gas). The gas is much cheaper than petrol and more environmentally friendly. So we feel good about the choice and have a much nicer, larger vehicle to travel in than the small station wagon I bought when we first arrived.

We did not make it to the homeschooling group as I was getting rather stressed and overwhelmed by the thought of moving, trying to find a place, wondering if it was the right time, etc. I could not then make a decision concerning a change in the children's education. Mostly because I doubted my own ability to be able to homeschool again. Some families make it look so easy. I find it hard to give everyone what they need, especially with a toddler being so needy. I feel like I let Sami and AJ down on our last go around, neglecting them at times and just not doing enough with them. In my heart, I know that I would like to do homeschooling again, but it would have to be a bit different. I would need to establish - and stick to - a rhythm. I would need to allocate time for myself most days, but to not get so caught up in my own projects that I ignore the rhythm. I would need to find suitable external classes in music and crafts for Sami and whatever AJ would like. I need to find more patience and remember that I didn't learn all of the times tables the first couple of times - it took a lot of reinforcement. My children may not remember our family rules and values, which give us comfortable boundaries of what is acceptable, the first 5 or 20 times either. It takes patience, love and reinforcement. In the past I have been too laid back as a parent, not wanting to cause any damage to the children's self-esteems. But in the process, I've not been fair to them with not establishing clear boundaries so they don't always know how far they can go with something. I would get myself so frustrated that I would build up steam and eventually blow my top (so much for saving their self-esteeem ah dear). I would need to find a great community of like-minded families. That is something I really enjoy about the Steiner school. Sometimes when we drop the kids off, we spend an hour at the school chatting to the friends that we've made. Sometimes we'll go to the beach with them for the day, or out to lunch, or for a barbecue after school. We've done more socialising as a family and as a couple in the short time we've been here than we ever have. Of course the fact that Cary is not working all the time makes that a lot easier, and having great weather to be out in also helps. So what else would make homeschooling work again for us? A real shift in knowing how learning occurs, remembering and recognising that learning is happening all the time whether we're watching tv, playing at the park, or reading a book. Remembering respect for the unfolding nature of the children. Being more mindful of daily moments. Not having huge to-do lists that take away from spontaneity. Living more gently with myself, my family and my environment. I also need to deeply consider where the children would thrive best. We have had so much swirling around here trying to decide what to do and where to go that, for now, I think they are in the best situation at the Steiner school. If we can get settled somewhere, then we can reconsider.

Besides all of the above, I've been swirling in my mind about life in general. As I approach my birthday, I feel myself questioning my satisfaction with my alignment. Am I living life as deeply as I could? Am I satisfied with compromises I've made? Where does my focus need to be for the next 12 months? Which of my projects should I be working on? This birthday I will be 21 for the second time. What are the most important lessons I've learned from the past 21 years? What do I hope to do better in the next 21 years?

I've come a long way, I just need to clarify where I'm going and how I'm getting there.
Gentle strength and compassion are keys. As are Gratitude and Giving.

Enough rambling for now, time to try and get some more sleep. The kids have been passing a fever around and now it's Nuke's turn though Sami's still not over it.

More adventures

This past week has been a roller coaster ride for me. After deciding that we would take a possible move slowly and really think about it, we seemed to be starting to organise such a move much more quickly than I'd thought we would. The fact that our lease is up here at the end of the month was spurring us on. I've lost a lot of sleep trying to think things through in the quiet of the night. We decided it would be a good time to just go for it. However, after making that decision and actually telling people, I got very emotional. I thought "it's only been 6 months since I left a lot behind in the USA, now I've got to start again...again!" The facts that I was sleep-deprived and pre-menstrual didn't help and I spent about 24 hours crying at the drop of a hat. So we decided to wait 3 more months.

While we had been away, I enjoyed the freedom and flexibility and it reminded me strongly of when we were homeschooling. Once we got back and got into the school rhythm, I started thinking about the things about school that Sami enjoys - the stories that the teacher tells, learning the recorder and songs, drama and other languages. She likes some of the seated work. In a Steiner/Waldorf school, the approach to learning is very different to a mainstream school. It's very beautiful and Sami seems to respond to that. But there are some things about school that she just doesn't seem comfortable with. I don't need to go into it now, but it's had me weighing up all sides of the story. I've been so focused on Sami's feelings about school, that I wasn't paying much attention to AJ. He just seemed to fit right in and be having a good time. I have noticed some changes in his behaviour and it wasn't until the past week that I was able to put it together with what is happening at school. He's been playing more with some different kids and they are a bit disruptive He's been coming home with a cranky attitude and is getting distant. He used to greet me after school with a big hug, now he looks as though he doesn't even see me. The Steiner Kindergarten is a warm and beautiful place full of things to inspire the imagination. It's like a beautiful day care facility as academic education does not start until Class 1 in Steiner ed. But the last couple of days had me really thinking about whether it's the right place for AJ. Then weighing that up with Sami's stuff and I realised that maybe we really should move sooner rather than later.

We're leaving tomorrow for another little trip to the Sunshine Coast to look at areas, maybe some houses for rent and also to meet some of the local homeschoolers. I've been in touch with the co-ordinator of the local homeschool groups. There are at least 160 families in the area, a lot of whom follow the "natural learning" style that we used to. While we are up there, a lady who is quite big in the "natural learning" movement in Australia, will be giving a little seminar on the topic. We're going to go along which will be a great way to meet other families in the area, especially for the kids to meet other kids and (hopefully) get excited about moving there. And it will be good for Cary and I to reinforce the mindset that goes along with this lifestyle. I'm excited, though a bit overwhelmed at what may be coming up and all that is involved with moving again.

more photos from our trip etc

This mornings sunrise


Sami on the beach, Hastings Point NSW, just south of the Gold Coast. The sand is a bit whiter than here.



Cary and Nuke playing in one of the pools in the resorts we stayed at. Nuke will stand on the edge of the pool and make sounds that we know mean "three two one blast-off" and he jumps by himself into the water into the waiting arms of one of us.


Sami digging a hole and AJ running into the water, Noosa Heads, Sunshine Coast, QLD

Photos from our trip to the Sunshine coast

Just before we left, here's Nuke on the kids computer, headphones on his head. He tries to do everything he sees the other two doing.


We stopped off at the Byron Bay lighthouse which is located on the eastern most point of Australia's mainland. That's Nicholas and I in the foreground. Nicholas is trying to climb the fence. He will try to climb anything, he's like a little monkey!


The kids and I at Hastings Point Beach a little south of the Gold Coast. Look at how tall Sami is getting!


Sami having a quiet moment on the beach.


My 3 boys looking out to sea.

Sunday Sunrise and the Sunshine Coast

Right now I am sitting in my home in Moonee Beach. From the window to my left side, I am watching a magnificent sunrise while listening to the pounding surf and the birds waking up. Just a few minutes ago, a kangaroo hopped along the road in front of me. (When I lived in the USA, people would ask me "do kangaroos really hop down the street?". I would tell them "no, I've never seen that.". But I lived in city suburbs for most of my previous life here so of course they wouldn't do that there. But they really do here!)

We just got back from a little trip up north along the coast. Cary really hasn't seen a lot of Australia and we decided it was time to just take off. We spent a couple of days on the Gold Coast which is an area slightly south of Brisbane (the capital of the state of Queensland). It's like a mini Las Vegas with beautiful beaches. After living in Las Vegas, Cary is finding our current area a little slow. He's been enjoying the decompression time, but is now longing for something else. We came to the conclusion that the Gold Coast was not it for us - too crowded and crazy. So we went to one of my all-time favourite areas - the Sunshine Coast which is about an hour north of Brisbane. As soon as we drove into the area, we felt a click. Cary liked it straight away. It has an abundance of fantastic beaches, rows of unusual shops (not the typical franchised shops), a very creative, laid-back feel and did I mention the beautiful beaches? We do have great beaches where we are and they are never crowded. On the Sunshine Coast, the beaches are a bit more crowded but the sand is whiter and softer. There are lots of rivers for kayaking or boating. The Glasshouse Mountains are slightly to the west and an interesting place to explore. It is an area that does not really experience 4 seasons, just various degrees of warm and wet. But I love that and Cary liked the area so much he feels he could adapt (as long as there was air conditioning in the house which is not a typical thing here). We walked into a fruit shop there and it smelled SO good. And it seemed to me that the fruits there even tasted better.

The lease on our house here is up in one month. We were very tempted to move up to the Sunshine Coast now but have decided to take it slow and give it some more thought. So we drove back to Moonee Beach yesterday. When we left the SC, we both felt a little sad. When we arrived back here, we were not excited about being back. Another thing I came to realise - I really miss the freedom of home/unschooling. We'd like to take more trips and I don't want to have to time them around school. If we were homeschooling now, I think the kids would be excited to move now. But Sami wants to spend a bit more time at her school and AJ doesn't want to leave Summer-Rain (his best friend). So we have some things to think about.

I need to download all of the photos I took while we were away and I'll post them next time.

Have a beautiful day!

Photo time..

Nicholas "Nuke" (Mr Energy), 20 months


Dangar falls, Dorrigo National Park. There are people swimming at the base of it.


Dorrigo National Park - birdwalk. This is an elevated structure, about 1/3 - 1/2 of the way up the larger trees. It has a couple of nice places to sit and observe the birds along with poster boards with info about them. very peaceful.


Sami (3rd from left, standing holding onto her teachers hand) and some of her classmates on a field trip. At lunchtime on Friday, they all walked down to a local park, had lunch then went through the bush to the beach where they frolicked in the waves and played on the sand.


A friend braided Sami's hair into a crown effect and placed frangipani's all around - beautiful!

Geoff update

Thank you again for the kind thoughts and healing energy going to my brother Geoff. He has the results of his cat scan which showed that he has had some minor strokes which has killed off part of his brain. It is literally dead. Until there are more tests, we don't know if it's the cancer tumors blocking the blood flow to the brain or just what. So please keep those positive vibes going his way when you get a moment. Thank you friends.

Photos from our trip to Tamworth

Several times on the way over and back, we had to stop for sheep and cattle who were grazing on the sides of the road. Mind you, this is the main road from our part of the coast to the west. Cary was absolutely amazed!





At the Dorrigo National Park skywalk. It is beautiful!



A green tree frog.

Adventures

Sami and AJ went back to school last week and were happy to do so. The house seemed so quiet. As it was the first week back after the summer break, it was a short week which we made even shorter by taking them out of school on Friday. We were going to my oldest niece's 18th birthday party. That's a big thing in Australia because that's the age you are legally declared an adult and can drink and gamble and do all those grown up things. (Hmm)

Anyway, we left early on Friday and were having a lovely drive until we had car trouble. We ended up having the car towed. Sami and AJ thought this was a grand adventure as it was a big tow truck we got to ride in. We had to wait for a rental car but again, the kids were great and we had fun exploring a thrift store we found and just looking around. More excitement when we got the rental car as it was a cute thing, very different to our station wagon. It ended up taking us 10 hours instead of 4.5 to get to our destination. We were tired, but happy. In the morning, we had passed an accident where a motorcycle rider was lying on the road, being attended to by paramedics. We kept thinking of him all day, declaring our inconveniences to be minor compared to what that man was going through.

The next day we hung out with my Dad and Stepmum. We went to the train museum they have in their town. It was very interesting but even more so for Cary who loves trains. After lunch, we drove about 30 minutes to Tamworth (Australia's country music capital) where my sister lives. We checked into a nice cabin at a caravan park then went over to my sisters place. She kindly lent us her car and Cary dropped off the rental car. We went back to the caravan park, went for a swim and got ready for the party. My niece is named Amy so she had an 'A' themed party. Sami went as an angel, AJ went as "The Amazing AJ" (big cape, fancy hat and a wand made up most of his outfit. Nuke went as an Army guy (he has camo pyjamas so he wore those and was ready to go straight to bed when we got back). Cary went as an American - he wore a red t-shirt, blue shorts and white shoes and cap - and he already had the accent down! I went as an American Indian (Apache) after borrowing some things from Sami's dress up box and braiding my hair. It was a fun little party. It was great to see our kids having a good time, dancing and playing around with their cousins and other guests. Nuke is especially smitten with Ros's other daughter Katie who is 16. She adores him too. I wished they lived closer. We left the party I think about 9:30pm and the kids were asleep a few minutes after going to bed. None of the usual chatter, just "good night" a kiss, hug and yawn and they were gone.

We left the next morning to come back home. We drove for three hours straight and then stopped at Dorrigo National Park. It was so beautiful! It's been declared a World Heritage area. It's located at the top of a mountain and we enjoyed walking out on a skywalk bridge over the treetops and then doing some bushwalking. It was a great way to break up the trip. We'll have to go back when we're more prepared with extra water and food and do a bigger bushwalk there. AJ especially was loving all of the little lizards and bugs that he seems to have a knack of finding. An hour after we left there, we were back home and ready for a long relaxing swim down at the creek.

The next day, the kids went back to school and our boxes finally arrived from the USA! We packed those in early September and now we are having fun rediscovering forgotten treasures. We had packed 35 boxes but one somehow went missing before Cary even got it to the transport place in Las Vegas. He couldn't find that box anywhere so I guess we just were not meant to have those things. If it had been a box that had photos in it, I would have been upset. But it was things that can be replaced like children's games, some videos and books. So 34 boxes came. I think 21 of those were things like photos and other favourite household items (like my vitamix blender), sentimental things from when the kids were babies, kids toys, books, personal papers, paintings and some of our musical instruments. Cary had some of his treasures in there too - vehicle flashers, speakers and other guy stuff.

It seemed to take such a long time for the stuff to get here, and I had mentally let go of it. When it did get here, I was not in any hurry to open the boxes. But after opening the first box, I got excited to see that stuff again, and I just kept going. I soon had open boxes scattered around the house. The kids were very excited, mainly to see favourite books, also some of their toys. In some way, it's like the past has caught up with us and where we are feels more right now that we have old familiar things around us. In another way, it's like all this extra stuff has created more clutter in our home. A fact that I am aware of and so I will be leaving some things boxed up for a while. I am rearranging closets and shelves so keep the energy flowing as freely as possible but it's taking some time. Yesterday I found that I was getting very agitated from the extra stuff and the extra work it was creating. So I just left the house and took the kids to the park for a while which helped to clear my mind. Ahh, for me, there's nothing like the sea breeze to refresh the soul!

Weird or not?

I was tagged by my friend Miranda with the equivalent of a blogging chain letter to let others know 6 weird things about ourselves. Well, I thought about it and couldn't come up with anything! I see myself as totally normal in my own way. But I might have some unusual quirks that others might think are a little weird so here are some of them:

1. I like to go to sleep lying on my back with my arms over my head, bent at the elbows.
2. I have to have my shoulders covered while I'm sleeping. A t-shirt will suffice, unless it's a really hot night and there's no a/c.
3. I absolutely love to have my head rubbed and hair played with - I practically purr with delight.
4. I can happily prep/cook breakfast, lunch, and snacks but I really dislike cooking dinner. I prefer very simple meals and I think that, when it comes to dinner, other people in the family might prefer more interesting things.
5. When I was 14 and finally had my own bedroom, I covered one entire wall with surfing pictures I'd cut out of surfing magazines. I didn't count on having to paint that wall when I moved out because I really dislike painting (I think it's more about the smell than the work).
6. My eyebrows and eyelashes are very blonde and almost every day since I was 14 (a long time ago!), I've been wearing a little eyebrow pencil and mascara, otherwise I look like "eyes without a face", in my opinion. It's a bit scary.

So there you have it. In chain letter style, this weird request is meant to be passed on, but I've always been one to tempt fate and break the chain. But if you want to let me know some weird or quirky things about yourself, bring it on!

Some more beach photos

AJ about to catch a wave. He's very comfortable in the water.


Two cute boys, tired but happy after the afternoon at the beach.

Sami, tired but not really happy about going home. She'd live in the water if she could. Sometimes I need to check to see if she's grown a mermaids tail.

Ok, a few more photos

Nuke loves to climb - he's been doing this ladder easily for about a month now. Of course he tries to do pretty much everything he sees AJ doing.


The kids playing at the park. It had rained a lot the night before which is why Sami is wearing her gum boots.


AJ at Jetty Beach.


Nuke doing some surf-yoga, or maybe trying out some new things to do on the board if it were in the water.


Nuke carried this board into the water and was playing with it in the low waves as if he were riding a wave in. He had the moves down - amazing.

Just a couple more

This park is diagonally across the road from our place. You can see the creek (low tide) and big sandy area where dogs and horses and people play. On the other side of the creek is the ocean. You can kind of see it in this photo, I should have zoomed in on it. It only takes a few minutes to walk to the surf beach, depending on the tide and how many puddles we stop to play in along the way.


Another shot of the creek across the road, taken at low tide and a little to the left of the previous photo of the creek. We usually swim at the "deep puddle" (as the kids call it) that you see towards the back of the photo.

Photos

My boys at the beach.


Sami having a great time. She is such a little fishy, she just loves the water.

Thank You

Thank you to those that sent prayers, postive energy and healing thoughts to my brother. I spoke with him this evening and he sounds better than he has for days. He is going for his cat scan tomorrow and is optimistic about that.

Besides his health problems, he's had such a run of bad luck lately. He did a huge job sailing a boat half-way around Australia which took much longer than expected as the boat kept running into problems, including a period when he was drifting at sea for six days. The owner of the boat still has not paid him the money he promised him. When Geoff got back home, he had his wallet stolen and found that his houseboat (where he lives) had been broken into and most of his special things, like his guitar and a beautiful clock, were stolen. Geoff is a really hard worker and a great guy. It's just not in him to be dishonest in any way and he's having a hard time figuring out why this has happened to him.

Anyway, thanks again. I'll let you know what they find with the cat scan.

More on grief

I did not mean to be flippant in my previous post about grief. I was mainly referring to low-scale grief, not the kind that is usually associated with the loss of a person.

I received news tonight that my brother's health has gone down even further. Further tests still need to be done, but it looks like the cancer is spreading, possibly into his brain. I certainly don't want to jump the gun and assume this is what has happened without the test results, but it's hard not to think about all possible outcomes, including the worst.

The thought of a world without him consumes me with an overwhelming grief. Oh God, help him. Stop his pain.

What are the lessons? I'm searching...

After all of the releasing I've done, does it make it any easier to release a loved one?

I am so grateful for all of the times we had together. He is one of the main reasons I had such a great childhood. We were so close for the first 16 years of my life until he moved out of home and started finding his own way. The fact that I couldn't go with him and he was often too busy for me hurt like hell. But I eventually learned to accept that and stopped trying to fill the void he left.

I don't want to see him so sad and in pain. I want him to be free of that.

I am reminded to live my own life more fully - don't hold back, stand up for my beliefs, pursue my dreams. To love more deeply - taking time to really connect with those close to me, to hold them a bit longer, look into their eyes and speak from my heart. To take life more lightly - see the simple pleasures, laugh freely and often, to be silly and playful.

I don't want to think the worst as I do not want to project that energy onto him. I will visualise him healthy and pain-free and be available to listen to him and do whatever I can.

Would you please say a prayer for my brother Geoff too?

Lessons from grief

A good friend recently went through a relocation where she had to downsize and part with various personal items. Although she was glad she did this, and happy to move on to a new phase with a lighter load, she explained to me that she had periods of grief over some of the things that didn't come with her.

I found this an interesting emotion to attach to the process. I'd always thought of grief on a larger scale such as death of a person or pet. But yes, grief can be attached to any kind of loss, even when we are the instrument in deciding upon that loss.

Even though I am enjoying life here, there are periods of time when I am drawn to memories of what we left behind. Pets, friends and even, to a lesser extent but still a real thought, some of the material "stuff" we had. I cannot do anything about the pets we had except send them love and hope they are happy and being taken good care of. Friends, well some still keep in regular contact, some that I thought would, don't, some that I didn't think would, do. But it's all ok. To the friends that I don't hear from anymore, I thank you for the time we had and I wish you love and peace on your path. To the friends that still keep in touch, thank you, you are lights in my life.

Regarding our material stuff, I honestly don't think about it much anymore so I'm surprised when I do get the occasional feeling of "oh, AJ's bed was so comfortable" or "those windchimes we used to have sounded so pretty" or "those wooden toys were so cool". Now when I get those feelings, I take a moment to remember the item, I thank it for the time it was a part of my life and then I just let it go. This has become relatively easy for me to do, and I am helping my children with this too. Sometimes they talk about a friend they used to know, or they see a toy in a shop or catalogue that they used to have. We take time to talk about the friend and wish them well. With the toys, they don't usually dwell on them, but start planning how they can raise some money to buy new ones.

So, interesting lessons from these brief moments of grief that stem from old attachments. We are learning gratitude for things that were and releasing those things to allow new people and things to flow into our lives. Doing this increases our gratitude for the way things are now.

It's all good.

Are we nuts??!

(just another neighbourhood flower that caught my attention)

The kids and I have been back in Australia for almost 4 months. I needed this. I feel like a different person. I feel a calmness inside of me. I feel like I have been nurtured back to wholeness. I feel more in touch with myself on many levels. ... I am ready for another adventure! I was so spent, and felt so good when I got here that I thought I could stay here forever (and that's a long time!). Now I feel like I've drunk from the well, lightened my load and am ready to head off again.

Cary likes this area, but doesn't think it has enough business opportunities. We are going to check out a few areas north of here to see if they provide that as well as the other things we like about here (great beaches, bushland, other things for the kids and family to do). If that doesn't fit, we are open to the idea of moving overseas, though not back to the States. Funny, the idea is very exciting to us! Except Sami, she loves her school so much, she's not keen on the idea of moving.

When we moved across the USA in 1998, we travelled with my minivan that I drove with a load of stuff, Sami and two dogs. We were following Cary who had a big pickup (filled with stuff)towing a 28' enclosed car carrier filled to bursting with our 'stuff'. And that was after we'd had a huge yard sale and donated a bunch of stuff. We swore we'd never do that again and the next move would be much lighter. We thought we were pretty good getting it down to a bit over one pallet load to move here. Our things are still sitting on the docks in Brisbane. The process has taken so much longer than we thought it would. I've been thinking that it would have been easier to just seamail the photos and sentimental things over. I have obviously gotten along just fine without any of the other stuff - did I really need it?

It's exciting to me to ponder just how lightly I could move the next time. I would store the sentimental things here, as well as some other household basics as I can definately see us coming back here to live. (Maybe we could do an endless summer, spending several months a year here.) Could I do another big move taking just whatever will fit into our luggage allowance? I am totally confident that I can!

Now comes the fun of researching and planning!

more photos - a few neighbourhood flowers

Frangipani's are probably my favourite flower for their beautiful scent and perfect simplicity.




These looked like spider flowers to us, not sure if that is actually what they're called. If not, it should be! Or, more correctly, insect flowers as they have six 'legs', not eight.



I need to brush up on my knowledge of Australian flora. Again, not sure of the name, but the blossom looks like fireworks to us.

And now for some photos...

I Ifinally got a small digital camera today! I had a raincheck for one I saw advertised right after Christmas for almost half price. So the kids and I went for a walk around the house and then around the neighbourhood trying it out.

The 2nd photos is mr. 18month nuke. He discovered what fun it was to fall onto his knees at the edge of the flat bit of grass and slide down the little slope on his knees. The flowers in the background were amazing - like trumpets.

The 3rd photo is of a painting my wonderful step-mum did. It's large - 100cm (40") x 83cm (33") and the colours are so vibrant and happy, it brightens the room and my spirit whenever I see it. Fruit is a huge part of my life and everything looks so juicy and delicious. Another interesting story about this painting is that is was painted on Hamilton Island where Frankie spent time as artist-in-residence. That was several years after Cary and I had met on the same island. To me, the island energy and fun come through the painting as well as a part of Frankie. I just love her! This photo doesn't do the painting justice, but I really wanted to post it anyway.

Simplify & Beautify

My Mum asked me recently "what New Years resolutions have you come up with?". "None" I answered knowing that all well-intentioned NY resolutions fail within the first week or month. I mean without a good plan to follow through on them. I just can't make a change without there being a burning need in me to do so. I will not do it just because I turned over a page on the calendar or woke up one day and my age has clicked forward one. Certainly those things can cause me to ponder on the previous year, but to actually make change, I need to stew for some time on the areas of my life that can be made even better until it becomes more painful to stay the same rather than to change.

We had to simplify our material 'stuff' a LOT when we moved. It was such a great lesson and gave me clarity on what I really like and want. I now shop much more consciously. I don't go to garage sales and buy stuff simply because it's cheap or it would fit or we used to have one. I do not buy anything that will not give me joy when I see, use or wear it. Of course I also consider what others in the home will feel when they see, use or wear something. I've been through my clothes again and asked myself honestly - do I really enjoy wearing this? If the answer is not a definite "yes", then it gets donated. When I first did this, I was left with about half the clothes I started with. This was actually enough to get by on as long as I washed once or twice a week. Since then, I save so much time when I go to thrift stores and yard sales as I just look for the colours and styles I like and don't mess around bothering with other things. I have been able to add a few more things and have enough variety to match my moods and the weather. I feel good when I look in my closet as it is mostly blues of all shades, light purples, and a couple of different greens. I have very little from the other end of the rainbow.

I am so blessed. I feel like I'm living simply and beautifully and that gives me joy and lightness of be-ing. I've made a shift within myself that had become necessary for me to live more fully and consciously and I am loving it!

Listen - really listen

It is such a breath of fresh air to be here in Australia. Besides the fact that the air is actually fresh and clean. On other levels, it is so refreshing. In general, Aussies are pretty concerned about the environment. Practically everyone recycles on some level. The local councils make it easier by providing each house with large colour-coded bins. Public rubbish bins are plentiful in public places which keeps the litter way down, in fact, I've never noticed it as a problem.

In my own life here, I am taking advantage of quiet moments to really listen to everything I can. The different birds chirping - how many birds are talking, how many different kinds of birds, what are they if I don't already know? How many frogs are there? Hmm, they've moved since yesterday, now their voices are coming from a different direction - how long did it take them to get there? The wind rustling the trees, the sounds of breathing from my sleeping children, crickets and cicadas outside. What else can I actually listen to that I just take for granted? I need to work on this too. I want to experience life and relationships more deeply. By being present and attentive to the moment, I believe I can gain more understanding and depth and give myself more completely. Maybe I didn't do that enough back in the US, I think I was too tired from the competitiveness.

The other day day I was feeling so content, and I remembered hearing someone sometime in my past say "this would be a good day to die". I thought of how wonderful it would be to die feeling so content. I bit into a carrot and a piece got stuck in my throat. I wasn't scared as I had the feeling that this wasn't actually my time to go. So I just relaxed. All of my family was outside the house at the time. The carrot came unstuck and I went outside to join them.

gumnuts

It's New Years Eve here today. 13 years since I met Cary. What an interesting journey this has been!

I've been looking around the house at the decorations we had for Christmas. Our packages from the US still haven't arrived so the kids and I made most of our own decorations. We collected gumnuts that had fallen from the trees in the front yard and painted them and sprinkled them with glitter. Then I tied them onto some string and wrapped them around our Christmas tree. Sami did some colourful finger-knitting which we also wrapped around the tree. The kids collected feathers and seashells and pinecones and even some cicada shells that all went on the tree. We did buy a couple of things to finish decorating the tree - a strand of lights, a few shiny balls and some red bows. It was one of the best trees we've ever had.

The new year approaching has me pondering the year gone by. Wow - such a big year on so many levels. I am so grateful for all of it. Still sad about some of the people and animals we had to leave behind. On the whole though, I am in a very good place physically and mentally. Achieving all that I have this year has given me even more courage to pursue other personal dreams. I am so excited for this next year!

I really do hope that 2007 will be an exciting and happy year for you filled with good health, joy and peace.

Christmas in Australia

For over 12 years, I've been dreaming of a warm Christmas. This year I got one! It has been unseasonably cool here - in the low to mid 20's C (not F!) instead of the low to mid 30's.

My Mum and brother were already staying with us and my sister and her family were 5 minutes walk away at the local caravan (trailer) park. On Christmas Eve, we all enjoyed dinner together. Sami went to bed early and AJ went soon after her, but said he felt like throwing up. A few hours later he woke up burning up. I brought him in to sleep next to me so I could keep an eye on him but he kept waking up. I finally remembered I had some homeopathic remedies that would help his fever and they did. At 5:30am on Christmas morning, I heard AJ whispering to Sami excitedly about the big 2-seater tricycle under the tree that he had already taken a peek at. Suddenly I was wide awake, remembering what day it was and having memories of a Christmas 3 or 4 years ago when Sami opened most of her presents - very quietly - before I woke up.

AJ is so thrilled with the trike. It fits him perfectly and is at the lowest seat setting so he has plenty of room to grow with it. It has a seat in the back which Nicholas rides in. AJ was happy to ride that around inside the house while the rest of us had some breakfast and tried to wake up a bit. We also had to wait for everyone to arrive. Sami and AJ were so patient about waiting for gifts, they just enjoyed being with their cousins and mucking about. There were quite a few little fun fights of balled up paper flying across the room. At one point in the morning, Sami happily said to me "This is just the best Christmas!". There were lots of laughs and hugs and general silliness.

We didn't go overboard with presents for the kids. This has been such a big year. I wanted the emphasis to be on family fun rather than gifts. So AJ got the trike and a few other little things. Sami got a new wooden recorder, a sewing box and craft things. Nicholas (Nuke) got a wooden firetruck and a couple of other small toys. Cary and I chose not to exchange gifts this year.

I pretty much overlooked any 'Santa' stuff this year. Not that I do a lot usually, but this year I didn't even leave any treats out for the big guy. The only reference Sami made about him was on Christmas morning when she and AJ and Cary and I went to look at the tree and AJ said "look what Santa brought" and Sami said "so he IS real". I guess she had been doubting. AJ starting talking about Santa on Christmas eve when he asked me to send Santa a letter asking for 3 things one of which was the trike, so I got that right. The other two things were spy stuff and walkie-talkies (which I didn't have for him). When I told him it might be a little late to send a letter and he might not be able to get all of those things, he suggested we email him! Later on Christmas day, he said "Santa didn't bring me anything". He didn't count the water pistol he got as it had broken during the water fight. I suggested "wasnt' the trike from him?" He had seen the trike at the Tender Center here and knew that I had put a bid in on it, but I didn't tell him that I had won it. I was able to pick it up one day while he was at school and I had it hidden in the garage for the past 3 weeks. I don't think he quite believed that and seemed a bit disappointed by the lack of Santa magic this year. Sorry AJ.

After gifts were opened, most of the family headed out into the beautiful sunshine to the vacant lot next door for a game of cricket. That got everyone nice and warm which led into my sister's family tradition of a big water fight on Christmas Day. Oh what fun that was! It was our family + Geoff (my brother) vs Ros and her family. So much laughing! I felt a bit bad about wasting so much water when there is such a big drought happening in the country. But I am pretty careful the rest of the time, and it's not like we just let the taps run non-stop while we were refilling our water pistols and other water toys.

While we were having the water fight, Mum was inside working on food for lunch. We all chipped in to help when we were cleaned up and enjoyed sitting down together for Christmas day lunch for the first time in 21 years. With the addition of six grandchildren and my husband. That was pretty special.

An afternoon storm rolled in after lunch and we played inside while it passed. Then we got into our swimmers and headed to the creek for some more cricket and kayaking and swimming. An easy, light dinner and an early night rounded out the day. What a great day!

In the couple of days since Christmas, we've all just been hanging out and playing. Ros and her family left yesterday and Mum and Geoff are leaving tomorrow. Today we went into the shops for a couple of things, but after seeing the crowds, Cary and the kids and I decided to leave it for another day and went to the Fisherman's co-op for some prawns. I am checking out the sale brochures for a little digital camera that I can easily carry with me which will hopefully make it easier for me to put photos on here. I will keep on blogging. I think I was just a bit overwhelmed when I last posted and blogging was feeling a bit too one-sided during a time when I needed to connect more personally.

Cary has now been here one week. Before now, he's really only spent a combined total of about 24 days in the country. The last time he came here was 7.5 years ago. So a lot is new to him. He is enjoying the weather and the lifestyle and the generally slower pace here. And the family of course! Nuke had grown so much that Cary didn't recognise him at the airport. Ok, the fact that Nuke had fallen and busted his lip open earlier in the day didn't help. We got Cary some new clothes so now he's looking more the part of an Aussie beach bum. He's loving the sounds of the birds and bugs around here and all of the greenery. We are all enjoying having him here.

Life is bloody good!

Happy Holidays

I haven't been blogging because I just haven't had time. Or, frankly, the inclination. I've been wondering if I wanted to continue or would I just prefer to have meaningful contact, whether by phone, email or in person, with friends and family? Or myself. I've been giving more thought to my relationship with me. It's as though I am coming into alignment and I'm rethinking my priorities.

Life has been so challenging and busy and beautiful for the past 3 months. The past few weeks have been especially busy but fun, with Sami's birthday, end of school year things going on, a trip away to visit family and Cary's arrival on the 20th. Cary loves the area and the house. This is a great house - 4br, 2 bath, 2 living areas, mostly tile throughout which will help keep it cool in summer, as well as the fact that it's a brick house and has lots of windows that allow the sea breezes to drift through. The colours are light and earthy. It's a very comfortable, easy place to live.

I sincerely hope y'all have a happy, healthy, safe and low-stressed Holiday season and I wish you Peace and Joy for the new year.

Sami's 9!

Happy Birthday Sami Sunshine Girl! Thank you so much for all the love and lessons.

Sami is so excited today! She was awake early, opened some gifts which she gladly let the boys help with, ate some mangos, then it was time for banana birthday cake. A few phone calls then outside to catch penny lizards while waiting to go to school. She's very happy to share her birthday with her friends at school with the added excitement that they are moving classrooms today, getting ready to start a new school year at the end of January after the summer break. This afternoon, we are going to the Big Banana and then to Pet Porpoise Pool (www.petporpoisepool.com). Will blog about that later.

I feel very blessed right now and very grateful for the love, health and abundance in our lives.

Sami's First Sleepover

Yesterday was Friday here. In the morning I took Sami to school with her pillow and blanket and other items necessary for a sleepover. She met her fellow classmates and teacher and they all loaded into two 15 seater vans. Sami was so excited. She kept waving to me happily while she waited patiently for everyone to get organised. Her eyes were sparkling with a sense of new adventure. It didn't take long and they were off. "Bye Darlin', be careful" I said silently as her smiling face disappeared from view. They were all off the the Promised Land (seriously - that's what's it's called). Apparently a beautiful place not too far away with a freshwater creek and rock slides and lots of bush to explore. Then the whole class was having a sleepover at the teachers house!

The boys and I were busy. We had playgroup all morning and then we came home to tidy up for a visit from my Aunt who was calling in for a cuppa on her way south to visit my Grandma. After her visit, we went over to the creek for a swim, home for baths, dinner and eventually bed. It was rather quiet and we kept wondering what Sami would be up to.

Today all the parents were to meet the returning vans at a national park picnic area for a family picnic. I got there a little early and the vans came around the bend tooting their horns with the merry sounds of children singing. Sami was still smiling but when she hugged me, she had a few tears as it just hit her how much she'd missed me. Sweet girl. The teacher and other parent helpers were all beaming and talking about what a great time they'd all had. I tell you, Tracey (the teacher) is such a wonderful person, I really could not ask for a nicer teacher for Sami. Tracey will be Sami's teacher right through until the end of year 7 which is part of the Steiner/Waldorf philosophy (to keep the same teacher with the children all the way through primary school).

Dear Sami was so tired when we got home but managed to find enough energy to go swimming with us at the creek. There were lots of fish, up to 6" long, swimming all around us. The water is so clear they are easy to see. AJ was trying to catch one in a bucket for Sami to have for dinner. I can see he's going to enjoy the fishing net he's got coming for Christmas. Nicholas is pretty fearless in the water. He keeps wading in until the water is up to his chin and then he just stands there laughing. Of course I keep a very close eye on him and am usually right next to him although sometimes he pushes me away a bit as he thinks he's ready to be Mr. Independent. Not yet mate.

Sami had a very early night and Nicholas wasn't too far behind her which gave AJ and I some quiet one-on-one. We were playing tic-tac-toe on a chalk board when he started adding more lines and before long we'd made our own game up. I just adore him. We had such a fun time together.

One size does not fit all

Isn't it wonderful that we are all so different? How dull the world would be if we all came programmed the same, like robots.

How beautiful the world would be if we could approach our differences with curiosity rather than conflict. Gentleness not guns.

You may say I'm a dreamer, but I'm not the only one.

Conflict comes in so many forms and is a part of growth to a certain degree. The way we deal with conflict can define our very being, shaping how we show ourselves to the world.

There is no one right way for everyone, we all need to find our own way. If your way works so great for you - fantastic! But don't assume it will work for me too. If you want me to know something, teach me gently, not like I'm an idiot.

photos

I'm not very good at posting photos, I'll have to play around with it in all my spare time (ha!).

The first photo was taken during Sami's school play. She's 3rd from the right, playing a recorder. The play was performed in her classroom. If you look out the window you'll get an idea of how green it is around there. The walls of the classroom are stone, the floors are wood, the roof is corrugated steel, painted with special heat reflecting paint. One end of the room has a large circular rug and lovely wooden and cloth play toys and musical instruments on one side, and big cushions for sitting and reading on the other side. Up the other end of the classroom are the wooden desks with ergonomically designed chairs and a large chalkboard. Outside of the classroom is a verandah with two large low tables for messy craft projects or for eating at, and pegs to hang backpacks and hats. The children all remove their shoes before entering class as part of the transition from outside time to inside time. When inside, they can go barefoot or wear slippers in cooler weather if they want to.

The second photo is our new home in Moonee Beach.

I'll post more photos soon.

Confession & wishes

I don't want a million dollars, unless I could use it to help others (kids and animals and the environment). I don't want a big house, yacht or a personal plane.

I do want a simple life. I would like to actually own a house with some land near some water. I want to grow our own veges. I want to be a part of a big small-town community. I want to live in an area where family and friends pop in for a few days or or a few hours when they pass through. I want my children to know the security and joy that these would bring.

I am more concerned with making a life than making a living. I wish that Cary's concern for the latter would involve less stress and more of the former.

I love the area we are living now and could easily put down roots here. Finally - after 20+ years of being restless and wanting to move around, I'm ready to stay put. I feel I have most of what I just wished for. To complete the dream, I "just" need to buy a home and see Cary move in a new, happier direction. Working on both of those.