Photo time..

Nicholas "Nuke" (Mr Energy), 20 months


Dangar falls, Dorrigo National Park. There are people swimming at the base of it.


Dorrigo National Park - birdwalk. This is an elevated structure, about 1/3 - 1/2 of the way up the larger trees. It has a couple of nice places to sit and observe the birds along with poster boards with info about them. very peaceful.


Sami (3rd from left, standing holding onto her teachers hand) and some of her classmates on a field trip. At lunchtime on Friday, they all walked down to a local park, had lunch then went through the bush to the beach where they frolicked in the waves and played on the sand.


A friend braided Sami's hair into a crown effect and placed frangipani's all around - beautiful!

Geoff update

Thank you again for the kind thoughts and healing energy going to my brother Geoff. He has the results of his cat scan which showed that he has had some minor strokes which has killed off part of his brain. It is literally dead. Until there are more tests, we don't know if it's the cancer tumors blocking the blood flow to the brain or just what. So please keep those positive vibes going his way when you get a moment. Thank you friends.

Photos from our trip to Tamworth

Several times on the way over and back, we had to stop for sheep and cattle who were grazing on the sides of the road. Mind you, this is the main road from our part of the coast to the west. Cary was absolutely amazed!





At the Dorrigo National Park skywalk. It is beautiful!



A green tree frog.

Adventures

Sami and AJ went back to school last week and were happy to do so. The house seemed so quiet. As it was the first week back after the summer break, it was a short week which we made even shorter by taking them out of school on Friday. We were going to my oldest niece's 18th birthday party. That's a big thing in Australia because that's the age you are legally declared an adult and can drink and gamble and do all those grown up things. (Hmm)

Anyway, we left early on Friday and were having a lovely drive until we had car trouble. We ended up having the car towed. Sami and AJ thought this was a grand adventure as it was a big tow truck we got to ride in. We had to wait for a rental car but again, the kids were great and we had fun exploring a thrift store we found and just looking around. More excitement when we got the rental car as it was a cute thing, very different to our station wagon. It ended up taking us 10 hours instead of 4.5 to get to our destination. We were tired, but happy. In the morning, we had passed an accident where a motorcycle rider was lying on the road, being attended to by paramedics. We kept thinking of him all day, declaring our inconveniences to be minor compared to what that man was going through.

The next day we hung out with my Dad and Stepmum. We went to the train museum they have in their town. It was very interesting but even more so for Cary who loves trains. After lunch, we drove about 30 minutes to Tamworth (Australia's country music capital) where my sister lives. We checked into a nice cabin at a caravan park then went over to my sisters place. She kindly lent us her car and Cary dropped off the rental car. We went back to the caravan park, went for a swim and got ready for the party. My niece is named Amy so she had an 'A' themed party. Sami went as an angel, AJ went as "The Amazing AJ" (big cape, fancy hat and a wand made up most of his outfit. Nuke went as an Army guy (he has camo pyjamas so he wore those and was ready to go straight to bed when we got back). Cary went as an American - he wore a red t-shirt, blue shorts and white shoes and cap - and he already had the accent down! I went as an American Indian (Apache) after borrowing some things from Sami's dress up box and braiding my hair. It was a fun little party. It was great to see our kids having a good time, dancing and playing around with their cousins and other guests. Nuke is especially smitten with Ros's other daughter Katie who is 16. She adores him too. I wished they lived closer. We left the party I think about 9:30pm and the kids were asleep a few minutes after going to bed. None of the usual chatter, just "good night" a kiss, hug and yawn and they were gone.

We left the next morning to come back home. We drove for three hours straight and then stopped at Dorrigo National Park. It was so beautiful! It's been declared a World Heritage area. It's located at the top of a mountain and we enjoyed walking out on a skywalk bridge over the treetops and then doing some bushwalking. It was a great way to break up the trip. We'll have to go back when we're more prepared with extra water and food and do a bigger bushwalk there. AJ especially was loving all of the little lizards and bugs that he seems to have a knack of finding. An hour after we left there, we were back home and ready for a long relaxing swim down at the creek.

The next day, the kids went back to school and our boxes finally arrived from the USA! We packed those in early September and now we are having fun rediscovering forgotten treasures. We had packed 35 boxes but one somehow went missing before Cary even got it to the transport place in Las Vegas. He couldn't find that box anywhere so I guess we just were not meant to have those things. If it had been a box that had photos in it, I would have been upset. But it was things that can be replaced like children's games, some videos and books. So 34 boxes came. I think 21 of those were things like photos and other favourite household items (like my vitamix blender), sentimental things from when the kids were babies, kids toys, books, personal papers, paintings and some of our musical instruments. Cary had some of his treasures in there too - vehicle flashers, speakers and other guy stuff.

It seemed to take such a long time for the stuff to get here, and I had mentally let go of it. When it did get here, I was not in any hurry to open the boxes. But after opening the first box, I got excited to see that stuff again, and I just kept going. I soon had open boxes scattered around the house. The kids were very excited, mainly to see favourite books, also some of their toys. In some way, it's like the past has caught up with us and where we are feels more right now that we have old familiar things around us. In another way, it's like all this extra stuff has created more clutter in our home. A fact that I am aware of and so I will be leaving some things boxed up for a while. I am rearranging closets and shelves so keep the energy flowing as freely as possible but it's taking some time. Yesterday I found that I was getting very agitated from the extra stuff and the extra work it was creating. So I just left the house and took the kids to the park for a while which helped to clear my mind. Ahh, for me, there's nothing like the sea breeze to refresh the soul!

Weird or not?

I was tagged by my friend Miranda with the equivalent of a blogging chain letter to let others know 6 weird things about ourselves. Well, I thought about it and couldn't come up with anything! I see myself as totally normal in my own way. But I might have some unusual quirks that others might think are a little weird so here are some of them:

1. I like to go to sleep lying on my back with my arms over my head, bent at the elbows.
2. I have to have my shoulders covered while I'm sleeping. A t-shirt will suffice, unless it's a really hot night and there's no a/c.
3. I absolutely love to have my head rubbed and hair played with - I practically purr with delight.
4. I can happily prep/cook breakfast, lunch, and snacks but I really dislike cooking dinner. I prefer very simple meals and I think that, when it comes to dinner, other people in the family might prefer more interesting things.
5. When I was 14 and finally had my own bedroom, I covered one entire wall with surfing pictures I'd cut out of surfing magazines. I didn't count on having to paint that wall when I moved out because I really dislike painting (I think it's more about the smell than the work).
6. My eyebrows and eyelashes are very blonde and almost every day since I was 14 (a long time ago!), I've been wearing a little eyebrow pencil and mascara, otherwise I look like "eyes without a face", in my opinion. It's a bit scary.

So there you have it. In chain letter style, this weird request is meant to be passed on, but I've always been one to tempt fate and break the chain. But if you want to let me know some weird or quirky things about yourself, bring it on!

Some more beach photos

AJ about to catch a wave. He's very comfortable in the water.


Two cute boys, tired but happy after the afternoon at the beach.

Sami, tired but not really happy about going home. She'd live in the water if she could. Sometimes I need to check to see if she's grown a mermaids tail.

Ok, a few more photos

Nuke loves to climb - he's been doing this ladder easily for about a month now. Of course he tries to do pretty much everything he sees AJ doing.


The kids playing at the park. It had rained a lot the night before which is why Sami is wearing her gum boots.


AJ at Jetty Beach.


Nuke doing some surf-yoga, or maybe trying out some new things to do on the board if it were in the water.


Nuke carried this board into the water and was playing with it in the low waves as if he were riding a wave in. He had the moves down - amazing.

Just a couple more

This park is diagonally across the road from our place. You can see the creek (low tide) and big sandy area where dogs and horses and people play. On the other side of the creek is the ocean. You can kind of see it in this photo, I should have zoomed in on it. It only takes a few minutes to walk to the surf beach, depending on the tide and how many puddles we stop to play in along the way.


Another shot of the creek across the road, taken at low tide and a little to the left of the previous photo of the creek. We usually swim at the "deep puddle" (as the kids call it) that you see towards the back of the photo.

Photos

My boys at the beach.


Sami having a great time. She is such a little fishy, she just loves the water.

Thank You

Thank you to those that sent prayers, postive energy and healing thoughts to my brother. I spoke with him this evening and he sounds better than he has for days. He is going for his cat scan tomorrow and is optimistic about that.

Besides his health problems, he's had such a run of bad luck lately. He did a huge job sailing a boat half-way around Australia which took much longer than expected as the boat kept running into problems, including a period when he was drifting at sea for six days. The owner of the boat still has not paid him the money he promised him. When Geoff got back home, he had his wallet stolen and found that his houseboat (where he lives) had been broken into and most of his special things, like his guitar and a beautiful clock, were stolen. Geoff is a really hard worker and a great guy. It's just not in him to be dishonest in any way and he's having a hard time figuring out why this has happened to him.

Anyway, thanks again. I'll let you know what they find with the cat scan.

More on grief

I did not mean to be flippant in my previous post about grief. I was mainly referring to low-scale grief, not the kind that is usually associated with the loss of a person.

I received news tonight that my brother's health has gone down even further. Further tests still need to be done, but it looks like the cancer is spreading, possibly into his brain. I certainly don't want to jump the gun and assume this is what has happened without the test results, but it's hard not to think about all possible outcomes, including the worst.

The thought of a world without him consumes me with an overwhelming grief. Oh God, help him. Stop his pain.

What are the lessons? I'm searching...

After all of the releasing I've done, does it make it any easier to release a loved one?

I am so grateful for all of the times we had together. He is one of the main reasons I had such a great childhood. We were so close for the first 16 years of my life until he moved out of home and started finding his own way. The fact that I couldn't go with him and he was often too busy for me hurt like hell. But I eventually learned to accept that and stopped trying to fill the void he left.

I don't want to see him so sad and in pain. I want him to be free of that.

I am reminded to live my own life more fully - don't hold back, stand up for my beliefs, pursue my dreams. To love more deeply - taking time to really connect with those close to me, to hold them a bit longer, look into their eyes and speak from my heart. To take life more lightly - see the simple pleasures, laugh freely and often, to be silly and playful.

I don't want to think the worst as I do not want to project that energy onto him. I will visualise him healthy and pain-free and be available to listen to him and do whatever I can.

Would you please say a prayer for my brother Geoff too?

Lessons from grief

A good friend recently went through a relocation where she had to downsize and part with various personal items. Although she was glad she did this, and happy to move on to a new phase with a lighter load, she explained to me that she had periods of grief over some of the things that didn't come with her.

I found this an interesting emotion to attach to the process. I'd always thought of grief on a larger scale such as death of a person or pet. But yes, grief can be attached to any kind of loss, even when we are the instrument in deciding upon that loss.

Even though I am enjoying life here, there are periods of time when I am drawn to memories of what we left behind. Pets, friends and even, to a lesser extent but still a real thought, some of the material "stuff" we had. I cannot do anything about the pets we had except send them love and hope they are happy and being taken good care of. Friends, well some still keep in regular contact, some that I thought would, don't, some that I didn't think would, do. But it's all ok. To the friends that I don't hear from anymore, I thank you for the time we had and I wish you love and peace on your path. To the friends that still keep in touch, thank you, you are lights in my life.

Regarding our material stuff, I honestly don't think about it much anymore so I'm surprised when I do get the occasional feeling of "oh, AJ's bed was so comfortable" or "those windchimes we used to have sounded so pretty" or "those wooden toys were so cool". Now when I get those feelings, I take a moment to remember the item, I thank it for the time it was a part of my life and then I just let it go. This has become relatively easy for me to do, and I am helping my children with this too. Sometimes they talk about a friend they used to know, or they see a toy in a shop or catalogue that they used to have. We take time to talk about the friend and wish them well. With the toys, they don't usually dwell on them, but start planning how they can raise some money to buy new ones.

So, interesting lessons from these brief moments of grief that stem from old attachments. We are learning gratitude for things that were and releasing those things to allow new people and things to flow into our lives. Doing this increases our gratitude for the way things are now.

It's all good.

Are we nuts??!

(just another neighbourhood flower that caught my attention)

The kids and I have been back in Australia for almost 4 months. I needed this. I feel like a different person. I feel a calmness inside of me. I feel like I have been nurtured back to wholeness. I feel more in touch with myself on many levels. ... I am ready for another adventure! I was so spent, and felt so good when I got here that I thought I could stay here forever (and that's a long time!). Now I feel like I've drunk from the well, lightened my load and am ready to head off again.

Cary likes this area, but doesn't think it has enough business opportunities. We are going to check out a few areas north of here to see if they provide that as well as the other things we like about here (great beaches, bushland, other things for the kids and family to do). If that doesn't fit, we are open to the idea of moving overseas, though not back to the States. Funny, the idea is very exciting to us! Except Sami, she loves her school so much, she's not keen on the idea of moving.

When we moved across the USA in 1998, we travelled with my minivan that I drove with a load of stuff, Sami and two dogs. We were following Cary who had a big pickup (filled with stuff)towing a 28' enclosed car carrier filled to bursting with our 'stuff'. And that was after we'd had a huge yard sale and donated a bunch of stuff. We swore we'd never do that again and the next move would be much lighter. We thought we were pretty good getting it down to a bit over one pallet load to move here. Our things are still sitting on the docks in Brisbane. The process has taken so much longer than we thought it would. I've been thinking that it would have been easier to just seamail the photos and sentimental things over. I have obviously gotten along just fine without any of the other stuff - did I really need it?

It's exciting to me to ponder just how lightly I could move the next time. I would store the sentimental things here, as well as some other household basics as I can definately see us coming back here to live. (Maybe we could do an endless summer, spending several months a year here.) Could I do another big move taking just whatever will fit into our luggage allowance? I am totally confident that I can!

Now comes the fun of researching and planning!

more photos - a few neighbourhood flowers

Frangipani's are probably my favourite flower for their beautiful scent and perfect simplicity.




These looked like spider flowers to us, not sure if that is actually what they're called. If not, it should be! Or, more correctly, insect flowers as they have six 'legs', not eight.



I need to brush up on my knowledge of Australian flora. Again, not sure of the name, but the blossom looks like fireworks to us.

And now for some photos...

I Ifinally got a small digital camera today! I had a raincheck for one I saw advertised right after Christmas for almost half price. So the kids and I went for a walk around the house and then around the neighbourhood trying it out.

The 2nd photos is mr. 18month nuke. He discovered what fun it was to fall onto his knees at the edge of the flat bit of grass and slide down the little slope on his knees. The flowers in the background were amazing - like trumpets.

The 3rd photo is of a painting my wonderful step-mum did. It's large - 100cm (40") x 83cm (33") and the colours are so vibrant and happy, it brightens the room and my spirit whenever I see it. Fruit is a huge part of my life and everything looks so juicy and delicious. Another interesting story about this painting is that is was painted on Hamilton Island where Frankie spent time as artist-in-residence. That was several years after Cary and I had met on the same island. To me, the island energy and fun come through the painting as well as a part of Frankie. I just love her! This photo doesn't do the painting justice, but I really wanted to post it anyway.

Simplify & Beautify

My Mum asked me recently "what New Years resolutions have you come up with?". "None" I answered knowing that all well-intentioned NY resolutions fail within the first week or month. I mean without a good plan to follow through on them. I just can't make a change without there being a burning need in me to do so. I will not do it just because I turned over a page on the calendar or woke up one day and my age has clicked forward one. Certainly those things can cause me to ponder on the previous year, but to actually make change, I need to stew for some time on the areas of my life that can be made even better until it becomes more painful to stay the same rather than to change.

We had to simplify our material 'stuff' a LOT when we moved. It was such a great lesson and gave me clarity on what I really like and want. I now shop much more consciously. I don't go to garage sales and buy stuff simply because it's cheap or it would fit or we used to have one. I do not buy anything that will not give me joy when I see, use or wear it. Of course I also consider what others in the home will feel when they see, use or wear something. I've been through my clothes again and asked myself honestly - do I really enjoy wearing this? If the answer is not a definite "yes", then it gets donated. When I first did this, I was left with about half the clothes I started with. This was actually enough to get by on as long as I washed once or twice a week. Since then, I save so much time when I go to thrift stores and yard sales as I just look for the colours and styles I like and don't mess around bothering with other things. I have been able to add a few more things and have enough variety to match my moods and the weather. I feel good when I look in my closet as it is mostly blues of all shades, light purples, and a couple of different greens. I have very little from the other end of the rainbow.

I am so blessed. I feel like I'm living simply and beautifully and that gives me joy and lightness of be-ing. I've made a shift within myself that had become necessary for me to live more fully and consciously and I am loving it!

Listen - really listen

It is such a breath of fresh air to be here in Australia. Besides the fact that the air is actually fresh and clean. On other levels, it is so refreshing. In general, Aussies are pretty concerned about the environment. Practically everyone recycles on some level. The local councils make it easier by providing each house with large colour-coded bins. Public rubbish bins are plentiful in public places which keeps the litter way down, in fact, I've never noticed it as a problem.

In my own life here, I am taking advantage of quiet moments to really listen to everything I can. The different birds chirping - how many birds are talking, how many different kinds of birds, what are they if I don't already know? How many frogs are there? Hmm, they've moved since yesterday, now their voices are coming from a different direction - how long did it take them to get there? The wind rustling the trees, the sounds of breathing from my sleeping children, crickets and cicadas outside. What else can I actually listen to that I just take for granted? I need to work on this too. I want to experience life and relationships more deeply. By being present and attentive to the moment, I believe I can gain more understanding and depth and give myself more completely. Maybe I didn't do that enough back in the US, I think I was too tired from the competitiveness.

The other day day I was feeling so content, and I remembered hearing someone sometime in my past say "this would be a good day to die". I thought of how wonderful it would be to die feeling so content. I bit into a carrot and a piece got stuck in my throat. I wasn't scared as I had the feeling that this wasn't actually my time to go. So I just relaxed. All of my family was outside the house at the time. The carrot came unstuck and I went outside to join them.

gumnuts

It's New Years Eve here today. 13 years since I met Cary. What an interesting journey this has been!

I've been looking around the house at the decorations we had for Christmas. Our packages from the US still haven't arrived so the kids and I made most of our own decorations. We collected gumnuts that had fallen from the trees in the front yard and painted them and sprinkled them with glitter. Then I tied them onto some string and wrapped them around our Christmas tree. Sami did some colourful finger-knitting which we also wrapped around the tree. The kids collected feathers and seashells and pinecones and even some cicada shells that all went on the tree. We did buy a couple of things to finish decorating the tree - a strand of lights, a few shiny balls and some red bows. It was one of the best trees we've ever had.

The new year approaching has me pondering the year gone by. Wow - such a big year on so many levels. I am so grateful for all of it. Still sad about some of the people and animals we had to leave behind. On the whole though, I am in a very good place physically and mentally. Achieving all that I have this year has given me even more courage to pursue other personal dreams. I am so excited for this next year!

I really do hope that 2007 will be an exciting and happy year for you filled with good health, joy and peace.

Christmas in Australia

For over 12 years, I've been dreaming of a warm Christmas. This year I got one! It has been unseasonably cool here - in the low to mid 20's C (not F!) instead of the low to mid 30's.

My Mum and brother were already staying with us and my sister and her family were 5 minutes walk away at the local caravan (trailer) park. On Christmas Eve, we all enjoyed dinner together. Sami went to bed early and AJ went soon after her, but said he felt like throwing up. A few hours later he woke up burning up. I brought him in to sleep next to me so I could keep an eye on him but he kept waking up. I finally remembered I had some homeopathic remedies that would help his fever and they did. At 5:30am on Christmas morning, I heard AJ whispering to Sami excitedly about the big 2-seater tricycle under the tree that he had already taken a peek at. Suddenly I was wide awake, remembering what day it was and having memories of a Christmas 3 or 4 years ago when Sami opened most of her presents - very quietly - before I woke up.

AJ is so thrilled with the trike. It fits him perfectly and is at the lowest seat setting so he has plenty of room to grow with it. It has a seat in the back which Nicholas rides in. AJ was happy to ride that around inside the house while the rest of us had some breakfast and tried to wake up a bit. We also had to wait for everyone to arrive. Sami and AJ were so patient about waiting for gifts, they just enjoyed being with their cousins and mucking about. There were quite a few little fun fights of balled up paper flying across the room. At one point in the morning, Sami happily said to me "This is just the best Christmas!". There were lots of laughs and hugs and general silliness.

We didn't go overboard with presents for the kids. This has been such a big year. I wanted the emphasis to be on family fun rather than gifts. So AJ got the trike and a few other little things. Sami got a new wooden recorder, a sewing box and craft things. Nicholas (Nuke) got a wooden firetruck and a couple of other small toys. Cary and I chose not to exchange gifts this year.

I pretty much overlooked any 'Santa' stuff this year. Not that I do a lot usually, but this year I didn't even leave any treats out for the big guy. The only reference Sami made about him was on Christmas morning when she and AJ and Cary and I went to look at the tree and AJ said "look what Santa brought" and Sami said "so he IS real". I guess she had been doubting. AJ starting talking about Santa on Christmas eve when he asked me to send Santa a letter asking for 3 things one of which was the trike, so I got that right. The other two things were spy stuff and walkie-talkies (which I didn't have for him). When I told him it might be a little late to send a letter and he might not be able to get all of those things, he suggested we email him! Later on Christmas day, he said "Santa didn't bring me anything". He didn't count the water pistol he got as it had broken during the water fight. I suggested "wasnt' the trike from him?" He had seen the trike at the Tender Center here and knew that I had put a bid in on it, but I didn't tell him that I had won it. I was able to pick it up one day while he was at school and I had it hidden in the garage for the past 3 weeks. I don't think he quite believed that and seemed a bit disappointed by the lack of Santa magic this year. Sorry AJ.

After gifts were opened, most of the family headed out into the beautiful sunshine to the vacant lot next door for a game of cricket. That got everyone nice and warm which led into my sister's family tradition of a big water fight on Christmas Day. Oh what fun that was! It was our family + Geoff (my brother) vs Ros and her family. So much laughing! I felt a bit bad about wasting so much water when there is such a big drought happening in the country. But I am pretty careful the rest of the time, and it's not like we just let the taps run non-stop while we were refilling our water pistols and other water toys.

While we were having the water fight, Mum was inside working on food for lunch. We all chipped in to help when we were cleaned up and enjoyed sitting down together for Christmas day lunch for the first time in 21 years. With the addition of six grandchildren and my husband. That was pretty special.

An afternoon storm rolled in after lunch and we played inside while it passed. Then we got into our swimmers and headed to the creek for some more cricket and kayaking and swimming. An easy, light dinner and an early night rounded out the day. What a great day!

In the couple of days since Christmas, we've all just been hanging out and playing. Ros and her family left yesterday and Mum and Geoff are leaving tomorrow. Today we went into the shops for a couple of things, but after seeing the crowds, Cary and the kids and I decided to leave it for another day and went to the Fisherman's co-op for some prawns. I am checking out the sale brochures for a little digital camera that I can easily carry with me which will hopefully make it easier for me to put photos on here. I will keep on blogging. I think I was just a bit overwhelmed when I last posted and blogging was feeling a bit too one-sided during a time when I needed to connect more personally.

Cary has now been here one week. Before now, he's really only spent a combined total of about 24 days in the country. The last time he came here was 7.5 years ago. So a lot is new to him. He is enjoying the weather and the lifestyle and the generally slower pace here. And the family of course! Nuke had grown so much that Cary didn't recognise him at the airport. Ok, the fact that Nuke had fallen and busted his lip open earlier in the day didn't help. We got Cary some new clothes so now he's looking more the part of an Aussie beach bum. He's loving the sounds of the birds and bugs around here and all of the greenery. We are all enjoying having him here.

Life is bloody good!

Happy Holidays

I haven't been blogging because I just haven't had time. Or, frankly, the inclination. I've been wondering if I wanted to continue or would I just prefer to have meaningful contact, whether by phone, email or in person, with friends and family? Or myself. I've been giving more thought to my relationship with me. It's as though I am coming into alignment and I'm rethinking my priorities.

Life has been so challenging and busy and beautiful for the past 3 months. The past few weeks have been especially busy but fun, with Sami's birthday, end of school year things going on, a trip away to visit family and Cary's arrival on the 20th. Cary loves the area and the house. This is a great house - 4br, 2 bath, 2 living areas, mostly tile throughout which will help keep it cool in summer, as well as the fact that it's a brick house and has lots of windows that allow the sea breezes to drift through. The colours are light and earthy. It's a very comfortable, easy place to live.

I sincerely hope y'all have a happy, healthy, safe and low-stressed Holiday season and I wish you Peace and Joy for the new year.