Sunday, October 28, 2007

random ramblings brewing

I knew change was coming...I kept seeing 55 and 555 (numerology re change), preparing me that change was on it's way.

There's a change brewing inside of me. My passion is growing. My own goals are getting much clearer. Figuring out how to balance those with the rest of the family. Where do I draw the line and say "I am not prepared to compromise on....!" ?

Cary is going to stay in Vegas a bit longer to complete some deals that are taking longer than expected. At this point, it looks like he'll be here by mid-November. We're all disappointed, but not surprised. He's had an interesting opportunity come his way which add a new change to the plan. Living with him I've had to be very flexible. One of the side-effects of being self-employed.

Several days a month I would love to escape into a red tent. Today in one of those days.

I've been feeling low and questioning things in my life. That usually signals a breakthrough to a deeper understanding and clarification of what is going on externally and internally.

As a total coincidence, the last two books I've read have talked about gypsies and nomads. From the first time I heard about these groups of people (many,many years ago), I have been fascinated. Books, movies, stories have always caught my attention. Often when I would go to a fancy-dress party, I would dress up as a gypsy. I love the idea of freedom and adventure and living simply and close to nature. Something else has occurred to me - yes, moving around like that sounds ideal (for now), but also being a part of a community. I'm missing a tribal connection. We still see some of the friends we met at the Steiner/Waldorf school, but I'm keen to get on the road and meet up with the big homeschooling group up north on the Sunshine Coast.

An interesting gypsy tradition has them destroying and then burning all of a persons possessions after they die. The family may keep one small memento (like a wedding ring). Of the things we still have in storage, what would I still keep if I knew that they would all be destroyed upon my death? How would this affect future purchases?

For some time, I've been toying with the idea of a new name. "Annette" is who I was. When someone asks me my name and I tell them, it feels like I'm talking about someone else. It's like it's the caterpillar name for me and I need a name for the butterfly me that I Am now. I'd like a name with "iam" as part of it so that every time I wrote or said it, I'd remind myself that "I AM", but as Sami has those 3 letters in her name, I don't know if that's too similar. When I was looking for names for my children, I spent hours researching a name for meaning, sound, numerology. I got so twisted about it and wished that I hadn't done that, but just let the name come to me. I found it easier to name our kittens than our children. And I still don't think the children got the 'right' name, but I do think they have grown into their names. There is a name I've started using on a small scale, just to try it out. It does not have 'iam' in it, but it just feels good.

More rain here, but it's no longer cold with it. And everything is so green!


Anonymous said...

I love that you are thinking of your name in such a way and when you're ready to share, would love to know the new name you are considering. I look forward to reading your blog because, in a certain sense, I'm only about 2 steps behind you in my own journey. I appreciate your navigation skills!

PeacefulGoddess said...

I am toying with my new name as you know because I too have felt for most of my life that "Darlene" was not me. I feel that life is about creating you so I love the name Dahrma and I love this spelling but numerology Daharma works better. I think I am with you why worry about this or that just do whatever inspires you and believe it that process more that a process that someone else came up with. Just like my "grandmother" name will be Dee dee because it is simple for a child to say and at the same it it gives me individuality as this child's g-mother. I love the unruleness of my life I just go along seeking out inspiration to create what I want and just go forward and make it happen. You are one of the people I feel so inspired by in my gypsy goddess world.
I love and miss you soooo much and yet I know we are so connected.

Annette said...

Thanks ladies!
J - gotta admit to not always being a very patient navigator, but trying and, always learning.
D - spell your name however it feels right to you. The name I'm playing with feels great one way, though the numerology is great another way. I believe I will create my own energy around the name that goes beyond the rules of numerology etc.
love you both