living label-free!

I no longer consider myself "vegan".  The fun thing about that is that I no longer have a label for the way I eat!  Due to life-long sensitive digestive issues, eating simply became something I just needed to do.  I tried so many different diets and often got caught up in the "rules" that go with them.  Vegan, raw vegan, low-fat raw vegan, vegetarian, watching the food combining 'rules'...I've done them all.  After over 17 years on a mixture of these diets, I wasn't feeling as though I was thriving or even close to that.   I eliminated wheat, gluten, and sugar to see if that might do the trick.  Not really.   I was open to change.

I re-read the book about the blood-type diets.  I was surprised when some of the foods it suggested I avoid, were foods that I ate a LOT of - bananas, mangoes, oranges and tomatoes especially.  I resisted at first, but then, out of desperation and a desire to feel at least good consistently, I decided to give it a go.  I did not eliminate those fruits entirely, but I did cut them way back.  I rediscovered other fruits that I had not paid much attention to - pears, nectarines, plums, apples.  I noticed a slight change for the better in how I felt.  I looked at the foods on the "highly beneficial" list for my A blood type.  I was not surprised to see that most meat was on my "avoid" list, with chicken and turkey okay occasionally.   Some fish though, were listed as highly beneficial.  I'd never been a huge fan of fish, so I just opened myself up to that possibility.  One day, Cary was having some red salmon.  I caught the smell and Oh.My....it was like lust...I HAD to have some!  That night I slept well, and I woke up the next day feeling energetic!  I couldn't remember the last time I had woken up like that!  

I've had salmon and tuna a few more times since then, and I had some barbeque chicken another time.  I've been enjoying poached eggs and even a little cheese.  The trick I've found, is that if the food smells and looks good to me and has me wanting it, then there is probably something in it that I need.  I no longer disallow any food because of a rigid dogma.  My body needed a change, and I needed to be open to receiving the intuitive guidance that is within. 

I found some of the other recommendations for my blood type interesting, such as a strong suggestions that I incorporate regular yoga or tai chi instead of pushing myself in other sports.  I always feel much more balanced when I do yoga and I feel irritated when I push myself to work out aerobically or with weights every day.  I still go for a walk on the beach most mornings and swim some laps most afternoons, but I do those things much more mindfully.  It's no longer something I do so I can cross it off the list and forget about it for the day.  It's a gift to myself.  I walk barefoot on the beach, feeling each footstep on the sand, feeling all the way through each step from the heel until my toes lift off.  I'm more in touch with the sights and sounds around me, the solo seagull walking next to me (Hi Dad!), the surf, the sun, the clouds, the smell of the salt water, the sounds of the waves rolling and crashing....I feel gratitude for the moment....it's meditation in motion.  Sometimes the children join me on my walk and even as they chat, I am still aware of the underlying meditation within myself.  When I swim laps, I become part of the water and again, it is very meditative. 

Even though it may look as though I am doing the same exercises that I was doing a month ago, my internal focus has changed, and it feels very different to me.  The other thing is that if I really don't want to exercise, I just don't...and I no longer make myself feel guilty for taking the day off!

I've been reading spiritual and self-help books most of my life.  Intellectually I 'know' that I am supposed to live more mindfully, and to be more in touch with how I move and feed my body.  I see now that I had limited myself by labelling myself.  By insisting that I was vegetarian, I cut off other possibilities that may have helped me sooner.  By insisting that I was following a fitness program, I was not always in tune with what my spirit needed as I pushed through a workout because I thought I had to in order to stay physically fit.

I really get it now.  Ha!  So many books and people telling us that we have to do or eat or move in a certain way in order to get certain results.  Ha!  What we really need are more people just encouraging each of us to get in touch with our own inner guidance.  Then the biggest hurdle....giving ourselves Permission to do that!  Allowing ourselves to break free of rules.  If your body is saying that you need to rest instead of going to the gym, allowing that.  If your body is saying that it wants (something you would usually have for dinner) for breakfast, then allowing that.  It's about being gentle with yourself, respecting your inner voice and following through.  The more you do that, the more in tune you will be.

I don't follow the blood-type diet.  I took their suggestions under advisement and I now let my body lead the way to what it wants.  That can be different things on different days, or it can be the same thing for three days straight. 

I love being free of labels and rules!  I love being more deeply in touch with my body.  I'm still fine-tuning the process, but overall, my body is happier and so is my spirit!

I'm actually not going crazy...

... I'm just transitioning to menopause. 

For several days I thought I must have been getting sick...I noticed several times that I felt quite warm and thought I was getting a fever.  I only realised a few days ago that these are actually hot flushes!  Doh!  Had to laugh at myself!

I am so relieved that I am not going crazy, I was seriously starting to doubt my sanity.  My moods seemed all over the place as I questioned every aspect of my life... underneath it all, a strong power was building.  I felt like I wanted to roar, then cry, then run a mile, then sleep for a week.

I had thought that this phase was mostly about physical changes, but there is so much more going on.  I'm actually excited for this.  I feel like I am going through a whole new level of growing up, into greater wisdom and acceptance.   I knew I would face "the change" sooner or later.  I just didn't expect the power surge I am feeling.  Woo hoo! 

random ramblings brewing

I knew change was coming...I kept seeing 55 and 555 (numerology re change), preparing me that change was on it's way.

There's a change brewing inside of me. My passion is growing. My own goals are getting much clearer. Figuring out how to balance those with the rest of the family. Where do I draw the line and say "I am not prepared to compromise on....!" ?



Cary is going to stay in Vegas a bit longer to complete some deals that are taking longer than expected. At this point, it looks like he'll be here by mid-November. We're all disappointed, but not surprised. He's had an interesting opportunity come his way which add a new change to the plan. Living with him I've had to be very flexible. One of the side-effects of being self-employed.



Several days a month I would love to escape into a red tent. Today in one of those days.

I've been feeling low and questioning things in my life. That usually signals a breakthrough to a deeper understanding and clarification of what is going on externally and internally.

As a total coincidence, the last two books I've read have talked about gypsies and nomads. From the first time I heard about these groups of people (many,many years ago), I have been fascinated. Books, movies, stories have always caught my attention. Often when I would go to a fancy-dress party, I would dress up as a gypsy. I love the idea of freedom and adventure and living simply and close to nature. Something else has occurred to me - yes, moving around like that sounds ideal (for now), but also being a part of a community. I'm missing a tribal connection. We still see some of the friends we met at the Steiner/Waldorf school, but I'm keen to get on the road and meet up with the big homeschooling group up north on the Sunshine Coast.

An interesting gypsy tradition has them destroying and then burning all of a persons possessions after they die. The family may keep one small memento (like a wedding ring). Of the things we still have in storage, what would I still keep if I knew that they would all be destroyed upon my death? How would this affect future purchases?

For some time, I've been toying with the idea of a new name. "Annette" is who I was. When someone asks me my name and I tell them, it feels like I'm talking about someone else. It's like it's the caterpillar name for me and I need a name for the butterfly me that I Am now. I'd like a name with "iam" as part of it so that every time I wrote or said it, I'd remind myself that "I AM", but as Sami has those 3 letters in her name, I don't know if that's too similar. When I was looking for names for my children, I spent hours researching a name for meaning, sound, numerology. I got so twisted about it and wished that I hadn't done that, but just let the name come to me. I found it easier to name our kittens than our children. And I still don't think the children got the 'right' name, but I do think they have grown into their names. There is a name I've started using on a small scale, just to try it out. It does not have 'iam' in it, but it just feels good.

More rain here, but it's no longer cold with it. And everything is so green!

Leaving on a jet plane...

I recently went through the bag of clothes that I had brought with me. I took out things that I don't love to wear, and things that just were not my favourites for whatever reason - the colour was just not quite the right shade or the fit was not what I really like. I was able to fit all of my clothes into a 50L plastic container. I will admit that I have a few things in storage that are just not practical to bring on this journey, like my knitted jumpers (sweaters), and some dressier types of clothes.

I sorted through the kids clothes too and now all of Sami's clothes fit into the same size container as mine, though somehow she always has more washing than the rest of us. Both boys clothes fit into one the same size as Sami's and mine. I had another 50L plastic container that had toys in it, but the kids are just not playing with them. They are so busy playing with friends and each other and on their scooters and with the birds, that they rarely look for anything else. So I took some toys back to the storage unit and put some others into a smaller container. It turns out that I needed the larger container to put the beach and bath towels in. We had just been leaving them out on a drying rack. They were drying during the day, but as the sun started going down, the afternoon sea spray would get on them and they would get damp. so now I put them away once they are dry.

I had a clever blog written in my head in the middle of the night last night, but now I can't remember any of it. Oh well.

Cary left this morning. He was sad to leave us, but looking forward to tying up some loose ends and getting some new deals happening. Hopefully it will be the last time we have an extended absence from each other. I'll miss him. Sami was crying a lot after he left, and very dramatic with it. Nicholas didn't quite understand until he saw Cary get on the plane and then saw the plane leave. He started saying "Daddy..plane..NooNoo (what he calls himself)..plane". A couple of hours later when Cary called us from Sydney before he boarded his international flight, it really hit Nicholas and he started crying a lot and saying what he'd said before. He's asked for Daddy a lot this afternoon. It's been so great that Cary has had a lot of family time this year and has been able to bond so deeply with Nicholas.

When we walked into the airport this morning, I got all excited with the idea of travel. All the places we could go! Ah yeah, I am so not ready to go back to living in a house. I'm going to take some time going through things in the storage shed and really think about if I want to pay to hang on to them, or if they could be easily replaced. I think we'll stay put here for another couple of months so that I can do that without feeling rushed. I'll put some things on ebay, some on consignment and have another garage sale.

I can't stand feeling rushed. There's been a bit of that lately, when we were getting out of the house and getting Cary organised and some other things, and I don't cope well with the stress around those times. I think it's because I am a pretty organised person and when we rush to pack and do things, I am not as thorough and things can get mixed up more easily and then I can't find things and feel like I've forgotten to do something. That's why I need to take some time now and get calm and solid with where I'm at.

Cary proposed a change in our plans recently and I flipped out a bit. A friend asked me "what do YOU want?". It took me several days of pondering this to realise that I often consider Cary and the kids and other people's opinions and needs more than my own. That's changing. I'm starting to not feel guilty about taking time for myself when I want/need to. To just sit down and bask in the sunshine. To think about what I need to do in order to be true to myself and my purpose here. What we are doing is a part of that, I just need to be more in touch with my Self more often during the smaller daily tasks and times as well as when considering major changes.

What Cary proposed is still along the same lines of what we're already doing and planning but maybe going somewhere else instead of the South Pacific next year. And some other business ideas starting right now, and, and, and.... That boy is so busy. Anyway, he has some great ideas and we will start working them in and see how we go. Never a dull moment!