Saturday, January 24, 2009


It seems that when I get really comfortable with something, along comes a new challenge to test that.

So I am here, feeling deeply grateful and joyful of this stage in my life.

Humidity increases, my hair goes frizzy...ok. I look in the mirror and see a face I hardly recognise. My facial hair is very blond so ever since I was a teenager, I have worn a little eyebrow pencil and mascara every single day so that my face looked more ...what? interesting? colourful? normal??

As I get further along the natural path, I just don't want to do that anymore. Even though I used 'natural' make up, it just no longer feels natural to use it at all. Even though it was "only" those two small areas, I feel it is time to stop covering them and take a deeper step to acceptance. One of my eyes has been getting red at times, usually when I'm really tired and have spent too long in front of the computer screen. But I'm sure that 30 years of wearing mascara can't be good.

So I look in the mirror, I see the frizzy hair, the plain face, the extra wrinkles .... who IS this person?

This body is a shell, the house for my spirit. Taking care of this body is something I now aim to do with more gentleness and respect, like taking care of a temple. But the real me, my spirit - that's where the real work is. It's on the inner places, cleaning out the cobwebs in the corners, opening the blinds that prevented the light from streaming in. Getting over so many little conditioning's like what I had attached to a little pencil line on my face. Realising that those kind of things are not what's really important.

Sure, taking care of the outward appearance of my body is good and can reflect my inner state. But not when I get attached to the process, when I don't want to leave the house without making myself up.

I'm not going to make myself up anymore...I no longer want to. It's still a little uncomfortable when I look in the mirror, but I'll get over it pretty quickly. I'll continue to dress in natural, comfortable clothes according to my mood. Many months ago I lost my attachment to wearing jewelry. I never wore a lot, but had several favourite pieces that I wore continually. Piece by piece over a month or so, I took them all off. Earrings, necklace, bangles, rings...all except for a wedding ring. After a period of not wearing any jewelry, I now might wear a little something if I'm in the mood. But I am no longer attached to those things in the way that I was. Not that it's bad at all to do so, I just choose not to. So maybe it will work the same with wearing make-up. Maybe I'll reach a point where I totally accept the appearance of this face and can fully release the conditioned attachment to wearing make-up. When I have let go of that attachment, I may still wear a little if I feel like it.

My goal now is to continue working on those inner cobwebs, the old conditioning's and opening the blinds, so I can see my own truth more deeply and clearly, so that the natural beauty of my spirit is what shines through the outward appearance of my body out into the world.


Eli said...

Do you ever notice how are children think we are so beautiful? My son tells me all the time "you don't have to get so dressed up and wear make-up." Unconditional love. I want that to feel that for myself too.

Annette said...

Yeah, children speak the truth! I wish your unconditional love for you too. How free-ing! Can you imagine how it might feel?