Friday, May 15, 2009

Experiencing Being

Cary should be pulling in to Vegas about now, after driving almost 2000 miles. Driving 15+ hours a day. I'm excited to see him again! And our friends and family there too!

There have been times in the past few weeks when I've felt rather stressed with organising this trip and other busy-ness going on. As it's started to come together, I've relaxed a bit, but still didn't quite feel as relaxed as I did several months ago.

This afternoon, the kids and I took a walk through the great caravan park where we used to live not far from here. As we walked along the creek, I started shifting gears. As we walked into the caravan park, my mindset changed. I chatted to everyone I met along the way and I got back in touch with how I felt when we lived 'on the road'. How I did not feel attached to material things. How simple and easy life was. How much lighter and richer my days were. How grateful I felt and how full. How I took time to notice nature every day - the bugs, the birds, the water, the mountains, the sky, the colours, the sounds - and how connected I felt to all of that.

Living in the house, I realised today that I've lost touch with a lot of that. Sure, there are some things that are nice about the house - more personal space when it's cold or rainy or dark out, and ... um.. I guess more space to store food and craft supplies. We probably still have more than we need in the way of toys and general stuff.

Now I can read about living simply and it sounds great. But actually experiencing it - knowing it from the point of living it and reconnecting with that place in my heart brings me great joy. It is harder to maintain that when I let my life get too complicated with stress and things that have to be done and before long, I've slipped and become attached to those situations and material things in my life.

This reminds me of unschooling too. I can read all about unschooling, but then I start to feel I'm not doing enough, or my kids are so different to the model ones I read about, and doubts start to creep in. Then I get stressed and slip and become attached to how things "should" be.
But then I get to actually experience unschooling - to get a glimpse of it working in our life, to see my kids make amazing connections, to figure out how to read a new word, to work out some math in their heads because they can see how it applies to a real life situation. To hang out with other unschoolers and realise that our kids are all so wonderfully free and perfect in their own way. And in actually experiencing it, I know it from the point of living it and I reconnect with that place in my heart that "gets" this, and I feel great joy and know that all is well.

So it's when I try to do too much and think I'm not doing enough that I feel stress and doubt. When my balance leans too much towards doing, and not enough towards Being.

So then I remember that I don't need to read or do or have something, I just have to BE the best me I can, in this moment. Being a part of communities of like-minded folk also helps my mind to remember what my heart never forgets. Real people, real lives, real good!

1 comment:

TheOrganicSister said...

I've loved these two posts.

I've come to realize lately that I'm what some people call a "highly sensitive person". I'm so easily affected by my surroundings - either physical, emotional, mental. I want so much to simplify but to do so would contradict Justin's and Zeb's needs. I have so much "to do" and feel like so much of my inner peace hinges on it. I've yet to find a way to keep myself centered when my surroundings don't match my needs. The other day a funeral for a police office was at the church down the street from us and I locked in on the energy (both the sadness and the positive support coming from people on the corners and at the church) and cried all day. I dislike feeling so hyper-sensitive but I can't ever seem to breath or center. It's like it hits hard and fast and I never see the triggers.

So I know how you feel and I admire your ability to center yourself. :)


(P.S. Justin liked the bee joke. :)