Saturday, November 13, 2010

Back into the light...

A few days ago I wrote a blog entry that I did not post.  It was written from a dark place that I had gotten myself trapped in (again!).  Thankfully these episodes do not happen too frequently and I know that they do actually serve a purpose.  They signal that my life is not in alignment with Who I Really Am and they give me the motivation (after some wallowing... no, that's not how I want to see it.  How about..after some processing..) to climb out of the rut.

I think I only slip into those dark places when I've slowly let go of things I love to do.  It's so easy to blame other people or forces for that.  In my case I was partly blaming the weather for being too cold / wet / windy for getting out and riding or walking.  I also got trapped into thinking that it was because my body is physically changing as I get a little older (hormones etc).  In thinking about how I'm getting older, I feel like I actually look older. I thought I had been aging fairly gracefully, but this was like a sudden aging and it shocked me.  I've been feeling very tired and my motivation to do anything much over the basics, went way down.  Basically, I just have not been comfortable with myself and I stuffed those feelings down with extra food, and food that I don't usually eat.  Food that I know does not serve me well or give me energy.  Of course I put on weight so then I was a fat old lady in my mind.  Not very empowering at all.  I think doing the vision board recently got me thinking about how I really want to feel, which was good, but then I got stuck in thinking of all of the reasons why that might not happen.  Self-sabotage at its finest.

I got to the point where I said "ENOUGH!".  I have a lot of positive experience to call upon.  Times when I felt fantastic and energetic, ranging in scale from a whole bunch more than I did at that low point, to times when I was bursting with energy all day.  I called upon all of those and replayed those feelings over and over in my mind, feeling those sensations in my body, remembering that energy...and I reclaimed my vibrancy!  The strength of my determination pulled me out of the quicksand and had me standing solidly on the rock of knowing what I need to do to manifest that in my body and my life.  I know that just wanting it is not enough and I need to actually DO things - playful movement and fueling my body with what I know nourishes it the absolute best.

I am not expecting immediate results, although after just a couple of days, my energy level has come up and my body is responding with more efficiency.  I am keeping in my mind the feelings of vibrant health that I have known in the past.  I know that I don't have the added metabolic benefit of being pregnant and/or nursing (that I had for almost 13 years straight) and that my biggest hurdle will be my own mind.  I'm up for the challenge!  I have set a 4 week goal  and am confident of achieving that. 

4 comments:

Erica Perry said...

Yay!!! Go Annette! xx

Luna said...

thanks for sharing this....and remembe that these "low" points have a purpose too. :)

Anna said...

Hi Annette
I've been feeling like that lately. Just been diagnosed as having high blood pressure. All blood tests came back OK so Dr put it down to 'getting old'..
I was also told that last month when getting my skin checked for spots - I apparantly have aged spots!! It seems like I'm always at a Dr's since I turned 40! lol
It is depressing at times.
Anna

Annette said...

Thanks Erica and Luna!

Anna! - You are NOT old!!! Don't let 'them' make you believe that!

xox