Tuesday, March 06, 2012

And now for something completely different...

...well not really, I was being sarcastic, but...it's raining!!  We lived in the desert for 8 years, and rain was rare.  I know we have made up for it now!  We've had rain here for 10 days in a row, with a couple of short breaks.  We have been though soooo much rain in our time here.  I have enjoyed living on the coast, next to the beach, with lush greenery around us.
But I'm over it now.
(I started writing this several weeks ago and since then we have had some sunshine...and more rain!)

In 2009 when we were all in the USA, Cary said to me then that we may have to stay there.  I freaked.  I wasn't ready.  I was still attached to needing to be in Australia.  I felt as though I had unfinished business there (here).  I am so very grateful for our family and friends here and for every single experience we've had here.  It's been an intense learning curve.  If we had to leave the country now though, I can honestly say that I'm Ready. 

I am ready to move to another part of this country, or another country entirely.  I do like this area for many reasons, and it's a good place for a base, but it's almost time to experience other places again.  We are starting to get that "stagnant...itchy feet" feeling.

I left Australia just before my 29th birthday.  I lived in the USA for 12.5 years, always feeling a little (or a lot) homesick, always with some longing for the life I knew in Australia.  Maybe it held me back from fully embracing life in the USA.  I embraced it a lot, but I often felt as though I didn't really fit there.  I think that was just my mindset though.  Maybe I just felt as though something was missing.
I do not regret leaving the USA, I needed to go full circle, back to Australia.  I needed to reconnect with my roots.  I needed time and space to see how much I had grown, how living in the USA had allowed me the time and space to expose ME, without the conditions of my past surrounding me.  Meeting all new people, with no preconceived ideas of who I was or what I was supposed to be...I was free to totally just Be Me!  I didn't realise how much I had grown until I came back and found that I no longer fit into my old life here.  The conditionings didn't stick, I acted differently and that made some people that knew me years ago, uncomfortable.

I am grateful for the people that embraced the shining me, that accepted and did not judge.  I am grateful for the new friends that I have made.  I am grateful for the chances to risk hurt and rejection because I know that to NOT risk those things, is far more painful.  The joy that comes in consciously connecting with new people reminds me to appreciate that connection for that moment, and for as long as it may last.  Some friendships don't last as long as we may want them to, and that can be so sad and disappointing.  Believe me, I know that lesson all too well.  Other friendships and connections have an energy of being forever, even though you may not be in touch for several years, you can just pick up where you left off as though no time has passed at all.  Thankfully, I know that lesson as well!   It's all a part of the smorgasbord of experiences at the buffet of life.  As we tell our kids - yes, life, and people, may disappoint you, but it's how you react to that that will make the difference in your experience.  You can choose to let it stall you, or spur you on to move through that to a new place of joy.  Yes kids, life is tough, and messy and wonderful and exciting and confusing and sad and amazing and.....oh so worth it!

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