stumbling into learning

For most of today I have been in a place mentally that I have not been for quite a while. A place that is uncomfortable and familiar. It's a place that has me questioning a lot of different things in my life thus far. A place where I feel I haven't really come very far from the last time I felt like this. A feeling of incredible restlessness, like I have missed opportunities...like I have not lived up to my potential. A little bit mad with myself for not sticking with something..anything! But I can't stand being "stuck". I love to be free!

I didn't want to stay in that state. In the past, this state has felt like I'm in quicksand and if I try to force myself out, I just get pulled back further into it.

So I just stayed present with it, and tried to see it unfolding as if I was an observer of myself.

I became grateful for this opportunity as those feelings were indicating that something is just not working in my life right now, and changes need to be made. Some changes I can recognise and apply right away...things like changing my exercise habits, reducing some clutter and establishing a new rhythm that reflects Cary's absence and the cooler weather. Some changes run a little deeper and have me thinking about my grander purpose and if I plan on continuing to graze at the smorgasboard of life (Well now, stating it like that, the answer has got to be "hell, yeah!".), or focus more on one area and get passionate about that.

I think it's that I feel I have more of myself to give and I have not found the right outlet for that and I feel a little frustrated. Forcing the issue is not going to bring results, so I am going to (try and) remember to Trust. In the meantime, I will continue to pursue the things that interest me and see where they lead. I think it's time I worked on a Vision Board as well to clarify my goals.

So I started out this day feeling scattered and like I was bumbling around....and I am ending this day full of gratitude and a sense of Peace. I feel gentleness towards myself and an excitement that something new is around the corner...