Back into the light...

A few days ago I wrote a blog entry that I did not post.  It was written from a dark place that I had gotten myself trapped in (again!).  Thankfully these episodes do not happen too frequently and I know that they do actually serve a purpose.  They signal that my life is not in alignment with Who I Really Am and they give me the motivation (after some wallowing... no, that's not how I want to see it.  How about..after some processing..) to climb out of the rut.

I think I only slip into those dark places when I've slowly let go of things I love to do.  It's so easy to blame other people or forces for that.  In my case I was partly blaming the weather for being too cold / wet / windy for getting out and riding or walking.  I also got trapped into thinking that it was because my body is physically changing as I get a little older (hormones etc).  In thinking about how I'm getting older, I feel like I actually look older. I thought I had been aging fairly gracefully, but this was like a sudden aging and it shocked me.  I've been feeling very tired and my motivation to do anything much over the basics, went way down.  Basically, I just have not been comfortable with myself and I stuffed those feelings down with extra food, and food that I don't usually eat.  Food that I know does not serve me well or give me energy.  Of course I put on weight so then I was a fat old lady in my mind.  Not very empowering at all.  I think doing the vision board recently got me thinking about how I really want to feel, which was good, but then I got stuck in thinking of all of the reasons why that might not happen.  Self-sabotage at its finest.

I got to the point where I said "ENOUGH!".  I have a lot of positive experience to call upon.  Times when I felt fantastic and energetic, ranging in scale from a whole bunch more than I did at that low point, to times when I was bursting with energy all day.  I called upon all of those and replayed those feelings over and over in my mind, feeling those sensations in my body, remembering that energy...and I reclaimed my vibrancy!  The strength of my determination pulled me out of the quicksand and had me standing solidly on the rock of knowing what I need to do to manifest that in my body and my life.  I know that just wanting it is not enough and I need to actually DO things - playful movement and fueling my body with what I know nourishes it the absolute best.

I am not expecting immediate results, although after just a couple of days, my energy level has come up and my body is responding with more efficiency.  I am keeping in my mind the feelings of vibrant health that I have known in the past.  I know that I don't have the added metabolic benefit of being pregnant and/or nursing (that I had for almost 13 years straight) and that my biggest hurdle will be my own mind.  I'm up for the challenge!  I have set a 4 week goal  and am confident of achieving that. 

Big clean up..

A few weeks ago we had the "big clean-up" in this area - where the council sets a date to pick up all of the big rubbish people don't want but are too lazy to take to the dump.  My kids would get so excited whenever they would see a pile of stuff on the side of the road.  They made monkey noises and begged me to slow down so we could see if there was any "good junk" in there.  The best thing we found was a large weber barbque.  The grill needed a little scrubbing, but the rest of it was fine.  Cary has enjoyed having an open grill to char mammal flesh on again!  And the kids enjoyed roasting some marshmallows too!

The idea of a 'big clean up' rolled over into our house and we've been going through stuff to get rid of things we just don't want anymore and plan on having a garage sale as soon as we get a sunny Saturday.  (Sooo much rain lately!)  Nicholas wants to put "twenty bucks" on each of his toys that he wants to sell!  I like this...I like the feeling of letting go of stuff I just don't use, or use so rarely it's not worth the space it takes up.  It's one good thing about living in a small house...we just can't get too much stuff in here or it would just weigh us down.  Living simply without (too much) clutter does take a conscious awareness to prevent it from getting out of control in the first place.  It's helpful before any purchase (or trash pick) to think "do I really need this?" ... "will this make my life easier or more joyful?".  It's so easy to get carried away by the thrill of the hunt..or the deal, which is exciting and fun.   It's easy to let go of excess stuff when you are not attached to it.  Use your stuff...enjoy it...but when it starts owning YOU, it's time to think about where you really want to place your attachments.

Happy Halloween!

Halloween is getting to be more of a 'big thing' over here in Australia.  Summer and AJ remember what a big deal it was when we lived in the USA, and it's still nowhere near that, but it is getting a little bigger every year.  The big orange jack-o-lantern pumpkins are imported and more people are getting into carving them or using them as decorations...although they do cost about $20 EACH, so they are kind of rare to see around.  Well, besides the price, it's the fact that it's almost summer time here so it's pretty warm during the day so they really don't last long.  Anyway, the kids have been wound up about Halloween for months.  I found it hard to get motivated to do much about it, but made an effort in the couple of days before.  On Halloween day, we went to a street fair where all the kids held a snake:

and played games, and painted, and watched the lion dancers:

and AJ was chosen to go onstage and play a local-knowledge game - which he won!!!!:

He was SO thrilled!!  He won prizes to some local fun places.

Gypsy didn't like being left for the day so she decided to dig a hole to China:

We went trick-or-treating in the evening and the kids got about 50 pieces of candy each.  Which sounds like a lot, but by U.S. standards, it would be a tiny fraction.  They are still grateful for what they got. 

So now the kids are already planning for Halloween 2011!