Ahhhh...freak out!

The house we are renting was just put on the market for sale.  As we didn't know what we were doing (whether or not we were moving within Australia or overseas), we chose to go on a weekly lease rather than sign up for another 6 or 12 months when our last lease expired.  When we heard about the house going up for sale, we took it as a sign that we actually do need to move and we'd better figure out what we really want to do.  I was detached and felt light and as though everything would fall into place exactly as it was meant to.  It always does. 

Yesterday (Saturday), I was awake early, went out to the farmer's market, chatted with a bunch of  people, and felt very content.  I was feeling full of gratitude for the wonderful friends we had spent Friday evening with, and the friends in our Natural Learner's group that we had spent Thursday with, and some other friends we have planned a family sleepover with, and my heart felt fuller as I thought about our wider circle of friends that we've made through homeschooling and the New Thought center.  I am so abundant!

I went home, made a big pot of pumpkin soup, tidied the house and thought about the first Open House that was planned for that afternoon.  "It's raining - probably nobody will come", "the market is down, it will probably take months to sell", and similar thoughts.  AJ was concerned about strangers coming through the house, maybe touching his things, but he was more concerned about Gypsy getting out and he opted to stay outside with her for the 30 minutes of the open house  He had asked Nicholas to stay in their room to keep an eye on their things. (Nicholas didn't though - he made friends with one of the children that came through and they ran around in the yard together.)  I was looking forward to the open house being done, and hanging out with friends to watch a movie and enjoy the soup.

I had a practical and detached view of being in this house and was thinking that we would be here for months.  I was not prepared for the emotions that came full steam to the forefront when 30 strangers came through my home.  When I heard the estate agent telling a prospective buyer that the owner wants the house sold by 5th April, I had a little panic.  As soon as everyone left, I broke out in tears.  Then I left the house and took Gypsy for a walk.  I thought about what was really going on inside of me:

- I'm not attached to the actual house, but I do love the life we have here. 

- I don't want to move now, but we're going to have to.  The house has been priced low enough that it should attract a quick sale. (maybe?)

- I don't know where we will go, Cary is leaving next month and may be gone for months.   If I can turn the slight panic of uncertainty into adventure, I'll move through it with excitement rather than dread.  It's a choice.

- I felt somewhat powerless when all of those people were in the house.  I didn't want them there, but as it's not my house, and we didn't sign a lease, it was a gamble we took. 

- I really don't like feeling powerless!

- The most important thing is that we as a family are together, and healthy, and joyful.

- I am still abundant and safe and I am grateful for this adventurous life!

- I need to stay balanced and present.

- I am grateful for the time that we have had here, the friends and family that have visited us in this house, for birthday and Christmas celebrations, for stories read and movies watched, for cookies baked and milestones reached, for birds and bugs and bats, for jasmine, mulberries and passionfruit, for lovely neighbours and a quiet street, for the daily life we have shared here, as a family.  This house will be a symbol of this period of our family life, not for the bricks and tiles, but for the experiences we have had.  Leaving here does not mean that those things stop.  It just means that we continue them somewhere else.  I will look back on photos of our time here, with a warm heart and a big smile, and much gratitude for this chapter.

and...

-  I  AM  POWER-FULL!!!!