Tuesday, November 27, 2007

late Nov 07

Nicholas and I went to my Mums for 3 nights to help her out with some jobs at her place. It was the first time I'd left Sami and AJ for so long. I felt a bit strange doing so, but knew the time would go quickly. They ended up having a great time with Cary and going to a couple of parties. Such a great time that they hardly ever called me. I'm glad it went well. Apparently it was very quiet around here without the little guy's constant chatter.

Nicholas really missed everyone (and so did I). He stayed very close to me the whole weekend which made it a little hard to do much, but it was lovely. I got to drive our new truck on the trip. It went great and I loved cruising along the highway with the sunroof open, the windows up and the music on. Nicholas was a happy traveller on the 3 hours there and back.

I love driving on the roads here. Cary calls the main highway a country road. Ok, it is only one lane each way for most of it, with some overtaking lanes built in along the way. But to me, they are interesting. The curves, the hills, the countryside. It's so beautiful and interesting. Old, abandoned buildings, full of history - I can just feel the pioneers who first brought their families this way. I can imagine how the area looked back then, I wonder about the women and think about how hard they must have worked and wonder "were they happy?"

I was very happy to get back home to our little camper. We have arranged to move further north on 22 December. So we're started to prepare for that - using up the excess food, taking the winter clothes to storage and really thinking about what we've been using and what we will need for the hot summer ahead. Cary did buy a mobile air conditioner for the camper which isn't too bulky. AJ and I could be comfortable in the summer just with a fan when there is no breeze. But the rest of the family really feels the heat so the a/c will make them more comfortable. Hmm, maybe I should keep some of the winter things with us for AJ and I.

It feels good to have a plan. I am trying to think of some creative things we can do for Cary's and Sami's birthdays which are coming up soon, as well as Christmas. We won't be doing much in the way of presents as we simply don't have the space (or frankly, the desire to get any more stuff). So we might put tickets to Australia Zoo under the tree (or whatever we use in place of a tree) for Christmas with some favourite foods and that might be it. Decorations will be minimal. I'm aiming for a Christmas that has more meaning, more family connection, less "stuff" and less stress.

So far so good. I'll let you know how that plan goes!

Tuesday, November 20, 2007

releasing Judgement

I was walking along the beach this morning. It's a place that always nourishes me spiritually. It's a place that feels ...like home.

I walked while watching a(nother) magnificent sunrise. I thought about how easy it is to appreciate something so beautiful and how challenging it can be to appreciate something not so beautiful. I thought of how judgemental I was of the area when we lived in Las Vegas. It took me years to accept and appreciate the unique beauty of the desert.

I thought of how easy it is to enjoy my children when they are happy and how challenging it can be sometimes when they are showing sides of themselves that are, well, not so pretty. How hard it can be to look through statements like "I hate you mum" yelled from my pre-pubescent daughter. I know she really means that she does not like what I'm saying because she knows it to be true but doesn't want to admit it. But it's hard not to let it get to me a bit especially when it comes with huffing and puffing and major attitude.

So I'm really working on noticing my thoughts and noticing when I'm being judgemental towards others or myself. To see the love that is always there, even when it's hidden behind a veil of fear. To release judgement and let things just be

Saturday, November 17, 2007

always growing

There's been an undercurrent occurring in my life that I have been denying.

I was stuck here for some time in a mental pattern I found challenging. I was stuck in a very judgemental process creating a downward spiral. The judgement was focused on my own surroundings. I lost the joy of what we are doing and starting listening to what others were saying. The tone of their voices as they felt sorry for me for living in this old camper in cramped conditions with the whole family. On top of that, selling the nice car we had recently and driving the smaller car that was also more cramped and has the headliner falling down and a temperamental cassette player. And of course, dealing with it all through the rain. "oh you poor thing." was something that I heard over and over and over. I started believing it.

I would try and talk to people about the positives but I could tell they were kind of shocked or thought we were in financial trouble or thought there was no way in heck they would be doing what we're doing. I reminded myself about why we're doing this but then I started seeing things through their pity. Instead of freedom and adventure, I was seeing insecurity. Instead of joy, I saw doubt. Instead of fun with my children I started feeling resentment that I wasn't getting any time for me. All because I listened to other people who just don't get it.
It helps now that Cary is back and we can support each other on this path.

I knew there was a spiritual lesson in all of this. At least one.

To start with, I thought about the physical image of our home and car.
I came to see that it's not the external image we project but the internal image we hold and allow ourselves to see. I needed to remind myself that I am a good person and have respect for myself and the things I have. To feel grateful for what I have. I decided that when I could get comfortable with that - truly and deeply - then abundance will manifest in my life. I think I had bought into other people opinions that we were poor and so I started living with a lack mentality. I can now see the beauty around me, the space, the freedom, the flexibility, the adventure.

I started taking some time for me, to recharge. It's important and I need to let my family see that I respect myself enough to do this. Doing this helps me remember my path, my reasons for doing this and helps me stay strong in my decisions and joyful during my day.

I finally was ready to read 'Conversations with God' by Neale Donald Walsch. I've known about the books for years, and even seen the movie, but I'd never read a book. The other day at the library, Book one said to me "it's time to read me now". The first 5 pages were enough to realise that I hadn't been letting go and letting God do enough in my life. I felt joyful and lighter immediately.

And so, I am letting go of OPO (other people's opinion's) that I had absorbed. I am working on my own spiritual energy - protecting, grounding, expanding.
I'm feeling excited again.
It's all good.

Tuesday, November 13, 2007

Sensory cornucopia

My joy meter has worked itself up from the recent trough it was in to reach a peak experience this morning:

Sleeping beauties
time alone
sandals on, time for a walk.
Onto the path
what? why?
the beach in on the other side of those trees.
20 seconds later, I'm on the sand
sandals off
The smell! fresh, salty air
The feel! the sand and small stones and shells massaging the soles of my feet
warm ocean water bathing my lower legs
the sea foam so very soft like liquid silk through my toes.
The sight! the blue and green water, so clean, so clear
beautiful waves
patterns on the shore
The sound! Waves rolling
strong and confident, with a purpose
like me
birds flying, so free and beautiful
like me
surfers catching waves
so adventurous
like me

My spirit nourished, full of this natural abundance, these gifts.
I am so grateful
knowing anything and everything is possible
we are all connected
we are one

Thursday, November 08, 2007

25 days

Have I ever mentioned that we get a bit of rain here?! Oh my golly, it just hasn't stopped lately. Well, it has stopped for a few minutes here and there, but it's rained a lot lately, and it's expected to continue for another 5 days or so. It's like living in the tropics but we're squashed into a teeny two room place. Yeah, we're going to need a bigger camper before too much longer. And one without canvas. I've discovered that all the canvas ones - even the brand new ones - get damp on the inside with a lot of rain.

As we are staying put here for a while longer, Sami really wanted to go back to school. She misses her teacher and all the singing and wanted to be a part of the end of year play. There are only 25 school days left in the year and if it makes her happier, I surrender. I saw the joy in her face when she spoke about going back and I could not deny her. AJ does not want to go back. Sami said that she does want to homeschool when we get on the road, but seeing as we've really not gone anywhere, she'd like to be back at school.

Monday, November 05, 2007


During birth, transition is the stage when the mama thinks she just cannot go on. The babe is usually born very soon afterwards.

I had my own transition here last week. I reached the point where I was just "done" with all of this. The rain, the mildew, the constant dampness, the wind, the cramped conditions, not being able to find things easily, light bulbs blowing in the night, torrential rain knocking part of the annexe over, rain getting in and soaking the beds when we went out leaving the windows unzipped a little, tons of extra washing, the constant work, blah blah blah.

After transition comes the birth and a wonderful feeling of release and joy, although the mama is usually tired from the process. I thought back to my post regarding 'it's all about me'. Where I wrote about it being my responsibility to choose my focus. I KNOW this. This time the thought wasn't too far away. I knew it was there, I knew it was up to me to change how things were going, I just didn't feel capable. I needed to go deep into that transition, to really feel it, to get to a point where I sobbed deeply and for as long as was necessary to release it all. Years of pent up frustrations and old conditionings came through while I was sitting amongst a huge pile of wet laundry, with the camper a total mess and the rain still coming down. The children witnessed, they comforted but I did not stop for their sake, I kept going for me, not holding back, just letting it flow until it was done. Then I got up and did what had to be done - the washing, the meals, the shift in attitude.

I thought of people so much worse off than me. I wondered how I can always find so much stuff to do when living in such a little place. It seemed almost comical that, no matter what size place I live in, I can keep so busy taking care of the place. I wondered how I would live if I was told I had two years left to live - or what about two months?! Would I be so concerned with another wet towel dropped in a pile on a chair or would I just point out calmly that the towel won't dry if left like that, or even just hang it up myself without complaint?

I've had my transition, I feel lighter and more joyful, but tired. I'm a new babe and calmly determined to live with more love and lightness in my life.
I do not want to stop living like this, I know it is temporary and one day I will look back and this time with very fond memories. I am grateful for all of the lessons I'm getting, for the growth that's happening with all of us and for the fresh air and sunshine (even when it's hiding behind grey skies). I'm looking forward to the travel plans that we have and the adventures of mind, body and spirit that await us.

Sunday, November 04, 2007



(Nuke was actually playing peek-a-boo when AJ took this pic)


(Sami & AJ on right with two new spooky friends on Halloween)

ARGH! Ahoy, shiver me timbers, wot's all this then?

Halloween is not an Aussie tradition. However, in recent years, as this country becomes more like an adolescent USA, more shops are carrying halloween decorations, costumes and candy. More people are having parties. More kids are attempting to go trick-or-treating. They usually go right after school finishes for the day, rather than as soon as it's dark as is the tradition in the USA.
AJ was determined to give it a go, though I did warn him that most aussies aren't into the festivity so probably won't have much. He got a few spooky friends together and off they went, not even noticing that it was raining. They got things like a handful of jellybeans, a half-eaten bag of mints, a few cookies, some coins, and some other bits and pieces. Several people went out and made up little goody bags filled with different candy for the kids. I did a treasure hunt for all the kids which helped them fill up their bags and they had plenty of sweet stuff.

Other examples of Australia becoming a mini USA are tv commercials with American voices, and teenagers starting to speak with American accents. Scary!

Hope y'all had a happy Halloween!