Colours and chances....

I invite more colour into my life!

I dare to be bold and take more chances!

I am not trying to recapture my youth.  God no!  That was filled with insecurity, and hesitation, and the need for chemicals to fuel my confidence.

I no longer need those things.

And I am tired of playing small to please others.

I choose to grow Bolder as I grow older!!

I no longer need approval, or permission, or even recognition.

I do things that please Me!

There is so much freedom in that!

Still a Free Spirit

A new year, a new decade is around the corner.  It’s not just that though, I’m feeling on the cusp on something bigger...new even.

Which is really refreshing as I’ve been feeling the need to hermit myself in the past couple of years.  I’ve been feeling sad, and down, and overwhelmed with life.  But I will talk more about that another time.  Because lately, I’m starting to remember who I am again.

I have a feeling of hope, and purpose.

I have ideas of where to place my focus, but there is conflict.  I feel the duality, the opposites in me.

I am Peace
I am Wild

I am Gentle
I am Fierce

I am Soft
I am Strong

I am Brave
I am Afraid

I am Flowing
I am Still

I am Tiny
I am Magnificent

I am all of this, and more!

I see these qualities in the ocean, which is probably why I feel such a connection there.

I embrace this power!

I embrace my highs, my lows.

I embrace my ebbs and my flows.

I will not fit into a box...I am free and fluid.

I am still living a Free Spirit Life!

Getting unstuck...

This feeling of feeling ‘stuck’...it’s familiar.  I hate it.  I feel angry at those around me that have caused this.

But is that true?

Does that feel good, or right?

Is that a lazy way of giving up on my own dreams?  By blaming others?

The shit gets real.

Yeah, life gets really hard sometimes, when tons of responsibility demands attention to other people and things.

What about me?  When do I get a go?

The answer....

Whenever I decide to.

Whaaat?

I can make time to go for a walk, to read or watch something inspiring (instead of numbing).
I can choose to nourish my body with nutritious and delicious food.
I can choose what to focus my mind on...love, gratitude, and peace, or being a poor me victim.
I can choose what to wear that can help with how I feel.

I can make a lot of choices, and that helps me to remember that I am actually not stuck.
There may be some things beyond my control at the moment, but there are a lot of things that are in my control.  Things that matter a whole lot.

And that’s pretty awesome!

Write, right?

Feeling overwhelmed, underwhelmed, wanting more, needing less.  

So much time in between posts here.  

In between the busy, I’m trying to find me again.  Where did I go?  

Feeling so stressed, so tired, so drained by the end of the day that I sit on the floor and watch some easy entertaining on the big black box.  

Tick tock....another day goes by, another week, month and year.  

Have I grown?  Or have I continued to flounder along?  Am I expecting too much of myself?

Has my identity been relegated to Mom / Wife / Daughter / Sister / etc?

What do I expect of myself?  What would I like my identity to be (besides those above?). 

Hmm, ... I think that I expect that I should have a bigger impact on the world.  That I “should” be doing more of something for the greater good.   I know...I’m shoulding on myself.  So maybe there’s something a bit deeper. ...

I want to be authentically me.  

I want deeper connections.

I want to help others on their healing journey, whether that’s through sharing a deep conversation, or a Reiki session, or a massage, or teaching yoga.  All of that resonates with me.

On another long solo drive to visit my terminally-ill mum,  I was pondering all of this.  I was thinking of what I could do to feel like I was staying in touch with myself, in between my necessary focus on some major things happening in my family.  

Write.  That’s what I heard in my mind.  

I’ve written hundreds of blog posts in my head in the past few years.  Time to go public again.  Time to make the time to share.  Right?  

Maybe my words can help someone else to not feel so alone, to feel more connected, to help to find their joy.  Or maybe they won’t.  

I need to stop doubting myself.  In between all of the other things, and the yoga, and the conversations etc, I just need to write.