soggy wonderland

That beautiful sunny winter weather did not last. We turned a very chilly corner and soon a cocktail of heavy rain, strong winds and cold air was surrounding us. We've been through similar times before and they always pass. It's challenging for me though as I really, really do not like to be cold.

Yesterday was a total veg day. Summer stayed in her PJ's all day and we watched movies (Summer and I laughed and cried together watching 'Little Women' again), played games and read all day. Meals were things we could put together quickly as we didn't want to stand outside in the cold for too long preparing things. I think the high got to 16 C but the wind chill brought that way down. Cary took the boys out later in the day to go to the mall to run around as they were getting antsy being cooped up all day.

Cary mentioned several days ago that he thought we should look at getting a house. Several reasons. One of those is price - to stay in a nice park is reasonable except during holidays. We have to book now for the 6 week holiday period over summer (Christmas time) as most parks are already booked. To do so, we have to pay for our entire stay - in full - by October. And, the cost of doing so, is not much different from renting a house. As we cannot predict the weather for that time, and would not be happy to stay in one place - in this camper - if we had another super wet summer, and as we plan on being in this area at least until March, it just makes sense. Then there's the benefit of having more inside personal space when the weather is not good. Or even if it's something we would like when the weather is good.

I had adapted to this lifestyle so much that I no longer considered getting a house. I had accepted the weather and just did whatever we needed to do to deal with it and ride it out. But really, this style of camper is not suitable for our size family to do this long term. Stepping outside this morning to soggy ground, even with the thick rubber mats we have around, Summer finding that most of her clothes were damp because her cabinet was too close to the wall of the gazebo, the kids watching tv and chattering next to me (I love them, but it makes it a little hard to think) has my inner being saying "ok, that's enough". It is time to move on. We would like to do this again, but with a much bigger rig. Previously when we had discussed getting a house, I felt sad about leaving this lifestyle. Now I am ready. I was concerned that I would get caught up in doing things - the general busyness that comes with having a home - and I would forget the simple life.

I'm beyond that now. The simple life has become something within me - a mindset that I can take anywhere. It's not about the way I DO any thing, it's the way that I AM. This experience has been priceless in helping me achieve this.

Being here now

If you had asked me 30, 20 or even 10 years ago, where I thought I'd be when I was in my 40's, I definitely would not have thought I'd be where I am today.

Thinking back on the roller coaster of angst and restlessness I've felt since late childhood, I can see how every step has brought more clarity of Who I Really Am. There have been plenty of times where I felt as though the feeling of sinking into quicksand was overwhelming though as I surrendered into that, the ground beneath me became firm and I was able to come through with new insights.

I used to think that everyone else around me had it all together, that I was the only one who felt lost, confused, without clear direction or meaning. I was afraid of voicing these feelings, thinking that others would laugh at me. I stuffed feelings down with food & other unhealthy habits, kept myself busy with work, a see-saw of partying or working out too much, later children, mothers groups, committees, shopping, etc, all things to keep my mind busy with mundane mediocrity to keep me from listening to my heart - my true guide of how I should be living.

At times I found it easier, maybe even 'safer' (for my ego), to hold myself back through comparison with others. Knowing that I could never be as 'good' as them (as creative, smart, funny, pretty, etc) allowed me to hold myself back. How silly, how sad. How happy that we are raising our children in a way that they are safe to express their feelings, their desires, their needs. That they are encouraged to follow their dreams and try lots of different things to help them discover Who They Really Are.

There were times when my heart would try to guide me. It would send me messages through books, people, movies, a bumper sticker....things that would lead me to a vague restlessness and knowing that somehow, something was not in alignment with the way I was living. I tried to be positive, do affirmations and "Bloom where I was Planted". Always looking for..for..something I didn't even know, but I knew it was something really important.

I am grateful that I knew that I was asleep and sought to find my way to being fully awake - to living in a state of awareness. I no longer compare myself with others. I know that this is MY path, that we all have a different path and that we should not try to make others conform to our way. That we need to support each other on their way to BEcoming - coming to BE themselves.

Gratitude is such a wonderful healer. Even when things are not going the way we think, it helps to say "I'm not sure why this is happening, but Thank You". Doing this helps you to see why something may have happened. Maybe you were trying too hard to force something to go your way. Or maybe you had strayed from the path that you were meant to be on and had forgotten - had not listened to yourself.

I think the thing I had been looking for was me - the real me. Releasing my own expectations of what I thought others expected from me, freeing myself from all kinds of baggage has been a long process.

Yes, I never thought all of those years ago that I could be in such a wonderful place, full of inner peace and abundance. The challenge in my life was first to realise that it was MY life, to release the limitations I'd put on myself, and then reveal Who I Really Am. Kind of like peeling the layers on a juicy piece of fruit and then discovering how sweet and succulent the inside is. The joy I feel at times is such a delight that I find myself having a little chuckle. Like I have a delicious secret. But I wish everyone knew. ...

You don't have to DO a whole bunch of stuff to live a rich live, you just have to have the courage to BE more to live a whole, abundant life.

I'm not claiming to have found enlightenment, but I know that I am on the path. I've made it to base camp 1 and as I continue on my path, I know the view will just get better.

I hope you are having a beautiful day, no matter what the weather.

winter wonderland

Nicholas: "Daddy?"
Cary: "Yes Nicholas?"
Nicholas: "Can I call you Dad?"
Cary: "Yes Nicholas."
Nicholas: "Thanks Daddy."

Nicholas has very strong opinions on how things should be in his life. I think that's great. We were at a car boot (trunk) market this morning, a trash n treasure type of market. I was looking for some more pyjamas for Nicholas. I found one stall that had several pairs of pj's that looked like they would fit him. I called Nicholas over to measure some against him and he told me that he liked the blue pair with spiders on them, but not the green pair. He said in a very matter-of-fact way, "I like these - buy them for me...no, not the green ones, just the blue". The ladies at the stall thought he was very cute. Of course I agree!

We are having glorious weather here today. It's the middle of winter and we are all in shorts and t-shirts. Several days ago it was very chilly. We had to move campgrounds again and it was hard getting my fingers to work in the cold morning. We are getting very efficient at moving and it didn't seem to take long to load up. We set our outside stuff up a little differently than before and it seems as though we have more room in the gazebo.

We are back at the campground that we were at before our last move. Summer and AJ and I really liked the place we just left as we enjoyed being walking distance to lots of great places. However, it was a little noisier as it was closer to the highway, even though this park is larger and has more kids. We are on a different site to what we've been on before here. This site is really large and we are across from a large grassy area with a huge sandpit that the kids have been enjoying.

Yesterday we baked 3 loaves of banana bread and today we made a double batch of waffles. The kids and Cary have been enjoying hanging out in the warm weather and playing ball and swimming in the heated pool here. It's now over 11 months that we've been living this life. Life is sweet!

A new school term starts here tomorrow. Time to get back into some homeschooling activities. Summer wants to continue with drama and AJ wants to continue with gymnastics. Those classes plus meeting up with other homeschoolers, exploring some of the hinterland areas and taking some train trips to the city is how we plan on filling in the next couple of months that we'll be here. I hope the weather stays this nice!

Shining Light

Last week I went to see the chiropractor / kinesiologist that Summer has been seeing. I felt that he could help me get back on track to feeling great. At the appointment, he said that my body was stuck in a de-tox and was spinning it's wheels trying to get out. He did some adjustments and energy work and we had a great conversation about healing. I left there feeling fantastic! I felt as though all of my chakras were aligned and in balance for the first time in a very long time. I felt very relaxed, playful and joyful. The feeling continued for two days until I let some things around here get to me. Ahhh...I want it back!

I saw Dr. Keith again today. He spoke about teaching me to become a "master of negativity". What? He means becoming a master of myself so that negativity no longer bothers me. He said that most people back away from negativity which actually gives it power to grow. But if we face it, it gives it less power. In my mind, I saw negativity as darkness and me as light and saw how taking my light into the darkness would help get rid of the darkness. I shared that with him and he liked that description. Now the trick, how to hold onto my light! Dr. K has offered to teach me some techniques, but I'm wondering how much I already know. I left his office feeling deeply relaxed and thoughtful.

I've been on an awareness journey for most of my life. For most of that though, I felt as though I wasn't worthy enough to get the kind of results I was seeking. I'm over that thought pattern now and have been seeking more mastery within myself. Feeling worthy is a fairly recent development considering the length of this journey so far. Even after becoming a Reiki Master four years ago, I kind of backed away from Reiki, feeling no where near ready to be called a Master.

I think I've been feeling that I have not been living in alignment with Who I Really Am and I think that it's been this all along, more so than an issue of "worth".

In 'Friendship with God' by Neale Donald Walsch, God suggests asking one question before and after every decision in life: "Is this Who I Am?".

I feel as though I am close to living Who I Am, but need a little fine-tuning. Holding onto my light at all times will require more conscious awareness. More gratitude. Quiet time. Trust in myself, others and the whole process. Gentleness with myself, others and the whole process. And a continued commitment to health - including things I spoke about in another post - rest, sunshine, play, fun as well as exercise and foods that serve me best.

This adventure within really is very exciting!

update

Cary arrived back in Oz on June 19th. Nicholas did not let him out of his sight for the first week or so. He adores his Daddy!

While Cary was in the US, I ordered a bunch of books second hand from Amazon that he brought back with him. Mainly Neale Donald Walsch. One of the things I ordered was some little 're-mind-er cards' by Neale. The first card I pulled out when I looked at the cards was "All attack is a call for help". I thought of the recent conflict we'd experienced, that was still niggling at me (even though I thought I had dealt with it). The next day, after shuffling the cards, I pulled the exact same card! Then I came down with a very sore throat & fever. Obviously I had some work to do with my 5th chakra and communication! I was in bed for the most of two days and slept a lot or just rested. My mind was quiet and I just let my body do some healing.

Regarding the conflict, I knew that I did not need to explain myself to the woman. I am confident with our choices. It did not feel right to have pity for her either. I wished her well and wished for the help she needs to be placed in her path. If I saw her before we left the park, I was going to wish her a safe and happy trip when they moved on. But I did not see her, and that's ok. I really have let it go. And something else, deeper let go as well. I feel as though I am communicating at a deeper level in my other in-person relationships. I'm very happy about that.

In other news...we moved campgrounds last week. We didn't go very far, just about a mile north of where we were, but it gave us a chance to have a good clean up and experience a new place. Even though we'd been to the playground and fitness track near here before, we hadn't really explored much else of the place. We are walking a lot more as there is so much more we can walk to! - the library, thrift stores, a great health food store, several playgrounds, the beautiful, clean, beach with the clear green-blue water, and neat little cafes. As it is school holidays, there are some other kids in the park at the moment. Our kids get up in the morning, jump outside and start kicking a ball with other kids here, or playing some other game. They play all day, until it's dark. Last night we had a bunch of kids in our place hanging out watching a little tv. Very cosy! Summer has been having a lovely time as there are 3 girls just a little older than her that she's been playing with. I laugh when I think of people that have tried to label her as "shy". She is certainly not showing any sign of that, nor does she when she's around people who she clicks with.

Speaking of Summer, she was having a hard time staying off wheat, even though I made a bunch of yummy breads and things with flours she can have. I started looking into foods with a low glycemic index / load and she seems to be much happier having some wholegrain bread. (But I can definitely see when it's been too much for her - her mood changes dramatically.) Plus she's having lots of fruit and some low-fat dairy. While I was at the library looking for info on low GI foods, I came across a whole section on raw foods! I borrowed a book by one of my favourite authors, Dr. Doug Graham - I like his honest approach to vibrant health. Reading his book reminded me that health is not just about good nutrition and exercise. There are so many other factors to consider like rest (a big lesson for me, one that the fever also helped me to learn), a sense of purpose, connection to others, play, fun, sunshine, comfortable temperature, friendships etc. So right now, I am being gentle with myself as I continue to grow on my path to vibrant health. Grateful for all of the lessons and friends along the way!

Namaste...

poker

Nothing has any power over me except that which I allow.


I choose joy!


Yesterday we had some homeschooling friends over. We played on the sand at the creek then went for a walk across the bridge and through the national park to see if the cubby house was still there. It had been washed away. So we collected shells and wrote enormous letters in the sand and played freely. We walked back to our place, the kids rode their scooters and bikes and then one of our friends brought out his poker set and we sat on a blanket outside while he taught AJ and I how to play poker. Ten years of living in Las Vegas and I learn poker from a 10 year old boy while sitting under a tree in Australia!

Feeling happy and free!

conflict

My kids have been having some conflict with the only other kids in the park. The other kids have been here about as long as we have and for the most part they have gotten along well, though they have had quite a few little disagreements. Recently though, things seem to have escalated. Both sides have been name-calling and generally not very nice to each other. The other kids are aged 7, 5 and 2. A couple of days ago, there was confusion over a toy that Summer was sure they had given her. When they tricked her to try and get it back, I spoke with them and asked them calmly about what had actually happened. They agreed that they had said Summer could have it. So I asked how they would feel if someone gave them something and then asked for it back. They said she could keep it and ran off home.

Today we were walking past their place on the way back from the playground. Their kids were outside and were glaring at and making faces at mine. I said "can we all just try and be nice?" Their mum (who used to be very friendly to me) came out and just blasted me. I was stunned and totally not expecting that. She was going on and I was trying to figure out just what her problem was. It seemed that she was blaming Summer for a whole lot of things including the name calling her children had picked up lately and said (regarding the toy issue) that she was there and Summer had snatched the toy and run off. That's not what her kids or Summer had told me. In easy earshot of her kids, she said several times that she was "sick of this shit" and about half an hour earlier, she had called out to AJ to "piss off". But her kids bad language is from Summer..hmm?

I felt very hurt by her verbal attack, which included "..if you had enough energy to watch your kids.."! Okaaay. I'm with my kids 24/7 and have been doing the single parent thing for 2 months. When the weather is nice, there are times when my kids want to go to the playground and I let them go without me so that I can catch up on some dishes or washing or general cleaning or office work. It's not like I'm lazing about watching tv. If I have caught up on everything, then I always go with them.

I held my own with her until she totally lost me and I realised there was no way she wanted to listen to me. Then I just said "I'm sorry you feel that way...I'll do what I can to keep my kids away from yours." But I was really upset. I hated that she said some hurtful things about Summer, and me. I wondered if I had stood up for us both enough. If she'd had a problem with us, I wish she'd have said something earlier. The kids and I went home and talked about it, but it just didn't seem to make sense.

Summer thought it right to return the toy, she thought it had negative energy around it now. She was scared to go alone so we all walked back to their place, Summer placed the toy on the table outside where the kids were sitting and we walked away, without saying a word. I told her later how courageous she was to do that.

I don't know what else to do. Nasty confrontation is not my style, but protecting my family certainly is. I see this experience as a lesson for all of us in dealing with conflict in a graceful, empowering way. Obviously not everyone is going to like us...their loss! My kids and I have been talking about this a lot and talking about our feelings and thinking about how else we may have handled things. We've also spoken about how we might react when we do see them again - if they are still choosing to be nasty, should we match that, or should we ignore them or should we try and be nice? I didn't ask the kids to make a decision about that, but suggested that they should do what they felt was right for them.

Difficult, but there has be a valuable lesson in all of this. I just don't get it. There's no need for all of the nastiness. We still have a couple of more weeks here. Should I try to repair the friendship? Or should I just let it go and be polite, but cool if I see them? A part of me wants to make it all 'right' and make sure our side is heard and understood and my daughter adequately defended. I think I'll go with the larger part of me that says to just focus on my kids and don't waste valuable time on the situation. I can focus on the way I want to feel, and I can send positive energy to the situation and mostly, I can reassure Summer that she is perfect the way she is.

Mr 3!

Last Sunday, our local council had a "Monster Machinery Day". They had a lot of their work trucks (the kids are in one of the street sweepers above), tip trucks, diggers, dozers etc, available for kids to climb in and beep the horns, move the levers etc. It was held at a lovely park next to a canal about 25 minutes away from our place. We got there shortly after it started but after 2 hours, the lines to get on the machines were getting really long so we left.


June 11 was Sir Nicholas' 3rd birthday! He was very sure that he just wanted my vegan pumpkin bread/loaf for his birthday cake with no icing. We decorated it with some jelly lollies that he likes from the natural confectionery company. We had a lazy start to his special day then we went for a big walk around the headland. Before we left, we all went to the bathroom. Summer looked in the mirror and got a big grin on her face and said that she really likes her haircut! As we were walking along the beach part of the headland, we discovered a large cubby house that someone had built out of driftwood. We played in and around that for a while. I had forgotten to take my camera unfortunately. We continued around the headland via the rainforest path, keeping our eyes out for whales and dolphins whenever we came to a clearing. Once we got around the other side, we played at a playground for a while and then got a little lunch at the Surf Club while watching the surfers and other beach activity. It was a beautiful, sunny, warm day, much more like spring than winter. A good day to celebrate 3 years of Nicholas!

turnaround

Just as we were starting to dry out from the last batch of rain, we had another 3.5 days of it. I started to go nuts. The kids, feeding on my not-so-positive energy, started climbing the walls. Summer is a little down with a cold that I have as well - mostly a nagging, annoying cough. Nicholas had a fever for a few days on and off and was very needy. I was so tired from my own cold thingy and he needed me so much, as did the others due to the weather and being on top of each other. When I'd go outside, everything was just cold and wet and yuck. I started to allow myself into a pathetic pity party. On top of that, I'm reading (in all of my spare time!) 'Mother-Daughter Wisdom' by Dr Christiane Northrup. It's bringing up stuff with my own mum and pointing out ways that that conditioning has already influenced my relationship with my daughter - not always to the best - and times when I haven't been a good role model. (For some reason, I couldn't see all of the times when I had been a great role model.)

I started a downward spiral. A small part of me enjoyed just letting go and falling into that quicksand...so tired...just yell and everyone will go away. But they didn't - they stayed closer than ever, showing their Trust in me, their Love and their support. Little people, with big, forgiving hearts. Gosh, I think I've been thinking too much about that book and therefore creating the stuff that I don't want. There's got to be a better way to release the old stuff.

Somehow I figured it out. I don't know how. I do know that there was a bigger me inside that really wanted to just choose Joy. It lifted me out of the bog and put me back on top again. It didn't happen in a split second, but it did happen after I'd finally gotten 15 minutes of quiet time when the kids all went to the playground once the sun came out. It wasn't even something I thought about, it was something quietly at work to make things more JoyFull around here, no matter what the weather.

We went for a drive...Summer and AJ got haircuts..we checked our PO Box and got some good mail including some pressies for Nicholas who turns 3 tomorrow!...we went to Blockbuster and hired some DVD's and then we went and played on the beach. Ah, the beautiful, magical, healing beach. We live so close, I don't know why we don't visit it more often. Oh yeah - the rain.

Summer wasn't very happy with her haircut - it wasn't short enough. On the way there, she had said that she wants it very short. I thought it was already short but she said really short. Flashback to my memory of being her age when my Mum kept my hair really short and I absolutely hated it. I liked being a tom boy and lived in jeans or shorts when I wasn't in my strict school uniform dress (to this day I rarely wear a dress) but I hated people thinking that I was a boy. I always wanted long hair. I did not want my 'stuff' to interfere with what Summer wanted for her hair. She and I spoke with the hair stylist and they looked at some photos. I tried to stay out of it a bit and let Summer speak up for herself. The stylist was lovely and gently tried to get Summer to explain what she wanted. I let her know that she was in a safe place and that the lady was there to help her..there was no rush and we didn't even have to do this today if she didn't feel ready. She was determined to go ahead and agreed to a style similar to what she had, a little shorter so that it was off her neck and a little more layered so that it was lighter. Several minutes after we had left, she was saying that she did not like the cut - it was too long still. What she was finally able to say was that she wanted a boy cut - very close and very layered. She said she didn't care if people thought she was a boy. She does tend to wear more feminine clothes than me so that's not even a consideration for her. I suggested she wait a day or two and just see how this cut feels. If she's sure she wants to change it, we'll look around and find a photo of a cut she wants so she has something more definite to show next time.
So I think we had some good lessons there - I mentally hugged the 10 year old Annette and told her she was beautiful. I physically hugged my own daughter and told her the same and talked to her about speaking her truth and finding her voice and letting others know that her opinion really matters, especially when it's about something concerning her body.

In the evening, Nicholas went to bed early while the other two snuggled up next to me as we watched the 3rd Indiana Jones movie and Ratatouille. Ah, I love my kids! It's all good!

no more 'poo!

We've been using natural cleaners for home and body for so long now I can't remember when we started. I had been washing my hair about every 5 days, slowing stretching out the days in between so I could really stretch out a bottle of shampoo and give my hair a break.

Inspired by Tara, (and following links to babyslime's blog which has good info) I've decided to take that a bit further and give up the commercially produced 'natural' shampoo ('poo) altogether. This morning I washed my hair with 1 tbsp of baking soda mixed with 1 cup of warm water. I massaged it through my hair, let it sit for a little less than a minute then rinsed it out well. Then I followed that with 2 tbsp of apple cider vinegar mixed with a cup of water, pile my hair up on my head and poured that over my hair, let it sit for a little less than a minute and rinsed it out with cool water.

My hair felt great afterwards! I am not one to use any 'product' in my hair. It's lucky if it gets brushed once a day. I like my hair wild and natural - like me!! My hair today felt as though it kept it's natural curl better than usual. Mind you, it has been raining for 5 days now. Off and on, but I think more on. The extra humidity may have helped my curl to hold.

Am I sick of rain? Yeah, I'm just about at that point. I figure we've had rain about one third of the time we've been living in the caravan / trailer. And often it's been rain that goes on for days and days. Tomorrow we get to look forward to 'heavy' rain according to the forecast. That should be interesting as the ground around us is already soggy and the water has seeped into our gazebo making the mats in there rather squishy.

We were at the library today and we stocked up on DVD's so we'll probably watch some of those tomorrow and then go to the mall to run around. I need to get a new phone too as AJ accidentally dropped mine in a puddle a couple of days ago and it hasn't survived. So if you've been trying to call me, that would be why you haven't been able to reach me.

So of course this rain has me rethinking this whole camping thing. We may head north for a while after Cary gets back, if it's dry up there. Well at least most of Australia is happy that the drought conditions they've endured for many years are finally breaking!

whole lesson

Last week Summer seemed to be struggling - she seemed really angry. Her mood would switch at the drop of a hat. Her chiropractor attributed it to her de-toxing. I was starting to blame myself for all of the times I had not modelled appropriate outlets for frustration. All of the times when I yelled, slammed, stomped and generally lost it. I was thinking of my desire for peace and how I 'should' be able to be the 'good' role model for that, which is what I often am - in my mind. I was hard on myself for not being calmer more often.

I expressed that feeling to a dear friend who reminded me that if I was to be calm all or most of the time, I would not be showing my children how to be a whole person. She reminded me that passion is a normal and good part of life, and it just needs appropriate outlets.

It got me thinking about the yin and yang of life and the search for balance. The balance we see so evident in nature - light and dark, cold and heat, etc.

I can see plenty of times when I have denied my wild side. I am fire and cannot deny that. We have four fire signs in this family, Nicholas is an air sign. We have plenty of passion! My friend is right - we need to ensure we have creative outlets for this. I have a wild side - always have, always will. And I love it! I also love my peaceful, gentle self. I can do it all!!

A while back I spoke about changing my name to river. Well I've thought more about that, and realised that is not the right name. As a fire sign, I cannot take a water name. I continue to be me, just as I AM.

Doing Being pt 2

It's actually more than "Trust in God" as I wrote below - it's about Trust in myself, in the choices I've made and the place I'm at and the direction I'm going. And it's Trusting in those around me to be making the appropriate choices for themselves.

Doing Being

Last week I found myself falling into old patterns of 'doing'. Getting into a rhythm with the children with all of their new classes and social time with other homeschoolers, as well as all of the other things that are involved with running a household, started to get me a little twisted. With Cary away and all of the responsibility on me, friends I've spoken with have been supportive and tried to tell me that I was behaving in a way that was quite understandable.

But not for me.

I know there is a calmer way for me, a more peaceful place to operate from. It's a subtle shift within me. One that comes from a place of Trust in God, Acceptance, Gratitude, Love, a feeling of connection with all, Service and ultimately, Joy.

I am better at remembering all of this when I'm getting enough sleep, eating well and taking some time every day to do something for myself.

Yesterday I found myself starting to get a little wound up with catching up on things around here. I was able to see the old pattern emerging and stopped it, saying "this is not Who I Am". I put some camp chairs outside and went and sat in the sun with my feet up and just immersed myself in the moment. Ahh... After about 10 minutes, I went on to finish the housework etc...joyfully. It was amazing how much more I seemed to get done. In the afternoon, the kids and I spent an hour or so at the creek, playing in the sand, came home for a bath, dinner and an evening playing cards after Nicholas was asleep.

Definitely Being is a better place for me! I like me so much better when I'm in that state as it's Who I Really Am, there is no inner conflict. Peace.

AJ & swimming lesson number 2

Summer and AJ had their second swimming lessons. Summer loved it again and AJ did also this time. He has a different teacher now that we've moved to a different day and time. His new teacher is nice young lady who happens to be have long, brunette hair. He's shown a pattern of interest in girls with this feature. So he is very happy in his class. His teacher asked me how many lessons he'd had in the past. I said only one, just a few days ago...apart from that, he's self-taught. She was impressed and said that he's very good. I think that might mean that he'll move up a class sooner than he would like to.

The weather has been beautiful but last night we had a thunderstorm and today it's been sunny, but quite cool I thought. I took the kids to a free event put on by the city at our favourite local playground. They were having a fun morning with games like tug-of-war, sack races, 3-legged races, skipping, egg-and-spoon races etc. Summer and AJ had a great time. Most of the people were wearing t-shirts & shorts still. I was in jeans with a long sleeved shirt and a jacket. I like this area a lot, but if this cool weather sticks around, we might have to head north for a while. Brrrr (I'm such a wimp in the cold!)

activities

Last Sunday we went to a Hare Krishna farm just under an hour away, to their Sunday night, free for all, vegetarian feast. We all enjoyed the exposure to a different culture and the kids enjoyed the food more than I thought they would. They all asked if we could go back next week! No one approached us to convert us but I kept asking questions with some of the ladies I met there and they were very nice, definitely not pushy.

Summer and AJ started swimming lessons this week. Summer just loved it...AJ was not impressed as they would not let him do handstands! But he will try it again. He likes the idea of getting stronger. Nicholas is not quite 3 but he's very solid and strong. When they're wrestling, Nicholas can hold his own quite well. AJ also had a gymnastics trial and loved it. We're trying to get in with a homeschooling gymnastics class. Summer and AJ are also starting a homeschoolers drama class and Summer is doing a singing class. They are both going to look at a kung-fu class too.

We've just found out about a homeschool group that sounds like it could be good for us too. It's a bit closer than the other group we've been going to, and will continue to go to.

So we're getting a lot more active here and it's good for now. We'll see how it all goes and if it's too much we'll back off in some areas.

The park is starting to fill up with snowbirds from the south. We're getting more retired folk in but more kids come in on the weekends with their families. I'm starting to think about where we'll go after here. With all of the new classes and groups, we'll be staying in the area for a while yet.

Homeschooling Interview

This is part of an interview posted on one of the homeschooling groups I'm in. Andrew Denton is a comedian / talk show host on the abc (like the pbs). Michael Leunig is a political cartoonist / artist / author. His website is www.leunig.com.au. The full interview can be found at http://www.abc.net.au/tv/enoughrope/transcripts/s1632918.htm This is the part that is relevant to homeschooling...I love the way he explains that the horse is the teacher, or the paddock is the teacher (etc) and also the last paragraph by Michael as well...

ANDREW DENTON: Your children, Felix and Minna, who are, I think, 13 and 11, something like that?

MICHAEL LEUNIG: Yep.

ANDREW DENTON: You mentioned that you're home schooling them, what do you teach them?

MICHAEL LEUNIG: Well, they learn, you see, children want to learn. I think healthy children just, you can't stop them learning and so you've got to provide, it's a matter of provision. You create an environment where they are keen and eager to, and curious, and so, for instance, my daughter, Minna, loves her horses. She has a couple of horses and the horse is the teacher at that point. When they're walking across the paddock, paddock is the teacher, the snake that crawls in front of them is the teacher. When they're helping fix a fence or fix the pump, that is the teacher. Children's eyes go to things, they sparkle when they see something, so you say, "OK, we'll go there. We follow that". You follow things.

ANDREW DENTON: Do you worry that you won't be able to give them a broad enough education beyond your and Helga's view of the world?

MICHAEL LEUNIG: Well, you couldn't control the situation to that extent. The world just comes in on top of you. It creeps under the door. It falls out of the sky. It's all around. I mean, if you love your children you're not wanting to see them become ignorant and narrow and if they want to go to school, fine, you know. I they want to, if there comes that time, they can go.

ANDREW DENTON: The other thing about school that is provided, of course, is community, that sense of learning to work with your peers, to build friendships, all of that.

MICHAEL LEUNIG: And to bully each other to death and to be sort of frog-marched around on the playground.

ANDREW DENTON: All those things, too, but...

MICHAEL LEUNIG: Yes, all those things. To submit and to be controlled.. . Bullying doesn't necessarily. .. And to be confused out of your head by all these mad things they teach them, crazy.

ANDREW DENTON: Aren't these things, though, that as your children move into a broader world as they get older, they're going to have to find a way to deal with them because they're, you can't close them off.

MICHAEL LEUNIG: No, you're opening them up. No, you can't close off these bad things. Absolutely, and that's why I'm home educating them so that at the centre they're strong because it's a big, wild world out there. See people would caricature this as a narrow, parochial view. I see it as the opposite. I think it's trusting that the child has a soul that wants to open up to all the world. Make it strong, let the child be strong at the beginning. Let the soul centre be happy and solid and strong and it can cope with whatever comes. Creativity is the way through and I think so much creativity is crushed in education.

a few days here

Tonight the boys were in the bath together. I sat on the bench in the family bathroom and called a friend. While I was chatting and keeping one eye on the boys, they let all of the water out of the tub, soaped themselves really well and then started sliding all around the tub. They had a great time until AJ flipped a bit and his butt planted on Nicholas' face. Nicholas laughed until he blinked the soap into his eye - he didn't like that.

Nicholas and a friend - a 5 year old girl who is travelling and homeschooling with her family and staying in this park at the moment - spend a lot of time together. They are often here rummaging through our craft drawers and doing something with the bits and pieces they find. Several days ago they discovered several meters of fluro rainbow string. That piece of string has given them at least an hour of play, probably more. They wrap it under and over things, thread it through holes, have made a house and a jail and a barn with it and I'm sure other things in the secret little world they create. I love to hear their excited giggles and squeals. They are so cute together!

Last week I took Sami to a new chiropractor / kinesiologist. Well, new to us...he's been in the biz for 28 years and knows his stuff. He repeated what other docs have told us but a bit more firmly (in a nice way). We have to get Sami ...oops, Summer...off of wheat, dairy, high sugar and peanuts - for at least a month. Then we'll reassess. She'll probably need to stay away from those things, but may be able to have a little now and again. She's been listening to him and has been eating all of the recommended things. (amazing!)
I have a bunch of vegan recipes and a few vegan cookbooks (I don't have many cookbooks with us but they are all either vegan or raw vegan recipe books). So I thought I'd look for other vegan books at the library that might encourage Summer to get even more involved with her food choices - a recipe book with pictures would be ideal. The book she liked the best was a little recipe book devoted entirely to Vegan cupcakes! It has a photo of almost all of the 75 different types of cupcakes. I found a few other 'kid friendly' vegan / food allergy recipe books but I was most impressed to find that the library had 3 copies of Roxanne Klein & Charlie Trotter's "Raw" recipe book. I'm looking forward to getting into that.

AJ's camp chair broke and we've been looking for a new one for him. He likes to take his time to think about decisions like this so we had been to a few different shops looking for the right one. We went into a discount store today looking for more craft supplies and found several camp chairs there. My eye went straight away to a nice turquoise coloured one. On closer inspection, we found that it had speakers built into the armrests. Little wires ran to a pocket at the back which housed a mini battery-operated amplifier. A wire ran from that to another pocket on the side which had a more of the same wire and a plug on the end of it. The store also sold batteries so we got some of those, popped some in the amp and got the trusty MP3 player out of my bag and plugged it in. It worked! Music was piping out of the armrest! Sold! (I'm not usually into buying things that take batteries, but AJ was so excited about this chair and we can use rechargeable batteries at least.) AJ is loving his new chair. It works great with his DS as well. After we bought it, he was all excited, thinking about the different things he could try and plug in - the tv, computer ..wondering if he could create surround sound as they already have speakers next to the screens. And how cool it would be if it would work when playing Guitar Hero on Playstation! This evening as I was getting dinner ready and Aj was playing with friends, I plugged the MP3 player into his chair and danced around. It was better than using the earphones which I tend to keep knocking out when I'm busy doing other things. I tell you, we are sure camping in style!

energy efficiency

I know it was Earth Day recently in the USA. We're constantly aware of how we can make even more of a difference and I've been thinking about some things that the Aussies have been doing for years.

Shortly before we left the US, the larger grocery stores started selling those green reusable shopping bags. Before that, it was not really, um..appreciated, by check out operators at conventional grocery stores when we would take our own bags to use. Wild Oats, Trader Joes, Whole Foods, sure, but not the Albertsons etc. Those green bags have been in use in Australia for a decade or so. Even my Mum has been using them since they were introduced. There are even some shops here that will not automatically give you a plastic bag if you don't have your own bags - some places will sell you plastic bags, other places provide boxes from their deliveries for you to use.

When I moved to the US, I (and all of my Aussie friends and family) were shocked to find that there were no clothes lines in every backyard, as there is here. And to think I actually got used to the convenience of drying my clothes in the dryer makes me feel like a traitor. Since I've been back, I've been using the clothes line except when we have days and days of rain and we've pretty much run out of clean things to wear.

About a month ago I bought a front loading washing machine at a garage sale for $40. It worked well for a little while then pretty much died. It's ok, I got my money's worth out of it and discovered how wonderful it is to have my own washing machine in the gazebo without having to load everything up and go to the shared laundry and pay $4 per load to wash it and waste time hanging around waiting for it. So when the other machine died, I did some research and found a great deal on a new machine. They even delivered it, set it up and took the old one away. And because it's a water and energy efficient machine, the state govt is giving me a $200 rebate! They offer rebates on a lot of other water and energy saving purchases like rainwater tanks, dual-flush toilets (which have been in all new homes and public restrooms etc for, gee, I don't know..15 years maybe?), shower heads and other similar items.

While I'm mentioning public toilets, I have been really impressed with the shopping centers here who all have several 'parents rooms'. These have private areas for breastfeeding, as well as other chairs or lounges for feeding, or tending to children, change tables, often toys for toddlers/preschoolers to play with while Mum is taking care of the bub, and toilets - often with a "little toilet" as Nicholas likes to call them, as they have child sized toilets. Some have tv's and microwaves as well. Oh, and the shopping centers all seem to have parking just for parents with young children, indicated by a sign with a stroller on it, similar to the way parking for disabled folk is marked.

Ok, I'm getting off track here. Back on to how Aussies are generally pretty earth friendly. You'll see a lot of smaller cars here than you will in the US. Not as many big pick ups and SUV's. Hardly any actually. So petrol is more expensive here, as is the initial price of cars so that has some bearing on it too. Perhaps if those things were cheaper, you would see more of the excess that you do in the US. As a result of the same reasons, the majority of campers are smaller too.

Most homes do not have air con and it would be a rare thing to have reverse cycle ducted heat/cooling. When I was growing up here, in the winter we would put on extra layers and perhaps the gas heater in the evening until we went to bed. But that was a temperate winter, rarely falling below 0 degrees C overnight. In the summer, we would open the windows, maybe put on a box fan if there was no breeze, drink lots of water (or beer for some), get wet under the sprinkler or head out to the beach.

I am amazed by the number of people who have the same goal as us - to get our own bit of land and get self-sufficient, off the grid. I'm seeing more references to ways to be even more energy efficient in mainstream papers and mags when I flick through them while waiting in line at the grocery store or when at the library. Change is happening!

2 may 08

Nicholas wasn't quite ready for the little bike we recently bought for him so I got him this trike. He loves it and enjoys doing something like the bigger kids are doing. I usually ride one of the razor scooters alongside him. The trike has a lever under the seat that either folds it up for storing or travelling or folds it out so that it becomes a chopper bike which AJ enjoys riding. Pretty clever. We're sure to get a lot of mileage out of it.



This is a shot of the area under the awning. The caravan is to the right and I've put up a big grey tarp on the left, just out of the picture but there is an external picture 2 photos below. The white table has on it a toaster, kettle, oven (not a microwave), blender, a two-drawer storage unit for cutlery and kitchen misc., as well a chopping board, a small pot of fresh cilantro and a few other things. Those are all towards the back of the table so we can still use the front for prep, eating, science experiments, drawing etc.


This is a pic taken from the doorway of the gazebo. Camping in style - with the washing machine and dryer! There are two canvas cabinets across from the machines that fold down pretty flat. They each have four shelves. One has food in it and one has clothes. Two 5-drawer plastic units are next to them. Behind them we have a shower curtain to give a little privacy for the change area and porta-potti that we use at night and when it's raining too hard to go to the shared ammenities. Out of view on the left of the machines is a little bar fridge and another bookshelf which has the bread maker, some toys and other things on it.




This is the front view for now. I'm sure when Cary gets back he'll rig up the bigger tarp and it will look better. But for now, it works and I like it. We've brought a fair bit of stuff out of storage, and have aquired a few extra things as well. But as we've been doing long stays at parks, we've decided to be as comfortable as possible.

In other news, we met with a new homeschooling group about 30 minutes away today. Lovely people! Small group, about 8 families, kids aged from 2 (although there's a Mum due to give birth in 2 weeks) to 16. Everyone played so well together. Several games were played where all the kids and a lot of the adults all played together, it was so great! There were a couple of dads there as well.

April pix

AJ recently turned 7! How did that happen? He had a fun day with lots of fun with friends around him all day.

Cary left for the USA the day after AJ's birthday. Dear Nicholas cried for about an hour after we dropped him off at the airport, he misses him so much. He still can't talk to him on the phone as he gets too upset.

We had some friends come and camp next to us for 5 days. Unfortunately, it rained most of their visit. They really wanted to go to Sea World so we went too. I have a big problem with live animal shows, but thought I'd go and see how my kids reacted to large animals in relatively small enclosures. Our friends really wanted to see the dolphin show and we went to that. After that I could not go to any more animal shows. I kept thinking of the dolphins I've seen in the wild and how they have the entire ocean to swim in - they remind me of my unschooled children, free and yes, a little wild. The dolphins in the show were like the straight-A students at school who knew very well when to jump through the hoops or dive or perform some trick. Their performance was appreciated by most of the audience, but I kept wondering if the dolphins were happy. Some of them had been bred in captivity and some had been rescued. Did those born there feel the pull for a different kind of life, a longing for something but just not sure what? Or did they just dutifully do what they were taught because that's all they knew? See, it reminds me more and more of people and school. I know when I was at school, I felt the longing for something else which I later realised was freedom.
Anyway, we did go to the waterski show which was very good. And as the weather was kind of rainy, there were not too many people there so the kids go to go on all of the rides over and over. Some of the rides they just stayed on, without getting off and needing to line up again, others they did line up again, but the wait was very short. Summer really surprised me by going on the flume ride, which goes up a steep hill, around a bit and then down a steep waterslide, about 5 times and then going on the Pirate ship twice - and sitting way up the back too!

Two of our friends and Summer on the right, on the pirate ship.


Before Cary left, he bought this old Land Cruiser. The kids (ours and others from the park) think it's a great place to play!


AJ riding a friends chopper bike with his daredevil side-kick, Nicholas. Several days ago, our little guy said "I'm Nitolas...no more Noo Noo". And he has been very clear ever since that he wants to be called Nicholas instead of the nick-name he'd been happy to use before then.

kids pix

AJ's birthday morning, with a little help from Summer reading the cards and Nicholas helping with the unwrapping. They are sitting on AJ's bed, which becomes the dining table and seating during the day. Summer's queen bed is behind them.


Photo of N at sea world Sesame Street performance. He's not very familiar with SS as he doesn't watch much tv so he was trying to figure out what on earth the colourful crazy critters were all about.


AJ bobbing for apples - something some other travelling homeschooled kids in the park wanted to do one day.


AJ and friends

camper

This is kind of a rear side view of our set up. I've been meaning to post these photos here for a while. Then we had a bunch of rain and I changed things and have kept changing things and they are much better now. The actual caravan / trailer is much roomier inside than it looks. The gazebo folds into a wheeled carry case smaller than a set of golf clubs. The white walls are a thin, but very effective (in keeping out rain and wind) material. We have walls all the way around and they have zippers in the center of each side. We only use one side as a door way, the side that joins the awning area. Because of all the rain we were having, Cary put up a tarp on one side of the awning and was going to put up a huge tarp over the top of the awning and out the front a fair way so that we could still look out, but the rain would not come in. However, constant rain and winds before he left prevented him from doing that. I have since put up a temporary wall angled out the front of the awning using an old tarp. I used spring loaded clamps to connect it to the edge of the awning and hammered some tent pegs through the holes along the edge into the ground. I thought that way I can just unclamp the clamps when it was nice weather (which is has been for the past 9 days in a row!!) and roll the tarp down and still be able to look out. But I actually haven't done that as there were a lot of people in the park due to school holidays and I liked having a bit more privacy as there were vans and tents blocking our view of the water anyway.

This past weekend was the Anzac Day long weekend and I have never seen the park so full. Only a few spots were vacant and they were probably from people who booked ages ago but couldn't make it at the last minute. There were no big motorhomes or 5th wheels (not that we get many of them anyway). There were a ton of tents, trailer tents (that pull out of a box trailer to provide hard floors above ground level and pull-out kitchens - very clever and many different styles), pop-ups like ours and regular caravan/travel trailers.





Summer rides a bike!!


At sea world. AJ on the left and Summer 2nd from the right.

life flows on..

Time has been rolling blissfully by. Even the rain (yes, more and more rain), and the wind do not bother me like they once did. I feel warm from the inside out. I have not been using the computer much at all which has been kind of nice. We've had some running around to do (although these days I do less running and more strolling at a leisurely pace) and our place seems to be a central hangout for a lot of the kids in the park which is a lot of fun.

With the fall here, my seasonal inner need to bake was singing out so I bought a little counter top oven which was immediately christened with two loaves of pumpkin-orange bread, much to my families delight. I'm not much of a cook and I prefer simple, mostly fresh foods. I don't like cooking dinner, but I do like to bake breads, and sometimes cookies. I only have that urge when the weather is cool.

Yesterday we got Nicholas a little bike from an op shop. He's very proud of his red bike and looking forward to riding with his siblings and friends.

We've experienced lovely connections with various people and families staying in the park recently. There's been a mixture of families here on school holidays and others here for a spiritual retreat at a large center across the road. Such and interesting mix of people that we all get to enjoy.

It's AJ's birthday tomorrow and Cary leaves for the US the day after that. I'm going to go and get the baking pans out!

namaste

a simple life

I have been on the journey towards living more simply for years now. It's taken small steps forwards, backwards, around in circles...kind of like a dance.

Being here now, after doing the mental and physical work it's taken to get this far, I have found that it has become a very real and deep part of Who I Am.

The recent events with my Mum did not get under my skin like it would have in the past. I was able to deal with it and move on very quickly. I have no need or room for excess emotional baggage.

I'm sleeping more deeply and feel an inner peace that gives me a constant underlying feeling of calm, more often than not...it used to be the other way around. It is something that I have been searching for for many years.

Sami (who now wishes to be called Summer), is/was still able to push my buttons. I was aware of it happening and made a decision that I did not want that to happen any more. It was not how I want our relationship to be. She had been spending a lot of time with a new friend but was a bit frustrated by the way the other friend tried to control Summer so she would come home and take her frustration out on me rather than alienate her new friend. I changed the way I reacted and stopped reflecting her frustration (my previous pattern) and gave her the love and safe space to vent she was really looking for.

Touching on the subject of names, I never really felt that Samantha suited our girl but liked Sami and she grew into both of those names. Summer was a name that I had considered while I was pregnant but then wasn't sure about naming a child after a season (even if it is my favourite season...I thought "what if she doesn't like summer, but is more an autumn or winter girl?") Anyway, there were other names I liked, but Cary did not. We did want a nice girls name that could be shortened to a tom-boy name and that's when we compromised on Samantha. Our girl has been saying for years that she didn't like those names or the name Anya which is what AJ called her from the time he first started to talk and which became a family name for her. A few days ago, she announced she wanted to be called Summer Jasmine Rain. She said that the name Summer just felt right and seemed to fit better. It certainly does suit her.

I have no problem with her changing her name if she wants. I think it's a valuable thing to do as we are constantly re-creating our selves and our identity as we move around the cosmic spiral coming in to Being Who We Really Are. A name is an outward expression of that and if she feels more free and in touch with that, I fully support her and anyone else who wishes to do that. Personally, I would change my name to River - sometimes deep and quiet, sometimes bubbly and fast, but always moving towards the goal of rejoining the Source (ocean/God).

I'm in such a great place right now on all levels. Very happy..

Enjoying life

Thanks to friends for the comments on my previous post. To the friends that emailed me, I will get back to you - I have not been online much at all, but will catch up soon. I've actually been enjoying just BE-ing. Taking time to enjoy our water view, to listen to the wind through the trees, to be in the moment as much as I can remember.

I'm reading 'Conversations With God book 3' at the moment. Enjoying it slowly and letting it absorb as I go. A couple of nights ago I was wide awake in the middle of the night. I got the book and went outside and sat under the stars to read with my little headlamp on. I'd read a bit then spend time enjoying the magnificent sky. It was a brilliant setting to enjoy such a book. Really easy to Be in the concept that we really are All One.

Big news - the day after my birthday, Sami started riding her bike! She'd been on and off it a few times but hadn't really wanted to ride it strongly enough. I guess she got to a point where she wanted it so much that she was able to get over her fears and focus on the goal. Having her own bike, getting a new larger seat and a bell for it and seeing AJ having so much fun on his bike all contributed to her desire, but ultimately, she had to overcome the 'stuff' going on in her head that was stopping her. Cary held the seat while she got used to the balance and pedaling, walked around the block with her two or three times and then she was off! She now jumps out of bed in the morning and jumps on her bike. She is so excited about riding! It has increased her confidence in herself and she is more comfortable socially. She's mixing with the other kids here a lot easier, and will even go up to new people to chat to them. It is such a change from the Sami of a week ago. She puts so much pressure on herself that she talks herself out of something before ever really trying. Or she used to do that. This has been interesting for us to see how learning happens with her. She often says things like "I'm stupid". Boy, does that bother me! Being such an optimist and after years of positive affirmations etc, I don't know where she comes up with this. I used to say something like "no you're not...you're very smart, loving, etc". That just didn't work so then I started saying "well, if that's what you think, then that's what you'll get. If you want to think that you can do this, then you'll be right about that too. It's totally your choice." She used to get annoyed at me for saying this, but I'm pretty sure she's given it some serious thought.

What else has happened this week?...After deciding against getting a house, we drove past a place with a "for rent" sign out the front that Cary wanted to look at. We called the owners and they came over. They were coming over anyway for an open house for it. Everything seemed to be falling in line. It was a nice enough place with a lot of room for Cary to store cars etc he'd have for sale. Cary seemed excited about that and I thought "if we get approved, then it must be meant to be". That night, the owners called and said that out of all of the applicants (rentals are very competitive here at the moment), they'd like to offer the place to us. I was not excited at all. So much for being "meant to be" - it just wasn't feeling right. After sleeping on it, thinking of all angles, Cary and I chatted about it the next day and decided to turn it down. I can't give up this lifestyle, I just love this freedom and outdoor living!

So we've been back and forth to the camping store looking at different options to make the outside a bit more protected but still open. We've put up a tarp on one end of the awning, angled down to the ground and at the other end, we put up one of those easy set-up gazebos with 'solid' walls on it. The walls are made of a very lightweight material but they give excellent protection from the wind and rain. In there we have our little fridge, the front-loading washing machine that I picked up from a yard sale for $40 (one load of washing at the laundry here costs $4 so it won't take long to be in front), the breadmaker sits on top of the washing machine, we also have two folding 4 shelf cupboards - one for clothes and the other is a pantry, and two plastic 5 drawer units, one for towels and one for craft supplies and games. The gazebo is 3m x 3m and we also have room for a few camp chairs in there (if it's too windy or wet to be outside) and a couple of other plastic storage boxes.

In trying to live more consciously, I do consider the type of material that our purchases are made from. If I buy something new, firstly I think "do I really need this?", then I think about what will happen to it when we've finished with it - can it be recycled? Living this lifestyle, I also need to consider weight for when we are traveling and the weather in case things get wet. The other factor is space so things that fold or stack are great. I'm happy with the way things are coming together and the choices we're making.

In the area outside of our camper, under the awning, we have our long folding table and bench seat as well as a folding 'camp kitchen' shelf which has a little 2 shelf zippered cupboard on one side under a flat top and an open shelf on the other side under another flat surface that our two burner stove sits on. Our plates, cups, mixing bowls and saucepans live in that. On the long table, we have a toaster, kettle, toaster oven, water jug and a little two drawer plastic unit for cutlery, wooden spoons, scissors, and all those other little kitchen bits and pieces.

I have remembered to charge the batteries on my digital camera so I will get some pics later today and post them soon.

Have a great day everyone!

43 and time for ME to just BE

Once again, with more bloody rain, our recent thoughts about getting a house seemed like a great idea. The packing and unpacking on our recent trip was a bother too and we were a bit fed up and emotional after the past weekend.

Once again, when we calmed down, and the rain stopped for 30 minutes, we remembered how much we enjoy this lifestyle. Before our trip, we had been using the annexe from the old camper for this one. But we are going to sell the old one so we need to rig up some walls to attach onto the awning, or somehow fix things so we have more space and protection from the elements.

Now that we are back here, for around 3 months (more or less, we'll see how it goes), we will get a nice set up and work on getting a comfortable rhythm going with homeschooling friends and fun classes for the kids.

Glad that decision is made. Today (the 28th) is my 43rd birthday. Happy birthday to me!! My motto for the coming year is in the title of this blog. I will be taking more time for me. When I saw my sister last weekend, she handed down her old bike to me plus two other bikes for Sami and AJ. AJ is thrilled and has been having a great time with his bike. I've been enjoying riding my bike too. I feel like a kid again as distant memories of a carefree me riding way beyond the boundaries set by my Mum, come back as soon as my feet touch the pedals. I guess I'm still pushing my Mum's boundaries which is why she has trouble accepting my lifestyle.

So I have made a decision to Just Be - more present, more connected, more awake and aware, more loving, more joy-full, more...well, more ME.

...I didn't get to finish this post earlier. I was in a grateful mood, just enjoying our day and not doing much. Cary came home and said he had arranged something and we needed to leave about 30 minutes later. He kept the surprise until he took me to a lovely place called 'The Sanctuary' which has a bunch of alternative / natural healers & bodyworkers that work there. They have a natural dentist, chiropractor, natural hair dresser, and offer other natural health and beauty services. I had a one hour massage with a Tradional Chinese Medicine guy followed by a one hour facial. Cary and the kids picked me up and we went home where Nicholas and I had a two hour nap. I had a bunch of phone calls during the day and capped it all off with a delicious dinner at a funky vegetarian restaurant. What a great day.

quick update

10 days ago we packed up our nice little camp on the Gold Coast. We took a 4 hour drive south, set up camp again for 3 nights. We caught up with some friends, sorted through our storage unit, and called in at the steiner/waldorf school that Sami and AJ used to go to. Sami had left her recorder there so we had to go back. We happened to go there when they were having their autumn festival / harmony day celebration. The festival was lovely and it was nice to see some familiar faces and friends, but it was also nice to leave.

After a busy time there, we drove 3 hours south to my Mums place, in our camper, for 3 nights. My brother and his fiance and my sister and her whole family arrived later that day. We were hoping for a fun Easter weekend together. It was nice to see everyone else but unfortunately, my mother was stressed from the moment we arrived, building the tension to a peak the night before we left, directing her frustrations at me - saying that my diet and children are all too difficult and that she cannot "come down" to the level of how we live. Nice. So here's my diet: fruit for breakfast, salad and tortilla or bread for lunch, salad and veges with potato or rice for dinner. Snacks are usually nuts or a smoothie or hummus and seaweed crackers. I don't vary much from that except for a vege burger or maybe pizza every now and again. Very difficult. My children are young and spirited.
I'm not going to go into any more detail. It's just sad that she feels this way. We will not be going back there.

We packed up and left as early as we could and drove 3 hours north to the camp site we'd been at before. Set up again, caught up with friends and crashed out, emotionally drained. We were going to leave the next morning but decided a day to just 'chill' was in order so, after a little trip to storage and the shops , we did just that. Kind of necessary anyway as Nicholas came down with a fever for about 12 hours.

The next day, we packed up again, drove 4 hours north back to the spot where we'd been 10 days ago. Shortly after setting up, a massive storm hit with sideways rain and strong winds.

We have come to the conclusion that we just cannot keep doing this, this way. For a more comfortable life "on the road", we need a much bigger rig. We are going to look for a little house to at least get us through the winter and just see what happens after that.
I had surrendered into this lifestyle, I accepted all of the little inconveniences and worked around them, no longer getting impatient and frustrated. Lesson learned. Time to move on.

AJ the amazing pineapple

I forgot to post this pic from a couple of months ago when we went to the science center. A little trick photography.

Photos!

This is Wellington Point, a lovely spot near Brisbane where we recently met some unschooling friends. This is low tide and we walked out to the little island just before the tide came in. It was a lovely day.


friend: "what's your name?"
the little boy above answered "noo noo"
friend: "how old are you?"
boy: "two and a huff"


We met the Brisbane unschooling group at a great park in Ipswitch. AJ loved the long flying fox...


and riding scooters with noo noo.

more photos

Noo Noo ran to meet Cary as he came back from a walk on the beach with Sami. Love the colour of the water and sand!


We found a fabulous park near us that has this pedal-powered monorail around it. That's me on the back of the blue one with Sami and AJ trying to ram me. Nice!



And now he can ride a two wheeler! This photo is taken from the front of our place. You can see the water in the background. It only takes a minute to walk there.

even more photos

Mr two and a huff....such a cheeky monkey!


Let's go fly a kite!


Our new camper / home. I think we measured it at 22' opened up. That's a king size bed on the left. It's so easy to fold up and sweet to tow.


My new ride! Ms Mercedes Benz thank you very much.
Behind her you'll see that we have the brown annexe from the old camper attached to the new one. The new one came with a fold out awning and we are going to have 3 sides made for it so we can use it as a room and get some protection from the elements. We use that room a lot for food prep and cooking, eating and storage of food and clothes.

Last week

Another busy week. We spent more time exploring this new area. We got our library cards and spent some time enjoying the new library. This one has a playstation, computers in the kids section complete with internet access and large-button keyboards, lots of DVD's - and books! - to choose from, self check out, friendly staff and a nice feel.

In other news:
* We looked at some possible houses to rent. I actually spent a lot of time on this - online, looking at newspapers and flyers from real estate agents, the street directory and driving around. I was starting to get annoyed about the whole process. It wasn't feeling 'right'. Of course I received another great quote from Abraham:

When you feel enthusiasm to do something, it means you've lined up the Energy, and you are being inspired to take action from that point of alignment. When you don't feel like doing it, don't push yourself, because your effort is not worth it. But, when you line up the Energy, the feeling of procrastination goes away.
Excerpted from a workshop in San Rafael, CA on Sunday, July 31st, 2005 All Is Well

I felt like I was spending too much time "do-ing" and not enough time "be-ing". I love this exact area. I realised I do not want to move to a house - yet. I'm enjoying our new camper, this park with tons of kids - even homeschooled and traveling kids!, being right on the water and minutes away from a national park with fabulous trails just right for the kids. I had no enthusiasm for looking for a house so I let it go. We did find one place, right on the water and already furnished that we like. The agents have not returned any of our calls on it though. So I'm not looking anymore. If they call us on that one place, we'll see what happens. Right now, I'm enjoying the moments right here, right now. The freedom that comes with this life is not something I'm going to give up lightly.

* AJ was out playing with some friends who were riding their bikes around. AJ has never shown interest in riding a bike. He's been riding a razor scooter since he was 2 or 3 and seemed happy with that. But a few days ago, Cary noticed him watching his friends closely on their bikes. Cary casually suggested to one of them "why don't you teach AJ how to ride that?". Several friends got involved in the initial stages of instruction then just left him alone. Within 20 minutes, AJ was riding around the block confidently, like he'd been doing it for years.

* Nicholas seemed to grow about 2 inches this past week. His legs look longer and his PJ pants have gotten a lot shorter. He sometimes says "look at my long legs!". He is so outgoing. He often gets up in the morning and announces that he's going out to look for his friends. Quite sure of himself in all matters, he has an opinion on everything and freely expresses it. Usually at top volume too!

* Sami returned from the bathroom one day happily telling me that she had made a new friend. It turns out that her new friend is a grandmother from New Zealand. Got to love homeschooling and the fact that she is not limited to the mindset of only having friends her own age.

* Cary went to some car auctions in Brisbane with a new car dealer friend he has made here. It felt good to him to kind of get back into things and is absorbing a lot of new information on rules and regs here. A little frustrating at times for him, but he's loving the area and I'm sure it won't be long before he has it all figured out. An exciting part about this is the new (second-hand) Mercedes station wagon he brought home on Friday as an early birthday present for me. It's beautiful - white, with a grey interior, CD player and 7 seats. In excellent condition too. I'm a lucky gal!

* I've felt a bit down at times this past week. There are some changes I need to make in how I take care of myself and how I listen to my body and spirit. I need to remember to take time for me and just BE. At one low point, I thought about deleting this blog and removing myself from a whole bunch of email groups. But I didn't get a chance to get online, and I got over myself pretty quickly. I don't know why I can't remember all of the great lessons I've learned recently in books like Conversations with God and Abraham books. If I'm not currently reading something like that, I tend to slip into old patterns too easily. Perhaps it's the recently move and trying to get settled here. ....You know what? I cannot blame any external factor - it's me. I am the one who sabotages myself. Why? Just when I think I'm going along so well, here comes the old me, not willing to be forgotten. Looking back, I have changed a lot - in a positive way. My periods of negativity are a lot less and last shorter periods of time. I'm getting to where I feel calm contentment most of the time. And maybe those periods of dark just serve to remind me of how great the light is.

I'm not going to delete this blog. It's therapy for me. Writing has always helped me figure things out. I don't care if I'm not the most eloquent or even if no one reads this. Funny thing is, just when I think this blog is boring or too whiny, a friend emails me to say they've been reading it. I treasure all of those gold friends who, despite time, distance and changes in circumstances, still keep in touch. Thanks and love to you.

* One afternoon this past week, we went for a stroll along the creek to the breakwall where the creek meets the sea. On the opposite shore of the creek, at the base of a bushy-rainforest hill that is a National Park, there was a young man playing his trumpet. Deep, soulful melodies that fitted the sunset mood of the place perfectly. An unexpected gift to a beautiful moment.

* AJ is so excited about his birthday and talks about it every single day. We still have 38 days to go. Looks like he might be getting a new bike for his birthday!

* One day when we went swimming in the enclosure at the creek, I paddled on boogy boards with Sami out to the deepest edge. She had been wanting to go out that far, but was a bit nervous. After going there one time with me, she later happily went out there by herself telling me that she had told herself "I am confident....I can do this". That's a big step for her and I'm glad that she figured this out.

And that's about it for the main highlights of the week, in words. I will now attempt to post some photos.

moving in

We did it! It took 10 hours to move everything out of our old place, pack up two cars, drive to our new place (via the mall where we had to return some library books found during the packing and get a new game for the PS2), drop off the old camper, pick up the new, set it up and move everything in. I guess 10 hours isn't bad - if we were moving in/out of a regular house, it would be a process that would have taken days if not weeks.

Got to say, I feel so good being here. Even though we've had some drizzly rain and a lot of wind, my energy levels are way up. I feel like running and skipping and doing cartwheels! I love being next to the water!

Everyone we've met here - the locals and other travelers, have all been so friendly and helpful.

We do like the area and would like to stay here for quite a while. We got a PO Box in the area and drove past some houses for rent. Then we met a traveling homeschooling family and went in their big 5th wheel trailer. Oh yeah... I like that a lot. I could totally stay on the road with a much bigger rig like that! This would make a pretty good home base but we could take other trips from here depending on the weather and our moods.

Our kids have been enjoying the fact that there are a lot more kids visiting this park. And having 3 traveling homeschooled kids as neighbours is so much fun. Unfortunately, they will be moving on in a week. So we'll enjoy their company now and who knows, we may meet up with them again?! We spent this afternoon hanging out with them at the creek while the children all swam in a large area that has a big net around it to prevent the odd shark or other ocean critter from getting in.

AJ has found other things to talk about besides his non-stop conversations about the games on the PS2 and who was going to play what and how to do something and who was going to play first etc. He's been looking at the game manuals and reading them. I guess when you're so excited about something you can do anything - even teach yourself how to read!