Thursday, August 25, 2011

17 days

It's been 17 days since my Dad died suddenly.  I've been processing a lot of emotions in that time.  It's been quite a roller coaster ride actually.

Several hours after my Dad died, and before I knew, I was sleeping and I had a dream where I was aware of a strong energy around me.  The energy was light and playful and joyful and loving and very grateful to be free of the physical body.  I knew something had happened, and I woke up crying.  I actually thought that someone else had died and I had a strong feeling that I needed to call my Dad.  As it was the middle of the night, I lay awake for a while before finally going back to sleep.  When I woke up, I told Cary about the dream and, as it was only about 7am, we went for a long walk on the beach.  When we came back, the kids wanted some breakfast.  Shortly after, I was getting ready to call my Dad when my sister rang with the news.

I am very grateful for the gift of that dream.  I know that my Dad's spirit is free, really free.
Although my Dad was often busy with other commitments as we were growing up, there were still lots of memories.  A lot of them involved music and song...Family gatherings with a sing-a-long, music playing in the house, singing songs in the car, Christmas carols, watching musicals together, random moments of breaking into song.  My Dad was born on Bastille Day so every morning on his birthday, we sang the French national anthem:
"Allons enfants de la Patrie,

Le jour de gloire est arrivé !"

After the initial shock of the news, I am feeling quite peaceful now.  I know that it was my Dad visiting me in my dream, and I know he is in an amazing place.  It was so very good to be surrounded by family and friends recently.  At the private viewing, my brother and sister and I went in together to see Dad.  We cried, we sang, we told stories and jokes.  We spent a long time there, which was incredibly healing for all of us.  The following day we had a beautiful service and wake, and two days later Dad was laid to rest in Sydney.  A poem that was read for him starts off "Don't grieve for me, for now I'm free" (click for the full version).  I know it's true.

I love being so close to my family, and this area is lovely and familiar as I've been visiting here most of my life.  But it doesn't feel like "my" place, ya know?  Maybe with time it could be, and maybe another time it will be, but for now, I feel like we need to move on.  I feel some sadness in that.  Sometimes I would like to be the person who can put down roots and stay in one area for a long time.  I don't like being so far away from family.  This recent event has brought that home to me.  But I need to be true to my Free Spirit self.  I am grateful that I am close in heart to my family, and I hope that now that we are mobile and not confined to a house, that we can visit more often. 

My Dad's death has me thinking about many aspects of my own life and making sure I am living it as fully as possible.  Questioning if things still work for me, and if so, if they could be even better.  Thinking about what I really want, without compromising.  Thinking about who I really want to Be, and the things that are the most important to me.  This total shake-up has me feeling irritated, scattered and out of sync with the world, but I know it's just part of the process, and that in time, it will all come back together again, and flow on even more deeply and beautifully.

Monday, August 22, 2011

My Dad..

My Dad taught me:- to not be afraid of the sharks at the beach
- what to do when I saw a snake in the bush
- how to reconcile a bank statement
- the importance of treating co-workers kindly and equally.

My Dad loved to have a good time, he enjoyed living in the moment and found great joy in simple things.  Whenever we would ask him what he wanted for his birthday or Christmas, he would answer that all he wanted was a hug. 

The book "Johnathon Livingston Seagull" was a favourite of my Dads.  That story of the importance of being free to be yourself helped to shape his life and was a powerful influence on my own life.

My Dad's sudden death also has some lessons (gifts maybe?) for me:

- to live more take chances, pursue passions, follow dreams, enjoy each moment.

- to love more be truly present when connecting with others; to give more affection, compliments and to tell others what they mean to me;  to be gentle and more forgiving towards myself and everyone else.

- to laugh more not take life too seriously because it isn't permanent!  To play more and to always find the Joy.

Thanks Dad...for these and so much more.

Sunday, August 14, 2011

My father..

My Dad, this blogs biggest fan, has died.

He had just celebrated his 72nd birthday.

We packed up our camping gear from the beautiful spot we had in Mission Beach and hotfooted it down the coast.  Cary did a massive job of driving the whole way..(thankyou!)

I'll write more at a later date. high songbird...

Monday, August 01, 2011

mobile home!

We decided to move to a different site within the campground.  The other site was nice as it was next to the turtles and the camp kitchen, but it was also under some heavy duty power lines which was bothering us.  So we've moved to the back of the park, which is much quieter.  As we were not moving very far, we didn't see the point in packing the tents all the way up.  We just took out the bags that were in them, unpegged them, and carried them down the road to the new site.  Of course we got quite a few comments like "now that's what I call a mobile home!" and everyone had a bit of a laugh.

Our new site is very quiet and we have a beautiful view of the creek.  There are a few steps down to the water which is a safe place to let Gypsy play off-leash.  It just feels better here.

We explored the little town of Kuranda a couple of days ago which was beautiful.  It is in the rainforest, 1000 feet above sea level behind Cairns.  They have funky little markets, Cary and I had a massage, we had a picnic in the park, strolled around the shops, went for a run through the rainforest, admired the Barron falls and just enjoyed being in the hinterland.  When we came back down the mountain, we had dinner next to the beach.  mmmm...I love the rainforest, and waterfalls, but the beach is really where I feel the best!  It was a beautiful, nature-full nourishing on so many levels!