We enjoyed the passes we had to the big amusement parks for the past few months. Well, towards the end, Cary and I were pretty much over it, and the kids seemed more interested in the gaming section than the rides. We were there last week and looking around at the different games. Most of the games are the kind that shoot out tickets after a game and the tickets can be traded in for prizes. The day that we were there, AJ saw a new machine that had prizes inside of it and the prize that he saw and wanted was a big rack of tickets! I said to him that I have never seen anyone win on those kind of machines, and I suggested that he play a different game, where I knew he would get about 40 tickets.
He would not be denied! He had his eye on that big ol' rack of tickets and he wanted it! He watched other people playing the machine and tried to see if there was any method to it. All you had to do was pull a lever and a wheel spun around until it got to a number. In three spins, you had to accrue enough points to get past a high number where you had the option to choose a little prize, or you could choose three more spins to get to a higher number and a larger prize. Cary gave the kids his last coin to play the game. They each took a turn pulling the lever and were able to get to the next level. So they took turns again...and WON the tickets!!! I received a lesson then in watching what I say...I always go along with the big dreams that AJ has, like his invention ideas...why didn't I support his smaller goal? After all, it's often with a series of smaller goals achieved that one has the confidence to go for the larger goals.
How many tickets were there? 1000! Well over the 40 he may have gotten on the 'safe' game.
Even though I was trying to avoid him being disappointed by not playing the risky machine, he proved to me that sometimes, you just have to take a gamble ...you never know! And he is right...life itself is a gamble and I have not always been the one to play by the rules and take the 'safe' path.
A funny little thing though...once he had the tickets, he had no idea of what he wanted to do with them. So the kids decided that as they had all contributed, they would just split them so they each got a variety of candy and novelties.
Wednesday, June 30, 2010
Monday, June 28, 2010
.. journey
A couple of weeks ago we hooked up our old video camera to the tv to watch some home movies. We saw Summer's 5th birthday (a few days before Nicholas turned that age), AJ's 2nd and 3rd birthdays and other times of the kids just playing. Watching my children's stages and growth had me thinking of my journey as a parent and the different stages of growth I've been through as well.
Attachment parenting was a natural choice when Summer was born, even though I didn't know it had specific, almost unspoken 'rules' about how to do it 'right'. When I found that out, I started doing more research into natural parenting. I started out parenting by instinct but lost some of that in trying to follow other people's guides. I read a lot - books, magazines, internet forums and websites - trying to find the right information. Some of it was helpful. A lot of it was time used up that could have been spent discussing ideas with Cary and seeing how they could work with our family. Instead, I armed myself with new ideas and then informed Cary of how it was going to be. Then I would be mad when he didn't see it that way too! I really have spent a lot of time reading about how other 'experts' suggest we live a simple and natural and connected life. I kind of wish now that I had just lived my own life.
We moved into Steiner homeschooling, to relaxed homeschooling, then to Life Learning /Unschooling. The deeper I go into Unschooling, the more I see how beautifully it ties in everything that has resonated with me along my lifelong Spiritual journey. The Power of Now, Law of Attraction, the Golden Rule, and just a desire to be a Mama who loves spending time with her kids and sees the value in every single thing about them. For most of my life I have believed that 'Everything I Need will be Provided'. It's always been so. It encourages me to allow that same Trust to operate in the lives of my children where I have at times had doubt.
Cary and I have had our ups and downs over the years but for the most part we coast along well. A few weeks ago, we had an argument that took me by surprise. I took some time out afterwards and asked for guidance to give me some insight into preventing that pattern. I realised that I have a different level of communication with my kids than I do with Cary. I have put so much into being a Mama that I have neglected being a Partner in a deep and meaningful way. And I confess here publicly that I listened better, and gave more respect to, my children. In reading the different parenting books and advice over the years, I didn't factor that I could, or maybe should, apply those aspects that resonated with me, to my relationship with my husband.
So here I am....letting go of any rules that are not mine...letting my instincts guide my choices....making respect for ALL (not just my kids, but Cary, myself and everyone I meet) a priority. My life continues to get richer and deeper! (My golly...what will another 10 or 20 years bring?!) I know there are more lessons for me in the area of living an authentic life of deep connection...I am aware of a subtle longing inside of me for..for..? I'm sitting with that and in the meantime, I am enjoying the joy of individual moments and when there is some quiet, I ponder the root of that ache.
Attachment parenting was a natural choice when Summer was born, even though I didn't know it had specific, almost unspoken 'rules' about how to do it 'right'. When I found that out, I started doing more research into natural parenting. I started out parenting by instinct but lost some of that in trying to follow other people's guides. I read a lot - books, magazines, internet forums and websites - trying to find the right information. Some of it was helpful. A lot of it was time used up that could have been spent discussing ideas with Cary and seeing how they could work with our family. Instead, I armed myself with new ideas and then informed Cary of how it was going to be. Then I would be mad when he didn't see it that way too! I really have spent a lot of time reading about how other 'experts' suggest we live a simple and natural and connected life. I kind of wish now that I had just lived my own life.
We moved into Steiner homeschooling, to relaxed homeschooling, then to Life Learning /Unschooling. The deeper I go into Unschooling, the more I see how beautifully it ties in everything that has resonated with me along my lifelong Spiritual journey. The Power of Now, Law of Attraction, the Golden Rule, and just a desire to be a Mama who loves spending time with her kids and sees the value in every single thing about them. For most of my life I have believed that 'Everything I Need will be Provided'. It's always been so. It encourages me to allow that same Trust to operate in the lives of my children where I have at times had doubt.
Cary and I have had our ups and downs over the years but for the most part we coast along well. A few weeks ago, we had an argument that took me by surprise. I took some time out afterwards and asked for guidance to give me some insight into preventing that pattern. I realised that I have a different level of communication with my kids than I do with Cary. I have put so much into being a Mama that I have neglected being a Partner in a deep and meaningful way. And I confess here publicly that I listened better, and gave more respect to, my children. In reading the different parenting books and advice over the years, I didn't factor that I could, or maybe should, apply those aspects that resonated with me, to my relationship with my husband.
So here I am....letting go of any rules that are not mine...letting my instincts guide my choices....making respect for ALL (not just my kids, but Cary, myself and everyone I meet) a priority. My life continues to get richer and deeper! (My golly...what will another 10 or 20 years bring?!) I know there are more lessons for me in the area of living an authentic life of deep connection...I am aware of a subtle longing inside of me for..for..? I'm sitting with that and in the meantime, I am enjoying the joy of individual moments and when there is some quiet, I ponder the root of that ache.
Tuesday, June 22, 2010
Mr 5!
Look who turned 5 recently!
Cary arrived back from his trip to the usa one week before the big birthday. He was only gone one month this time.
We've had some beautiful warm sunny days lately, and some drizzly cool ones. I don't like any cool weather, but I am grateful for warm slippers and flanelette sheets! I know we are very lucky to live in the sub-tropics, but this time of year always has me longing for the full tropical weather!
Tuesday, June 01, 2010
Who shall I Be today?
We have the official start of Winter here today. The mornings and evenings are a little chilly, and the days are usually sunny. Even though we live in a sub-tropical area, I still don't like that little chill in the morning. I am such a wimp in any cool weather.
So this morning I was lying in my nice warm bed savouring the warmth and thinking "I don't want to get up". Then I reminded myself that I really don't "have" to. The kids had gotten up and were doing their own thing. There was no rush at all for me to get up. In fact, there was no thing I "had" to do. Lots of options of things I could "choose" to do though.
So I started the day thinking about the kind of me I wanted to "be" today...connected, playful and loving...and the decisions of what I do, will stem from that.
So this morning I was lying in my nice warm bed savouring the warmth and thinking "I don't want to get up". Then I reminded myself that I really don't "have" to. The kids had gotten up and were doing their own thing. There was no rush at all for me to get up. In fact, there was no thing I "had" to do. Lots of options of things I could "choose" to do though.
So I started the day thinking about the kind of me I wanted to "be" today...connected, playful and loving...and the decisions of what I do, will stem from that.
recent photos...
I've been meaning to post these pics for a while...finally getting around to it.
These first photos are from a morning bike ride we took, um a month ago, but anyway...I stopped to take a pic of the path itself next to the creek, then took a series of pics in stages looking from where the creek meets the ocean then the next stage along the creek until I had covered approx 180 degrees and was looking at the mountains behind me...
If I was really clever, I could probably put all of those photos together so you could get the full effect, but I'm not and I really don't want to figure that out as my daughter told me I already spend too much time on the computer! So next up...we rode another 30 seconds along the path and stopped along the breakwall (creek is on one side, beach on the other) ... We can't help but feel so blessed to live in this magical area!
These first photos are from a morning bike ride we took, um a month ago, but anyway...I stopped to take a pic of the path itself next to the creek, then took a series of pics in stages looking from where the creek meets the ocean then the next stage along the creek until I had covered approx 180 degrees and was looking at the mountains behind me...
If I was really clever, I could probably put all of those photos together so you could get the full effect, but I'm not and I really don't want to figure that out as my daughter told me I already spend too much time on the computer! So next up...we rode another 30 seconds along the path and stopped along the breakwall (creek is on one side, beach on the other) ... We can't help but feel so blessed to live in this magical area!
Another day...Summer sunning herself:
The kids pulled all of the cushions off of the couch and made a big tower in the hallway. They would run and jump on it and push it over or climb up on it...kept them amused for at least an hour!
Nicholas just looking cute:
Nicholas and I sitting on the roller coaster carriage just before N's first ride on it! He was very excited and loved it!
Our three fantastic, amazing, wonderful, awesome children:
Nicholas with his biggest fan:
A few more photos while I'm on a roll...
We found this sign kind of funny:
Kids and a new friend at the Currumbin Wildlife Sanctuary:
Koala (awake - how rare!)
Koala asleep - that's usually how they are seen.
Kids on the spider web in the fantastic playground in the Sanctuary. I thought the spider hanging over them was a very cool addition:
The kangaroos there are very used to being handled. This is the most relaxed roo I've ever seen:
The boys chatting to an emu:
Kids and roo:
Double rainbow:
A kookaburra visited us as we were packing up after our local hs group last week. The boys were able to hand-feed it. Pretty tame for a wild bird!
Kids and a new friend at the Currumbin Wildlife Sanctuary:
Koala (awake - how rare!)
Koala asleep - that's usually how they are seen.
Kids on the spider web in the fantastic playground in the Sanctuary. I thought the spider hanging over them was a very cool addition:
The kangaroos there are very used to being handled. This is the most relaxed roo I've ever seen:
The boys chatting to an emu:
Kids and roo:
Double rainbow:
A kookaburra visited us as we were packing up after our local hs group last week. The boys were able to hand-feed it. Pretty tame for a wild bird!
Tuesday, May 18, 2010
An ordinary day...
Today was another magical day! It wasn't that we did anything extraordinary, it was just that we stayed connected and in harmony with each other all day.
AJ has been in a Transformers phase - the movies and the PlayStation 2 game. I was not sure about this when it started as I thought it might be a bit violent, but the action is mostly the robots blowing things up, and I find something strangely satisfying in that. AJ is so into this...I could almost feel a little down on myself for doubting his choice initially - but I'm not going to go there. AJ is so immersed in the game and when we do have to go out, his mind is still going with all of the possibilities and all of the things he is going to build in the future, and other storylines they could come out with. He will talk non-stop for a long time and then go really quiet again before he comes out with another excited commentary of all the wonderful things going on in his mind!
Summer has always liked dressing up and mixing new combinations of clothing and accessories. Recently she's been cutting a lot of her clothes so that a dress became a coat and part of the leg of some stretchy pants became a boob tube...that sort of thing. (I'm glad we buy our clothes at the thrift stores/op shops!) I moved the kids computer out of the office area into her room and she spent quite a while playing on that.
Nicholas loves ...oh, just about everything!
Today everyone got some of their needs and desires met...AJ spent quite a while playing transformers, we went to an op shop and Summer bought some new clothes, we played at a new park where AJ and Nicholas wandered over to where a Dad was playing football and soccer with his kids. The Dad used to be a coach and happily included my boys and showed them how to kick properly. Then we went to a mall and hung out at the Apple store where AJ made some new friends, even if they did mostly communicate via their ipods while standing next to each other! Nicholas said he would really like a dressing gown (bath robe) as it is getting cool here and that would keep him warm and snugly in the mornings and evenings around the house. We found a really warm, black gown with a red dragon on it and he is so thrilled with that!
It was such an ordinary day to anyone looking in, but I had such a great day, feeling so grateful for this experience. Nothing fancy, just pure connection and listening and sharing and respecting.
AJ has been in a Transformers phase - the movies and the PlayStation 2 game. I was not sure about this when it started as I thought it might be a bit violent, but the action is mostly the robots blowing things up, and I find something strangely satisfying in that. AJ is so into this...I could almost feel a little down on myself for doubting his choice initially - but I'm not going to go there. AJ is so immersed in the game and when we do have to go out, his mind is still going with all of the possibilities and all of the things he is going to build in the future, and other storylines they could come out with. He will talk non-stop for a long time and then go really quiet again before he comes out with another excited commentary of all the wonderful things going on in his mind!
Summer has always liked dressing up and mixing new combinations of clothing and accessories. Recently she's been cutting a lot of her clothes so that a dress became a coat and part of the leg of some stretchy pants became a boob tube...that sort of thing. (I'm glad we buy our clothes at the thrift stores/op shops!) I moved the kids computer out of the office area into her room and she spent quite a while playing on that.
Nicholas loves ...oh, just about everything!
Today everyone got some of their needs and desires met...AJ spent quite a while playing transformers, we went to an op shop and Summer bought some new clothes, we played at a new park where AJ and Nicholas wandered over to where a Dad was playing football and soccer with his kids. The Dad used to be a coach and happily included my boys and showed them how to kick properly. Then we went to a mall and hung out at the Apple store where AJ made some new friends, even if they did mostly communicate via their ipods while standing next to each other! Nicholas said he would really like a dressing gown (bath robe) as it is getting cool here and that would keep him warm and snugly in the mornings and evenings around the house. We found a really warm, black gown with a red dragon on it and he is so thrilled with that!
It was such an ordinary day to anyone looking in, but I had such a great day, feeling so grateful for this experience. Nothing fancy, just pure connection and listening and sharing and respecting.
Saturday, May 15, 2010
lovin' this life!
The things I love most about this lifestyle is the freedom and flexibility and connection! I so love being able to be spontaneous, to be open to new opportunities as they arise...there is so much joy in life in every moment! Yes, even when the kids are squabbling...these are the moments that can test us the most in this department as they are great challenges in staying connected to ourselves and our children. They are great lessons in staying calm and present to help our children work through these moments so they can all feel heard and respected. Sometimes I am better at this than other times.
I've learned that it is ok to be a little selfish, meaning that I need to take time for me to recharge and center myself. In giving myself a little time, I can give a whole lot more time and focus to my children. When I do this, when I feel balanced, our days flow with delight. Every time I help my kids work out a challenge, I feel that actually helps us all to become stronger. So even though it might be loud or messy, it can be fantastic.
I love the passion of this life - of being "allowed" to express our emotions in all of their intensity. I love the connection we have, really listening to each other and aiming to find ways to meet needs and desires. Last week we spent a day driving around our area looking for a particular PS2 game that AJ reallllly wanted. The other two kids understood how much that meant to AJ and were happy to go along. (AJ had bought a game with some birthday money, it didn't work and he was disappointed. The replacement game didn't work either so we went to another store which was supposed to have it but had just sold it and then to another store which found one in the back room - phew!)
When I am in balance, which is happily more often than not, I feel so full, so blessed. Some days I feel like I am going to burst with joy! My children feel that and we all have a grand ol goofy time together. I have so much to be grateful for.
Today we are heading out to meet friends to go snorkeling and then...who knows where we'll end up? So many adventures waiting to happen....
I've learned that it is ok to be a little selfish, meaning that I need to take time for me to recharge and center myself. In giving myself a little time, I can give a whole lot more time and focus to my children. When I do this, when I feel balanced, our days flow with delight. Every time I help my kids work out a challenge, I feel that actually helps us all to become stronger. So even though it might be loud or messy, it can be fantastic.
I love the passion of this life - of being "allowed" to express our emotions in all of their intensity. I love the connection we have, really listening to each other and aiming to find ways to meet needs and desires. Last week we spent a day driving around our area looking for a particular PS2 game that AJ reallllly wanted. The other two kids understood how much that meant to AJ and were happy to go along. (AJ had bought a game with some birthday money, it didn't work and he was disappointed. The replacement game didn't work either so we went to another store which was supposed to have it but had just sold it and then to another store which found one in the back room - phew!)
When I am in balance, which is happily more often than not, I feel so full, so blessed. Some days I feel like I am going to burst with joy! My children feel that and we all have a grand ol goofy time together. I have so much to be grateful for.
Today we are heading out to meet friends to go snorkeling and then...who knows where we'll end up? So many adventures waiting to happen....
Saturday, May 08, 2010
Shining...
I think I have the verbal runs at the moment. After being kind of quiet on this blog, I'm processing where I'm at now and I feel like I'm through the muck and back on top again. Thanks for listening.
Thinking about what I wrote last time, I honestly know that I do not have to focus more on one area of my life to promote, maybe make a business out of, and become some kind of 'expert' in.
I have many sides and, like a diamond, they all work together to make me shine as brightly as I do. It is not my path to focus on one area, and it is only when I am out of balance that I start to compare myself to others and start thinking that I "should" settle down and do something like that. But that is just not me. I love the adventure of life, the smorgasboard of experiences and it is when I am living the joy of that, and sharing that with my family and friends, that I shine the brightest.
Things in my life like Reiki and Reflexology are tools that I use to enhance where I am at. My main purpose right now, is to be the grandest expression of my Self so that I can be the best Mama / wife / sister / daughter / friend I can be.
I was starting to get a little frustrated with myself as these feelings I've been writing about recently...well, I am pretty sure I've written about them before. I started to imagine things like "oh the people that read this are going to get so bored with me repeating myself!". But it's okay. Because I see this journey of life like a spiral and maybe some of the path bumps into another part where I was feeling these same things. Knowing that I've been there before...and gotten through it...just makes it easier the next time. So I bump into that part of the cycle and then remember some of the mental processes I used for getting through it, and it's like it's over with quicker each time before I get flung off on another exciting part of the journey. Even if it looks a little similar to before...I can still make it feel fresh and new by being in the moment of it, breathing it in deeply, and being oh so grateful for it all!
So, I don't have to focus on one area. I feel the most inspired when I am doing exactly what I wrote at the top of this blog page - Living in harmony with the earth, in Joy with each other, and in touch with Spirit.
I love my free-spirit life! I love this lifestyle for my family! I really love being a Mama.
Oh my golly, "the world" is so very very busy around us. It's so easy to get caught up in 'having to keep busy'. I sometimes think that what I am 'doing' is more important that what I am Being.
Thanks to processing this confusion on this blog (even if I've done it before), I am proud to say that I am back on track and back in the business of JOY! Long may it reign! (If I do happen to slip, be a pal and remind me please.)
Whatever I 'do' from this moment forth, is never as important as who I will 'Be'. And that, dear friends...is where my main area of focus needs to be. Whatever I 'do' from that state, is secondary, .... if I am to become an 'expert' in any field, let it be in Joy!
Thinking about what I wrote last time, I honestly know that I do not have to focus more on one area of my life to promote, maybe make a business out of, and become some kind of 'expert' in.
I have many sides and, like a diamond, they all work together to make me shine as brightly as I do. It is not my path to focus on one area, and it is only when I am out of balance that I start to compare myself to others and start thinking that I "should" settle down and do something like that. But that is just not me. I love the adventure of life, the smorgasboard of experiences and it is when I am living the joy of that, and sharing that with my family and friends, that I shine the brightest.
Things in my life like Reiki and Reflexology are tools that I use to enhance where I am at. My main purpose right now, is to be the grandest expression of my Self so that I can be the best Mama / wife / sister / daughter / friend I can be.
I was starting to get a little frustrated with myself as these feelings I've been writing about recently...well, I am pretty sure I've written about them before. I started to imagine things like "oh the people that read this are going to get so bored with me repeating myself!". But it's okay. Because I see this journey of life like a spiral and maybe some of the path bumps into another part where I was feeling these same things. Knowing that I've been there before...and gotten through it...just makes it easier the next time. So I bump into that part of the cycle and then remember some of the mental processes I used for getting through it, and it's like it's over with quicker each time before I get flung off on another exciting part of the journey. Even if it looks a little similar to before...I can still make it feel fresh and new by being in the moment of it, breathing it in deeply, and being oh so grateful for it all!
So, I don't have to focus on one area. I feel the most inspired when I am doing exactly what I wrote at the top of this blog page - Living in harmony with the earth, in Joy with each other, and in touch with Spirit.
I love my free-spirit life! I love this lifestyle for my family! I really love being a Mama.
Oh my golly, "the world" is so very very busy around us. It's so easy to get caught up in 'having to keep busy'. I sometimes think that what I am 'doing' is more important that what I am Being.
Thanks to processing this confusion on this blog (even if I've done it before), I am proud to say that I am back on track and back in the business of JOY! Long may it reign! (If I do happen to slip, be a pal and remind me please.)
Whatever I 'do' from this moment forth, is never as important as who I will 'Be'. And that, dear friends...is where my main area of focus needs to be. Whatever I 'do' from that state, is secondary, .... if I am to become an 'expert' in any field, let it be in Joy!
Thursday, May 06, 2010
stumbling into learning
For most of today I have been in a place mentally that I have not been for quite a while. A place that is uncomfortable and familiar. It's a place that has me questioning a lot of different things in my life thus far. A place where I feel I haven't really come very far from the last time I felt like this. A feeling of incredible restlessness, like I have missed opportunities...like I have not lived up to my potential. A little bit mad with myself for not sticking with something..anything! But I can't stand being "stuck". I love to be free!
I didn't want to stay in that state. In the past, this state has felt like I'm in quicksand and if I try to force myself out, I just get pulled back further into it.
So I just stayed present with it, and tried to see it unfolding as if I was an observer of myself.
I became grateful for this opportunity as those feelings were indicating that something is just not working in my life right now, and changes need to be made. Some changes I can recognise and apply right away...things like changing my exercise habits, reducing some clutter and establishing a new rhythm that reflects Cary's absence and the cooler weather. Some changes run a little deeper and have me thinking about my grander purpose and if I plan on continuing to graze at the smorgasboard of life (Well now, stating it like that, the answer has got to be "hell, yeah!".), or focus more on one area and get passionate about that.
I think it's that I feel I have more of myself to give and I have not found the right outlet for that and I feel a little frustrated. Forcing the issue is not going to bring results, so I am going to (try and) remember to Trust. In the meantime, I will continue to pursue the things that interest me and see where they lead. I think it's time I worked on a Vision Board as well to clarify my goals.
So I started out this day feeling scattered and like I was bumbling around....and I am ending this day full of gratitude and a sense of Peace. I feel gentleness towards myself and an excitement that something new is around the corner...
I didn't want to stay in that state. In the past, this state has felt like I'm in quicksand and if I try to force myself out, I just get pulled back further into it.
So I just stayed present with it, and tried to see it unfolding as if I was an observer of myself.
I became grateful for this opportunity as those feelings were indicating that something is just not working in my life right now, and changes need to be made. Some changes I can recognise and apply right away...things like changing my exercise habits, reducing some clutter and establishing a new rhythm that reflects Cary's absence and the cooler weather. Some changes run a little deeper and have me thinking about my grander purpose and if I plan on continuing to graze at the smorgasboard of life (Well now, stating it like that, the answer has got to be "hell, yeah!".), or focus more on one area and get passionate about that.
I think it's that I feel I have more of myself to give and I have not found the right outlet for that and I feel a little frustrated. Forcing the issue is not going to bring results, so I am going to (try and) remember to Trust. In the meantime, I will continue to pursue the things that interest me and see where they lead. I think it's time I worked on a Vision Board as well to clarify my goals.
So I started out this day feeling scattered and like I was bumbling around....and I am ending this day full of gratitude and a sense of Peace. I feel gentleness towards myself and an excitement that something new is around the corner...
Wednesday, May 05, 2010
rainy mood on a sunny day..
We took Cary to the train station early this morning. He caught the train to the airport for a flight back to the USA. As usual, we do not know when he will be back here. Maybe 6 weeks, maybe longer.
My energy feels scattered. Partly because we were doing a lot of extra work in the past week working on a deal that fell through at 8pm last night. Partly because it felt like a last minute rush to get Cary ready and the constant rain yesterday didn't help.
I've had months to prepare for Cary leaving again. It never seems real until it's happened. At the moment, it feels like he has just gone out and will be home any minute.
It's always a bit odd when he goes, and it takes a couple of days for the kids and I to find our own groove again. I get to remember that I am strong enough to take care of all of this here. There will be times when I will doubt that, when I will feel overwhelmed and exhausted. But I dig deep and find what I need to keep going. Often it comes when I just let go and remember that Everything I Need Will Be Provided. When I Trust that things are unfolding as they should, even when that is uncomfortable or wonderful or confusing. When I remember that the only thing I really need to be doing, is being present in this very moment.
It's a beautiful day today. I almost wish it was still raining, as that would suit my mood. But the sun is encouraging me to go outside and recharge....yeah, I think I will.
My energy feels scattered. Partly because we were doing a lot of extra work in the past week working on a deal that fell through at 8pm last night. Partly because it felt like a last minute rush to get Cary ready and the constant rain yesterday didn't help.
I've had months to prepare for Cary leaving again. It never seems real until it's happened. At the moment, it feels like he has just gone out and will be home any minute.
It's always a bit odd when he goes, and it takes a couple of days for the kids and I to find our own groove again. I get to remember that I am strong enough to take care of all of this here. There will be times when I will doubt that, when I will feel overwhelmed and exhausted. But I dig deep and find what I need to keep going. Often it comes when I just let go and remember that Everything I Need Will Be Provided. When I Trust that things are unfolding as they should, even when that is uncomfortable or wonderful or confusing. When I remember that the only thing I really need to be doing, is being present in this very moment.
It's a beautiful day today. I almost wish it was still raining, as that would suit my mood. But the sun is encouraging me to go outside and recharge....yeah, I think I will.
Tuesday, May 04, 2010
lots of photo catch-up!
This was taken back in January at one of our favourite playgrounds close to us:
Cary going for a ride on his spiffy bike:
Cary at the beach:
Summer and I found this...interesting..critter at the beach. It was alive and just sitting on the sand. It kind of looked like a frog with no head. I think it may have been looking for a bigger shell to call home.
Spider trail:
The strangest mushroom I've ever seen:
Sunrise:
Sea World:
AJ & Nicholas flying:
Sir Nicholas...
Little rockstar:
tough guy:
Let me show you my muscles:
"is dinner ready yet?"
He wears many hats:
Monday, April 26, 2010
recently...
we finally got around to getting a new computer...and an external back up drive! So I can share photos like these of AJ's 9th Birthday ealier this month!!!!!
Nicholas decided this was going to be the day to try out all of the little kids rides that he had previously just not wanted to go on. AJ helped him out on the first couple. Here they are waiting in line together. I love it that they still hold hands!
After that, AJ, Summer and Cary went back to the corkscrew while I stayed with Nicholas in the little kids section. Nicholas just amazed me by running from ride to ride and hardly paying attention to where I was. I found myself stepping further and further back as he made friends with the other kids in line and started horsing around with them. In this photo, he is the 3rd from the left with his arms up in the air on a ride that goes straight up and down. Once he decided he could do these rides, he did them easily....both my boys showed how fast they are growing up that day!
And the cake, special request...mama's vegan chocolate cake with chocolate icing and banana ice cream, after pizza for dinner.
Birthday morning:
AJ decided that this birthday was going to be the day for conquering his concern about going on the corkscrew roller coaster at Sea World...and he did and loved it! Around the middle of the train below, you'll see Cary in the red shirt waving, and AJ sitting next to him. Summer is behind them. The ride is awesome with a full loop and a couple of twists, and very fast.
Nicholas decided this was going to be the day to try out all of the little kids rides that he had previously just not wanted to go on. AJ helped him out on the first couple. Here they are waiting in line together. I love it that they still hold hands!
After that, AJ, Summer and Cary went back to the corkscrew while I stayed with Nicholas in the little kids section. Nicholas just amazed me by running from ride to ride and hardly paying attention to where I was. I found myself stepping further and further back as he made friends with the other kids in line and started horsing around with them. In this photo, he is the 3rd from the left with his arms up in the air on a ride that goes straight up and down. Once he decided he could do these rides, he did them easily....both my boys showed how fast they are growing up that day!
And the cake, special request...mama's vegan chocolate cake with chocolate icing and banana ice cream, after pizza for dinner.
A very happy 9th birthday!
More photos coming soon! Oh, and the new computer prompted a new look for this blog. I'll have to play around with that title photo to try and reduce the size....later, right now we are headed to play at the park!
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