recent photos...

I've been meaning to post these pics for a while...finally getting around to it.

These first photos are from a morning bike ride we took, um a month ago, but anyway...I stopped to take a pic of the path itself next to the creek, then took a series of pics in stages looking from where the creek meets the ocean then the next stage along the creek until I had covered approx 180 degrees and was looking at the mountains behind me...







If I was really clever, I could probably put all of those photos together so you could get the full effect, but I'm not and I really don't want to figure that out as my daughter told me I already spend too much time on the computer! So next up...we rode another 30 seconds along the path and stopped along the breakwall (creek is on one side, beach on the other) ... We can't help but feel so blessed to live in this magical area!

Another day...Summer sunning herself:

The kids pulled all of the cushions off of the couch and made a big tower in the hallway. They would run and jump on it and push it over or climb up on it...kept them amused for at least an hour!

Nicholas just looking cute:

Nicholas and I sitting on the roller coaster carriage just before N's first ride on it! He was very excited and loved it!

Our three fantastic, amazing, wonderful, awesome children:

Nicholas with his biggest fan:

A few more photos while I'm on a roll...

We found this sign kind of funny:


Kids and a new friend at the Currumbin Wildlife Sanctuary:


Koala (awake - how rare!)

Koala asleep - that's usually how they are seen.

Kids on the spider web in the fantastic playground in the Sanctuary. I thought the spider hanging over them was a very cool addition:

The kangaroos there are very used to being handled. This is the most relaxed roo I've ever seen:

The boys chatting to an emu:

Kids and roo:

Double rainbow:

A kookaburra visited us as we were packing up after our local hs group last week. The boys were able to hand-feed it. Pretty tame for a wild bird!

An ordinary day...

Today was another magical day! It wasn't that we did anything extraordinary, it was just that we stayed connected and in harmony with each other all day.

AJ has been in a Transformers phase - the movies and the PlayStation 2 game. I was not sure about this when it started as I thought it might be a bit violent, but the action is mostly the robots blowing things up, and I find something strangely satisfying in that. AJ is so into this...I could almost feel a little down on myself for doubting his choice initially - but I'm not going to go there. AJ is so immersed in the game and when we do have to go out, his mind is still going with all of the possibilities and all of the things he is going to build in the future, and other storylines they could come out with. He will talk non-stop for a long time and then go really quiet again before he comes out with another excited commentary of all the wonderful things going on in his mind!

Summer has always liked dressing up and mixing new combinations of clothing and accessories. Recently she's been cutting a lot of her clothes so that a dress became a coat and part of the leg of some stretchy pants became a boob tube...that sort of thing. (I'm glad we buy our clothes at the thrift stores/op shops!) I moved the kids computer out of the office area into her room and she spent quite a while playing on that.

Nicholas loves ...oh, just about everything!

Today everyone got some of their needs and desires met...AJ spent quite a while playing transformers, we went to an op shop and Summer bought some new clothes, we played at a new park where AJ and Nicholas wandered over to where a Dad was playing football and soccer with his kids. The Dad used to be a coach and happily included my boys and showed them how to kick properly. Then we went to a mall and hung out at the Apple store where AJ made some new friends, even if they did mostly communicate via their ipods while standing next to each other! Nicholas said he would really like a dressing gown (bath robe) as it is getting cool here and that would keep him warm and snugly in the mornings and evenings around the house. We found a really warm, black gown with a red dragon on it and he is so thrilled with that!

It was such an ordinary day to anyone looking in, but I had such a great day, feeling so grateful for this experience. Nothing fancy, just pure connection and listening and sharing and respecting.

lovin' this life!

The things I love most about this lifestyle is the freedom and flexibility and connection! I so love being able to be spontaneous, to be open to new opportunities as they arise...there is so much joy in life in every moment! Yes, even when the kids are squabbling...these are the moments that can test us the most in this department as they are great challenges in staying connected to ourselves and our children. They are great lessons in staying calm and present to help our children work through these moments so they can all feel heard and respected. Sometimes I am better at this than other times.

I've learned that it is ok to be a little selfish, meaning that I need to take time for me to recharge and center myself. In giving myself a little time, I can give a whole lot more time and focus to my children. When I do this, when I feel balanced, our days flow with delight. Every time I help my kids work out a challenge, I feel that actually helps us all to become stronger. So even though it might be loud or messy, it can be fantastic.

I love the passion of this life - of being "allowed" to express our emotions in all of their intensity. I love the connection we have, really listening to each other and aiming to find ways to meet needs and desires. Last week we spent a day driving around our area looking for a particular PS2 game that AJ reallllly wanted. The other two kids understood how much that meant to AJ and were happy to go along. (AJ had bought a game with some birthday money, it didn't work and he was disappointed. The replacement game didn't work either so we went to another store which was supposed to have it but had just sold it and then to another store which found one in the back room - phew!)

When I am in balance, which is happily more often than not, I feel so full, so blessed. Some days I feel like I am going to burst with joy! My children feel that and we all have a grand ol goofy time together. I have so much to be grateful for.

Today we are heading out to meet friends to go snorkeling and then...who knows where we'll end up? So many adventures waiting to happen....

Shining...

I think I have the verbal runs at the moment. After being kind of quiet on this blog, I'm processing where I'm at now and I feel like I'm through the muck and back on top again. Thanks for listening.

Thinking about what I wrote last time, I honestly know that I do not have to focus more on one area of my life to promote, maybe make a business out of, and become some kind of 'expert' in.

I have many sides and, like a diamond, they all work together to make me shine as brightly as I do. It is not my path to focus on one area, and it is only when I am out of balance that I start to compare myself to others and start thinking that I "should" settle down and do something like that. But that is just not me. I love the adventure of life, the smorgasboard of experiences and it is when I am living the joy of that, and sharing that with my family and friends, that I shine the brightest.

Things in my life like Reiki and Reflexology are tools that I use to enhance where I am at. My main purpose right now, is to be the grandest expression of my Self so that I can be the best Mama / wife / sister / daughter / friend I can be.

I was starting to get a little frustrated with myself as these feelings I've been writing about recently...well, I am pretty sure I've written about them before. I started to imagine things like "oh the people that read this are going to get so bored with me repeating myself!". But it's okay. Because I see this journey of life like a spiral and maybe some of the path bumps into another part where I was feeling these same things. Knowing that I've been there before...and gotten through it...just makes it easier the next time. So I bump into that part of the cycle and then remember some of the mental processes I used for getting through it, and it's like it's over with quicker each time before I get flung off on another exciting part of the journey. Even if it looks a little similar to before...I can still make it feel fresh and new by being in the moment of it, breathing it in deeply, and being oh so grateful for it all!

So, I don't have to focus on one area. I feel the most inspired when I am doing exactly what I wrote at the top of this blog page - Living in harmony with the earth, in Joy with each other, and in touch with Spirit.

I love my free-spirit life! I love this lifestyle for my family! I really love being a Mama.

Oh my golly, "the world" is so very very busy around us. It's so easy to get caught up in 'having to keep busy'. I sometimes think that what I am 'doing' is more important that what I am Being.
Thanks to processing this confusion on this blog (even if I've done it before), I am proud to say that I am back on track and back in the business of JOY! Long may it reign! (If I do happen to slip, be a pal and remind me please.)

Whatever I 'do' from this moment forth, is never as important as who I will 'Be'. And that, dear friends...is where my main area of focus needs to be. Whatever I 'do' from that state, is secondary, .... if I am to become an 'expert' in any field, let it be in Joy!

stumbling into learning

For most of today I have been in a place mentally that I have not been for quite a while. A place that is uncomfortable and familiar. It's a place that has me questioning a lot of different things in my life thus far. A place where I feel I haven't really come very far from the last time I felt like this. A feeling of incredible restlessness, like I have missed opportunities...like I have not lived up to my potential. A little bit mad with myself for not sticking with something..anything! But I can't stand being "stuck". I love to be free!

I didn't want to stay in that state. In the past, this state has felt like I'm in quicksand and if I try to force myself out, I just get pulled back further into it.

So I just stayed present with it, and tried to see it unfolding as if I was an observer of myself.

I became grateful for this opportunity as those feelings were indicating that something is just not working in my life right now, and changes need to be made. Some changes I can recognise and apply right away...things like changing my exercise habits, reducing some clutter and establishing a new rhythm that reflects Cary's absence and the cooler weather. Some changes run a little deeper and have me thinking about my grander purpose and if I plan on continuing to graze at the smorgasboard of life (Well now, stating it like that, the answer has got to be "hell, yeah!".), or focus more on one area and get passionate about that.

I think it's that I feel I have more of myself to give and I have not found the right outlet for that and I feel a little frustrated. Forcing the issue is not going to bring results, so I am going to (try and) remember to Trust. In the meantime, I will continue to pursue the things that interest me and see where they lead. I think it's time I worked on a Vision Board as well to clarify my goals.

So I started out this day feeling scattered and like I was bumbling around....and I am ending this day full of gratitude and a sense of Peace. I feel gentleness towards myself and an excitement that something new is around the corner...

rainy mood on a sunny day..

We took Cary to the train station early this morning. He caught the train to the airport for a flight back to the USA. As usual, we do not know when he will be back here. Maybe 6 weeks, maybe longer.

My energy feels scattered. Partly because we were doing a lot of extra work in the past week working on a deal that fell through at 8pm last night. Partly because it felt like a last minute rush to get Cary ready and the constant rain yesterday didn't help.

I've had months to prepare for Cary leaving again. It never seems real until it's happened. At the moment, it feels like he has just gone out and will be home any minute.

It's always a bit odd when he goes, and it takes a couple of days for the kids and I to find our own groove again. I get to remember that I am strong enough to take care of all of this here. There will be times when I will doubt that, when I will feel overwhelmed and exhausted. But I dig deep and find what I need to keep going. Often it comes when I just let go and remember that Everything I Need Will Be Provided. When I Trust that things are unfolding as they should, even when that is uncomfortable or wonderful or confusing. When I remember that the only thing I really need to be doing, is being present in this very moment.

It's a beautiful day today. I almost wish it was still raining, as that would suit my mood. But the sun is encouraging me to go outside and recharge....yeah, I think I will.

lots of photo catch-up!

This was taken back in January at one of our favourite playgrounds close to us:

Cary going for a ride on his spiffy bike:

Cary at the beach:

Summer and I found this...interesting..critter at the beach. It was alive and just sitting on the sand. It kind of looked like a frog with no head. I think it may have been looking for a bigger shell to call home.

Spider trail:

The strangest mushroom I've ever seen:

Sunrise:

Sea World:

AJ & Nicholas flying:

Sir Nicholas...

Little rockstar:

tough guy:

Let me show you my muscles:

"is dinner ready yet?"

He wears many hats:

AJ

Recent pics of AJ:

talking to the kangaroos:

impromptu jamming:

basketball star:

Summer days...

Some recent pics of our girl:

thoughtful:

Sweet:

Sunny:

Sassy:

Playful:

recently...

we finally got around to getting a new computer...and an external back up drive! So I can share photos like these of AJ's 9th Birthday ealier this month!!!!!

Birthday morning:

AJ decided that this birthday was going to be the day for conquering his concern about going on the corkscrew roller coaster at Sea World...and he did and loved it! Around the middle of the train below, you'll see Cary in the red shirt waving, and AJ sitting next to him. Summer is behind them. The ride is awesome with a full loop and a couple of twists, and very fast.

Nicholas decided this was going to be the day to try out all of the little kids rides that he had previously just not wanted to go on. AJ helped him out on the first couple. Here they are waiting in line together. I love it that they still hold hands!



After that, AJ, Summer and Cary went back to the corkscrew while I stayed with Nicholas in the little kids section. Nicholas just amazed me by running from ride to ride and hardly paying attention to where I was. I found myself stepping further and further back as he made friends with the other kids in line and started horsing around with them. In this photo, he is the 3rd from the left with his arms up in the air on a ride that goes straight up and down. Once he decided he could do these rides, he did them easily....both my boys showed how fast they are growing up that day!

And the cake, special request...mama's vegan chocolate cake with chocolate icing and banana ice cream, after pizza for dinner.

A very happy 9th birthday!

More photos coming soon! Oh, and the new computer prompted a new look for this blog. I'll have to play around with that title photo to try and reduce the size....later, right now we are headed to play at the park!

Living Simply..part 2

Another thought...for some people, living simply means living on their own land, growing their own food, relying on the natural elements for power and water. I admire the people who live this way. For a long time, I even wanted to do this too. Thinking about it, it does not seem to me like a simple way to live...basic and very earthy yes...but damn hard work. I am not afraid of hard work, I have just been questioning if doing this would fulfill me. If it would allow me the time I have now to devote to my family.

Since we've been back in Australia, we've all grown personally, emotionally and spiritually. But professionally, Cary feels as though he's gone backwards. ..I see that side of his growth like he has been in the pullback phase of a slingshot. He's gone as far as he can without breaking...now he's released the thinking that was keeping him in that mindset and he's being flown forward and is really soaring. I know he'll go a long way.

Cary had reached a point of major frustration. He was almost ready to go back to the USA to live. Realising that the most important thing in my life is keeping the family together, I released my attachment to the thoughts that were keeping me here. Just as I sincerely offered that we could go back to the USA if he thought that would be better, he realised that he really does prefer it here and it seemed to fuel his determination to make it work here. He asked Spirit for guidance and 'out of the woodwork', answers started coming to him.

The opportunities that Cary is now creating and attracting will require us to move house. Our lives will be a little more hectic and not as 'simple' as they have been on this plateau. But as I mentioned in my previous post, as long as we maintain our connection to the important people in our lives (including our own selves and God), and we remain unattached to the physical reality around us, our lives will rich and full and deep.

I don't think this is the right time for us to get on the land totally. I would like to have a large veggie garden in our new place (the move probably won't happen for 4-6 months). I'll continue to do all that I do to be kind to the health of my family and the environment. The hard work in front of us now will involve more of a mental nature, and that's good too. And as long as I stay grounded in Who I Really Am, my life will always have an element of Simplicity.

Living Simply...what does that mean anyway?

I've mentioned on here from time to time that we enjoy Living Simply....but what does that mean really?

What do other people mean when they talk about "living simply"?

It could mean living frugally...living in a place that meets your basic needs, surrounded by just enough 'stuff' to make your life comfortable. No frills, no added extras and no clutter. Buying just enough food to get you through the week, and/or buying in bulk to get additional discounts. Buying the things you need when they are on sale. Probably not having things like cable tv, air conditioning etc.

It could mean living 'green', with the environment a major consideration in how you live. Purchasing mostly organic food, recycled clothes and household items, or new items that meet a certain standard.

It could mean not over scheduling your life so that you have more spare time to let life unfold. Spending quality time with those you love (family, friends and yourself) just to Be and explore and seize the moments.

For me, it is a little of all of these things. Probably the most important part of Living Simply, for me, is not having attachment to the material things I do have, and also not feeling attached to things "having" to be a certain way. My priority is my family and the connection we have to each other and to our Selves and to a Higher Source.

We have been living in a very basic house with mostly second hand, basic things around us. We're now seeing several paths in front of us...stay as we are...get back on the road....or move to a larger house with a large outdoor area where Cary could store all of the big toys he brings in from the USA. It's exciting having options. I think on some level, I may have resisted going for a larger house and newer furniture thinking that it wasn't very Simple or Spiritual. I now realise that it's not the things around me that make my life Spiritual or Simple ... it's maintaining Who I Really Am.
........you know what? That's it (for me)! My life is fairly Simple because it's not complicated by searching and trying to find myself in the grand scheme of Life. I'm pretty content with Who I Am and I have a great deal of Trust that Life is unfolding exactly as it should.

I can really Be my Self whether I'm living in a camper or in a very nice house. No matter where I go, I carry with me the lessons learned in non-attachment and living with connection as my priority. In doing so, I am living my life fully and deeply.

I actually prefer that term...Living Deeply. That's what we do.

kids hair...

While I'm on the subject of hair...

I started cutting the boys hair last year. At first just with the clippers, then using the scissors more on the top for AJ whose thick wavy hair looks really good with a little more on top. The last cut I gave AJ was the best I'd ever done, I thought. A few days later, he took the scissors and chopped a lot of the front off, giving him a very large forehead look. He said he wanted to look like a scientist with a big brain! I ended up getting the clippers and buzzing the rest of the top to blend it in more.

I used to trim the ends of Summer's hair when she wanted it, but then she wanted it more layered so I tried that and don't think I did a very good job. When she wanted it cut again, she went to a professional who did a very sleek, short cut. Very stylish! And yesterday we died it purple! It looks so great and she loves it! I will try to figure out how to get photos on here without my regular computer.

Not to leave Nicholas out...he just loves to have his hair cut. His hair is so easy to cut and always looks good. That boy continues to amaze me. He now makes his own sandwiches (he's 4), which is something AJ still won't do. Mind you...AJ would probably forget to eat unless I reminded him.

Ahhh...I love my life, I love my family and I love being a Life-Learning Mama!

no poo update

Of course, after writing about not writing much, I thought of something that some of you may find interesting...no poo. As in no shampoo. I am pretty sure I blogged about this almost two years ago when I started doing this. Washing my hair with a little baking soda, and rinsing with diluted apple cider vinegar. Got to say, it worked well most of the time. Although when we were in Vegas last year, and swimming a lot in the chlorine pools, my hair did start to feel like straw. Coming back to oz, it got softer. The summer here is hard on it with swimming in the ocean and the sun. I found that I had to use the acv rinse more often and back off on the baking soda. But lately, it felt really dry and it knotted easily. I thought briefly about dreadlocks, how much easier it would have been, but one of my most favourite things in the world is having someone brush / play with my hair. It's one of the reasons I love having it long. I realised that my kids were not wanting to braid and play with my hair because it was so knotty. So I tried Summer's hemp-based shampoo and conditioner. My hair feels so soft. And it's been getting a lot of attention. So I'll be sticking with that for a while. If ever I decide to cut my hair, I'll probably go no-poo again.

Plateau

I used to get such an urge to write, like a hunger that had to be fed.
I haven't felt that for quite a while.

Life is good. I feel inspired by just living each day, each moment...often not knowing what's next but knowing that's all unfolding as it should. I feel so content just living that I just forget to write about it, or it's just not a priority anymore.

As most of the readers of this are family and friends we don't see often enough, I will try to post a little more regularly to help us keep in touch. I appreciate the private emails and phone calls I get, often in relation to what I've posted.

Our main computer is still down and we are plodding along on the kids old one. Looking into different options if the other cannot be repaired, but hoping that 3 years of photos can be retrieved from it, if nothing else.

The recent tsunami threat has had us thinking about our direction. So far nothing has been decided, but several ideas are brewing. We do love it here, walking distance to the beach...but...the salt spray is hard on the bikes and car and lots of other things, and the sandy soil makes it hard to grow food unless it's in pots. I guess no place is perfect.

AJ is loving playing basketball on Saturday mornings...he wishes it was on every day! We all look forward to Thursdays at the park with our homeschooling friends. Nicholas is a wild man and will try climbing where the big kids climb. At home he loves to help out with all kinds of things from baking to washing dishes. Summer is now as tall as me, and hopefully still growing! She's such a beautiful, gentle girl. I love our morning walks together. She is very affectionate and gives Cary and I many hugs throughout the day.

We've continued to have lots of rain, with another cyclone hanging off the coast a bit further up which will still bring us more rain. At least everything is nice and green, even if it is hard to get the washing dry.

I'm struggling to write here...I feel like I've said all of these things before and I'm boring myself. Maybe because it seems like nothing has really changed, ...maybe I'm just enjoying the view from this plateau. I know that I will soon need to either climb another mountain or take another path. I'm letting this time just Be. I don't want to get on here and ramble on about mundane stuff. I'm not upset about losing the inspiration to write, I'm accepting it. I think it actually just moved aside to allow me to focus on other areas. I have been doing more with Reiki and that feels really good.

That's all I've got for now...
Until next time... have a beautiful day!

feeling very grateful...

I woke about 2am to go to the bathroom and saw Cary up watching the TV. He told me about the earthquake in Chile and that a tsunami was headed for Australia. We still had some time, so he suggested I try and get some more sleep. yeah...that wasn't going to work. I did lay down for 10-15 minutes to focus my mind and get a plan of action going...what to pack first, what things were most important, what things did I just want to take, where we should go etc.

I felt very calm as I packed water, food, tent, blankets, clothes, first aid kit, and a few other bits and pieces. I felt grateful to have a few hours to prepare. When I looked through my clothes, I chose just a couple of favourite things, some of the other things sitting in there I rarely wear and I wonder now about keeping them at all. I have a box of files from different interests I've had over the years - nutrition, raw food, crystals etc. The only two files I wanted to keep were my Reiki and reflexology ones. I think that shows me where I really want to focus my energy. I chose no books, but I did include the journals I've been keeping for the kids since their births and a couple of small photo albums. We could have packed everything into the car, including the bag each that the children had to put their favourite things in.

In the very early morning, as the children were still sleeping, and I was packing, and Cary was keeping me informed of the latest news, it seemed surreal that our world could be vastly different within a few hours. The people in Chile probably had no notice at all.

Cary and I felt the same, that we could have just gone away from all of this, and if it was washed away...then oh well. No attachment. I like that.

We kept a close eye on what the news stations were saying and somewhere around 6am I did fall asleep lightly for about an hour. About 8am, after hearing that there was to be no "wall of water", we drove up to the beach (so we'd have the car just in case "they" got it wrong and we needed a quick get-away). A lot of other people were there looking out...the tide was very high, the waves were fantastic, and there were at least 50 people out surfing!!!!!!! While we were there, we saw the tide come in so far that the water covered the beach. We've kept our packed bags next to the front door, just in case things change, but it does not look like a threat to us...this time.

I do feel grateful for the experience, the close call to show me what's most important, the time to prepare and the calm I felt in doing so. I felt grateful to Cary for keeping watch and making sure the safety of our family was the priority and the fact that as long as we are all together, it will all be ok.

Accepting..

We have a few more days of summer left. Earlier this week it was very warm with really high humidity. The day after, it had turned into the middle of autumn already. A couple of weeks ago I started grieving the end of summer. I felt like we had not been swimming and playing outside as much as I would have liked...partly because of the rain, and partly because of being tied up with business stuff. But I can't change that now.

I found a streak of grey in my hair, and I realised there is a similar lesson. I just need to accept the passing of the season. I still consider myself young, but need to accept that I'm moving into my autumn phase. Fighting it, trying to go against it, is futile. By accepting it, I can move forward, gracefully.

short update

I've got to admit, I'm not really into blogging lately. We've been really enjoying building real life community and our local homeschooling group for 'natural learners' is growing. Yay! The families joining are just amazing!

AJ recently started miniball which is like pre-basketball comp. They do skills and drills for the first half of the session, then they play a non-scoring game for the second half. He loves it!

Summer is still cruising along in summerland. We've been working with a wonderful naturopath to help Summer find balance more often and it's working...she has more energy and seems brighter within herself. She's supposed to stay away from gluten but that has proven to be reallllly difficult so far.

Nicholas is still mr happy / cheeky / crazy guy. That boy has so much joy in him!

Cary is dealing with the red tape to get the 3 campers and 2 boats ready to sell over here. It's taking longer than we thought it would, but hopefully we'll get something sold soon. Cary has also just joined Rotary and is looking forward to being more involved in that.

Our main computer has been out of action for several weeks, and no, I didn't do regular back ups. I know now to do that! Sheesh. Something else to think about. So right now I'm using the kids dinosaur computer which is another reason I haven't been blogging much.

We've had a ton of rain, but that helps everything stay green. Haven't been swimming as much as we would have liked, but we do try to walk along the beach most days, even if we don't swim.

I guess there's a whole lot I could go on about, but don't want to bore y'all. Overall, life is good and we are so blessed.

la la land

It's probably time to post again...I've been in some la la land mentally, which is actually a lovely place...and to think I achieved that without drugs or alcohol! Seriously though, I've been in a place of feeling detached from material things, and I've just been zoning in the moments, or maybe I should say 'zening in the moments'. whatever. 'blissing' would work too. I see some of my friends have been busy blogging and I am probably weeks behind in reading them. Maybe I'll catch up soon.

I have a 'to-do' list on the side of the fridge and I feel no pressure to do any of it. I've not been pushing myself like I used to. I really like that! I've actually been getting a lot done lately, and enjoying the process. Um, does this mean that I'm finally growing up? I feel more playful than ever though. What a lovely balance! Actually, I think the reason I feel more playful is that I take myself much more lightly these days. If something doesn't go the way I think it should, I am quick to let it go - even laugh it off - and move on. I was so not this way for sooo long. It feels real good.

We now have the framework in place for our new business to import caravans, boats, motorcycles, jet skis, and other fun toys from the USA. That took a lot of running around and I still have more work to do on the accounting side of things. Cary picked up two caravans last week and we went through the boxes of things he'd packed inside of them. He's very excited as his tool box is finally here so now he can work on all of those projects he's been putting off due to a lack of tools! The kids were excited as the water pistols they got from Zeb at his birthday party were amongst all of the goodies and this is perfect weather for a really good water fight! (Thanks Tara!)

The kids have been really patient while we've been involved with the business stuff, they've been playing together (Summer and Nicholas have been playing a lot with little figures and dolls), and playing electronic games and watching movies and enjoying swimming as often as we can get to the beach or creek. Which is not every day, but it's most days.

I am feeling so grateful right now.

I was waiting for Cary at an appointment last week and I picked up a magazine on a table next to me. I flicked through and saw photos of people who are "celebrities" some I recognised, some could have been people who live in the next street, I had no idea who they were and why they were famous and it wouldn't have mattered if I'd walked past them. But these people were being photographed doing ordinary things - shopping, eating out, swimming. Oh. My. God. "Normal" things. SO WHAT?! I just don't get that whole celebrity mania and why those people get paid such obscene amounts of money for going to work. That's a whole other kind of 'la la land' to me - one that is very much based on the material world. I'll stick to mine any day.

Choices...

I've been thinking about choices that I've made. There is a Doctor Who episode that shows two totally different outcomes when a main character turns left instead of right (or was it right instead of left?) Anyway, I've been pondering the many different forks in my path and trying to imagine Who I may have become if I hadn't followed this particular path. It's probably a pointless exercise to a certain degree, but it does lead me around to accepting that where I am is a result of all that I have done.

In imagining how things may have been different, I have unlimited options and can take my pick as to whether I want to paint it perfect or see the worst possible scenario. In reality...I imagine something in between, but I honestly wonder if the level of personal growth I've experienced in the past 17 years or so, could have been achieved if I'd walked a different path. Would the same lessons have come to me? Would I have been open to them? Would I be able to find the same depth of joy that I do in the simple, natural gifts around me? On my morning walk, as I catch a scent of jasmine, would it delight my spirit in the same way? Or would I not really notice it? Would I be able to listen to the birds with the same sense of appreciation? Would I be able to taste a fresh mango and marvel in the totally wonder-full experience that gives me now?

I am trying to figure out what has made me so delighted in my world? At what point was I so deeply aware and appreciative of life and living? Was it due to living away from Australia for so long? Maybe somewhat. Then what if I'd stayed here? I think it was good for me to leave for a while and to shake off my comfortable conditionings that were still with me, even though I'd been a bit of a gypsy. Was it a particular point anyway, or just many years of searching and reading and pondering and gradually opening up / waking up more and more?

If I'd stayed here, maybe I'd have more "stuff". A nice big house and lovely furniture etc. I may be caught up in a material world. I think another thing that was really good for me was letting go of a whole lot of the material things we had in order to move here. To realise that I just didn't need those things, that any attachment to them was draining me. I think this was a huge part of the lesson for me. Then to experience living simply for a year in the camper let me own that non-attachment lesson so that it became a real part of me.

You know what, it doesn't really matter how I got here, or what might have been. I am living this moment, right here, right now. Full of love and joy and at peace with myself for everything that has led me here. Also deeply grateful for all of the people that have ever been in my life, and those that still are, and for all of the experiences that I've had, even the dark ones, because they allow me to really appreciate the light. I feel so full, and so blessed.

heart drawing

I haven't felt very inspired to blog lately. Apart from enjoying the lazy days of summer, swimming, biking, kayaking and playing at the park and/or with friends, we've been working on getting a new business established to support the caravans and boats that Cary is importing.

I've also been distracted by a new hobby: zentangles

I used to doodle in a similar fashion when I was bored in class at school, but I was always very critical and didn't like anything I drew. I used to think that someone else could have done a much better job. I always put myself in the category of "unable to draw / not artistic". So what's different now? I am so much gentler with myself in every area. My life is lived as an expression of love and joy and the zentangles that have been coming through me are such fun to draw. They are kind of like my life - I don't always know what's going to happen next; I just don't know how it's going to look at the end of the design, but gee it's fun in the process. I just sit with my paper and pen and open myself up and feel guided to make different patterns. The heart above is only the third zentangle I've done. Maybe one day I'll get around to watching one of those youtube movies to get instruction on doing these...or maybe I'll keep on winging it. Like my life, I know my designs will evolve as I discover ways that feel and look good to ME. I'm already finding different patterns that just feel really good to draw. I am just so excited by these simple things because it's taking me deeper into myself, into a new area of creative expression. I am feeling both more centered and more expanded. Another exciting part is realising the lack of judgement I have for myself - how much I've grown to accept myself and this new dimension. Wow. Now I know that there are people out there who draw so much "better" than me, and good for them! Really. I'm just excited that I'm not afraid to draw anymore. I feel like a kid with a new toy!

Welcome to a new year...

I feel like I should say something profound, something inspirational about the new year. But it feels like just the day after yesterday, I'm just not 'getting' the significance of putting a new calendar on the wall. I don't see that as a sign to suddenly change aspects of my life that I wasn't happy with. Every single day, every single moment gives us an opportunity to do that. I make no 'new years resolutions'.

I woke up this morning feeling full of gratitude for this breath that keeps me here, for the love in my life that both grounds me and helps me soar, for the joy that adds depth and lightness too....for all of the people in my life, all of the experiences, for the rain that is turning our crunchy brown grass back to lush green, for the birds singing outside my window, and for the awareness of Spirit woven through it all.

This moment is wonder-full!