This moment...

I am making the most of living here, in this area and in this house.  Every sunny day lately, we have been going to the beach.  It's the thing I am going to miss the most about this place.  If we didn't have Gypsy, then we would just go back to the caravan park down the road next to the creek and across the road from the beach.  But we can't go there and this area is very limited on pet-friendly caravan parks.  Other areas are very welcoming and I know we will find other beachy places where Gypsy is welcome.  For now though, we will be a bit further away, maybe a 20 minute drive to the beach instead of a 10 minute stroll.

I'm enjoying the space inside on the rainy days, spreading out and baking breads and cookies and making soups.  Kicking back on the big couch watching movies on the big screen.  I remember rainy days in our old camper and how we would often go out for the day to the library or a museum or a mall to explore the gadget shops and watch the different kinds of people in the different areas.  At night time we'd watch movies or play games, feeling close and warm.  Both are good and the most important thing is to just be making the most of wherever we are by being present, letting our attention be there in that moment, enjoying what is.

One more month...

Somehow, it's all coming together.  It always does.  The apparent chaos is taking a little more order and the process is unfolding in a natural way.  I don't do 'to-do' lists like I used to.  Most of the work required here is obvious, I don't need to write it down to remind me.  I no longer need that satisfaction of 'crossing things off the list'.  I do write down the things that I may not remember, so my to-do lists these days are very short, if at all.

I'm slowly emptying cupboards and I have boxes stacked in sections to either go to storage, go to the camper, or to be sold.  I'm really impressed with how much Nicholas has released.  He is very sure of his decisions and is looking forward to making "lots of money" selling off the things he has finished with.  The storage and camper piles are neatly inside of the house.  The sell stuff is randomly placed on the back patio.  When I have finished inside the house, I need to go through that and organise it and donate some of it.

Summer has also released a lot of things, mainly clothes.  She loves clothes and has been loving experimenting with different styles and themes, well, she's been doing that from the time she could dress herself!  She has decided that she wants all of her clothes to be "earthy", so out with the hot pink hair, and the bright blue poncho!  If the clothes aren't earthy or hippy, they were gone!  She has been slowly giving away some of her childhood toys over the last year.  When other children would come over, she often offered them things she thought they would like. 

I think our children have been to enough yard sales and op-shops to know that there is an abundance of toys and clothes in the world, and at really good prices too!  AJ has some really cool toys and gadgets and books.  He has always loved books about real things.  Even when he was one year old, he preferred looking at books of the internal workings of an airplane, and books with real photos of animal (not drawings).  He's not into reading novels, but he will read fact books all day.  He loves doing word puzzles with me (we're currently into an iPhone app called '7 Little Words').  He will listen to me reading a story, and he will read stories to Nicholas, but not usually for himself.  With the exception of the Usborne puzzle adventure stories, where you have lots of clues and have to figure out the puzzle within the story.  He also loves tech stuff and is longing to have his own computer. 

It's the first day of winter here...a cool, rainy day.  A good soup day!  In one month, we will be living in our camper, all of the 'stuff' in the house will be sorted and we will have closed the front door for the last time.  One more month.  The children are all very excited, as am I.  I feel very calm within at the moment.  I know there is a lot to do in the month ahead, including a birthday to celebrate for a very excited little man, and it's all going to be great...it already is!

Today I am especially grateful for...

friends...past and present.  Thank you for all of the friends that have touched my life thus far.  For those that I haven't been in touch with for some time - whether or not we shall meet again - thank you for the special role you played at the time.  I send you love and hope you are happy and healthy.  For those of you who are currently a player in my life, thank you for the joy and encouragement and inspiration you share.  I love you!

Simply Natural Life

Since 2003  I've had the domain name 'Simply Natural Life' (dot com).  I actually started a website for it years ago, but when I went to launch the site, the host no longer accepted that software (even though it was their own, and I was using that same software for another site that was already published, they weren't accepting new sites with it.)  I think that was around the time we were getting ready to move to Sedona, Arizona, but then that plan got ditched at the last minute.  Regrouping back in Vegas, and planning our move to Australia then took over everything.  Well, that and taking care of three children as well!

Over the years I've looked at the files that I had for the site and realised that I would probably do it differently now.  Every year when the name came up for renewal, I found I just wasn't ready to let it go, and I had a feeling that there was still something in there for me to do with it.  I thought about starting another blog, but in some ways, it's very similar to my Free Spirit Life.  I've already incorporated parts of a Simply Natural Life on this blog, especially when I wrote during our year on the road and the transition either side of that.  A part of living simply would be to have everything in one place on this blog.  I've even neglected my other project, Peace Ripple, but it is very forgiving.  I think I'll continue to run that alongside this, as a separate entity, whenever I am inspired to add to it.   I am working on a website for some parts of SNL, but I am drawn to blog about more aspects that I have been, so I am going to use this blog to do so.  Then I wondered if I should change the name of this blog to reflect that change?  Free & Natural Life?  Natural Free Life?  Simply Free Life?  Simply Free & Natural Life?  Simply Natural Free Spirit Life (now that's just too long)!  For now, I'm just incorporating the reference to SNL in the blog description up the top.

I think that there are three main concepts that I want to focus on - living simply, freedom, and the underlying Joy that is possible when living an authentic life.  As well as the usual family stuff and my ramblings.  Does using the 'free-spirit' give the impression of flowing dresses and fairy wings?  I am so not into dresses, but sure I'll show my wings from time to time.  Does the 'natural' imply that we forage for our own food, never go into supermarkets and don't use any plastic?  Well, sometimes, often and as little as possible are those answers.  Does using the 'free' imply that I'm referring to things that you don't need to pay money for rather than a state of mind?  Does 'free-spirit' already imply a certain level of simple living?  Does 'simply natural' imply a level of living free?  Maybe I'm really overthinking the whole thing, but I feel the need for a slight shift in focus and the name will reflect that.  Maybe I'm just procratinating when I really should be sorting and packing, but hey, I'm having fun playing with possibilities here!

Preparing to move out of the house is taking a lot of energy - physical as in time and the process of sorting through things, and also mental as I need to look at things and make decisions for 5 people as to the absolute best things to bring with us, and what to do with the rest of it.  However, whenever it starts to feel like a lot, I am able to remind myself that it will all be done soon, and that it will be great!  I can remember what it was like and the lightness and joy that I felt before, and that is  my main motivation.  I can also feel my creativity starting to spark again with other possibilities swirling.  On here, I want to write more about other parts of living simply that work for me in a practical way that anyone can use no matter how they live.

I'm feeling excited to get up in the morning!  oh, so much to do!  I'm trying to take time to just sit and BE with it all too and feel the deliciousness of it all unfolding!  mmmmmm so nice to be coming out of stagnation.

Adventures in packing...

My house is a total mess at the moment...how exciting!!

When I was on our recent roadtrip, my sister and I were chatting about how different we are. Even though we were raised the same way, we've interpreted life so differently. Her main focus in life in stability and security. Mine are freedom and flexibility.  We love each other very much despite our differences, and we are very good friends.  A few times I thought I could settle down, but life keeps telling me that that idea is just not for me.

Since we returned from our roadtrip, I've been circling around the rooms of the house, wondering where to start packing up in preparation for life on the road again. We've already gotten rid of a bunch of stuff and packed up some things, so it's not going to be a massive process. But it is still a transition and I've had some periods of amazing excitement, and a couple of moments when I was a little unsure if we were doing the right thing. In those latter moments, I'd just remind myself that we don't HAVE to do this. Then I remembered that I knew that, and that I really wanted to do it! 

I eventually decided to start in the kitchen, and pack it up as if we were already on the road.
I remember a lot of our shortcuts and tips from the year we had on the road so it's not like I have to figure it all out. Doing this is making me feel as though the adventure has already begun. Well, everyday is an adventure, but this is great preparation for a really grand adventure!  I'm keeping out only the basics and wondering why the heck did I get more than that anyway? I see it as a challenge as to how little I can live comfortably with. I bought a pressure cooker to replace the rice cooker and the stock pot and another saucepan. I also want to get rid of as many electrical appliances as possible (not that I have a lot to start with), as I want functional kitchen pieces that can be used on any kind of stove or oven (electric, gas, or solar). Do I really need the food processor that only gets used a few times a year? Nope, I'm sure that any jobs needing that can by done by hand or the blender.  The blender gets a lot of use so that is definitely coming.  Out goes the sandwich press, the cast iron skillet will do just fine. I have a cast iron dutch oven as well which could be used in an open fire. I like having different options for cooking so that we are very flexible and adaptable depending on our situation.

My whirlwind of creating different piles in the kitchen has affected other areas of the house...kind of like picking up a rug and shaking it. There are piles of stuff everywhere. I don't enjoy chaos, but I am able to see this as a part of the process, not of waiting until this is done before the next adventure starts, but as a part of the adventure itself. It is liberating to cleanse and release excess stuff! I'm loving finding myself more through the letting go of stuff.

I realise that I need to have an exciting life – full of passion and adventures. I know that I have created that!   I am so glad that I have chosen the free spirit path!  And that I have some pretty awesome people in my life to share it with!

Today I am especially grateful for...

...the infinte nature of love and life

Gratitude

That's my word of the season.  For many years my word was 'Peace'.  I surrounded myself with words, music, pictures and colours that would remind me of that, and until I eventually started to own it.  I've played with other guide words since then, but they didn't affect me the way that Peace, and now Gratitude have.

For quite a while I've been saying that I'm grateful for (something) and I really have been.  I've been deeply touched by periods of immense gratitude for the joys of life.  I've noticed that during those times, I also felt aligned with the deep calm within, and felt in tune with the song of my spirit. 

I feel that owning Peace opened me more to Trusting the unfolding of life, and to accepting the things that are beyond my control.  In being more aware of all that I am grateful for, I can take that deeper to living more consistently with Joy.  Whether that Joy is the quiet fullness of my heart, or the crazy, jumping up-and-down, let-me-at-it pull towards an adventure or a moment, I am living with it more often. 

I had a lot of external 'peaceful' stimulus around me when I was learning to adopt Peace into myself.  On this Gratitude journey, I am finding that I just need to remember to pause and reflect on any of the things I am grateful for.  It's triggered from within.  Then the Joy radiates out.  And I am so grateful for that!

lessons from the floor...

...the bathroom floor actually.  I was lying there last night, massive migraine...why?  I felt grateful that my year of weekly migraines was far behind me, but it has been such a long time since I had felt so awful.  I knew it would pass, but it wasn't going to be pretty.  I remembered the years of abuse that I had intentionally inflicted on my body that had sometimes put me in the same position.  I am sooo glad I no longer do those things.  What was going on in my life that had brought me there last night? 

My body is used to eating a pretty clean, simple diet.  It chugs along quite comfortably with that, a little exercise and awareness of stress.  I know that I had eaten some things I don't usually eat while on our road trip, vegetarian instead of vegan, and a little more processed foods that the mostly fresh food I eat.  I didn't exercise a whole lot while we were away, but I was really happy that we had taken two hoops with us and I had more free time to play with those.  We would pull them out almost every time we stopped for any reason and hoop around a little - so great for loosening up the stiff lower back from sitting in the car! 

As I was lying on the floor, I was grateful for the efficiency of my body.  I was grateful for the awareness that there may be a lesson or two there for me. 

The other main difference yesterday was that I had had a cup of coffee.  I have had less than 10 cups of coffee in my whole life.  Now I remember why.  I love the smell, but it does not like me!  I think it was the final push after eating the other things. 

So, apart from not drinking coffee again, what else was going on?  I felt like there was more.  I felt a renewed promise to take care of myself, - my body and how I nourish it through nutrition and move it joyfully, - my mind and where I put my attention and awareness, - my spirit and living my truth.   I was aware that I had been complaining about someone who had been very judgemental, but in my complaining, I had been judging them!  (who's the hypocrite now?!)  I was aware that I have gotten away from some of my core values, just a subtle little side-step, but I made a promise to myself to fully embrace those things again.

Although my experience on the floor was uncomfortable, and messy, it was effective in giving me a little shake to get me back on track.  This morning I feel a little weak in my body, but stronger in my spirit.  I feel excited and grateful for the awareness that allows me to grow, even when I'm down and out. 

Road Trip!

The kids and I enjoyed our little road trip.  Over 1600km in one week, visiting family and friends, celebrating birthdays and Easter, seeing beautiful autumn colours, camping, sapphire fossicking, visiting the grave site and rocky hideout of one of Australia's most famous bushrangers, enjoying beautiful sunshine and rain, driving through green country fields and thick, lush, misty rainforest.

This pic shows all the kids, including Gypsy, checking out some of the sapphire wash.  They found a few little bits of sapphire which was pretty exciting for them.  We got chatting to some other people there...turns out they live in the same little suburb as us!  Small world!

Autumn glory!

AJ standing in front of 'Thunderbolt's rock'. ..he's a little hard to see, but he is standing next to a bunch of graffiti.  He and I climbed around it.  The last time we drove down the New England Hwy, we stopped off at Thunderbolt's cave (another hideout).  I just love stories of the bushrangers.  Thunderbolt was pretty well liked and a gentleman towards the ladies, but he was a bit of a bad boy and was shot dead at age 36.   AJ and I got into some of the crevices and imagined what it would be like for Thunderbolt there.  We saw a perfect place that his horse probably hid in and took in the 360 degree view which would have given the bushranger a good vantage point of the entire area.

Gypsy made a new friend in my sister's cat.  The kids and I slept in the tent in the backyard so that Gypsy could sleep with us.  The nights were cool, but not as cold as the first place we had camped on our trip.  Even though, Gypsy thought the best place to sleep was right at the bottom of AJ's sleeping bag...yes, IN the bag.  AJ loved that!

The Golden Guitar in the country music capital, Tamworth.

We stopped off at the little park across the road from the house we lived in when we first moved back to Oz.  AJ was thrilled to catch up with some friends!

Beautiful rainbow lorikeets.

We were mostly unplugged on our trip which was refreshing.  I just loved traveling and would have taken longer to get home if it hadn't been raining so much along the coast.  The kids and I listened to audio books along the way, and just chatted a lot about all kinds of things.  I love those close times in the car!  Gypsy was very relaxed in the car and an excellent traveller.  She was very mellow whenever we stopped anywhere and seemed very content to go along with whatever we were doing.

It was so special for us to spend time with family, I hope it won't be so long before we see them all again! 

When we returned,  I felt no attachment to the house and the stuff in it, and I can't wait to be traveling again!

AJ!!

Guess who just turned 10?!!!  Double Digits!!  A whole decade of adventures with AJ!!

Some recent pics...

A new game for Christmas..

 AJ & Missy...a dog we were dog sitting for a while.  Actually, I think it was the dog who was doing the sitting (on AJ).  Missy was a great dog, but she got a bit rough with Gypsy, trying to be the dominant one, so we couldn't continue caring for her.  That was upsetting to AJ who would love to have a large pack of dogs...and a bunch of cats and pet rats and lizards and snakes and ducks and ..and..

 

Birthday time!

AJ had planned the whole day...actually a month or so ago...it included 3 hours at Time Zone (a huge games arcade)...for some seriously fun gaming...

He is so sweet...he just wanted a day with the family and it was very special.

He also won "Student of the Week" at his new martial arts class.  He had been doing tae kwon do, and had gotten his yellow belt, but we weren't totally thrilled with their techniques.  We thought that class was fine if you wanted to do tae kwon do as a sport, but for actual self-defense, it was pretty lousy.  So now he's doing a Mixed Martial Arts class which is sooo much better. 

He's pretty thrilled with himself too!

Such a sweet, funny, smart, gentle, loving, amazing young man...and I am so honoured that he chose me to be his mama, and to share this journey with us.

no excuses

We have received news that we need to be out of this house by the end of June.   It's good to know as it helps us play around with different possibilities.  I almost said that it helps us plan, but that's just amusing as our plans tend to get changed all of the time.  The unfolding process seems so much more exciting when I can see the sea of possibilities and dive into that, rather that sitting on the edge fishing for a particular path that must be ours.  I make no excuses for changing my mind regularly and I will not be tied down to living a life that is not authentic to my strong needs for freedom and flexibility!

Being in this house for 2.5 years has given me so many lessons.  After reluctantly getting off the road to stay here awhile, I came to appreciate the house, but more so, our life here.  In the last 12 months, the feeling of stagnation has been growing stronger, with a side order of restlessness.

When we were discussing our possibilities, going to another house was one of them.  I looked online at other rentals, but the idea of going to live in another box really didn't sit well with me.  I felt physically ill at the thought of it.  trapped even. 

So often, at garage sales and car boot sales, I see people who are selling off their collectibles and bits n pieces that they have spent so many years collecting.  More people are realising that we can feel so much lighter with so much less stuff.  I know that we don't have a lot of extra stuff, but I do have more stuff than I really need.  I feel that, living in the house, the time is slowly ticking by, and I'm here waiting ... for something? 

Yes, we get out and do things and go places.  I do appreciate our time in this house.  But sometimes when we're been out and about,  I feel kind of heavy when I get back here. 

The best thing about staying in one place is the community that we become a part of.  I really love the friends we've made here.  I love going to the farmers market every Saturday morning and chatting to the farmers and other booth workers I've come to be friendly with.  And I love the friendly wave from the 85 year old feisty lady across the street (she is tiny, but is full of opinions and sparkle!).

I love sitting on the beach and looking at the expansiveness of the ocean, and lately, I've really been loving standing barefoot outside every night and just looking up at the stars.  Some people love looking at the moon, and I do enjoy that, but it is the stars that I really connect with.  I feel so peaceful and excited and full of possibilities and adventure when I'm stargazing.  Compared to the ocean, the night sky seems so much more expansive!  I feel larger too, not physically, but beyond the physical. 

I still have lots of questions, and sometimes the not-knowing seems overwhelming (but not very often).  I often think I should be 'doing' something beyond the other things I already do with being a mama.  You know, something 'important' like having an online business, or making things to sell.  Maybe one day.  Right now, I think the most important thing I need to do, is to BE the best person, mama, wife, friend I can be.  No excuses!

"Being In Heaven"

...that was the name of the movie we watched with our friends after the open house on Saturday.  It was a nice story, similar to 'The Secret' in its message, adding in some extra information and tools.  It spoke about how so many of our behaviours stem from our subconscious and the beliefs that were formed there when we were children by the way we were raised and taught.  Beliefs we may have developed from parents or teachers that have shaped us, like "there's not enough money", "you're not good at drawing"..that kind of thing.  Listening to that, I was not thinking of those situations in my own life, but I started wondering what kinds of things my own children might start 'blaming' me for when they are older.  It was always my intention to raise them so they knew that they are loved and encouraged and free to explore the things that interest them.

I can see them when they are older, lamenting things like:  "My parents gave me choices", "I got too many hugs", "we moved around, lived in different countries and had too many experiences!".... sounds so funny.  I know that I can focus on the things that I feel I am doing right for my children, but I also know that there are times when I am not perfect (really?!), and maybe I get a little cranky (no!), and maybe I don't always listen very well.  Those things happen when I feel overwhelmed, tired and / or just out of balance.  Staying attentive to my children is best when I am attentive to myself first.  When I ensure that I don't say yes when I really want to say no, when I ask for help if I need it, when I say what I need, when my outer life is a reflection of my inner life with my needs for rest, food, company, play and nature and balanced, when my spirit is content, then I find it so natural to just BE.  To Be present and aware of other people's needs, to listen and understand, to be creative and playful. 

I made a commitment to myself to be more aware of my own balance, and to help the children maintain their balance as we move into this very uncertain period.  This family unit is my absolute priority.  I only have one chance to make their childhoods magnificent and I want them to be confident, empowered adults, with no lingering limiting beliefs.  This is what I have always wanted for them.  Sometimes when they were younger, it seemed as though their toddler and early childhood days would go on forever.  Looking back, it's gone so fast!   It's a little challenging with Summer as she can be extremely hard on herself but then she'll break through and say something profound, so I know she is "getting" this, it's just taking such a long time for her to "own" it.

I started thinking of things from my own childhood that may have held me back and, although I can see some patterns and behaviours in my past that were shaped from my childhood, I know that I let go of them a long time ago.  The movie spoke about tools to 'write over' those old patterns and programmes, but I don't think that's always ideal as they will still be there underneath.  I thought about what had helped me to deal with my past and realised that my process (without the help of any book or person...just my own evolvement) had similar steps:

1.  Awareness.  This gradually built up until it became strong enough to make me take notice and realise "I don't want this anymore".  Seeing and feeling how it was really affecting me mentally, spiritually, physically.

2.  Anger, blaming someone else for teaching me those things.

3.  Acceptance.  Realising that I had continued this of my own free will.

4.  Responsibility.  Choosing to either continue, or not.

5.  Compassion.  Wondering what made my role models do the things that they had done?  What had they gone through?  Maybe they were just doing the best they could with what they knew.

6.  Forgiveness.  Letting go of my attachment to that pattern, sending love to my teacher. Forgiving myself.

7.  Loving myself and remembering that I want more for myself than the way I was living.  Getting clearer about the kind of person I choose to be and the way I choose to live my life.  Writing a new story for myself.

This was never some kind of worksheet that I did, it was a natural progression once I had the initial awareness.  Sometimes it took years to let go of a behaviour / thought pattern and sometimes it was very quick.  I look back at my past with gratitude for making me who I am today, and no regrets.

Other points the movie made were:

- the importance of getting clear about what you really want.

- Affirming those things, repeating them to yourself, especially while you are relaxed / meditating.

- Taking time to experience peak-state activity where you can focus solely on that, particularly good are art, music and sports which allow a prolonged exposure into Being with your higher self.  Drawing, painting, playing an instrument, surfing, skiing, woodwork, gardening,.. that kind of thing - the things we are often passionate about but don't always allow ourselves time for as there is "too much else to do".  How much time do we absolutely waste on things we really are not passionate about, like TV and surfing the net? 

- Being present - really present, fully there with your senses all experiencing as many moments as often as possible.  When you are slicing vegetables, feel the knife in your hand, see the textures of the vegetables, the smells, listen to the sounds around you.

- Ask yourself often "Am I Aware?"...are you really experiencing this moment?  Are you in alignment with yourself, your thoughts and your actions?  Are you joyful?

-  When you give, don't expect anything in return.

This life can be so very complex.  And also so very wonderful.

Sometimes exhausting.  Mostly exhilarating!

And always oh so worth it!

Ahhhh...freak out!

The house we are renting was just put on the market for sale.  As we didn't know what we were doing (whether or not we were moving within Australia or overseas), we chose to go on a weekly lease rather than sign up for another 6 or 12 months when our last lease expired.  When we heard about the house going up for sale, we took it as a sign that we actually do need to move and we'd better figure out what we really want to do.  I was detached and felt light and as though everything would fall into place exactly as it was meant to.  It always does. 

Yesterday (Saturday), I was awake early, went out to the farmer's market, chatted with a bunch of  people, and felt very content.  I was feeling full of gratitude for the wonderful friends we had spent Friday evening with, and the friends in our Natural Learner's group that we had spent Thursday with, and some other friends we have planned a family sleepover with, and my heart felt fuller as I thought about our wider circle of friends that we've made through homeschooling and the New Thought center.  I am so abundant!

I went home, made a big pot of pumpkin soup, tidied the house and thought about the first Open House that was planned for that afternoon.  "It's raining - probably nobody will come", "the market is down, it will probably take months to sell", and similar thoughts.  AJ was concerned about strangers coming through the house, maybe touching his things, but he was more concerned about Gypsy getting out and he opted to stay outside with her for the 30 minutes of the open house  He had asked Nicholas to stay in their room to keep an eye on their things. (Nicholas didn't though - he made friends with one of the children that came through and they ran around in the yard together.)  I was looking forward to the open house being done, and hanging out with friends to watch a movie and enjoy the soup.

I had a practical and detached view of being in this house and was thinking that we would be here for months.  I was not prepared for the emotions that came full steam to the forefront when 30 strangers came through my home.  When I heard the estate agent telling a prospective buyer that the owner wants the house sold by 5th April, I had a little panic.  As soon as everyone left, I broke out in tears.  Then I left the house and took Gypsy for a walk.  I thought about what was really going on inside of me:

- I'm not attached to the actual house, but I do love the life we have here. 

- I don't want to move now, but we're going to have to.  The house has been priced low enough that it should attract a quick sale. (maybe?)

- I don't know where we will go, Cary is leaving next month and may be gone for months.   If I can turn the slight panic of uncertainty into adventure, I'll move through it with excitement rather than dread.  It's a choice.

- I felt somewhat powerless when all of those people were in the house.  I didn't want them there, but as it's not my house, and we didn't sign a lease, it was a gamble we took. 

- I really don't like feeling powerless!

- The most important thing is that we as a family are together, and healthy, and joyful.

- I am still abundant and safe and I am grateful for this adventurous life!

- I need to stay balanced and present.

- I am grateful for the time that we have had here, the friends and family that have visited us in this house, for birthday and Christmas celebrations, for stories read and movies watched, for cookies baked and milestones reached, for birds and bugs and bats, for jasmine, mulberries and passionfruit, for lovely neighbours and a quiet street, for the daily life we have shared here, as a family.  This house will be a symbol of this period of our family life, not for the bricks and tiles, but for the experiences we have had.  Leaving here does not mean that those things stop.  It just means that we continue them somewhere else.  I will look back on photos of our time here, with a warm heart and a big smile, and much gratitude for this chapter.

and...

-  I  AM  POWER-FULL!!!!

My boys...

AJ started Tae Kwon Do last month and he loves it!  He's often practicing his punches and kicks wherever we are - at home, at the beach, at the shops...he doesn't care, he just wants to.  Even though he enjoyed doing basketball last year, this really seems to be his 'thing'.  For now at least.

.

he's on the left in this pic below, on his first day, but with pretty good form already! 

Nicholas has lost two teeth now, and loves visits from the tooth fairy!  Actually, the boy is pretty bold - he'll just outright ask people for money "can you give me a dollar?"  If they say no, he'll say "then how about thirty bucks?"...with a big grin on his face as though he just expects it. 

Nicholas has taught himself how to swim.  He was a comfortable swimmer in the shallow areas, as long as he could still touch the bottom, but last week he became confident in swimming in deep, dark water where he could not touch.  He was swimming around with some friends (I was very close) and having such a good time that he didn't realise that he was in so deep at first, but when he did he said "hey mum...I can swim now!"  Yes...yes you can...you can do anything!

unexpected turn

Just as I settled into accepting that we were not getting out of our house in April to go traveling, and felt comfortable with the idea of staying in the house for at least several months beyond that....shift happens!  I had plans for the extra things I was going to do in the house...looking forward to the cooler weather coming up and doing more baking and crafts.  We moved things around and the house was feeling really good and more settled.  Ha!  We found out late yesterday that the house we are renting is going on the market for sale.  As we are on a week-to-week lease now, that gives a lot of uncertainty.  When we first got the news, Cary and I laughed at how delightful the Universe can be!  Maybe we are actually meant to go traveling after all!  We both felt incredibly calm, knowing that things were unfolding exactly as they are meant to.  We felt the alignment and knew it would all be good. 

As I tried to sleep last night, I found myself awake at 2:30am thinking of all of the little tasks involved with getting out of the house.  I'm glad I didn't start working on the vege garden again as I had planned on doing.  I'm glad we have already downsized somewhat, and I had already partly packed some boxes to go into storage.  I'm really glad we decided to keep Gypsy...that little dog is definitely a part of the family.  Several months ago we had been thinking that it may be kinder to rehome her instead of trying to travel with her.  Our biggest concern was leaving her stuck inside the camper on days when we couldn't take her with us somewhere, or the lack of a backyard for her to run freely and having to have her tied up outside.  We are working on training her so that life will be easier for her and us.  We adore her....and think we gave her the right name to be a traveling doggy!

So many other details to consider...

Ahhh...Trusting...Breathing....trying to not let my head take over and steal the Joy of the unfolding adventure.

Feeling gooooood....

It's 9pm.  I've been up since 6am.  I have been going all day and I still feel as though I have energy!  I haven't felt like this for a long time.  I feel excited and creative and inspired and joyful as I move through this day.  I've rearranged the boys room, cooked three meals from scratch, including trying a new recipe for yamburgers (so yum!), played with the kids, gone grocery shopping, paid bills etc.   I know that the additional exercise I've been doing over the past month has helped greatly with my energy levels.  I feel stronger physically and mentally. 

I think I'm also still on a high from our great day out yesterday with our local Natural Learners group.  Seven families with a total of 21 kids, ranging in age from 1-15, playing beautifully together for 6 hours or more.  I love this tribe!  I love the wide range of topics in the conversations the parents have!  So inspiring!

I'm excited about the little project I'm working on, and I'm really excited to have energy to live so joyfully!

new old projects

As I was working through the box of papers that I spoke about in my last post, I had the realisation that these things are very similar to the books I had.  I had been able to release a lot of my books by understanding that I didn't need to hold onto them...any lessons in them that I thought I "needed", would come to me when I was ready, perhaps in a totally different form.  I was totally prepared to recycle most of the papers.  Somehow these seemed a little more personal than books though, because they were things that had come through me, or to me at specific times in my life.  Still, I was okay with releasing most of it. 

I'm glad I took the time to sort through it.  I found some common themes through looking at it all, and felt inspired to work on some of my internet ideas.  Probably half of the papers went into the recycling bin, but the rest will jumpstart the projects that have been on a very slow simmer for quite a few years.  I was also thrilled to find some letters, cards and emails from some people who have been very special in my life over the years and it was so wonderful to read their words again.  I was also able to see how I have evolved ...quotes and affirmations that helped me to get to the next step on this journey.  I really have come a loooooong way!! 

I'm excited to get back to work on those old projects.  I have a fresh take on how they might look, but I also know that they will take on a life of their own and evolve in maybe a slightly different direction to what I have in mind right now.  Kind of like how my own life has turned out!

shifting stuff...

I feel like I've spent the last couple of months just moving stuff around.  Physical 'stuff'.  We're packing and moving back to the USA...hang on, let's stay here a bit longer...let's go on the road now...let's wait...argh!  Breathing deeply...
I don't know where we'll be in six months, but I do know that we are right here right now.

We've moved stuff around in the house, we've gotten rid of stuff, we've packed things up to go into storage, and we've taken some of those things back out again so that we can use them.  It feels as though a lot of my extra time that isn't busy with taking care of the family, or going to the gym, has been spent shifting stuff around.  (Actually I have been taking a little time out to draw or watch a movie or read a couple of paragraphs of a book.)

I think I'm almost finished shifting stuff, for now anyway.   I'm at a point where I'm sorting through papers.   I have a file box full of paper...it just look like nothing, but written on all of those papers are hundreds of quotes I've been collecting since I was a teenager, ideas I've had for businesses, personal goals, breakthroughs, interesting articles that I thought I might use to put on some of the websites I've never built.  I've had a brief look through some of it, but it's brought up some other stuff inside of me that I guess I'm meant to shift.

I've been thinking about time lost and if it's possible to re-live good things in our life.  I heard a song that I remember hearing as a young teen.  I remember listening to that, longing to be older and 'free' and being out there, living my own life.  When I heard that same song today, I had a slight longing to be younger again, with so much excitement ahead.  Are we ever satisfied? (I know..that's the ego.)  I often think of the year we spent on the road.  It was so wonderful for so many reasons!  But could I capture that again?  It would be different now...Summer is a teenager, a young woman and loves having her own space, AJ is fast approaching puberty and is loving his tae kwon do classes, Nicholas is wild and outgoing and loves spreading his lego out all over the floor.  Are we ever able to relive those special times of our life?  Should we?  Or do we just cross them off the bucket list?

So the box of papers I have that is filled with my past, the longings I had for my future...what to do?  Do they still have any meaning?  Would I actually use them for something or look at them if I lived another 50 years?  Or 20?  What if I only had 2 years left?  Would I be worried about scraps of paper?  Do those quotes and things still have any meaning or are they like the school work that I have collected while designing my very own curriculum on this journey?  They have been stepping stones to help me become who I am today. 
A part of me wants to read every single thing.  To get swept up in reminiscing, to see what I still find inspiring.  Another part of me is ready to just let it all go.  To burn it all and release it to the Universe.  To move into greater acceptance of Who and Where I Am right now.  Will I really do that?  Hmm, I imagine it could be very liberating. 

sandcastles...

I haven't been blogging due to:
a)   finally some decent summer weather and lots of play time at the beach or creek;
b)  a surprise visit from my sister and niece;

c)  reaching saturation point from packing and sorting and putting everything related to such tasks on hold in favour of more playtime;

d)  painfully slow internet service;
e)  all of the above.

If you guessed e), give yourself 100 points for whatever you want!


I will get around to downloading photos still hibernating in different devices for the past 4+ weeks, but in the meantime, check out the sandcastle below!

                                                                                                        and this knight..

 

Here AJ is standing next to the knight sculpture, the castle next to it was made the day before and is half washed away.  The man that does these spends a week at a holiday apartment on the beachfront every year and spends every day building a new sculpture.  The conditions were not great this year due to so much rain, so I only saw these two done.

Washed up on the beach:

In other news, Summer and I have joined the local pool / gym.  My home fitness plan has not been as effective as I would have liked.  I am really stoked about getting back into a gym!  We've already been just to swim laps, but this coming week we're going to hit the weight room and a bunch of different classes as well.   I stopped working as a Personal fitness trainer when I was pregnant with Summer and for 12 years my 'gym' was the 24/7 of lifting and carrying babies and little children, pushing strollers, piggybacks and all of the busy-ness that goes with life with young children.  I am definitely in a different phase of my mothering career now.  One that isn't so physically demanding.  I need that though - I love having a strong body and challenging myself to push it a little more.  I'm really looking forward to moving the weights and feeling my muscles come back to life.  Like sculpting a beautiful sandcastle.  I know it will take time, and I know that if I don't pay attention to it, it will slip away again.  But the creation is going to be so fun!

Stuff & life...

I wrote this ten days ago and didn't get finished because I've hardly been online at all in that time:

We've been watching the Australian flood news on the tv for the past few days.  Floods that were as close as 1.5 hours from our house.  The strength of the Aussie spirit came shining through, and the way the community has come together is just phenomenal.   It is heartwarming to see people just go into the homes of strangers and help clean or take food and water or do whatever they can, and leave as friends.  The news is calling it a 'citizens army'.  I love the way Aussies come together in times of need.  The general comments of the people affected are things like "I've got my family with me...there are other people worse off than me...we'll be right".

We have been going through our house, getting rid of stuff.  We have the choice of doing this.  Others did not.  Some folk have lost every single material thing they had.  We are donating a lot of our things to the flood victims.  I feel better about donating things that can actually be used by those affected rather than donating money - ya just never know if it goes towards the first class travel of those in charge of the charity or foundation.

As I go through the stuff in our house, I wonder just how lightly I could move through life.  I don't know if I could ever be like Peace Pilgrim, but I wonder how many boxes or suitcases it would take to hold the material things I choose to share my life with?  It's like a personal challenge for me.  Most of the things I'm putting in storage are photos and favourite kids things.  I've managed to get all of my clothes into a medium sized suitcase.  At the moment, my winter overcoat and my shoes are not included, but I'm sure they would fit in there if I unzipped the zipper that allows the case to expand.

added 23 January:

We have lightened the house a lot.  There are still a lot of piles around the place as we sort through different areas, but we are seeing progress.  We are taking time out every day to just enjoy our family and the beautiful weather we are now having - kayaking, swimming, and just playing...and being oh so grateful for every moment!