living label-free!

I no longer consider myself "vegan".  The fun thing about that is that I no longer have a label for the way I eat!  Due to life-long sensitive digestive issues, eating simply became something I just needed to do.  I tried so many different diets and often got caught up in the "rules" that go with them.  Vegan, raw vegan, low-fat raw vegan, vegetarian, watching the food combining 'rules'...I've done them all.  After over 17 years on a mixture of these diets, I wasn't feeling as though I was thriving or even close to that.   I eliminated wheat, gluten, and sugar to see if that might do the trick.  Not really.   I was open to change.

I re-read the book about the blood-type diets.  I was surprised when some of the foods it suggested I avoid, were foods that I ate a LOT of - bananas, mangoes, oranges and tomatoes especially.  I resisted at first, but then, out of desperation and a desire to feel at least good consistently, I decided to give it a go.  I did not eliminate those fruits entirely, but I did cut them way back.  I rediscovered other fruits that I had not paid much attention to - pears, nectarines, plums, apples.  I noticed a slight change for the better in how I felt.  I looked at the foods on the "highly beneficial" list for my A blood type.  I was not surprised to see that most meat was on my "avoid" list, with chicken and turkey okay occasionally.   Some fish though, were listed as highly beneficial.  I'd never been a huge fan of fish, so I just opened myself up to that possibility.  One day, Cary was having some red salmon.  I caught the smell and Oh.My....it was like lust...I HAD to have some!  That night I slept well, and I woke up the next day feeling energetic!  I couldn't remember the last time I had woken up like that!  

I've had salmon and tuna a few more times since then, and I had some barbeque chicken another time.  I've been enjoying poached eggs and even a little cheese.  The trick I've found, is that if the food smells and looks good to me and has me wanting it, then there is probably something in it that I need.  I no longer disallow any food because of a rigid dogma.  My body needed a change, and I needed to be open to receiving the intuitive guidance that is within. 

I found some of the other recommendations for my blood type interesting, such as a strong suggestions that I incorporate regular yoga or tai chi instead of pushing myself in other sports.  I always feel much more balanced when I do yoga and I feel irritated when I push myself to work out aerobically or with weights every day.  I still go for a walk on the beach most mornings and swim some laps most afternoons, but I do those things much more mindfully.  It's no longer something I do so I can cross it off the list and forget about it for the day.  It's a gift to myself.  I walk barefoot on the beach, feeling each footstep on the sand, feeling all the way through each step from the heel until my toes lift off.  I'm more in touch with the sights and sounds around me, the solo seagull walking next to me (Hi Dad!), the surf, the sun, the clouds, the smell of the salt water, the sounds of the waves rolling and crashing....I feel gratitude for the moment....it's meditation in motion.  Sometimes the children join me on my walk and even as they chat, I am still aware of the underlying meditation within myself.  When I swim laps, I become part of the water and again, it is very meditative. 

Even though it may look as though I am doing the same exercises that I was doing a month ago, my internal focus has changed, and it feels very different to me.  The other thing is that if I really don't want to exercise, I just don't...and I no longer make myself feel guilty for taking the day off!

I've been reading spiritual and self-help books most of my life.  Intellectually I 'know' that I am supposed to live more mindfully, and to be more in touch with how I move and feed my body.  I see now that I had limited myself by labelling myself.  By insisting that I was vegetarian, I cut off other possibilities that may have helped me sooner.  By insisting that I was following a fitness program, I was not always in tune with what my spirit needed as I pushed through a workout because I thought I had to in order to stay physically fit.

I really get it now.  Ha!  So many books and people telling us that we have to do or eat or move in a certain way in order to get certain results.  Ha!  What we really need are more people just encouraging each of us to get in touch with our own inner guidance.  Then the biggest hurdle....giving ourselves Permission to do that!  Allowing ourselves to break free of rules.  If your body is saying that you need to rest instead of going to the gym, allowing that.  If your body is saying that it wants (something you would usually have for dinner) for breakfast, then allowing that.  It's about being gentle with yourself, respecting your inner voice and following through.  The more you do that, the more in tune you will be.

I don't follow the blood-type diet.  I took their suggestions under advisement and I now let my body lead the way to what it wants.  That can be different things on different days, or it can be the same thing for three days straight. 

I love being free of labels and rules!  I love being more deeply in touch with my body.  I'm still fine-tuning the process, but overall, my body is happier and so is my spirit!

And now for something completely different...

...well not really, I was being sarcastic, but...it's raining!!  We lived in the desert for 8 years, and rain was rare.  I know we have made up for it now!  We've had rain here for 10 days in a row, with a couple of short breaks.  We have been though soooo much rain in our time here.  I have enjoyed living on the coast, next to the beach, with lush greenery around us.

But I'm over it now.
(I started writing this several weeks ago and since then we have had some sunshine...and more rain!)

In 2009 when we were all in the USA, Cary said to me then that we may have to stay there.  I freaked.  I wasn't ready.  I was still attached to needing to be in Australia.  I felt as though I had unfinished business there (here).  I am so very grateful for our family and friends here and for every single experience we've had here.  It's been an intense learning curve.  If we had to leave the country now though, I can honestly say that I'm Ready. 

I am ready to move to another part of this country, or another country entirely.  I do like this area for many reasons, and it's a good place for a base, but it's almost time to experience other places again.  We are starting to get that "stagnant...itchy feet" feeling.

I left Australia just before my 29th birthday.  I lived in the USA for 12.5 years, always feeling a little (or a lot) homesick, always with some longing for the life I knew in Australia.  Maybe it held me back from fully embracing life in the USA.  I embraced it a lot, but I often felt as though I didn't really fit there.  I think that was just my mindset though.  Maybe I just felt as though something was missing.

I do not regret leaving the USA, I needed to go full circle, back to Australia.  I needed to reconnect with my roots.  I needed time and space to see how much I had grown, how living in the USA had allowed me the time and space to expose ME, without the conditions of my past surrounding me.  Meeting all new people, with no preconceived ideas of who I was or what I was supposed to be...I was free to totally just Be Me!  I didn't realise how much I had grown until I came back and found that I no longer fit into my old life here.  The conditionings didn't stick, I acted differently and that made some people that knew me years ago, uncomfortable.

I am grateful for the people that embraced the shining me, that accepted and did not judge.  I am grateful for the new friends that I have made.  I am grateful for the chances to risk hurt and rejection because I know that to NOT risk those things, is far more painful.  The joy that comes in consciously connecting with new people reminds me to appreciate that connection for that moment, and for as long as it may last.  Some friendships don't last as long as we may want them to, and that can be so sad and disappointing.  Believe me, I know that lesson all too well.  Other friendships and connections have an energy of being forever, even though you may not be in touch for several years, you can just pick up where you left off as though no time has passed at all.  Thankfully, I know that lesson as well!   It's all a part of the smorgasbord of experiences at the buffet of life.  As we tell our kids - yes, life, and people, may disappoint you, but it's how you react to that that will make the difference in your experience.  You can choose to let it stall you, or spur you on to move through that to a new place of joy.  Yes kids, life is tough, and messy and wonderful and exciting and confusing and sad and amazing and.....oh so worth it!

Sassy me...

I gave my boys a haircut last week and then decided that I should have a trim as well.  AJ offered to cut my hair for me.  It's been pretty warm here lately and we don't have air conditioning in the caravan or in our car.  In order to stay cooler, I needed to tie my hair back all of the time...and I was also getting too many headaches. 

I told AJ that I wanted to go a bit shorter and he figured that chin-length would be good so he snipped away.  Summer evened it out a bit and now we have a new-look me!....

I love it!  I don't just look a little different, I feel different too...Much sassier!  (and my headaches have stopped!)  But this feeling is not just because of the haircut.  (It would be the other way around.)

I wrote recently about some of the pre-menopausal symptoms I've been experiencing. I haven't had the hot flushes for several months, I just feel like my whole body is running warmer than usual. Maybe that's partly hormones and partly, or mostly, the extra pounds I'm wearing. This is the first summer that I've had a challenge with the heat of the season. As I'm entering my own autumn years, I'm actually looking forward to the season of autumn and the slightly cooler weather. Even my wardrobe now has some autumn colours in it.

I like this feeling, it feels like a new, stronger power brewing, creating a more Sassy me, not willing to take any crap from anyone. No longer willing to put myself out for others. Not selfish as such, just making sure I take care of myself and my family first. With a fiery, passionate determination to back it up. Very fiery. It's almost like adolescence again only more directed and with the wisdom of experience backing it.

Several things have happened lately which have led to me feeling a little taken advantage of.  I take full responsibility for my part in that. 

And now I take full responsibility in ensuring it never happens again! 

I claim my right to speak my mind and defend my needs!  I know that I am valuable and worthwhile!

When I logged on here this morning, this is the daily affirmation from Dr Wayne Dyer that I was greeted with:

My destiny is mine to control.

When you acquire enough inner peace and feel really positive about yourself, it's almost impossible for you to be controlled and manipulated by anybody else.

It was such a great reminder and affirmation of where I am right now.   Who said getting older was a bad thing?  Right now, I wouldn't trade it for anything!

boys and bagels

Part of Cary's American lifestyle included bagels on a regular basis.  Over there, they are easy to get.  Over here, they are very limited in range, and much more expensive.  So, we made our own:

so easy....and now we never have to buy them again!

Our first batch were smaller than the store-bought ones, but we were experimenting.  They were actually really good as a snack size.

AJ, aka Xander, cheeky smile!

Nicholas toofers

Loving my Life...

I am so in Love with my Life...my husband, my children, my friends, my home, the different communities we are involved in.  I feel so very grateful!

Yesterday, one of our neighbours gave us some lemons from their lemon tree.  The tree is located at their house nearby...they don't live there, they much prefer the caravan life so they have other people living in their house.  Our neighbours go over and tend to the garden when they need to or if they are passing by, they will harvest some of the fruit.  They have an abundance of lemons at the moment and were happy to share with everyone here.  Nicholas loves to make lemonade so he did that, and we also made vegan lemon poppy seed muffins.  Soooo good!  Of course we took some over to our neighbours that had given us the lemons, and we gave some to another neighbour who always brings us bread as she works at a bakery. 

Cary and another neighbour swap books and then stand in the middle of the road chatting about them...and setting the world right of course too!

I just love the relaxed, supportive community that we have here at the campground.  Nothing is forced.  Interactions are as much or as little as we want.  They are genuine, "this is me - you like or you don't...not my problem".  I feel no self-consciousness walking around, still in my PJ's in the middle of the day if I want to.

I love our community of other Natural Learning families and the commitment we have to support each other.  The women in this group are amazing!  We can talk about anything and everything and feel fully supported and nourished by the love and encouragement there.

I am blessed with other beautiful, spiritual, friends in other circles.  We are each others teachers and students and they contribute to my depth and my expansion.

Of course, the reason and the delight and the stars and the moon and all of the sparkly special, wonderful purpose for my life is my own little family and what we create every single day.  I am so honoured to be Cary's wife and my children's mama!  I am in awe of the people my children are already.  I am so deeply happy to be sharing this with Cary!  Our 18 year journey hasn't always been smooth, but I am so grateful that we stuck it out and got over the rough patches to get to this place of deeper love, commitment, respect and gratitude. 

Life is so sweet! 

caravan photos (finally!)

We affectionately call our camper "big girl" because she is pretty big compared to the other camper we had.

As you walk in, the kitchen area is immediately to the left.  We don't cook inside, to the oven serves as an extra storage area.

The master bedroom is at the front of the van, there is a couch across from the kitchen, in the slideout.  The couch converts to a double bed which is where Nicholas likes to sleep.

Next to the couch is a dining table which has become the computer station. 

Next to the TV is the doorway to the bunkhouse. Across from the dining table is the bathroom.

AJ fell out of his top bunk one night so we put a rail up there.  Summer likes the privacy curtain we put up for her.  There are two other bunks to the right of this picture.  They are used as shelving for the kids clothes, books, toys etc.

The bathroom has a toilet, sink, bench, cupboard, shower/bath.  We don't use the shower/bath because the amenities at the campground we are at are good, and we have set up our rats in the bath.  When they were little, we only had the blue and white cage, but then I found the black cage at a garage sale ($10!!). The black cage is sitting on a box in the bathtub which we call the basement, then they have the 3-level main house, and the 2-level penthouse.  We often leave the doors open so they can roam.  They don't try and get out of their area and it gives them a good deal of exercise.  We also take them out into the main area of the caravan for a bigger run, or up to the beach where they like to dig in the sand!

The white one is AJ's rat, her name is Rosie.  The black and white one is Nicholas' and her name is Ratsta.  They are so sweet!  I never thought I'd like them as much as I do.  Ratsta was sick a few days ago, breathing fast and not eating or drinking.  We gently syringed some water into her mouth, gave her Reiki and I put a chunk of Rose quartz in the cage next to where she was liking to sleep.  It all helped and the next day she was starting to eat and drink again, though she has still been a bit slower than normal.

We like to cook, eat and hang out in the outdoor area.  It's cooler out there than it is in the van.  Plus it's very social as we chat to everyone walking along the road out the front of us.

It's a good life!

Feeling...

Cary pointed out that I haven't posted on here for a while.  Hmmm...I haven't had much to say, and I've been busy with life, celebrating two December birthdays in our family, Christmas prep and just Being.  I started this blog years ago with the intention of posting about our family life so that our extended family and friends could get a taste of our lives and stay connected.  But it became more of an online journal for me.  After many years of keeping my own written journals, it was a bit scary to put some of my deep thoughts in such a public place...but the more I did it, the easier it became, and the more confident I felt overall.  It seemed that by allowing my thoughts to become public, I was no longer afraid of my own judgement of them.  I was surprised when friends, family and strangers would contact me to support me or ...wow...even say that I had inspired them!   I worked though some limiting stuff about my own "worth".  I am so amazed at how widespread that challenge is.  So many people feel a lack of worth, and very few of them talk about it, holding it in, thinking that they are the only one.  Why do so many feel this, and why do they feel that they can't talk about it?

I have known people that I assumed were very confident and "had it all together".  I admired how they could express themselves verbally, and many other talents they have.   I later found out that they too, feel a lack of worth.  Look at so many celebrities that have ended their lives early - why would they do that if they did not think that they deserved  all that they had?  I have never been one for spoken verbosity, and I used to think that I was "less than" others who did have that talent.  In recent years I totally let go of that limiting belief ... I fully embrace my quiet nature!  (Though I can be loud and fiery too!)   Some people are "talkers", some are "thinkers"....Me?  I'm a "feeler".  I FEEL life...I FEEL love....I interpret living primarily through feeling.  There have been times when I have felt life a foreigner speaking a different language....English is my second language, Feeling is my first.  I have a deeply sensual appreciation for all of my senses - the warmth of the sun, playing in the water, walking barefoot on the sand, touch, listening to music, eating a mango, mmm kissing!  I am triggered though when the air is cool and the air is dry, I know that I am happier when I feel warm.

I feel other peoples energy and I don't always feel the need to use words to connect with them.  I like that - the comfortable silence between friends when you can connect energetically.  I really like who I am and how I am in the world.  I like that I feel life.  I like that I don't have to talk about every single thing....I actually find verbosity somewhat exhausting now.  Even though I find it hard to make small talk, I can speak rather passionately about the things that move me.  I prefer to talk about the depth of experiences rather than what I'm having for dinner.   That's why I don't post a lot on facebook either...I don't see the point in reporting on so many little moments of my life as some people do, when I can just be feeling, experiencing those moments deeply as they are happening. (I'm not judging those people, I appreciate that we are all different...it's just not for me is all.)   I'm not trying to promote myself or build a business...my purpose here is simply to Be in Joy.  I don't need anyone's validation, I don't need to analyse every step, I am just living free!

 I am aware of other work  I would like to do when my children are grown, but there is plenty of time for that.  I love the smorgasbord of work and life experiences that I have already had, and they lead me to a place of being very grateful and content.

I am happy with who I am and I don't feel any need to "fix" any thing about me!  I don't feel the pull to write as often as I used to.  I am grateful for the amazing friends I have and how we can talk about anything and everything.   We trust each other, we laugh, we cry, we swirl deeply into any subject, we support and don't judge.  They are such a beautiful, nourishing gift in my life!

I am grateful for my journey....I enjoy being here, now... I have Love, I have Joy, I have my biggest teachers - my husband and children...I love what our family has created and Who we all are.  I'm feeling very balanced overall.  A few little highs and lows along the path, but nothing like the dramatic me as a teen and 20-something!  What a ride it has been! 

I don't remember a particular point where I gave up feeling unworthy, it was just something I quietly let go of.  As I moved into an awareness that I just don't feel that anymore,  I realised that I actually haven't felt that unworthy feeliing for quite a while.  It is totally gone. 

So where does that feeling of "not worthy" stem from?  Is it ego?  Is it a product of this society?  The pressure to "do"...to get good grades, to obey rules we don't understand, to conform, to "behave", to follow the main stream and in the process, deny ourselves?  Isn't denial of ourselves the highest form of denial?   Why do people choose a path that they assume is just for the benefit of other people?

What if...everyone felt confident enough to follow a path of happiness?  To feel free enough to express themselves authentically?  To take responsibility for the state of their life?   To wake up and realise that all of this is possible...right now?!   To choose to live in love and joy.  To realise that material objects don't bring  happiness - that's something that only an inner choice can bring.  What a wonderful world! 

The BEST seat in the house!

Or...more specifically...outside of the house...

Ahhh....I love the beach!  It is 531 casual, strolling steps from our place, through the campground and across the road to the sand.  I love this time of the year with lots of fresh tropical fruits to savour, the sunshine and warmth and of course, the magnificent ocean, perfect for swimming in.  Being in the ocean is the number one place where I feel the most free and joy-full!  Where I feel the most connected to Source and Oneness and myself.  Oh yeah... ***  bliss! ***

day camp gathering...

A recent gathering for our local Natural Learners group...so beautiful, we didn't want to leave and wished we had all taken our tents there.  The kids had so much fun playing together, moving as a pack, all getting along so well as they were all there with the intention of having fun, being in the moment, living in Joy! 

AJ with some wild raspberries..

mmmm.... 

I love the colour of this...

camper & cake...

Cary and the boys outside of our camper, about to go trick-or-treating on Halloween.  The boys were very casual with their costumes this year.  It's really not a big deal here in Australia, but they still managed to get a lot of treats.  Probably because AJ had made signs saying "Halloween in (x many) days...have you got your lollies?"  ...and put them up around the campground to prepare people.  It worked!

The other side of our caravan.  I'll get some inside photos sometime too.  We still have our Merc for running around, but it won't pull the big camper.  We have a truck coming for that.

Using the solar oven to bake a cake...



Excellent!

Ratz!

Cary sent a bunch of stuff over in the big caravan when it came from the USA (oh, I have to get a photo of that on here).  One of the things was a new bike for Nicholas.  Nicholas had not ridden a two-wheeler by himself before.  We had a tag-along for him which is an attachment that went on the back of my bike, making it like a tandem bike, with the back end lower so that it was suitable for a child.  Nicholas loved to go for rides with that and it helped to teach him balance and road sense.  The day that the big caravan arrived, we were unpacking all of the things that had been inside of it.  Nicholas picked up his brand new bike, and just took off riding it as if he'd been riding on his own for a long time.  Wow!...I was so impressed!  He was so very confident, riding along with his little cape flying out the back. He loves to ride his bike anywhere and everywhere now! 

Our little dog, Gypsy, is very happy living with her new family on 6 acres of land about an hour away from where we are.  She has another 2 year old Jack Russell to play with all day, cows to chase, cow poop to roll in, and a family that adores her.  It was hard giving her up, but we know that she is in the kind of place that we had always imagined her in.  Just a little sad that we couldn't give that to her.

As AJ had wanted a pet rat for years, we got the boys a rat each, shortly before Gypsy left, to help with the transition.  They are such great pets!  The boys spend a lot of time playing with them, they even come to the beach with us!  The rats we have are both female and love to just hang out with the boys.  They are also very curious and like to help dig little holes into the cooler parts of the sand.

The caravan park that we are in at the moment is just a short block away from the same beach that we used to go to when we lived in a house nearby.  So beautiful!

More on relationships...

Since I last wrote about relationships, I've been exploring that topic more deeply.  I've been thinking of the idea of freedom within a relationship...not necessarily to be with other people romantically, but to be freely, deeply with myself...and to make no excuses for that.  To Love myself unconditionally, and to accept myself wholly. 

 

 

Think about it..  It takes awareness to maintain your connection to yourself.  It is easy to lose that during the busy-ness of daily life, in all of the other relationships we have - with our partners, our children, our coworkers, etc.  With the constant bombardment from the media as well, soon it can feel as though the life you are living is just on the surface.  It is so easy to forget to tune in to our true selves.  To say what you really mean, instead of what you think someone else wants to hear.

I'm talking about taking responsibility for YOU - for your feelings and your interpretation of experiences.  Not saying things like "my wife (husband) makes me feel unloved / unattractive / etc", because NO one can make you feel anything, only you can choose to feel those things.  Often those are things that you already feel about yourself that you are just projecting onto that other person in order to avoid taking responsibility for yourself.

So the first thing is to be aware - of the outside influences that distract your connection to yourself.  Of all of the little voices saying that you "should" do or say something.  Of all of the times when you do something out of conditioning rather than an actual need or desire.  Be aware and recognise when you are not really present with your feelings, with the moment.

Then take responsibility for your thoughts and actions.  Allow others to Be however they choose to be.  Stay strong in your inner connection, knowing that you are the only one who can make you feel good or not-good. 

Doing this, you can be with anyone, anywhere, and you can feel the freedom to just BE.